Another one bites the dust :)

[thefooloftheyear]

Never said she was obligated. Anyone has the right to be an ahole and handle situations however they want.

 

But the "right" thing to do is show common courtesy. I think since SHE made a specific request for me to "Hit her up on Wednesday, because she would have more time to talk"...that definetley changes things.

 

Does she have the right to just flat out ignore me? Absolutely! But just because she has the right to do that, doesnt mean its the proper way to handle the situation. And just because its become "the norm" for people to adopt it as "part of the dating process" doesnt mean I'm in the wrong for calling people out when they do it.

 

 

You're taking it too personal...

 

What's considered "proper" in this game, really?

 

Guys do that to women all the time...In fact, its probably the most common way to end things before they get started..Its uncomfortable for many people to have to personally reject someone, so they avoid it and hope it just "goes away"...

 

TFY..

[Phoe]

I have only had a text not go through to someone 3 times in my entire life. And all 3 of those were with a friend or family member. If my text didnt go through to her, she would have got a hold off me on Tuesday, wondering what happened(thats if she was a normal person that was actually interested). If my text didnt go through she would have instantly flipped out on me when I sent my text to her on Saturday accusing her of blowing me off. But she didnt. She proved that she got my text, and ignored it by telling me she was "busy".

 

My phone has texts not to through/ not come in / not send out multiple times a day. Every single day

 

You think I'm flipping out or getting flipped out on? No.

 

It might take quite a long while for a text that is sent to me to finally come through on my phone.

[Toodaloo]

You're taking it too personal...

 

What's considered "proper" in this game, really?

 

Guys do that to women all the time...In fact, its probably the most common way to end things before they get started..Its uncomfortable for many people to have to personally reject someone, so they avoid it and hope it just "goes away"...

 

TFY..

 

I also think you are taking this far too personally.

 

I get this ALL the time.

 

If you wanted to carry on talking to her just get back in touch no need to get all insulting over it and start dropping jibs and jibes...

 

You haven't even met the woman. We do have lives beyond dating sites...

[Male]

You're taking it too personal...

 

What's considered "proper" in this game, really?

 

Guys do that to women all the time...In fact, its probably the most common way to end things before they get started

 

Doesnt mean its right just because you all do it.

 

 

My phone has texts not to through/ not come in / not send out multiple times a day. Every single day

 

You think I'm flipping out or getting flipped out on? No.

 

It might take quite a long while for a text that is sent to me to finally come through on my phone.

 

You didnt read the whole thread did you? She proved that she got my text by the way she reacted after the fact.

 

 

I also think you are taking this far too personally.

 

I get this ALL the time.

 

If you wanted to carry on talking to her just get back in touch no need to get all insulting over it and start dropping jibs and jibes...

 

You haven't even met the woman. We do have lives beyond dating sites...

 

 

Why is it OK for her to insult me by just disappearing and ignoring me but I'm not allowed to say a thing about it?

[elaine567]

Why is it OK for her to insult me by just disappearing and ignoring me but I'm not allowed to say a thing about it?

 

As TFY says, people find it uncomfortable to reject someone, because it elicits reactions many feel they cannot handle.

People beg, they get angry, they get sad, they get embarrassed, they want the whys and wherefores and for many they just do not want to deal with that. Especially when they hardly know a person.

 

If you go into the centre of town and buy your morning rolls from a little baker shop daily, for about a week and then you change your mind and want a change, you do not go to the baker and say, "Well, your rolls are nice, but they do nothing for me anymore." as that is embarrassing and you would feel guilty.

You could get into a situation, where he bursts into tears and gives you a sob story or a discount or he gets really angry etc.

All highly awkward, so you just walk by his shop and buy your buns from someone else and ignore him.

If he stops you on the pavement and says "Why are you now ignoring me? My rolls not good enough any more?" You would think he was nuts.

 

YOU hardly know this girl, she owes you nothing, do not be the nutty baker.

[bachdude]

Male, what you fail to see is that sending her a text "thanking her for her maturity and how she just straight up ignored [you]" was more immature and worse treatment than what she did to you.

