Text him re: making plans?

[Gary S]

I know katie

[Versacehottie]

I think it's healthy to send a message like: I had a great time meeting you but I am looking for a real long lasting connection. I wish you only the best.

 

It puts an end to it, no chances of him trying to reach you by email, or with another phone. It's done and over and you took control.

 

Actually this is a good idea as well. It is very powerful to take control and be proactive rather than passive. I guarantee that's one of the reasons you are hurting about him. It's less about him and what he truly stands for and has treated you and more about the passive nature typically for women in dating. You're (women are) waiting typically for him to initiate and decide about you and it can make you feel rejected when it doesn't come in timeframe you expected or is not reciprocated.

 

There is great strength in deciding on your own that what he is offering is just not good enough for you and telling him so. Especially in mature, no going back way. Brief. "Out of respect for the time we have spent together and that we know mutual people" and then what Gaeta said. That is also freeing. You have to mean it though when you say it in order to get the benefit for yourself. If you are just using it as a way to contact him or spur a discussion or try to get him to make a decision or explain what's going on it won't have that value for you.

 

You can do any of these 3 options; only you know which is best for you. I think it's a personality thing as well as the way you process hurt. Also if you can't bare to make the decision about cutting him out of your life then you can't do this one really. Because if he begs his way back in (which would be a possibility for several reasons) and you go back yourself on such a strong statement, it will just cause problems for your credibility with him as you continue to date, likely mistreatment.

[Ladyinindy]

Well friends!

 

I've started dating someone else, and have gone completely out of communication with the person that I have mentioned in this thread. Last weekend I went on a great date with Someone I know through a mutual friend, and this past weekend on Saturday night we also spent some really great time together.

 

Well, as you all know, I haven't blocked him on my Facebook or on my phone, one part out of the professional situation mentioned, and the other part being I'm sure because I still have feelings for him. Interestingly enough, on Sunday early afternoon at around 12:30 PM, I hear a text come across my phone, and I check my phone and the text message says "so how was your date last night, he's not nearly as much fun as me I assume," and guess who it was from? The man that has been doing his best to string me along. Jealous much??????? Wow, I couldn't even believe what I was reading. He would have no way of knowing what I am doing or who I'm with...I didnt even tell anyone we know in common that I'm dating someone...he was clearly fishing.

 

I responded and said "I had a great night Saturday night. Spent some time with someone I know that is a really good guy that thinks that I should date him. He's also my personal trainer now, he owns a fitness business. I hope you had a great weekend!"

 

As you can see...I did not feel above rubbing this situation in his face. I feel justified!

 

He doesn't call me or make plans for weeks....yet sends a jealous text when he assumes I'm dating someone else. I mean really. Ha ha ha you have to be kidding me.

[Versacehottie]

Well friends!

 

I've started dating someone else, and have gone completely out of communication with the person that I have mentioned in this thread. Last weekend I went on a great date with Someone I know through a mutual friend, and this past weekend on Saturday night we also spent some really great time together.

 

Well, as you all know, I haven't blocked him on my Facebook or on my phone, one part out of the professional situation mentioned, and the other part being I'm sure because I still have feelings for him. Interestingly enough, on Sunday early afternoon at around 12:30 PM, I hear a text come across my phone, and I check my phone and the text message says "so how was your date last night, he's not nearly as much fun as me I assume," and guess who it was from? The man that has been doing his best to string me along. Jealous much??????? Wow, I couldn't even believe what I was reading. He would have no way of knowing what I am doing or who I'm with...I didnt even tell anyone we know in common that I'm dating someone...he was clearly fishing.

 

I responded and said "I had a great night Saturday night. Spent some time with someone I know that is a really good guy that thinks that I should date him. He's also my personal trainer now, he owns a fitness business. I hope you had a great weekend!"

 

As you can see...I did not feel above rubbing this situation in his face. I feel justified!

 

He doesn't call me or make plans for weeks....yet sends a jealous text when he assumes I'm dating someone else. I mean really. Ha ha ha you have to be kidding me.

