Tayla Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Is this what the Hippies practiced in the 60's? Maybe I'm not understanding the full dynamics of this... Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 (edited) I don't know if I could ever seriously consider a poly relationship for myself, personally I just might as well be single but I would probably damn well near graze the surface of it. However I think open relationships or consensual FWB types of scenarios are almost like poly relationships, except they're not official relationships...but they can still be mutual agreements, respectful and more than about sex. You are sleeping with someone else and it's not a secret but not necessarily the topic of the day, and then there's "cheating" which a ton of people do as well. In reality I think people often sleep with more than one person in the dating world or just nearly overlapping, as with many women I have seen jump in bed from man to man...she considers herself a one man kinda girl with high moral character and values because she doesn't sleep with two guys at the EXACT same time, but it's damn near close enough...it begs the question of how self-righteous people truly are in their justification of morality. The lines are very much muddied, and people often consider right and wrong according to labels and classifications, rather than behavior and state-of-mind...which I think is a poor justification of morality, there's a lot more that people think but never do and yet consider themselves exceptional people for it, the line is thinner than people realize to cross. As far as the poly people I have met and come across in my lifetime or OLD, and what not...they're never really that attractive of people to me (don't know why, maybe just a coincidence), typically very average looking and often a bit eccentric/quirky/odd, kind of a weird psychological/mental state...don't typically see any kind of attractive qualities within them personally, at least any that I have met. I'm typically much more attracted to the traditional minded type of women anyway, could just be the open behavior of these women also turns me off quite a bit. I'm born and raised in Los Angeles, I don't think there's a type of person or lifestyle I haven't seen yet...but poly people always seem to be quite frankly "weird", and Los Angeles weird...not like wearing a banana on your head which would be considered not that amusing in LA...and swingers as well are a bit strange. Like if there is two blocks missing in their mind, so that it takes the mental process from stage one to stage four for them immediately and there no conscious thought process taking place, it's all in the moment type of thinking...and they tend to be quite jovial about it all and the lifestyle. So I'd say I'm more turned off by the culture of it, as well as the "state of mind" and the kind of the people I have met like this...just feels like they're missing a few screws, I can't take them seriously, intellectually or what not. They may be intellectuals, just not very smart. Edited May 26, 2015 by Ninjainpajamas Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I can't take them seriously, intellectually or what not. They may be intellectuals, just not very smart. Intelligence does not reflect a person's values, morals, characters and/or beliefs... The desire to do certain things sexually is not a measure of a person's intelligence...what they consider "taboo" or not is related to religious beliefs and/or what they consider moral/amoral, values, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if many poly peeps did not have a faith base and/or some cultish faith base. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 (edited) Some of the responses in this thread are so indicative of an "if I don't understand/agree with/get it, it's ok to condemn and ridicule it" mentality. I actually think polyamorous relationships are a far better, more honest and Natural form of behaviour than the socially and religiously faux-moral monogamous one is. People are banging on about the unnaturalness and unintelligent essences of polyamory but given the overwhelmingly copious incidences of cheating and infidelity on this forum, one has to ask which is the most logical approach, then...? There is very little practical and emotional logic to promising to stick with one person alone. The countless threads on this site are evidence of that. Not your bag? Fine. But don't knock it. It's a growing trend and people are making it work, because actually, it's a lot more natural than the alternative. People just have to get past the ingrained and tenacious conditioning they have been influenced by. Edited May 26, 2015 by TaraMaiden2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 It just means you are adequately open minded enough to know that committing physically to one single person for the rest if your life, is a completely unreasonable and impossible demand. Is it completely unreasonable and impossible? I think there are plenty of people who would disagree with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I wouldn't want to be with a man who could accept that I was with other men. I'm insecure I guess, but I'm not budging. For the happy people in poly relationships, good for them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Some of the responses in this thread are so indicative of an "if I don't understand/agree with/get it, it's ok to condemn and ridicule it" mentality. I actually think polyamorous relationships are a