 

 

Why? Because you jumped to the conclusion that she ignored you before you had any facts. And you assumed her silence was all about you. The reality is she may truly have had reasons for not texting other than losing interest. After your angry, sarcastic text that made assumptions about her without any basis, she may have just answered she was "busy" without any details because she didn't think a text like that deserved a full explanation. It was actually nice of her to respond at all to your text.

 

 

I think for most people, getting a text like that would be a major red flag and if she was fading on you, it probably only confirmed in her mind she made the right decision.

 

 

There's the hard truth, Male. Not everything is about you.

Edited June 1, 2015 by bachdude

[Toodaloo]

Why is it OK for her to insult me by just disappearing and ignoring me but I'm not allowed to say a thing about it?

 

Its not. Nor is it OK for the countless number of guys who have done this to me either.

 

The way I look at it though is instead of getting angry - I am glad! I am glad that I found out early on that they have no manners and are rude. Saves me the hassle later on!

 

Do you WANT to date rude and ill mannered women??? If the answer is no then don't get het up about it.

 

If the answer is yes then book an appointment with a therapist!!!

[Keats]

You sound a bit judgemental, impatient and unable to figure out the culture of social media. It is not a place that has the same set up as rela life. There are different codes and definitely different expectations. You expect way too much from a few text messages. At that stage your no one. And I know polite people who ignore too. It is just the beast that is the internet.

 

It isn't nice, we all have to adapt to it. And in time learn we leanr not to take it personally.

 

That's the internet. The ignoring has it's place and simple explanations. Your just not privy to them.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Keats

[Male]

Male, what you fail to see is that sending her a text "thanking her for her maturity and how she just straight up ignored [you]" was more immature and worse treatment than what she did to you.

 

 

Why? Because you jumped to the conclusion that she ignored you before you had any facts. And you assumed her silence was all about you. The reality is she may truly have had reasons for not texting other than losing interest. After your angry, sarcastic text that made assumptions about her without any basis, she may have just answered she was "busy" without any details because she didn't think a text like that deserved a full explanation. It was actually nice of her to respond at all to your text.

 

 

I think for most people, getting a text like that would be a major red flag and if she was fading on you, it probably only confirmed in her mind she made the right decision.

 

 

There's the hard truth, Male. Not everything is about you.

 

All of you keep dismissing the main piece of evidence in this situation.

 

She specifically TOLD me to text her on Wednesday so we could talk on the phone.

 

If I had sent her a random text out of the blue, and she didnt reply to me THEN I would agree with all of you.

 

BUT....

-We had already established over the past week that we had a lot in common

-We already established multiple texting with good rapport back and forth

-We had already established that we wanted to talk on the phone

 

All until SHE just disappeared and stopped replying on the day that SHE told me to text her so we could set up a good time to talk.

 

The naysayers on here keep nitpicking individual aspects of the situation but not looking at THE CONTEXT of the situation as a whole. Just because we didnt meet yet doesnt mean her "word" means nothing. If someone tells me they want to talk to me on the phone on a specific day, than I expect them to follow through with that request.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Male

[autumnnight]

So you believe that your text in response would make her MORE interested. Is it common for you to do that?

[bachdude]

All of you keep dismissing the main piece of evidence in this situation.

 

She specifically TOLD me to text her on Wednesday so we could talk on the phone.

 

If I had sent her a random text out of the blue, and she didnt reply to me THEN I would agree with all of you.

 

BUT....

-We had already established over the past week that we had a lot in common

-We already established multiple texting with good rapport back and forth

-We had already established that we wanted to talk on the phone

 

All until SHE just disappeared and stopped replying on the day that SHE told me to text her so we could set up a good time to talk.

 

The naysayers on here keep nitpicking individual aspects of the situation but not looking at THE CONTEXT of the situation as a whole. Just because we didnt meet yet doesnt mean her "word" means nothing. If someone tells me they want to talk to me on the phone on a specific day, than I expect them to follow through with that request.

 

Male, I do get the whole context. I read the entire thread before I responded.

 

When dealing and interacting with other people, including those you would like to date, it is best not to rush to judgement and make accusations. How would you you have felt if her Mom was in the hospital or something like that and that was the reason she didn't respond? Pretty foolish, right? So your text was not a mature way to handle the situation.

 

It's better to text, "I just wanted to text to be sure everything is OK. I haven't heard from you in several says after we said we were going to talk. I hope you are OK".

