Chi townD Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'm really glad you're going to try to work things out. However, you're not out of the woods yet. You're a guy and we're talking about a guy's mind. Questions are going to pop up every now and again. You have to convey to her that you need full transparency. No lies and no sugar coating. If things don't settle with you, then you might want to consider couples counseling. There's nothing wrong with talking with a professional third party to get perspective. There's no shame in it. and if she agrees to go with you, then you'll know how dedicated that she is to you and the relationship if she is willing to talk to a stranger about a past she would like to forget. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Plywoof Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'm really glad you're going to try to work things out. However, you're not out of the woods yet. You're a guy and we're talking about a guy's mind. Questions are going to pop up every now and again. You have to convey to her that you need full transparency. No lies and no sugar coating. If things don't settle with you, then you might want to consider couples counseling. There's nothing wrong with talking with a professional third party to get perspective. There's no shame in it. and if she agrees to go with you, then you'll know how dedicated that she is to you and the relationship if she is willing to talk to a stranger about a past she would like to forget. I was upfront with her that it bothered me.What she said about guys and the women's "number" is true I'm man enough to admit it. She told me she didn't date that much and never seriously when she was escorted because it would be unfair to the guy. That showed a lot of character in my mind. She told me how and why she did it. Grew up poor and no family in the picture. She put herself through school, it took longer for to graduate because of paying out pocket. I've made my peace with it. And if you got back and read that one huge post I really have no leg to stand on in the judgement area. The **** I did on my almost two year hedonist binge makes escorting look like bible study. On her part she told me that she understands she can trust me completely with everything and that's what I wanted. The fact I didn't run for hills when I found out was enough to convince her of that. Her words exactly. She also told me some of private details of her life and fears that she was ashamed of. Nothing really major in eyes but they were weighing her down mentally. These were things she never told anyone else. I know this might sound stupid but after she talked I could almost see the weight lifted of her. So I think in the end this might of have good for us. Had none of these things came to the surface I pretty sure our relationship would've ended badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Wow! Here's an awesome example on how a couple should COMMUNICATE with each other. I mean, really put it out there and understand where the other is coming from. I'm happy for you both. I feel that I can see nothing but good thing's coming your way. Good job, dude! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'm really glad you're going to try to work things out. However, you're not out of the woods yet. You're a guy and we're talking about a guy's mind. Questions are going to pop up every now and again. You have to convey to her that you need full transparency. No lies and no sugar coating. If things don't settle with you, then you might want to consider couples counseling. There's nothing wrong with talking with a professional third party to get perspective. There's no shame in it. and if she agrees to go with you, then you'll know how dedicated that she is to you and the relationship if she is willing to talk to a stranger about a past she would like to forget. I gotta say, everything Chi has posted has been...perfect. He gets that boiling this down to "she didn't tell, she's no good" or "you can't forgive, you're no good" is waaaaay simplistic. Think about some of the comments, talking about how she "IS" as if she is still that person years later. She thought you were that kind of man too. You are not. Good for you Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I didn't read all four pages but am I the only who's first thought was "your best friend knew about it all along??" Hope things work out for the best OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Where was the shame when turning tricks for a decade? Why hand over your life and soul for someone that acted a complete fool. What abitity does she even have to really emotionally attach to any man after such a path. She allowed you to invest time and emotion without consideration. Shame, like your supposed to feel bad for someone that screwed up for ten years. Then your friend and his wife...how is she associated with hookers? And how is she so miniliptave to silence your friend. These are rather critical life choices. I wouldn't trust any of them and would gravate towards a higher class of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 LOL! Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) Oh sthu dude. Have a good life Plywoof. Send us a good update in a week or so. Edited July 31, 2015 by 66Charger 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Oh sthu dude. Have a good life Plywoof. Send us a good update in a week or so. Quoted for truth Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I was upfront with her that it bothered me.What she said about guys and the women's "number" is true I'm man enough to admit it. She told me she didn't date that much and never seriously when she was escorted because it would be unfair to the guy. That showed a lot of character in my mind. She told me how and why she did it. Grew up poor and no family in the picture. She put herself through school, it took longer for to graduate because of paying out pocket. I've made my peace with it. And if you got back and read that one huge post I really have no leg to stand on in the judgement area. The **** I did on my almost two year hedonist binge makes escorting look like bible study. On her part she told me that she understands she can trust me completely with everything and that's what I wanted. The fact I didn't run for hills when I found out was enough to convince her of that. Her words exactly. She also told me some of private details of her life and fears that she was ashamed of. Nothing really major in eyes but they were weighing her down mentally. These were things she never told anyone else. I know this might sound stupid but after she talked I could almost see the weight lifted of her. So I think in the end this might of have good for us. Had none of these things came to the surface I pretty sure our relationship would've ended badly. I'm not totally sure how to think about this. I believe you have a great perspective and have handled this very well. Having a GF that escorted just feels very different to me on a gut level compared to a woman that slept around for fun. I just feel like someone who sleeps with men to buy food... or rent... is just doing business. I'm not entirely sure her number of sexual partners would bother me much. It's not like she was doing it for fun. A woman who slept around for fun... that just feels different to me. I have a hard time explaining why though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I'm not totally sure how to think about this. I believe you have a great perspective and have handled this very well. Having a GF that escorted just feels very different to me on a gut level compared to a woman that slept around for fun. I just feel like someone who sleeps with men to buy food... or rent... is just doing business. I'm not entirely sure her number of sexual partners would bother me much. It's not like she was doing it for fun. A woman who slept around for fun... that just feels different to me. I have a hard time explaining why though. A high number is still a high number. How they got there whether for free or getting paid does not matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Plywoof Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'm not totally sure how to think about this. I believe you have a great perspective and have handled this very well. Having a GF that escorted just feels very different to me on a gut level compared to a woman that slept around for fun. I just feel like someone who sleeps with men to buy food... or rent... is just doing business. I'm not entirely sure her number of sexual partners would bother me much. It's not like she was doing it for fun. A woman who slept around for fun... that just feels different to me. I have a hard time explaining why though. I've asked myself this many times in my days of hooking up and dating. What really bothers you about a woman's number? I think for most guys we're afraid she'll compare us to her previous partners. Its not about her but our insecurities, did she orgasm with him more, was his dick bigger, etc And if she has a higher number its more dudes shes comparing us to in her mind. Oh to anyone who's wondering we moved into together and its awesome. Probably the hardest thing is getting used to living with a woman again. No more piles of dirty towels until laundry day. Or vegging out playing the Witcher 3 for the whole weekend. We're also planning on adopting a puppy next week, I guess that's our could we handle a child test. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Plywoof Posted October 5, 2016 Author Share Posted October 5, 2016 Hey just wanted to stop by and say thanks again to the people here, no bs I doubt her and I would be where we are without this site. First obviously we are still together and very happy. We ended up doing some couples therapy, that helped reinforce what I told her about accepting her past and being there for her. We only had a few sessions since the therapist told us we were in spite of our pasts one of the most emotionally honest and open couple she had worked with. Now onto the best parts. We're engaged, wish I could say it was one of these super planned out romantic ones you read about but it wasn't. We were walking the dog and she laughed at one of my stupid jokes. And it hit me that I wanted to spend my life with her and I popped the question. So my romantic proposal story was done on a hiking trail with a bag of dog poop in my hand and no ring. We haven't set a date because.. we're expecting twins. Now this was planned, kids are something we both wanted. Now being in our thirties we thought it might take some time because of age. And since he both wanted at least three and with age/ coming off birth control being a factor we thought it might take some time. Boy we were wrong, happily wrong. So again thanks to everyone who gave me advice and supported me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 .............. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 hope you both make it. Get some sleep before the twins are born. Link to post Share on other sites
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