Fiance cheated while I was deployed

[RobbieA]

I don't understand...

 

She said that her friends were jealous, which mean she claims they lied.

 

But she also said that you've never paid attention to her, that is an excuse for her cheating which she admits.

 

So, does she admit her cheating or not?

 

In the conversation we had, I never really gave her the chance to come out and say it, plus the vibe I got was she wanted to, but I shut her down.

[lolablue17]

In the conversation we had, I never really gave her the chance to come out and say it, plus the vibe I got was she wanted to, but I shut her down.

 

It takes only 2 sec to say "these were all lies" + "I'm innocent i didn't do it".

I tried it now and it took 1 sec.

[RobbieA]

It takes only 2 sec to say "these were all lies" + "I'm innocent i didn't do it".

I tried it now and it took 1 sec.

 

That would be contradictory to her statements that she made. If she didn't cheat she wouldn't of made the "You Never" comments. Sometimes some people don't have to say the words, it is the other things that they say that implicates their guilt.

 

Not to mention that she was hysterical crying.

[lolablue17]

That would be contradictory to her statements that she made. If she didn't cheat she wouldn't of made the "You Never" comments. Sometimes some people don't have to say the words, it is the other things that they say that implicates their guilt.

 

Not to mention that she was hysterical crying.

 

Understood.

She admitted, without words.

[Chi townD]

That would be contradictory to her statements that she made. If she didn't cheat she wouldn't of made the "You Never" comments. Sometimes some people don't have to say the words, it is the other things that they say that implicates their guilt.

 

Not to mention that she was hysterical crying.

 

Good point, if she was innocent she would have started out with, "I don't know what you heard, but they are lying." Not "you never". Very good point.

 

 

Dude, you sound like you have a handle on things right now and that's awesome. But, in the coming days and weeks after things have settled, you're going on a ride and that's the emotional roller coaster. You're going to have a lot of up's and down's. Just keep in mind that there will be people here to listen.

[merrmeade]

I don't understand...

 

She said that her friends were jealous, which mean she claims they lied.

 

But she also said that you've never paid attention to her, that is an excuse for her cheating which she admits.

 

So, does she admit her cheating or not?

It's not an unfair question about the proof, but we're not in a position to second-guess. He's got all the information and found corroborating circumstances.

[Satu]

 

I don't think cheating is a mistake at all. I think it is a conscious choice fueled by emotional weakness and a few other factors.

 

One thing is absolutely certain:

 

 

They do it because they want to.

 

 

Nobody and nothing else makes them do it.

[writergal]

Let her be bitter, she made her bed, now she has to sleep in it. I washed my hands with her and she should know that I am not messing around. I canceled a very expensive wedding.

 

If me being so far away was such a burden on her mind, there is a thing called communication skills.

 

I have come to far in life to be disrespected, especially the way she disrespected me. I have read stories where couples work things out after cheating, and that is their prerogative and I respect that. But me. I like to think that I deserve better. Why should I settle when I am worth a lot more ?

 

I don't think cheating is a mistake at all. I think it is a conscious choice fueled by emotional weakness and a few other factors.

 

I agree with you. People who cheat do it because they WANT TO. No one forced them to cheat (certainly not their own spouse). Cheating is a conscious choice for sure.

 

Life is about the choices we make. Your ex-fiance clearly made the wrong choice.

 

Fortunately you are free and clear of her now. Stay strong soldier! After the dust from this trauma clears, you may experience an emotional rollercoaster but that's to be expected. Your support system (and a therapist if you want to go that route) will help you stay on course, as you navigate your life without your ex-fiance in it.

[sandylee1]

Well as I was leaving to go the gym, she was outside waiting for me. This was unavoidable, and on her terms. Although I was striving for not seeing her at all, there was nothing I can do. It was a short ten minute conversation. I kept my cool and here are some snippets of what was said.

 

* Her - Why would you bail on something so good.

 

ON WHAT PLANET IS A CHEATING FIANCÉE GOOD?

 

How can you hurt me by canceling our wedding.

 

HOW CAN YOU HURT ME BY SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER MAN?

