Author TheOneYouHate Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 I don't know the full story but better surely to break up face to face if this is a LTA. Emails and texts are throw away, they can be sent in moment of emotion and 2 secs later it is all different, people know that. YOU have already done that and here you are again in the same place. Sitting there face to face and breaking up shows you mean it, shows her there is no going back. Gives her the opportunity to ask questions and gives her closure. She can see in your face that you mean it. Do not go all wishy washy and keep her hanging on and hoping with protestations of love or "if only..." nonsense, tell her it is over, full stop. Be well prepared before you meet her, firm your resolve and do not buckle. Man up, you were man enough to have two women on a string, be man enough to tell one of them it is over to her face. Sorry I should have explained that she is 700 miles away.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Oh well, that's easier then.... Call her.... Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Sorry I should have explained that she is 700 miles away.. This is a LTA, so surely it doesn't matter where she lives. I think you should respect her enough to meet her face to face in person if you have known her a long time. BUT if that is impossible then TaraMaiden2 is correct phone/Skype her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOneYouHate Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 You have put your feelings over your wife's for a long time. You are correct and I am not blameless, and I know many of you have been down the same road, and I got into this and it was my choice. I know that I have put my wife's feelings behind mine and even behind the OW, and I am going to make amends for the. My counselor says build my relationship with my wife and the A will look, less and less attractive. I feel good this morning and hopefully will gather the courage to send the NC today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOneYouHate Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 The same way you do anything, brother - One foot in front of the other. Ever have friend addicted to cigarettes, booze, drugs or something and wonder "why doesn't he just stop? Well, that's the way we're looking at you. Sometimes in life you have to run towards the pain in order to get it over with. It's hard to make yourself sick, but that's essentially what you'll be doing. The good part is that it eventually subsides and you get your life and integrity back. Sadly, maybe you're just one of those addicts who won't stop until they're found dead with the needle still sticking out of their arm. Who knows? I'm hoping you're stronger than that, but maybe you aren't. You're the only person who truly knows that. I really like this because, I dealt with issues with alcohol so I can relate a lot. It is very much an addiction in feeds something inside of us and we need it or feel like we need it and it is the only place we can get that fix, and that high. Like the analogy and no I do not want to be the one found dead either emotionally or physically from this addiction. My God I have even went through suicidal thoughts because I didn't want to tell my wife or my OP and it just felt hopeless. So I totally relate and I thank you for that, that really hit home with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOneYouHate Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Take it from a women who has been devastated by her STBXH Affair: If or when your wife finds out about your A she will cry a heart wrenching cry that you will never be able to console her. When your children find out that their mother is crying because of what their father did to her will break your heart in a million pieces. So if you think just breaking it off with the OW is hard. You ain't seen nothing yet. I am extremely sorry and humbled from your experience. No one deserves that and I cannot express enough how sad that makes me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Any reason why all of this didn't cross your mind before you parted your Mistress' legs....? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Any reason why all of this didn't cross your mind before you parted your Mistress' legs....? The benefits outweigh the cost. Well, as long as nobody finds out of course. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 First of all this is an LTA.. and ending it via a NC email seems really cruel. So you DO recognize cruelty then. That's what an affair is. It is cruelty. Start there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOneYouHate Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 So I sent the email, and felt a sigh of relief for a minute. Then we got online and started talking about it, and out came the I wanna be with you forever, you are all I want, so you are just going to end contact with me ? On and on and I caved miserably. We are going to talk on the phone on Sunday, and hopefully that will go well. I know this doesn't help you think any better of me, and all of you see me as a weak, balless dude, but I am making strides forward slowly but surely. I have prayed about it and want it to work out for the best for all parties. Slam away, but I am working on it, one foot in front of the other. I made no compromise on the fact that I can't live like this, but tried to make her feel loved and that she wasn't being tossed aside like garbage. I don't know, I am only human working through these issues. I am so trying folks, I really am, try not to just beat me up too bad. I am looking for good advice and some support to get me through this. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 So I sent the email, and felt a sigh of relief for a minute. Then we got online and started talking about it, and out came the I wanna be with you forever, you are all I want, so you are just going to end contact with me ? On and on and I caved miserably. We are going to talk on the phone on Sunday, and hopefully that will go well. I know this doesn't help you think any better of me, and all of you see me as a weak, balless dude, but I am making strides forward slowly but surely. I have prayed about it and want it to work out for the best for all parties. Slam away, but I am working on it, one foot in front of the other. I made no compromise on the fact that I can't live like this, but tried to make her feel loved and that she wasn't being tossed aside like garbage. I don't know, I am only human working through these issues. I am so trying folks, I really am, try not to just beat me up too bad. I am looking for good advice and some support to get me through this. What you think are "forward strides" are really nothing. If you're an addict, you don't smoke crack just one last time. Forward strides start when you end contact with the OM. Anything else is still living in your affair and not making any changes. That's just a fact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 So I sent the email, and felt a sigh of relief for a minute. Then we got online and started talking about it, and out came the I wanna be with you forever, you are all I want, so you are just going to end contact with me ? On and on and I caved miserably. We are going to talk on the phone on Sunday, and hopefully that will go well. ...Meaning.... what? Really, you should absolutely, definitely NOT be going to talk on the phone on Sunday... that's just counting the hours to your next fix.... I know this doesn't help you think any better of me, and all of you see me as a weak, balless dude, but I am making strides forward slowly but surely. No. This is about as empty, fatuous and meaningless a statement as "I have moments of extreme strength"... You're not making any strides forward at all, until you break up and go - maintain - total No Contact. I have prayed about it and want it to work out for the best for all parties. Interesting that you've spoken to God about this. Tell me, has he helped you work out precisely HOW this is going "to work out for the best for all parties"? How on earth is that ever going to happen, if you don't do what you should do...? Slam away, but I am working on it, one foot in front of the other. I made no compromise on the fact that I can't live like this, but tried to make her feel loved and that she wasn't being tossed aside like garbage. I don't know, I am only human working through these issues. I am so trying folks, I really am, try not to just beat me up too bad. I am looking for good advice and some support to get me through this. Well it would help if you stopped playing the pathetic victim here, and bore in mind that you are the creator of your own actions, and you should own them, and recognise that you are creating victims in your wake. To be Human should be considered a privilege, not an excuse. You're supposed to be the prime animal at the top of the Evolutionary food-chain... You've had Good Advice. It would be better if you were to actually implement it. I assure you, the whuppings would stop then.... Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 and want it to work out for the best for all parties. I think at this point in time you need to think about what is best for You. I'm not saying be selfish. I'm saying you can't effectively help anyone until you are healthy yourself. You know on air planes they say make sure your own oxygen is working before trying to help others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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