 

Yes, it was ego first for him. That's why he is pushing you to say "he's not as much fun as me". Probably would be trying to get his foot back in the door by asking you out if that was his first priority (dating you). Yeah, my personality must be similar to yours, I have done that a couple of times when a guy comes back and get much more mileage out of it than blocking them or telling them off when they can care less. You get them when they do care and in non-chalant, mature manner, similar to what you did. Bet you will keep hearing from him. He will be trying to prove his point that he is the best guy vs your new one. Anyway, all that really matters is that you got your self-esteem back on track AND have a new guy. yay.

[katiegrl]

Yes, it was ego first for him. That's why he is pushing you to say "he's not as much fun as me". Probably would be trying to get his foot back in the door by asking you out if that was his first priority (dating you). Yeah, my personality must be similar to yours, I have done that a couple of times when a guy comes back and get much more mileage out of it than blocking them or telling them off when they can care less. You get them when they do care and in non-chalant, mature manner, similar to what you did. Bet you will keep hearing from him. He will be trying to prove his point that he is the best guy vs your new one. Anyway, all that really matters is that you got your self-esteem back on track AND have a new guy. yay.

 

I agree for the most part, however in her case, she admitted in her post the reason she did not block him was because "I still have (present tense) feelings for him."

 

This tells me she was hoping to hear from him, not so much for satisfaction or to let him know she's moved on.....but to keep the connection alive...the drama ongoing between them.

 

Which it is! And frankly she sounds elated because of it!

 

I feel sorry for this new guy, cause clearly she is NOT over her ex. Nor will she ever be unless and until she stops communicating with him ...and puts an end to the neverending drama once and for all.

 

THAT is what blocking is for...but she won't because she does not want it to be over yet.

 

My two cents.....

Edited June 29, 2015 by katiegrl

[Versacehottie]

I agree for the most part, however in her case, she admitted in her post the reason she did not block him was because "I still have (present tense) feelings for him."

 

This tells me she was hoping to hear from him, not so much for satisfaction or to let him know she's moved on.....but to keep the connection alive...the drama ongoing between them.

 

Which it is! And frankly she sounds elated because of it!

 

I feel sorry for this new guy, cause clearly she is NOT over her ex. Nor will she ever be unless and until she stops communicating with him ...and puts an end to the neverending drama once and for all.

 

THAT is what blocking is for...but she won't because she does not want it to be over yet.

 

My two cents.....

 

True. You can hope to hear from someone in order to get this satisfaction with no intention to start up dating with him again though. Wonder what OP's intentions are? The timing of the new guy and the fact that she's into him may be just the push she needs to let the first guy go for real. OP?

[katiegrl]

True. You can hope to hear from someone in order to get this satisfaction with no intention to start up dating with him again though. Wonder what OP's intentions are? The timing of the new guy and the fact that she's into him may be just the push she needs to let the first guy go for real. OP?

 

I did not read the part where she said she was into him....she told her ex HE (the new guy) told her she should date him....

 

Again, just my gut, but she sounded more excited to hear from the ex than she did about the date with the new guy....

 

Note how quick she was to respond back to the ex too...

 

But I dunno really...just my own sense from reading.

 

OP?????

[losangelena]

I did not read the part where she said she was into him....she told her ex HE (the new guy) told her she should date him....

 

Again, just my gut, but she sounded more excited to hear from the ex than she did about the date with the new guy....

 

Note how quick she was to respond back to the ex too...

 

But I dunno really...just my own sense from reading.

 

OP?????

 

I think you're jumping to conclusions.

 

Haven't you ever felt the satisfaction of telling some guy who treated you badly that you're now happily seeing someone else? I know I have.

[katiegrl]

I think you're jumping to conclusions.

 

Haven't you ever felt the satisfaction of telling some guy who treated you badly that you're now happily seeing someone else? I know I have.

 

No never have....when a guy treated me badly...I just ignored him when he texted me....THAT is my satisfaction....

 

I also believe ignoring sends a bigger message than responding back.....even if just to tell him I am seeing someone else...

 

I mean, when you have really truly moved on....why respond back at all? Why bother? That just keeps the drama going IMO.

 

Ignoring sends the bigger message.

 

But you are right, I am jumping to conclusions based on how I would react.

 

Will leave it to the OP to answer....

