berniev Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Untrue. I don't like weak men. I couldn't be with a man who was a pushover. How is that untrue? You just proved what I said was true. LOL Don't mold your man into a pushover or doormat then. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Every woman will try to groom us to be her doormat. That's how women are - they want to control. It's up to us to fight through that. Again, if we don't like that, stay single or become a Muslim. :-) Women don't seek doormats. They want partners. Of course, not all. And those who do seek doormats should be avoided, because it has a reason why they want to be in charge - and likely not for good reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 to answer your question directly. Healthy marriages start out with wild expectations, followed by a series of negotiations, then further goals are set. Its mixed with special moments and joys. With the persons having each others welfare kept in check. Now where you are is the negotiating stage. even though she is not budging, its still at this stage. Get counseling for yourself, and openly state to her what your expectations are for her to help out in the home and the marriage. Do your part and leave her to pick up the pace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
berniev Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Women don't seek doormats. They want partners. Of course, not all. And those who do seek doormats should be avoided, because it has a reason why they want to be in charge - and likely not for good reasons. Never said they seek doormats. I said they try to mold their men into doormats. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Never said they seek doormats. I said they try to mold their men into doormats. and this opinion of yours I consider rubbish. . adults recognize each others strengths and respects their shortcomings. supporting one anothers goals and ambitions. Encouraging at times and individual in some hobbies/ desires. Doesnt sound like a doormat to me, but then again I come from the stable and mutual respecting dynamic of relationships. Perhaps some folks like someone else making all the decisions and doing most of the work.... each side though has to consent though for that to hold and maintain.so in essence they are both agreeing to the one being more dominent. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 How is that untrue? You just proved what I said was true. LOL Don't mold your man into a pushover or doormat then. :-) I get your humour........but I honestly wouldn't want a man who gave in to me and could be trampled over. If you don't love someone as they are, then don't marry them . We all have our faults and yes there are things about my H I wish were different (I'm sure he'd say the same about me), but they aren't dealbreaker, so I let them slide. Nobody is perfect . Link to post Share on other sites
jappa Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 No, you are not supposed to be the leader of your family. You are a co-chair. You need to work things out with your other co-chair, your wife. So decisions need to be discussed before they are made; you have to compromise from time to time. That's the modern marriage. If you don't like that, stay single or become a Muslim. What an uneducated comment! He is saying that she does not help out in the house. He doesn't say he is unwilling to share decisions. Plus, he seems to be a guy who is willing to share and make it work. Finally, why should he become a Muslim to expect his wife to share the marriage load? Are all non-Muslims selfish lazy idiots? Seriously, what an ignorant comment. You should think twice before opening your mouth because you definitely are unable to think clearly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 How old are you both? And why did you marry her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nony101 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 How old are you both? And why did you marry her? I'm 27, she's 24. Kind of a large age gap, but in our dating and engagement period, we wanted the same things. She seemed like a mature 24. Sorry to bring up an older thread. It's been a week or so, no sex since a while before I posted, no sex on the horizon. Our house is clean though, thanks to me... Honestly, it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't doing everything around the house and she wasn't just sitting on her ass from the time she gets home watching cable all night. At this point, I'm just so depressed and lonely. I have no connection with my wife. She doesn't realize it. I am a door mat. I know the instant the TV comes on, that she's done with me for the night. From there, as long as she's got her phone, food, and remote controls, she's set to go. I can't count the times I've just rolled over (no goodnight or kiss), dusting off the residual crumbs stuck to my back (freaking gross), and pulled a pillow over my head to block the light and sound. I'm destined to end up like that guy who's 50 years old and his youngest is graduating from college. That's going to be me, I'm sure of it. I know what I SHOULD do, and I appreciate the advice, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm a weaker man than all of you who have succeeded before me. Sorry for the rant/convoluted post, I'm just struggling really bad. Unfortunately, we're both extremely stubborn. So I need to develop a plan. I'm obviously going to be the bad guy, or at least she's going to make me feel that way, so I need to make sure I can turn that around in order for us to actually make any progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Praxit Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Hello there, I'm back again, which of course means there's a problem. I'm going to ask that you ignore my previous posts when responding to this one, and merely take this one at face value. All that aside, I'm married now. It's been just a hair under a year. Things aren't going great, at least I don't think so. She seems fairly oblivious. I've brought up that we seem to have issues a few times in the course of our few months, but I'm always shot down. The "bad times" where I feel negative about my marriage far outweigh the good. Honestly, I'm not really sure why I even got married. it pains me to say this, but I just feel more alone than I ever have. It's like living with a teenager who doesn't really help out around the house, but who is your Mom and tells you what can and can't do. My marriage lacks any sort of excitement or newness. You would think we've been married for 60 years. There's no intimacy. I got more physical action when we were dating/engaged than I do now. We waited until we were married for sex, and we're less than a year into this, you'd think we'd be all over each other. We have sex 1-2 times a month. It's not nearly enough for me, but if I bring it up, I'm suddenly the bad guy. She doesn't really pay any attention to me. She doesn't help me with the house, but complains about it constantly. It's dirty, or there aren't any clean dishes or she doesn't have clean clothes. I do more loads of laundry in one night than she's done in our whole marriage. Look, I do love her, but I don't know how to fix this. This is partially why I'm here. I'm not perfect, and I know that I'm most likely the problem. I'm trying to figure out where to start. Gentlemen, please remind me why it is we give up the single life? What is going through our heads when we give up our homes, money, lives, etc. for this? I was happy, doing pretty well for myself, could buy the things I wanted, and do whatever I wanted. Now I'm not happy, poor, and am not allowed to do anything (for risk of being guilted into staying home or her being mad at me). ...take heart young man. Grab some courage and move forth. Life is to short to live like that. Besides, there is so much out there to not seek out. Especially in your situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Run! There is is no counseling that will make her feel guilty for using you like a slave. She won't learn a thing until you start packing her stuff. Even then, she'll find another guy to dupe. My wife is lazy too, and 4 years later she still does little. I'm looking at leaving her for someone who is willing to do her part. They don't change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think you are right. A lot of how I feel comes from the lack of respect I feel. I know I am supposed to be the leader of our family, but when I make decisions or lead in general, she doesn't respect that. She very much wants to be in control and wear the pants, despite literally saying otherwise. I guess I'm sticking around because divorce isn't easy, and not really something I want to do. I made a promise, and I always try to keep my promises. I may be miserable, but at least I have that. Please don't take any offense to that, I'm sure my tune could change a while from now. She made a promise, too.... and that doesn't mean to ignore you and treat you like dirt. Sex twice a month doesn't cut it... and just not supporting you is unacceptable. Both of you need to realign and establish a loving passionate and sexy relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Every woman will try to groom us to be her doormat. That's how women are - they want to control. It's up to us to fight through that. Again, if we don't like that, stay single or become a Muslim. :-) Disagree about the doormat... some have other problems and some are great and some change.... I've had all of the above.... Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Being the bad guy for a few weeks is no prize for your freedom. It appears she only married you because she wants to do as little as possible in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm still stuck on the part about how you love her. Dear God, why? Link to post Share on other sites
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