 

And if she texts back and apologizes and says she was busy, I think the right thing to do is to take her word for it. Maybe it's something personal she doesn't want to share with you. At that point you can try to set up another time to talk. If she is not interested then you know not to pursue further.

Edited June 1, 2015 by bachdude

[Male]

So you believe that your text in response would make her MORE interested. Is it common for you to do that?

 

NO! My text was meant to let her know how I felt about her poor communication skills as an adult. I already wrote her off on Thursday(barring a courtesy text stating something happened..which I KNEW would never come).

 

 

Male, I do get the whole context. I read the entire thread before I responded.

 

When dealing and interacting with other people, including those you would like to date, it is best not to rush to judgement and make accusations. How would you you have felt if her Mom was in the hospital or something like that and that was the reason she didn't respond? Pretty foolish, right? So your text was not a mature way to handle the situation.

 

It's better to text, "I just wanted to text to be sure everything is OK. I haven't heard from you in several says after we said we were going to talk. I hope you are OK".

 

And if she texts back and apologizes and says she was busy, I think the right thing to do is to take her word for it. Maybe it's something personal she doesn't want to share with you. At that point you can try to set up another time to talk. If she is not interested then you know not to pursue further.

 

If something legitimately came up then there is no reason she couldnt send me a courtesy text within that 4 day period.

Theres no way anyone can argue around it. She either did it on purpose, or she lacks the common courtesy on how to communicate properly with someone.

 

If I never texted her on Saturday....how much longer do you think it would have been before she got back to me?

 

How many days need to go by before you figure something is up????

 

Unfortunately I've been doing this long enough to know when something is up. And every time I've called someone out on it I've been correct in my assumption. I'm sorry that I know how people act much more than the typical person. But I'm not one bit sorry for calling people out on it when they think its OK to treat someone different ONLY because we arent face to face.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Male

[misspond]

If you feel she lacks common courtesy then so be it. Let it go.

Edited June 1, 2015 by misspond

[eye of the storm]

My boss has a habit of coming up to me and "mentioning" a certification he thinks would be "nice" to have. I read between the lines and go full bore into studying. I don't call people, I don't go out, I study. I barely return texts from family members unless they are important. It isn't about the person texting me or my level of rudeness/politeness it is just that I am busy and focused. My friends/family know that I will eventually return all their texts and calls and do dinner.

 

I personally hate when I am cramming for a test and I get this text "hey, just checking to see what is going on, you haven't answered my texts and I saw you were on FB last night." Ummmm yea, 1. that smacks of stalking IMHO, 2. yes I chatted with someone other than you. 3. It was probably a friend who already has the cert I'm going for that is helping me study. 4. passive aggressive comment much? Now, to be polite I usually just send a text that says, "Busy cramming, I'll call soon" but this is people I have a relationship with. Which is something you don't have with them yet.

 

You have no clue what she (or any of these women) have going on in their lives. Yes they may be a b1tch, or they may just have things going on more important than you. You haven't even met them, why do you think you are a high priority?

 

As to missing texts, I just got an email this morning from a co-worker in TX wanting to know why I hadn't texted him back this weekend....I never got a text. He resent it, all is good. No rudeness from him or me.

[Male]

 

I personally hate when I am cramming for a test and I get this text "hey, just checking to see what is going on, you haven't answered my texts and I saw you were on FB last night." Ummmm yea, 1. that smacks of stalking IMHO, 2. yes I chatted with someone other than you. 3. It was probably a friend who already has the cert I'm going for that is helping me study. 4. passive aggressive comment much? Now, to be polite I usually just send a text that says, "Busy cramming, I'll call soon" but this is people I have a relationship with. Which is something you don't have with them yet.

 

You have no clue what she (or any of these women) have going on in their lives. Yes they may be a b1tch, or they may just have things going on more important than you. You haven't even met them, why do you think you are a high priority?

 

As to missing texts, I just got an email this morning from a co-worker in TX wanting to know why I hadn't texted him back this weekend....I never got a text. He resent it, all is good. No rudeness from him or me.

 

 

You still dont get it.

 

YOU just explained a completely different set of scenarios than what my situation is.

 

She told me to text her on Wednesday!!!

 

I did what SHE TOLD ME TO DO....and she never replied.