[Ladyinindy]

I responded in order to feel the satisfaction of him knowing that I'm seeing someone new and I'm excited about it. He's done nothing but hurt me, lead me on, and I feel sees women as disposable and as objects that he throws away as soon as he is bored or maybe sees any type of possible commitment. For me, communicating back with him was about the satisfaction of him knowing that he's not the only fish in the sea, and that I'm moving on. And that despite whatever enjoyment he gets over the egotistical power of making women fall for him and then nonchalantly treating them like they don't matter to him, isn't going to win in this situation, and he's not going to bring me down or string me along like maybe he usually does. He really severely hurt my self-confidence, I guess communicating back with him for me gives me a sense of closure on developing feelings for someone that didn't deserve it, and then they can see that unfold right in front of them, they can see pictures on Facebook of me doing fun things with other people, or receive texts back that I'm spending time with other people. And he can see then what he lost. He lost a really good woman that cared a lot about him, a woman that is now moving on.

[katiegrl]

I responded in order to feel the satisfaction of him knowing that I'm seeing someone new and I'm excited about it. He's done nothing but hurt me, lead me on, and I feel sees women as disposable and as objects that he throws away as soon as he is bored or maybe sees any type of possible commitment. For me, communicating back with him was about the satisfaction of him knowing that he's not the only fish in the sea, and that I'm moving on. And that despite whatever enjoyment he gets over the egotistical power of making women fall for him and then nonchalantly treating them like they don't matter to him, isn't going to win in this situation, and he's not going to bring me down or string me along like maybe he usually does. He really severely hurt my self-confidence, I guess communicating back with him for me gives me a sense of closure on developing feelings for someone that didn't deserve it, and then they can see that unfold right in front of them, they can see pictures on Facebook of me doing fun things with other people, or receive texts back that I'm spending time with other people. And he can see then what he lost. He lost a really good woman that cared a lot about him, a woman that is now moving on.

 

 

Well said...and good for you!

 

 

I have never been played like that...but if I had, I probably would have wanted to do the same exact thing!

 

 

I always tried to stay clear of guys like that though...and perhaps going forward you will know what to watch out for, so you can stay clear too.

 

 

Good luck with new guy!

[LivingDeadGrl]

I have been with a couple guys like this and they are just not worth your time! I completely agree about the not blocking thing! I have felt great satisfaction telling them I have moved on and am happy. Good luck with the new guy!

[Ladyinindy]

Well, Mr Stringalong is all about contacting me now! He messaged me today and asked how my day was going, and I politely responded and kept it short. I feel like if he invites me out, I'm just going to go, talk to him and tell him straight up to his face exactly how I feel about his treatment of me, and then tell him I wish him well, but please don't contact me, and then just leave. I really do want the satisfaction of telling him to his face what I think of him. Then he can't dodge it or dismiss it like a phone call or text.....

 

I think I'm going to do it if he asks me out again, and I feel that he will. It would give me absolute closure knowing he had to sit there and squirm and be uncomfortable given the painful experience that he has subjected me to. I feel like he deserves to see and hear a very hurt woman hold him accountable for his behavior.

[Lois_Griffin]

I think I'm going to do it if he asks me out again, and I feel that he will. It would give me absolute closure knowing he had to sit there and squirm and be uncomfortable given the painful experience that he has subjected me to. I feel like he deserves to see and hear a very hurt woman hold him accountable for his behavior.

Don't EVER give someone that kind of power over you. That's like admitting to him that he mattered so much to you that you just HAD to tell him how he hurt you. Don't feed this miscreant's ego! BAD move.

 

If he invites you out again, make the plans with him and confirm right up to the last minute that you'll be there and you're looking forward to it.

 

Then, stand him up.

 

Make sure you have a big tub of popcorn and a Big Gulp and then sit back for the show and laugh your ass off when the calls and texts start coming in, asking where you are.

 

Ignore ALL of them.

 

The end.

[Ladyinindy]

Mr. Stringalong contacted me again last night and said hello. I responded politely and said hope you're having a good night. He said "so what's up with this new guy in your life?" And I said "why?" And he said "because I'm jealous ha ha (wink)." I responded with "ha ha I see" and he said "just being honest."

 

By the way, the new person I'm dating knows about this entire situation, I told him flat out when we met. I told him that Mr Stringalong and I are still in contact because Im basically trying to teach him a lesson right now. He's all for it, he thinks the guy deserves the lesson also.

