yxalitis Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 This is unusual, normally I’m the one trying to convince people to give their new partner a go, and feelings take time to develop, and yada yada yada. But I’m in a new relationship, 4th weekend just past, she took me to a luxury spa and spent a few hundred on my birthday (which is Tuesday coming). This is the girl here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/531227-good-date http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/532229-most-unusual-dates-i-ve-ever-been Who everyone assumed wouldn’t ever see me again. The situation described in my second post occurred again last week. After I rang, she texted me that she felt frustrated she “didn’t feel the romance” when I spoke to her after work. Just talked about what I did, asked her what she did..”just like mates” She called a little later, and I explained to her that not every time we speak does it have to be all lovey dovey, honey, darling talk. After about an hour I think she got it, and we met up on Friday or the above-mentioned weekend. I left late afternoon Sunday. On Sunday night after I had gone home, she rang, and asked me how things should proceed from here. I described the “pop and fizzle” aspects of relationships: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/534304-pop-fizzle And that she shouldn’t be concerned if she doesn’t have any feelings yet. It’s like she expects to feel love already. She attracted to me, that much is obvious, but there’s nothing else going on here than friends with benefits. Quite the oddest situation, she’s 38, and is learning how to have a normal relationship. She was married very young because she fell pregnant, and had no choice, but that was a loveless affair. She’s had no end of boyfriends, she’s been living with her last ex for 2 years. But she’s naïve about basic things like this. Hmm, I’d be OK, but I’m not that into her… What do I do?
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Just because she'll go out with does not mean you still have a chance - women will go out with you because they don't have a real love interest on their radar at the moment, or to kill time on a Saturday night. When she's says she's not attracted, you would be wise to believe her and move on.... you have a high chance of getting rejected, and rejection hurts. Always date women who like you first and more and you'll have a lot less problems. 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) Just because she'll go out with does not mean you still have a chance - women will go out with you because they don't have a real love interest on their radar at the moment, or to kill time on a Saturday night. When she's says she's not attracted, you would be wise to believe her and move on.... you have a high chance of getting rejected, and rejection hurts. Always date women who like you first and more and you'll have a lot less problems. Sorry, I failed to make myself clear. More likely you suck at comprehension, or are one of these negative people who constantly tell everyone else: "there's nothing here bud, move on" Let me be clear: I've spent THE ENTIRE weekend with her, the past 3 weekends in a row. Plus some other nights when I'e decided to see her, because she lives 40 minutes out of town, and I don't want to stay She IS attracted, very much, she constantly tells me "I'm lovely" "We are so compatible" etc. She pays for everything, as she is quite wealthy, and insists. She has plenty of male suiters, she is pretty, sexy, and charming. She asked why she didn't feel "romantic" when I spoke over the phone. NOT that she didn't feel attracted, but why I spoke to her "formally" And frankly, I'm the one not feeling it....kind of like what i wrote in my OP. Edited June 22, 2015 by yxalitis
Gary S Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Oh, you are saying she did not think you talked romantic toward her? Well, maybe you should say some more sweet things to her, women like that. In that case, carry on.
Author yxalitis Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 Oh, you are saying she did not think you talked romantic toward her? Well, maybe you should say some more sweet things to her, women like that. In that case, carry on. I rang her after work, on the way home. "Hi honey, Just finished work, busy day but good, spend the day writing up documents" "What about? What did you do?" Her: "I had a meeting with some Chinese investors" (That's it, no details) Me: ..."OK....so how did that go" (I hate pushing for conversation) Her: "OK" Me: "OK, what are you doing tonight" Her: "Just sitting on the couch" ... Me: "Umm, OK, no plans?" Her: "no" ... Me: "OK, did you do anything else today?" Her: "no" ... That sort of conversation, I'm trying to engage her, so i can learn about her, find points of attractions, and points of disinterst. I'm finding more of the latter, which isn't good. Funny thin is, when we are together, we can talk for ages, but on the phone, sometimes she is just a stonewall. I mean I have chatted for an hour one night, but it was mostly her relating her day to me. You see my dilemna...
fitnessfan365 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I find it funny that you say it's just FWB when you say she's your GF in the thread title. Do you even know how you feel?
deathandtaxes Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Clearly you both aren't feeling 'it' towards each other. Four weeks in you should have a good idea of the direction this thing is headed. the prospect of love. it sounds like that is missing.
Gary S Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 In the first couple months, unless she's calling you to talk, you should primarily call for one main reason - to set a date. Relationships are built on dates, not talk, talk is cheap - actions scream.
Author yxalitis Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 In the first couple months, unless she's calling you to talk, you should primarily call for one main reason - to set a date. Relationships are built on dates, not talk, talk is cheap - actions scream. What so SHE can call to talk, but I can't? What: "Hi, wanna catch up Friday, great, see you then..." *click And...again...EVERY Weekend ALL Weekend constitutes "dating" so calling in between is now forbidden? WTF dude, you're not making much sense here.
Author yxalitis Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 I find it funny that you say it's just FWB when you say she's your GF in the thread title. Do you even know how you feel? I classify a gf as someone I'm seeing regularly, having sex with. I say FWB's because I don't have any feelings...at all, for her.
Author yxalitis Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 This relationship continues... I had thought to end it, but, well, she didn't want to, rang me to "have a talk" I thought she was going to say she didn't want to see me any more because "She isn't feeling the romance" Instead, she still wants to see me, BECAUSE of this. She, like me, doesn't necessarily want a new, hot 'n' heavy love affair. She is REMARKABLY honest. She likes me physically, we get along really well, but she has no feelings for me. We have a great time together, I'm enjoying the sex more, and as I don't see a future, I can ignore the things like NO shared/common interests etc. FWB, I guess. Wow, I wish my ex'es were this honest...!
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