 

Your scenarios have are you receiving RANDOM texts from people while you are busy. TOTALLY different situation.

 

Why am I the only one that sees the HUGE difference in this??????

 

You guys are really reaching for any possible way to discredit my side of it...but nothing you come up with fits.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Male

[alsudduth]

Male, what you fail to see is that sending her a text "thanking her for her maturity and how she just straight up ignored [you]" was more immature and worse treatment than what she did to you.

 

 

Why? Because you jumped to the conclusion that she ignored you before you had any facts. And you assumed her silence was all about you. The reality is she may truly have had reasons for not texting other than losing interest. After your angry, sarcastic text that made assumptions about her without any basis, she may have just answered she was "busy" without any details because she didn't think a text like that deserved a full explanation. It was actually nice of her to respond at all to your text.

 

 

I think for most people, getting a text like that would be a major red flag and if she was fading on you, it probably only confirmed in her mind she made the right decision.

 

 

There's the hard truth, Male. Not everything is about you.

 

 

Exactly! This is my thought exactly!

[Male]

Male, what you fail to see is that sending her a text "thanking her for her maturity and how she just straight up ignored [you]" was more immature and worse treatment than what she did to you.

 

 

Why? Because you jumped to the conclusion that she ignored you before you had any facts. And you assumed her silence was all about you. The reality is she may truly have had reasons for not texting other than losing interest. After your angry, sarcastic text that made assumptions about her without any basis, she may have just answered she was "busy" without any details because she didn't think a text like that deserved a full explanation. It was actually nice of her to respond at all to your text.

 

Its irrelevant at that point if my text was more immature than hers. Thats a matter of opinion. She can think whatever she wants about it. It wasnt meant to heal the situation. It was sent to let her know how I felt. Labeling whose text was "more" immature than the other is immature in itself, like childish whining.

 

And I didnt jump to a conclusion. I want a person that communicates properly, the way I do. So technically it doesnt matter what the "reason" was for her going silent for 4 days. I wrote her off because of the silence without being cordial enough to contact me, not because of the reason behind it.

 

If someone in a dating scenario TELLS ME to contact them for a specific reason on a specific day, and they dont get back to me for 4 days, and arent dead, or in the hospital, than its over for me. Period. There is absolutely no reason that she couldnt take 5 secs out of those 96 hours to send me a text out of common courtesy.

Edited June 2, 2015 by Male

[kjohn]

If someone in a dating scenario TELLS ME to contact them for a specific reason on a specific day, and they dont get back to me for 4 days, and arent dead, or in the hospital, than its over for me. Period. There is absolutely no reason that she couldnt take 5 secs out of those 96 hours to send me a text out of common courtesy.

 

Then why not just move on with your life?

 

Why stoop to her level of perceived rudeness and send a nasty text?

 

And, truthfully.....it's not over for you because all these many days later you are still talking about it and letting it bother you.

 

It would be nice if you would actually get over it and move on with your life because, at this point, it really just seems that this entire thread is just fueled by your overwhelming need to be right.

[autumnnight]

It is frustrating when someone does not exhibit what seems obvious to us a common courtesy, emotional intelligence, empathy, understanding, tact, etc. There can be a whole list of things that are obvious to us that others just do not seem to get or care to get.

 

I have figured out that no matter how you try or how you put it, you are just never going to be able to change people.

 

The best thing to do is roll your eyes, chalk it up to them being clueless, and move on.

 

That would probably be the best thing to do with this girl and any other who did not meet your expectation.

[Cowboysnation]

I never heard of arranging a phone call through text messaging. You have the number already so just pick up and call her.

[trippi1432]

I never heard of arranging a phone call through text messaging. You have the number already so just pick up and call her.

 

I'd say in today's world of dating, the "game" of getting the phone number from the girl to call her is about the same; today, it's just via text messaging or OLD chatting. If you are texting, you have the number, but it's still respectful to "arrange" the call.

 

I agree getting to really know a person is via talking on the phone and spending time face to face, but just starting out, I prefer texting or chatting to get a "feel" for them. The problem with that being the only source of communication is that text can easily be taken out of context.

 

I would say not to get your "hopes up" about anything (texting, talking on the phone, going on a date) until both "parties" are on the same page about moving to some sort of an exclusive relationship.