yxalitis Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I broke up with my last GF because....she wasn't apparently in love with me. Odd way to phrase it, but that's what it amounted to, she put in the barest minimal effort in to the relationship, but took all she could, support, money, help with her daughter, sex. [if you're after a long read on a quite day...go nuts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/531237-i-wrong-break-up ] The upshot is...I had hoped that by breaking up and actually moving out, she would realise how serious i was about my unhappiness with our relationship, and actually do something about it... Silly me...this girl is stubborn, and self righteous. Every attempt i made to point out the simple little things she needed to do to make me happy met with the same stone-wall responses. So, after a couple of quiet days, I got all melancholy, listening to Imagine Dragon, and one song stood out for me: I'm sorry for everything Oh, everything I've done Am I out of touch? Am I out of my place? When I keep saying that I'm looking for an empty space Oh, I'm wishing you're here But I'm wishing you're gone I can't have you and I'm only gonna do you wrong Oh, I'm going to mess this up Oh, this is just my luck Over and over and over again I'm sorry for everything Oh, everything I've done From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved The last lines particular hit a resonance with me....I have broken up with all my last 4 significant relationships. So I texted her a Mea Culpa, the last part was: I'm not a good man, I hurt the people I love And blame them for it I then went quiet. No texting her at all. It was Tuesday, when she rang, texted me, and What's App'ed me. Her telephone call was conversational, just an excuse to talk really. Then I noticed she had also emailed me! Sorry that I didn't respond to your last texts, I received them the next morning and my apology that I was really rushing and very busy these few days. I know and I do understand you still having lots of emotion this days after you left, especially that day when you were listening a sad song. I have no response cause I really don’t know what to say, and I think it’s better to leave you alone and think about it yourself and you will move on then. I guess, you have helped yourself to move on since I don’t hear anything from you, hope it’s a good thing for you. Even you had found someone to replace and take away your pain or thoughts, I believe you will start loving her instead of keep thinking about our past. I truly hope you are happy now and I really appreciate our friendship. I'm still using the same self-blaming method, so I reply: No need to apologise, I didn’t expect a reply. Even though we break up, we still communicate all the time. That’s good, but if we don’t talk for a few days, it’s no problem. Happy to move on as we are, no expectations. I am not looking for another person, as I said, too early. I’m not looking to get back with you either. I miss some things, but not others. I’m sure you’re the same. It was harder to break up with you than my marriage of 19 years. And her reply: I feel sorry that I have not treated you right or gave you happiness. You are a good man… Just that our personality clashed all the time… may be just that I don’t deserve a good man like you that’s all! Hehe Anyway, I do thinking of you of cause, I’m human… But as you said, I will not looking back… Me: Not our personality that clash, we got along so well all the time really. We live in each other’s back pocket from day 1, together all the time. I needed to give you more room to breathe. But I’m too selfish, want you more and more. Want to hold you, to hug you, to kiss you, to make love to you. It was too much. I was too much. If I had my time again, I would be different. So, now, finally, she has put into words what I have felt... Not sure what will happen now, but I feel better about us, whether we ever get back together or not isn't really important.
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 The horse died months ago, put that whip away. I had hoped that by breaking up and actually moving out, she would realise how serious i was about my unhappiness with our relationship, and actually do something about it... Silly me...this girl is stubborn, and self righteous. Every attempt i made to point out the simple little things she needed to do to make me happy met with the same stone-wall responses.You seem to be all about YOU. What she could do for you and why she was upsetting you. YOU: I was used to this life though, I lived with my ex-wife for 18 years and then my ex gf for 6 months, I AM used to living every day with someone. Your gf: Yes, you have use to this life, that’s why when you leave your ex, you quickly get another replacement. This is why I said, you were too worried that you have a moment of lonely or by yourself. And you can’t live without SEX! You will say, no this is not true… but all you did and your word has shown this. She brought up good points ^^^, you went from a long relationship of 18 years with your wife and basically replaced your ex with this girl You couldn't bear to be alone, she was a rebound and you essentially smothered her. You seem to be obsessed with sex and I see her point that the relationship was based on sex for you. Move on. There is nothing for you here, I guess she is relieved you moved out. Sorry! Dating after a LTR is hard, the basic instinct is to make the substitute into the ex and treat her like the ex. SHE was not your ex and didn't like to be treated in that way, she was her own person and needed to feel you wanted her for her alone, and not because she was female and a masturbatory aid. Learn from the experience, but do not try to go back, it will not end well if you do.
coryreply Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Every attempt i made to point out the simple little things she needed to do to make me happy met with the same stone-wall responses. I agree with Elaine's points here. If this statement is indicative of your mindset in relationships, this is very problematic. Bro, we are happiest when we make our girl happy! 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Clearly...neither of you bothered to read the entire story...not surprising really...it's a lot of text. I did everything for this woman, I supported her emotionally, financially, paid all the bills, rent, maintained her car... When she needed someone to talk to...I was there, when she wanted a hug...I was there I supported her in all possible ways. I assisted with her daughters' education, running her back and forth to various activities, her manners, grammar, maths. Went she went overseas for 6 weeks, I stayed home for all except one week, working, looking after the house and pet, while paying for her time in her home country. All I was needing was that she didn't make decisions that effected all of us, without discussing with me first. Like me sleeping alone with her daughter, or her deciding to sleep with her daughter in her room...for an undetermined length of time...two days..a week...who knows...I just had to suck it up, be happy, not stress her... She simply didn't understand compromise, as long as she got what she needed/wanted, I just had to be fine with the relationship. Her own best friend of 11 years, backed me in this, telling her she was a selfish idiot to let me go because she couldn't even take one step to compromise with me. My daughter lived with us for a while, and she told me over tears one day "Dad, can't you see she's using you?" And as for "getting a replacement straight away" you REALLY needed to read my "is this too good to be true" thread... It wasn't my wife I left before her, it was another gf, with which I had an on-again, off again relationship for a year, and finally left because she had once again started sleeping with her ex boyfriend. I moved in as a flatmate, and SHE seduced ME on the second night, wearing short shorts, no underwear, singlet top, (in the middle of winter)and flirting with me via texts throughout the day "Ne nice if you cold give me some warmth tonight lol" She did this KNOWING I had just moved out from my ex gf, I think to "secure" me...so, yeah..there's all that. Edited June 4, 2015 by yxalitis 1
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