[Ladyinindy]

By the way, I love the stand him up idea. I did think of that possibility. Pretty good idea. You're right about not letting him have the satisfaction of having any other power over me by me confronting him.

[elaine567]

The chase is back on...

Tally ho.

[katiegrl]

Don't EVER give someone that kind of power over you. That's like admitting to him that he mattered so much to you that you just HAD to tell him how he hurt you. Don't feed this miscreant's ego! BAD move.

 

If he invites you out again, make the plans with him and confirm right up to the last minute that you'll be there and you're looking forward to it.

 

Then, stand him up.

 

Make sure you have a big tub of popcorn and a Big Gulp and then sit back for the show and laugh your ass off when the calls and texts start coming in, asking where you are.

 

Ignore ALL of them.

 

The end.

 

LOL.....yeah that would be hilarious... but the OP won't do it, cause just as I had suspected, she is not over this toad.... and WANTS to see him. And guess what OP..HE knows it too!

 

You are NOT fooling him, and you can see him, talk about this other guy and pretend you have moved on.....until hell freezes over....and you STILL won't fool him.

 

He knows you are still very much into him....the mere fact you respond back and are still participating in this drama tells him very clearly you are still into him.

 

I think you are lying to yourself if you think the only reason why you want to see him is for "closure* or to gain some sort of sick satisfaction from watching him *squirm* or whatever you think he's gonna do.

 

Trust me, he won't be *squirming* he will be *smirking* because he KNOWS you would not be responding back to him, seeing him and making all this effort to gain *satisfaction* if you were not still very much into him.

 

Don't kid yourself about that..he may be a douchebag, but he's no dope.

 

You had your *satisfaction* yesterday (or was it Sunday) when you told him you were seeing someone else. What you are doing now is overkill...and only means one thing. You are still very much into him, have NOT moved on.....and as I said, your ex knows it too.....and is taking great pleasure in it....it's ALL a game to him, and always was.

 

You want to send a strong message that you are over him and have moved on? STOP responding to him and START ignoring him!

 

Going no contact will say much more than the overkill you are engaging in now.....

 

It's silly...the guy is an ass...just move on and forget he ever existed.

Edited June 30, 2015 by katiegrl

[elaine567]

LOL.....yeah that would be hilarious... but the OP won't do it, cause just as I had suspected, she is not over this toad.... and WANTS to see him. And guess what OP..HE knows it too!

 

No-one goes to the lengths of telling their new date that they are only dating him to teach the ex a lesson, if they truly want nothing to do with the ex.

[katiegrl]

No-one goes to the lengths of telling their new date that they are only dating him to teach the ex a lesson, if they truly want nothing to do with the ex.

 

That's precisely my point!

 

If the OP had truly moved on...after getting her *satisfaction* last Sunday, at this point, she would NOT be responding back to his messages, NOT want to see him..and *would be* ignoring him.

 

THAT is how people behave when they have moved on...and as I said, her ex knows it too!

 

And is no doubt taking great pleasure in knowing how into him she still is too.....despite her assertions to the contrary.

 

OP you are not fooling anyone, except maybe yourself.... (and sadly this new guy you are dating).

[Versacehottie]

Well, Mr Stringalong is all about contacting me now! He messaged me today and asked how my day was going, and I politely responded and kept it short. I feel like if he invites me out, I'm just going to go, talk to him and tell him straight up to his face exactly how I feel about his treatment of me, and then tell him I wish him well, but please don't contact me, and then just leave. I really do want the satisfaction of telling him to his face what I think of him. Then he can't dodge it or dismiss it like a phone call or text.....

 

I think I'm going to do it if he asks me out again, and I feel that he will. It would give me absolute closure knowing he had to sit there and squirm and be uncomfortable given the painful experience that he has subjected me to. I feel like he deserves to see and hear a very hurt woman hold him accountable for his behavior.

 

I told you he would be all about contacting you. It's a ego game. Not real proven interest unfortunately. Don't go see him. That's silly. Then he is winning. He will still be pulling the strings on your emotions and know he means a lot to you. and effectively has a chance. He is just doing it for sport at this point. What you need to do is keep him on a string back. Take a day or so to answer texts, answer cordially, indifferent, pretty formally, brief. If you miss answering make no apologies for it. He will try again.