far better, more honest and Natural form of behaviour than the socially and religiously faux-moral monogamous one is. People are banging on about the unnaturalness and unintelligent essences of polyamory but given the overwhelmingly copious incidences of cheating and infidelity on this forum, one has to ask which is the most logical approach, then...? There is very little practical and emotional logic to promising to stick with one person alone. The countless threads on this site are evidence of that. Not your bag? Fine. But don't knock it. It's a growing trend and people are making it work, because actually, it's a lot more natural than the alternative. People just have to get past the ingrained and tenacious conditioning they have been influenced by. Well yes, it's not necessarily surprising how a community will act with their preconceived notions or opinions about something...I deal with it everyday, not even a thought outside of the "box". However, speaking form personal experience and interactions...rather than just the "idea", I have to say if those people were representative of how that culture/community functions (for the sake of comparison), i find it as dysfunctional as the idea of marriage. Meaning, what it's supposed to be, and what it is...are two separate things. Now, that depends on your perspective I suppose, but from an objective and outside perspective, nothing is alluring about either idea to me...after all, it's not as if people soul-search about what exactly they want outside of a moment or what not, they just already have a mind that is made up without any questioning...that's how most people function. The threads are indicative of many things, peoples dysfunction, their miscalculations but most importantly their inability to accept what is. I think personally "realistically" that monogamy works for most people, however for the short-term. It's not intended to be a "death do us part" kind of system...by then the butterflies, the "magic" and the principles, morals or views of why those two people stick together completely changes...and if it's for practical or emotional needs, I think as a society we should do better than that...we shouldn't have to fulfill so many needs only through a relationship, needs which often do not get met...hence polyamory. It's a confusion of the state of things, not a solution. I doubt most of those people will end up together in the end, regardless of that perfect polyamory love triangle...long term in itself, just often doesn't work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I'm essentially living a 99% traditional, monogamous marriage now (meaning we used to be swingers and are still open to it if something falls in our lap, but aren't pursuing anything anymore) but back in our swinging days we did know some poly people. Poly can work fine for some people. Some people are incapable of being with only one and will always default to having more than one partner. Poly can be just as connected, just as committed and just as devoted as any other relationship/marriage. Many poly people are NOT promiscuous and are not into "free love" or anything like that. Many are in committed, exclusive relationships - they are just committed to more than one person but are only with those people. Poly is different than swinging and can even be different from open marriage in that many poly relationships are closed, they just involve more than two people. IMHO the success or failure of a poly relationship depends inversely on the degree of possesiveness of people involved. If someone demands their partners full attention be on them, they probably won't tolerate a poly R very well. The immediate knee-jerk reaction people have to the mention of poly is that they couldn't handle their partners love and attention being subdivided to other people. What the poly folks actually report though is that the introduction of other people into the mix actually adds more love to the household rather than dividing it. It's kind of like when a couple has more than one children. Does the arrival of the second child reduce the parents love and devotion to the first? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 If everyone is on the same page, it's fine, I guess, but don't agree to it if you get jealous or if you require a lot of one-on-one time or if you simply don't like the premise for any reason. One relationship is hard enough to balance, so for that reason I think successful polyamory where everyone is content would be very rare. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 The consensus on poly relationships seem to fall within a specific categorization - those tolerant of non-traditional relationships and those who aren't. For people who aren't comfortable with non-traditional relationships judgment is passed quite readily, often times with daggers being thrown in the direction of people whose views and lifestyles differ from their own for whatever reason...moral compass, religious beliefs, unrealistic expectations, etc. If you have a problem with that lifestyle and it's not for you, that's fine, don't explore that world. Sure, everyone is entitled to their opinion just as everyone has preferences. We could make a list that goes on forever: tall vs short, thin vs thick, blond vs brown, small boobs vs large, small penis vs large, etc., etc, etc... Opinions vary, preferences vary, but that doesn't mean your lifestyle or preferences are superior to that of an individual living an alternative lifestyle. Do poly relationships