 

 

* Me - There is no explanation, save your breath, you will need it to blow up your date later.

 

^^^EXCELLENT. WELL SAID.

 

I never want to see you again, it is a simple concept. You are not marriage nor mother material. Please never contact me again, if you show up again, I will not hesitate to call the Police. Have a great life and best of luck.

 

Robbie, you handled this perfectly. Well done.

[kenji_t]

She's the worst type of person, the one that tries to justify her toxic actions by throwing guilt on others.

 

Let her moan and throw all the tantrums she wants to.

 

You're doing great, man.

[RobbieA]

So, I didn't ask for this, but her ex-friend provided me proof that she had an abortion. It is a piece of paper, kind of luck after the procedure she needs to be signed out into someones care.

 

It seems my ex has been telling people I cheated on her ? Really? With who? A camel?

 

I didn't ask for a picture of this paper which looks 100% legit with her name, date, and other information.

 

Her friend gave it to me because she didn't want her smearing my name. Why are so many people going to bat for me ?

[writergal]

So, I didn't ask for this, but her ex-friend provided me proof that she had an abortion. It is a piece of paper, kind of luck after the procedure she needs to be signed out into someones care.

 

It seems my ex has been telling people I cheated on her ? Really? With who? A camel?

 

I didn't ask for a picture of this paper which looks 100% legit with her name, date, and other information.

 

Her friend gave it to me because she didn't want her smearing my name. Why are so many people going to bat for me ?

 

Because you clearly are a good guy with good, moral character. What other reason could there be?

[No Limit]

Incredible what cheaters come up with. Perhaps we should go from thread to thread, collect the reported cheater reactions and add them to a pinned thread. Then after every year rate those reactions and make up charts: from "pitiful" to "off the chart ridiculous". Wonder what it feels like having your life come crashing down and losing a hell lot of friends; I pity the poor sap she'll try to trap next.

[66Charger]

Right now everyone is applauding you, but only you will experience the pain and self doubt that is sure to come

 

You need to shut this down quickly.

 

You don't need to relive any of this nor get more tidbits of info. Hearing more crap and keeping it alive will not help. Let everyone know you have heard enough and take your leave.

 

Show your strength. Skip the pain/greiving faze and move on.

 

IMHO

[Darren Steez]

Let her be bitter, she made her bed, now she has to sleep in it. I washed my hands with her and she should know that I am not messing around. I canceled a very expensive wedding.

 

If me being so far away was such a burden on her mind, there is a thing called communication skills.

 

I have come to far in life to be disrespected, especially the way she disrespected me. I have read stories where couples work things out after cheating, and that is their prerogative and I respect that. But me. I like to think that I deserve better. Why should I settle when I am worth a lot more ?

 

I don't think cheating is a mistake at all. I think it is a conscious choice fueled by emotional weakness and a few other factors.

 

Ahh the two most important pieces to factor in about cheating. Disrespect and cheating is not a mistake.

And it's telling by her way of not respecting your decision or respecting your bounderies that she trulydoesn't have your best interests at heart.

 

I'd think her explanations/justifications are disrespectful as they are insulting your intelligence. Her beef is not so much you and her not getting married, her beef is the cancellation of the ceremony and having to tell everybody why it was cancelled. She's embarrassed but not embarrassed for hurting you.

[Chi townD]

So, I didn't ask for this, but her ex-friend provided me proof that she had an abortion. It is a piece of paper, kind of luck after the procedure she needs to be signed out into someones care.

 

It seems my ex has been telling people I cheated on her ? Really? With who? A camel?

 

I didn't ask for a picture of this paper which looks 100% legit with her name, date, and other information.

 

Her friend gave it to me because she didn't want her smearing my name. Why are so many people going to bat for me ?

 

 

WHAT?!??!? When? AFTER you outed her? How frickin convenient!

 

 

Doing her best to save face. Geez, she's a real winner!

[sandylee1]

So, I didn't ask for this, but her ex-friend provided me proof that she had an abortion. It is a piece of paper, kind of luck after the procedure she needs to be signed out into someones care.

 

It seems my ex has been telling people I cheated on her ? Really? With who? A camel?