 

Each time he tries to get you to come out. Reinforce that you have your new guy. If he tries to go deeper via text or phone call, cut it short. He's an acquaintance that's it. At most you are keeping him on string for future and find him entertaining. You will learn a lot from him contacting you. BUT, and this is a big one, don't get your own emotions back involved and believe his effort is real. And don't talk about him to your new guy or any future guys!!!! First of all, you don't want them to know strategies or think you are a game player. Second it's not cool and will only cause future problems. As a generalization, I don't think it's smart to talk about other guys in any way on other dates. At the briefest, most bland if you must: for example, I broke up with my 2 year bf, 4 months ago. Any deeper, realize they are going to come to conclusions about you, which you have no control over and may be inaccurate. The biggest one of all is that by talking about ANY guy to a new date shows you still have some investment in the old guy.

 

Again, I can't say it strongly enough, Don't go see him. It's the wrong interpretation of advice that was given. Good luck

[Ladyinindy]

Everyone that feels that I'm not over him is correct, I'm not. I Fully admit and acknowledge that and have in every message. I definitely agree with all that feel I should not meet him ever again. I know I need to end all communication at this point and that it's for the best, I think that hoping that he feels one tenth of the rejection that he has made me feel in all of this and rubbing it in his face like crazy has been what has driven my contact back...he's a jerk! I'm going to do my best to stop wanting him to hurt like I hurt and just realize that it truly is a game at this point and I need to not play into that. Ok all....I know I can be strong and end all contact....it's the best choice for sure, I know it, and I owe that at this point to the person I'm seeing.

[Ladyinindy]

In some ways it doesn't even feel right to be dating someone new when I'm getting over feelings for someone else still. I don't like the feeling....but I don't feel like it's a rebound thing, I genuinely really like him and would have dated him at any point if we would have met in the last few years.

[katiegrl]

Everyone that feels that I'm not over him is correct, I'm not. I Fully admit and acknowledge that and have in every message. I definitely agree with all that feel I should not meet him ever again. I know I need to end all communication at this point and that it's for the best, I think that hoping that he feels one tenth of the rejection that he has made me feel in all of this and rubbing it in his face like crazy has been what has driven my contact back...he's a jerk! I'm going to do my best to stop wanting him to hurt like I hurt and just realize that it truly is a game at this point and I need to not play into that. Ok all....I know I can be strong and end all contact....it's the best choice for sure, I know it, and I owe that at this point to the person I'm seeing.

 

Ladyinindy.....your feelings are understandable... but what you need to understand is that your actions here are not causing him to feel rejected....he is enjoying the attention.... and is most likely feeling flattered by it.

 

Frankly, I don't think he cares enough to feel rejected, it's all a game to him. It's all ego.

 

So yah, disengaging is best...good luck hon....

[Redhead14]

Everyone that feels that I'm not over him is correct, I'm not. I Fully admit and acknowledge that and have in every message. I definitely agree with all that feel I should not meet him ever again. I know I need to end all communication at this point and that it's for the best, I think that hoping that he feels one tenth of the rejection that he has made me feel in all of this and rubbing it in his face like crazy has been what has driven my contact back...he's a jerk! I'm going to do my best to stop wanting him to hurt like I hurt and just realize that it truly is a game at this point and I need to not play into that. Ok all....I know I can be strong and end all contact....it's the best choice for sure, I know it, and I owe that at this point to the person I'm seeing.

 

Here's the thing . . . when you've extricated yourself from a bad or unfulfilling relationship, there's already negativity that you'll be harboring for a while anyway. Doing things to cause additional drama or animosity or get revenge serves no purpose but to cause you to carry forth more of that. There is no satisfaction in it really. It doesn't do what you hoped it would to the other person anyway generally and especially with this guy.

 

If someone is treating you disrespectfully, it's better to leave the scenario with dignity and respect, show them you are the better person. Don't stoop to their level. Leaving a dating scenario gracefully, allows YOU the satisfaction in knowing that you don't allow someone else to take away your dignity. Your dignity remains in tact. And, that is a positive note to carry forth.