work? Yes, they do. Actually, they work more cohesively than you may think. Individuals in successful poly relationships have defined boundaries, which really isn't much different than monogamous relationships where both individuals agree to commit to their counterpart, and only their counterpart. Both situations have boundaries, so really, not a lot of difference there...poly is more flexible and inclusive whereas monogamy is staunchly limited. The thing I find most interesting in poly relationships is that the participants are much more tolerant of others and jealousy rarely exists. They're comfortable with who they are and aren't fearful that their partners will leave them bc they looked at or spoke to an attractive person. If anything, I find them more inclined to be open and honest with each other, and admit an outside interest has arisen because they trust each other and don't fear abandonment in the same way monogamous couples do. Differences and lack of understanding do not equal wrong! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I'm essentially living a 99% traditional, monogamous marriage now (meaning we used to be swingers and are still open to it if something falls in our lap, but aren't pursuing anything anymore) but back in our swinging days we did know some poly people. Poly can work fine for some people. Some people are incapable of being with only one and will always default to having more than one partner. Poly can be just as connected, just as committed and just as devoted as any other relationship/marriage. Many poly people are NOT promiscuous and are not into "free love" or anything like that. Many are in committed, exclusive relationships - they are just committed to more than one person but are only with those people. Poly is different than swinging and can even be different from open marriage in that many poly relationships are closed, they just involve more than two people. IMHO the success or failure of a poly relationship depends inversely on the degree of possesiveness of people involved. If someone demands their partners full attention be on them, they probably won't tolerate a poly R very well. The immediate knee-jerk reaction people have to the mention of poly is that they couldn't handle their partners love and attention being subdivided to other people. What the poly folks actually report though is that the introduction of other people into the mix actually adds more love to the household rather than dividing it. It's kind of like when a couple has more than one children. Does the arrival of the second child reduce the parents love and devotion to the first? Appreciate this commentary. It carries alot of what it is not , can you or someone please define it though? Otherwise all I can come up with is that The Golden Girls were then poly since its about getting along and not sexual. I think that i have stayed back in expressing any view because its a topic that has led into directions without having a defined center. If one is dating more then one person are they then practicing poly? clarify please? Link to post Share on other sites
rachel66 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I'm poly. I'm in love with my husband and my lover of 9 years. I also have a relationship with two other men so I guess my relationship falls into the category of polyandry. My husband is very accepting of our lifestyle choice and he now identifies as being bisexual. We aren't swingers and my male partners are regulars and I'm not dating or looking for any more partners now. We now are comfortable with our hotwife/cuckold status. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Not to nitpick but I wouldn't call that poly exactly. More like 'multi,' haha. Just having a bunch of sexual partners while in a relationship is an open relationship. Polyamorous (yeah maybe polyandry is right - never heard that term) is having multiple concurrent romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I have had the opportunity more than once to be in a polyamorous and/ or open relationship. I am not the jealous type at all. The arrangement just never made sense to me. Every relationship has rules. Even the poly ones. So, IMHO, it is just easier to be having sex or a romantic relationship with one person. I really don't have the energy to deal with all the other junk and drama. I see it with the teams I manage. With every additional person you add to the mix, the more negotiation and communication is required to make it work well. Blech. Don't need it. I have male friends and I have female friends. I don't see the need to have sex with all of them to solidify anything. The people I have met who were in those relationships seemed to have other deep seated issues that kept them from bonding with another person, and the multiple romantic entanglements was their drug of choice. Just my 0.02 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Not what I would want to do but as long as everybody is honest and knows the score I have no issue with it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Is it completely unreasonable and impossible? I think there are plenty of people who would disagree with that. No it isn't. If you were correct, you'd still be with the first person you ever went out with, professed to love and committed to. You have participated in multiple-partner dating. It's just that you did it consecutively. Others can do it concurrently.... to simplify it. Link to post Share on other sites
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