ladybug375 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. A few weeks ago he meet a girl at work. We've been wanting a threesome. He wanted her to be the girl. He's expressed how he also wanted to have a side thing with her. For about 3 weeks we've been fighting having good times trying to work through all this. He hasn't done anything with the girl. I basically told him it's me or her. Not both. He has fears that it may not work with them. First off she's 12 years younger than him. He told me last night that he doesn't want to give up on us, also wants to see how things go with her. And make her a possible girlfriend. If both relationships work keep both of us around. Should I just throw everything that him and I have away and allow him to see the other girl. When they don't work back. Give him another chance? He wants us to remain friends if the relationship ends. We both want the friendship. Should I make the suggestion that him and I are putting our realtionship on hold and he should date the two of us. Either way, I know it's going to hurt is somehow. I don't know if I should allow him having both or be the better person and walk way and let him see if he's making a mistake. He's only know her for about a month. She has a lot of drama in her life drawing with 2 of her exes. And one been trying to get her back, not to mention he's the controlling type. I kind of feel she may not take him seriously and end up hurting him. She may not want the same thing as what he's wanting. She may not go for him seeing us both. I've never had this happen in a realtionship. He says he wants us both for certain reasons. Some things I can give, she can't. And she can give things I can't. The main thing she has to offer is having a child with him. Which we know if they ended he may not have the child in his life. I told him to think about it, make a list on why he want me, and wants her. He does have fears him and her won't work out, this's why he's wanting to keep me around. If I'm the one he chooses how do I get over all the hurt. With this situation, I've been feeling insecure about myself. And he's shown everytjhg I've been feeling is true. How could I get past all this and be with him. I've noticed it's affecting our sex life. we have a wonderful time when we're not fighting about her. Please help.
elaine567 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Basically he has lined up a replacement for you, a younger model, but he doesn't have the courage to completely end it with you and go ahead with her. He is keeping you in reserve, in case it doesn't work out with her. If it works out, I guess you will not see him for dust. 2
Male Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 My personal opinion....when a guy says he "wants us to have a threesome"..... He really means "I want to F*** this girl, but I know you wont let me so I'll pretend to want a threesome and include you so I can get what I want" 1
stillafool Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I don't understand is he the only man in your town and you are forced to share him? Let him go with her because he's going to have sex with her anyway regardless of what you say; and you find another boyfriend. No sharing because I promise you you will be the one on the losing end.
davidromero43 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 He is trying to put you on the bench. Do you want to be on the bench? I would think it is time to change teams. You can be a starter if you want. You just have to make the change. Tell him you are too valuable to live your life with his team. You are a free agent and leaving. Get in the gym. Feel better about yourself.
Toodaloo Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 In light of your previous post I think you need to put your foot down and be prepared to break this off. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/529184-what-should-i-think-about No man is worth the stress he is currently putting you through. He is aware you feel uncomfortable and that you don't want this so now he is pushing again?? Not good. Ladybug get rid. This is a man looking for an excuse to cheat and when it hurts you he wants to come back and tell you "but you said it was OK!". he is currently trying to wear you down. Do not let him. Kick his ass to the curb.
understand50 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. A few weeks ago he meet a girl at work. We've been wanting a threesome. He wanted her to be the girl. He's expressed how he also wanted to have a side thing with her. For about 3 weeks we've been fighting having good times trying to work through all this. He hasn't done anything with the girl. I basically told him it's me or her. Not both. He has fears that it may not work with them. First off she's 12 years younger than him. He told me last night that he doesn't want to give up on us, also wants to see how things go with her. And make her a possible girlfriend. If both relationships work keep both of us around. Should I just throw everything that him and I have away and allow him to see the other girl. When they don't work back. Give him another chance? He wants us to remain friends if the relationship ends. We both want the friendship. Should I make the suggestion that him and I are putting our realtionship on hold and he should date the two of us. Either way, I know it's going to hurt is somehow. I don't know if I should allow him having both or be the better person and walk way and let him see if he's making a mistake. He's only know her for about a month. She has a lot of drama in her life drawing with 2 of her exes. And one been trying to get her back, not to mention he's the controlling type. I kind of feel she may not take him seriously and end up hurting him. She may not want the same thing as what he's wanting. She may not go for him seeing us both. I've never had this happen in a realtionship. He says he wants us both for certain reasons. Some things I can give, she can't. And she can give things I can't. The main thing she has to offer is having a child with him. Which we know if they ended he may not have the child in his life. I told him to think about it, make a list on why he want me, and wants her. He does have fears him and her won't work out, this's why he's wanting to keep me around. If I'm the one he chooses how do I get over all the hurt. With this situation, I've been feeling insecure about myself. And he's shown everytjhg I've been feeling is true. How could I get past all this and be with him. I've noticed it's affecting our sex life. we have a wonderful time when we're not fighting about her. Please help. Ladybug, You are not a piece of meat to be kept around until he decides that he wont's you. You are worth more then this. If I were you, I would let him know it is me, or the other, and no compromise. Unless of course, you are willing to have a open relationship? Are you? Because that is what is being asked. Can you find a FWB if he has his? Do you wont a marriage? Stand up for yourself, you are worth more then this. Wish you luck. 965
