SammySammy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 You quoted preraph, so I'm not sure to whom you were replying, as I also responded to your previous post... I'm not saying your perspective isn't valid. What I will say however, is that if you will forgive the terminology, men have been banging the "it's just the way we are and it doesn't mean anything" for as long as porn has existed, and justifying that as a right to continue doing so unabated, while women have also been trying to express their own side of things and still don't feel they've been listened to, or heard. Evidence would imply that due to the relative lack of empathy and understanding openly displayed anywhere by men, their complaints of not being listened to, or heard, seem largely justified. I was saying that I respect preraph, you ... and many other women on this site. Your insights are invaluable. I even see your point in this post. I just think it's unreasonable. As Keenly pointed out, if men thought women shouldn't read 50 Shades of Grey do you think it would have mattered? Nope. E. L. James would still be a multimillionaire today. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 And just for the record, all the women I know who read it think it's utter crappy tosh. Comedy would be more accurate.... And I haven't read it.... But I think reading one book isn't really comparable to a guy watching porn and masturbating to the point he shows total disinterest in his SO (which is an issue, but I agree, not THE issue in this thread....) Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 And just for the record, all the women I know who read it think it's utter crappy tosh. Comedy would be more accurate.... And I haven't read it.... But I think reading one book isn't really comparable to a guy watching porn and masturbating to the point he shows total disinterest in his SO (which is an issue, but I agree, not THE issue in this thread....) I agree with you. That is an issue, but not the issue in this thread. Even in that situation though, the mere act of masturbation suggests the guy CAN have sex with his SO if he wanted to. The issue lies elsewhere in the relationship, not the porn. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 If your man looking at another woman bothers you, that's on you. I don't understand why that should naturally or necessarily follow... it depends on the circumstance. Perhaps if your wife looked at every bit of hot stuff, you would agree this was entirely your problem too..? Its the exact same as smoking. If your partner is a smoker, and you are bothered by it, YOU are the one with the problem. Again, no, I don't see why this is necessarily simply one person's problem. Added to which. smoking kills and the smoker is the likely victim. How is this another person's problem...? Women fantasize about men in other ways usually via story (see 50 shades of lame, various romance novels) and men fantasize about women in more visual ways. A book against decades, centuries, even, of porn usually aimed at the male client.... Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much... It is normal and healthy for people in committed relationships to fantasize about other people. Don't disagree. But do you have to keep shoving it down our throats how normal it is for guys to constantly jerk themselves off, at the frequent expense of their relationships? Its called being human. No one person on the planet can say with honesty that they have not once in their lives fantasized about some one else. Fantasizing - even more than once - is of course, quite normal. Hiding or using porn to masturbate, while ignoring the pleas for understanding, love, affection and physical intimacy from "your"* woman, is not. And that is an extremely common problem most males seem to conveniently ignore or overlook. (*I'm using 'your' generically, not specifically.) Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 It is normal and healthy for people in committed relationships to fantasize about other people. I am not sure if that is actually a proven fact, there is a big difference between mere fantasizing and porn. I see all the time how porn messes up relationships, so I am not entirely sure that modern day porn is so "normal and healthy". Internet porn is a modern phenomenon, the damaging effects are becoming apparent, both on the men - an increasing number of whom are getting addicted and need greater and greater stimuli to gain arousal and on their women who are being asked to participate in more and more extreme sex to copy porn and to arouse their man. Young women are even being abused by young men who are now seeing extreme porn as normal sex. Pornography, Violence and Sexual Entitlement: An Unspeakable Truth ? Opinion ? ABC Religion & Ethics (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) Plus the damaging effect on the female psyche when the man is spending hours looking at porn, is something that is ignored. Internet porn is seen by many nowadays as normal, natural and perfectly right for men, and that women just need to put up with it, no matter how bad it makes her feel. Hmm! The Physiological and Psychological Effects of Modern Day Pornography (2013) | Your Brain On Porn 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I wish women would understand a man's porn watching (and masturbation) has nothing to do with her desirability or attractiveness. That it does not diminish her in any way. Yet, many women are convinced that they must force their men to stop watching porn or to stop masturbating because they are sure it harms her or the relationship in some way. smh I really have no problem with my H watching porn. He can watch as much as he likes, it doesn't bother me at all. If it bothers you, then maybeyou're not a good match. I'd never ask him to stop watching it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I am not sure if that is actually a proven fact, there is a big difference between mere fantasizing and porn. I see all the time how porn messes up relationships, so I am not entirely sure that modern day porn is so "normal and healthy". Internet porn is a modern phenomenon, the damaging effects are becoming apparent, both on the men - an increasing number of whom are getting addicted and need greater and greater stimuli to gain arousal and on their women who are being asked to participate in more and more extreme sex to copy porn and to arouse their man. Young women are even being abused by young men who are now seeing extreme porn as normal sex. Pornography, Violence and Sexual Entitlement: An Unspeakable Truth ? Opinion ? ABC Religion & Ethics (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) Plus the damaging effect on the female psyche when the man is spending hours looking at porn, is something that is ignored. Internet porn is seen by many nowadays as normal, natural and perfectly right for men, and that women just need to put up with it, no matter how bad it makes her feel. Hmm! The Physiological and Psychological Effects of Modern Day Pornography (2013) | Your Brain On Porn Yeah, I think there's a lot of evidence out there to suggest that heavy porn use is not good news for relationships. The frequency with which heavy users seem to feel compelled to search out ever more extreme material is an additional worry. For me, one of the main concerns about a partner who was using internet porn heavily would involve the possibility that he would start looking at child pornography or other illegal stuff. These are risks that I think anybody with a partner who is heavily into pornography can't really turn their back on. You know - an adverse impact on her sex life, emotional connection, the man's perception of her as a human being....all that could be the least of a woman's problems if her partner is getting very immersed in porn use. So for me, if I knew a partner I was living with was using a lot of internet porn, a big question mark would be hanging over him like a cloud. What exactly is he watching? How far is he going with this stuff? The more traditional stuff (magazines, DVDs etc) wouldn't give me the same sort of concern. That strikes me as more of a functional type of porn. Internet porn, however, opens up doors to ever more extreme - and eminently accessible - material. Ultimately if he's out of control with it, it could end up impacting on the life/professional reputation/other relationships of his partner. It would be a risk to stay with a guy like that, who was heavily into internet porn. And from what I can see with all the internet threads involving marital dissatisfaction amongst women whose partners use porn a lot, there's not really an upside to being embroiled with somebody who uses this stuff compulsively. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Yeah, I think there's a lot of evidence out there to suggest that heavy porn use is not good news for relationships. There's an ambiguous and polite phrase if I ever saw one. Isn't it true that what is really meant is "frequent and habitual masturbation while watching pornography"? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Taramere is a lawyer. I'm sure she meant exactly what she meant. There again..... Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Since this is, yet again, devolving into a debate on pornography and departing from assisting our one-post new member in their relationship issue, I'll close this up pending their return. Folks wishing to debate the porn issue can certainly do so in our sex forum. If you can't find the porn threads, hey let me know and I'll find them for you and make sure they're open for your thoughtful responses. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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