 

I didn't ask for a picture of this paper which looks 100% legit with her name, date, and other information.

 

Her friend gave it to me because she didn't want her smearing my name. Why are so many people going to bat for me ?

 

Predictable that she would turn the tables and say you were cheating, I said this a few pages back. Luckily you've already told her family. She's ashamed and is lying to save her reputation or what's left of it. Too bad she didn't realise what a good guy she had. Her parents must be so embarrassed and ashamed of her. She should focus on that, leave you alone and stop the lies.

 

She's very lucky you don't show her abortion evidence to those she's lied to.

 

This former friend of your Ex has morals and her conscience couldn't let this facade continue. Those morals are clearly lacking in cheaters. It must have pi***D her off that there are so many decent single girls and her friend has a good man who she's cheating on. Then in typical cheater style, no protection is used leading to pregnancies and Std's.

 

You're well rid of her and you're doing great. Your sisters will help you through.

[writergal]

Ahh the two most important pieces to factor in about cheating. Disrespect and cheating is not a mistake.

And it's telling by her way of not respecting your decision or respecting your bounderies that she trulydoesn't have your best interests at heart.

 

I'd think her explanations/justifications are disrespectful as they are insulting your intelligence. Her beef is not so much you and her not getting married, her beef is the cancellation of the ceremony and having to tell everybody why it was cancelled. She's embarrassed but not embarrassed for hurting you.

 

+1 Darren! This is spot on from an outsider's perspective. Cheaters are only sorry they got caught and have to endure the public humiliation that their actions caused. They aren't actually *sorry* for hurting the other person. Cheaters are very self-centered. Their ego's mantra is, "me, me, me!"

[RobbieA]

Let me start out by reiterating that I appreciate all her ex friends have done for me, opening my eyes, providing me with indisputable tangible evidence, and saving me from marrying Satan. With that being said, I do not need anymore information at this time. I don't care how she is doing, I don't want to know anything else. Sure I still love her, I cannot turn that off, but I cannot lie to myself.

 

I am going to delicately tell her friends that they don't need to be so vigilant anymore, without hurting their feelings.

 

Now I am preparing for the next phase, me me me, and only me.

[10thengineerharrison]

 

* Her - There really is an explanation for all of this. You hurt me. You never pay attention to me.

 

Why is this so common as the best defense (instead of at least a pathetic attempt at an apology)?

 

If she felt hurt and that you didn't pay enough attention to her, she's already found someone who does and got knocked up by him. Why didn't that satisfy her, and why does she now think you will?

 

There is, of course, no logical explanation for any of it.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[RobbieA]

Why is this so common as the best defense (instead of at least a pathetic attempt at an apology)?

 

If she felt hurt and that you didn't pay enough attention to her, she's already found someone who does and got knocked up by him. Why didn't that satisfy her, and why does she now think you will?

 

There is, of course, no logical explanation for any of it.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

 

I am not going to try and figure out why she did it, it is meaningless. Some people are just wired to be terrible people.

[merrmeade]

It's irrefutable proof. You don't need to convince anyone else. It's adding insult to injury. So, so very sorry.

[RobbieA]

I am the one who should be sorry. How can I not see the warning signs? If there were any?

 

I am usually a good judge of character, spot on in most cases. We didn't rush into anything. We were friends first. Then dating. We took things slowly. I never saw any signs or areas of her life or personality/character that were of concern.

 

How did I let her pull the wool over my eyes ?

[JS84]

She's doing damage control. She must have really pissed off her friends to have them turn on her.

[writergal]

I am the one who should be sorry. How can I not see the warning signs? If there were any?

 

I am usually a good judge of character, spot on in most cases. We didn't rush into anything. We were friends first. Then dating. We took things slowly. I never saw any signs or areas of her life or personality/character that were of concern.

 

How did I let her pull the wool over my eyes ?

 

You actually answered this question in your previous post:

 

Some people are just wired to be terrible people.

 

That's the best answer. Thousands of articles and books have been written and psychological research studies have been done to answer this exact question.

 

The answer is just what you said: some people are just wired to be terrible people. You didn't do anything wrong.