Author ladybug375 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 I've already told him he needs to make a choice. It's not going to be both. When he chooses her over me and it doesn't work out he threw it all away for nothing. I did bring up an open realtionship. He's says no to me doing it. He wants me all to him self. We've talked about getting married and are in the process of buying a house together. We have an awesome friendship and I don't want to loose that. We agreed to remain friends in the end. He's making a decision by this weekend. He hasn't talked to the girl at all about what he wants. He doesn't know how she feels or would want when it comes to him. She may turn him down all together. This is why I thought about him dating us both. This way I can try and find someone else. If he ends up choosing me, things will change in our realtionship. I already told him a threesome will never take place, and I'm done exploring my bi side. He knows how I feel about the whole situation. That I'm not being the back burner girl or having an open realtionship. By him doing this he's showing me he doesn't really care about me, doesn't love me, doesn't respect me. He's pushing me away and making me have feels of hate towards him. Also he's mentioned if we stayed friends, we would still have sex doesn't care he's with someone else. It's all looking too familiar on how we met. He was looking for a third at the time. The other girl ended up with someone else. They still talked until she moved out of state 3 months ago. I see everyone's point on this. Even my friends have told me to dumb his ass. I'm really thinking on being the better person and walking away. Be friends and that's it. When it doesn't work. Not say anything. And not take him back at all.
elaine567 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Get out of buying a house together ASAP, no-one who is seriously thinking of getting married should be talking about side-pieces and keeping the woman he supposedly loves on the back burner while he plays away. YOU say he is a good friend what kind of friend would treat you like this? Wake up. Do not wait, make his decision for him. 3
Davey L Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Don't wait for him to make his "decision" this weekend - walk away now. You are already his back-up plan. 1
preraph Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 If you stick around for this, you have no self-respect. He's looking for your replacement. He likes you but not for the long term. Don't you want a guy who is looking at you as THE one? Dump this guy and let him stop expecting you to put his wittle feelings first. Who are you, his mommy? You don't stick around for you man to cheat right under your nose! Move out if you're living with him. If you're not living with him, start dating. 1
Author ladybug375 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 Thanks all. I have made up my mind. We are seeing each other tonight. I'll just let him know it's over between us. Good luck with her. Hope it all works out, if not don't come back to me. Ill just look for a place for myself and not worry about him. Good thing is, I'm pretty much over a lot of the hurt. This has been going on for about 3 weeks. I'm even thinking about changing my number. I don't know if I could honestly have a friendship with him after this. If so it would be months down the road. 4
understand50 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Thanks all. I have made up my mind. We are seeing each other tonight. I'll just let him know it's over between us. Good luck with her. Hope it all works out, if not don't come back to me. Ill just look for a place for myself and not worry about him. Good thing is, I'm pretty much over a lot of the hurt. This has been going on for about 3 weeks. I'm even thinking about changing my number. I don't know if I could honestly have a friendship with him after this. If so it would be months down the road. Ladybug, Bravo, YOU ARE WORTH IT. Find a guy that will love and respect you. They are out there. 14201422
Blueimp11 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 WHAT DO YOU WANT? This scares me. A lot! A lot of people feel this need to be loyal and yet here you are on the short end of that stick. Time has profound effects on people. It sux and it really really does moving on from someone that you loved and cared for so much. SIMPLE... If you want to have a threesome or dont care that he does it. Bang get it on!! If however, you just cant comprehend this relationship, TALK TO TO HIM, share your concerns. And if he chooses to still bring it up, move on. Look logically for just a moment. Lets say you spend the rest of your life with this guy. Do you really want DECADES of dealing with this ****. Some people are open to it others are not. Choose your stand, stick with it and move forward.
sandylee1 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Thanks all. I have made up my mind. We are seeing each other tonight. I'll just let him know it's over between us. Good luck with her. Hope it all works out, if not don't come back to me. Ill just look for a place for myself and not worry about him. Good thing is, I'm pretty much over a lot of the hurt. This has been going on for about 3 weeks. I'm even thinking about changing my number. I don't know if I could honestly have a friendship with him after this. If so it would be months down the road. Very smart move. He's a cheeky fella wanting you on the subs bench eh.
Toodaloo Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Ladybug, Bravo, YOU ARE WORTH IT. Find a guy that will love and respect you. They are out there. 14201422 I am just highlighting this sentiment. This man is just constantly pushing you to get what HE wants. Even when you discuss breaking up he says he will still have sex with you regardless of who else he sleeps with??? Seriously??? You are more than a hole between 2 legs! I for one am really pleased that you are treating yourself as so much more than he is. You go girl. Its not easy and it hurts but there are FAR better guys out there. 1
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