today is rough, missing him. trying to be strong

[GoldieLox]

He does not have a right to be mad you had sex with someone else, just as you do not have any right to be mad at him because he had sex with his wife.... you are not in a relationship or married, end of story. He's nothing but a control freak.

[KissofGrace]

He does not have a right to be mad you had sex with someone else, just as you do not have any right to be mad at him because he had sex with his wife.... you are not in a relationship or married, end of story. He's nothing but a control freak.

 

Well he sure does seem to think so (that he can be mad) because we were "committed" that is always his ammunition. "you lied, you cheated first, you betrayed me, you made me a fool, you you you..." always MY fault. I honestly wasn't mad about the reveal that he had had sex with his wife at the beginning of our "commitment" i suppose that i could say i was so into my shame and guilt that i felt i had no right to be upset. I did clarify that if we were committed, then technically he cheated first. which of course pissed him off even more.

Goldielox, i see now that it was never a real relationship, contrary to what i wanted to believe and did. he is married and none of that ever makes it ok, NEVER. not for me anyways, but in my rationalization frame of mind, of course it was. that's the way it always works, sadly.

i see the control aspect of this even more, every time i share here and others give there opinions, the light bulb has gone on and OMG the things i see now are both enlightening and painful. It's a long road ahead...thank you for your comment! the words i read here are powerful.

Edited May 23, 2015 by KissofGrace
typos

[Satu]

Well he sure does seem to think so (that he can be mad) because we were "committed" that is always his ammunition. "you lied, you cheated first, you betrayed me, you made me a fool, you you you..." always MY fault. I honestly wasn't mad about the reveal that he had had sex with his wife at the beginning of our "commitment" i suppose that i could say i was so into my shame and guilt that i felt i had no right to be upset. I did clarify that if we were committed, then technically he cheated first. which of course pissed him off even more.

Goldielox, i see now that it was never a real relationship, contrary to what i wanted to believe and did. he is married and none of that ever makes it ok, NEVER. not for me anyways, but in my rationalization frame of mind, of course it was. that's the way it always works, sadly.

i see the control aspect of this even more, every time i share here and others give there opinions, the light bulb has gone on and OMG the things i see now are both enlightening and painful. It's a long road ahead...thank you for your comment! the words i read here are powerful.

 

When that light goes on, good things follow.

 

Self knowledge trumps almost everything.

 

Congratulations, you just turned lead into gold.

[KissofGrace]

When that light goes on, good things follow.

 

Self knowledge trumps almost everything.

 

Congratulations, you just turned lead into gold.

 

LOL, Satu your sense of humor is golden. You made me laugh today, thank you.

[KissofGrace]

Having never had an affair, I'm just curious as to why it didn't progress from the affair stage to him leaving his wife and having a full blown relationship with you? Why stay so long in that situation if he wouldn't leave his wife?

 

Are you married as well?

 

Aloneinaz, we had a "deal" that i would wait or him until his youngest child graduated HS. So as to not interrupt the senior year emotionally with a D. I agreed partly because i needed that time to get situated on my levels (relocated, social life, work, etc.) however, he began to distance himself way before Grad day and thus began the down hill ride to where we are today. He began to distance himself and when i would ask him about it, i believed all he would say. including--> His W threatened the leave "many times", from what he said, and he would convince her to stay, "beg" is the term he used, until the child graduated. that is why he says she never left and why he stayed......believe me i now know it was a crock of S***. i believed it, i'm guilty. i admit it.

[adna89]

If his wife wants to leave and stays for the kid,why are you a secret? i am sure he would be open to her about you if there was nothing emotional left in their marriage

[KissofGrace]

If his wife wants to leave and stays for the kid,why are you a secret? i am sure he would be open to her about you if there was nothing emotional left in their marriage

 

Adna89, that is a very good question. He told me he didn't want his children to see him as the "bad guy" for having a GF. That he had a reputation to uphold. I didn't want his kids to hate him and he states he was trying to protect me and keep me safe so that the kids wouldn't see me as the one to blame.

Of course, now i see things differently and i am no longer interested in finding out the truth, if he is even capable of ever being honest with me.

As to your last comment, he tells me that he was and is afraid that she would use our A as retaliation during the D and with friends and family to ruin his reputation. That's what he has told me, who knows the truth?

[KissofGrace]

i had a lil break down at work today... my first while at work. i think I'm in the angry stage and i want to slap him so bad.

anyone relate?

[mysterywoman]

Ok now I understand your comment in that context. I don't know as if I would go so far as to tell his wife though. As much as I am tempted to. Their number is unlisted and I am not about to drive up to his house and knock on his door!

[mysterywoman]

Also in the back of my mind I still care about him and he has a young son not to mention a wife. I really don't have any desire to hurt people that way.

[mysterywoman]

He cut it off when my husband found his phone number and called and basically told and threatened that men who talk to other men's wives get their a@@es beat. After that he basically broke it off with me. I am married with a child too. Stop caring well that's easier said than done Dove.

Edited May 28, 2015 by mysterywoman

[KissofGrace]

Ok now I understand your comment in that context. I don't know as if I would go so far as to tell his wife though. As much as I am tempted to. Their number is unlisted and I am not about to drive up to his house and knock on his door!

 

Mysterywoman,

I do not have any intention nor desire to tell his wife or children...not sure where that got misconstrued in the thread but i have said from the beginning that is not my place, that should come from him and i will not knowingly and purposefully inflict that kind of pain on her & the kids.

i too have her number, low where they live and where they work, but it's not what i want to do.

thank you for replying.

[Mb250]

I became the other guy about 5 weeks ago. Started off as an emotional affair but very quickly turned physical. The sexual tension was way too strong to ignor, never felt like that before. It was all new an exciting. But we got greedy, her husband found out, wanted t kill me for 2 days, third day he cooled down and we actually met and talked about this man to man. H says I'm not to see or talk to her every agian. But I can't avoid her, she is my sons teacher, I see her everyday. I tried to let her go but seeing her everyday is making that even more difficult. She's back and forth on weather to leve her husband or not, this has caused me to be on an emotional roller coaster. One minute she's mine next she's not sure. Today she called to me to say its over, she doesn't want it to be but has to be this way. But even now she's still texting me saying how she loves me and wants to be with me again. I didn't respond, yet. I want to let her go but really really don't want to. She makes me feel so good and happy.

I was married but my wife past away from cancer in 2012, I'm left alone to raise our now 3 yr old son. My life is already so difficult, I don't need this stress. But ..... I don't know what to do, or how to deal with the consequences of whatever choice is eventually made.

[mysterywoman]

I became the other guy about 5 weeks ago. Started off as an emotional affair but very quickly turned physical. The sexual tension was way too strong to ignor, never felt like that before. It was all new an exciting. But we got greedy, her husband found out, wanted t kill me for 2 days, third day he cooled down and we actually met and talked about this man to man. H says I'm not to see or talk to her every agian. But I can't avoid her, she is my sons teacher, I see her everyday. I tried to let her go but seeing her everyday is making that even more difficult. She's back and forth on weather to leve her husband or not, this has caused me to be on an emotional roller coaster. One minute she's mine next she's not sure. Today she called to me to say its over, she doesn't want it to be but has to be this way. But even now she's still texting me saying how she loves me and wants to be with me again. I didn't respond, yet. I want to let her go but really really don't want to. She makes me feel so good and happy.

I was married but my wife past away from cancer in 2012, I'm left alone to raise our now 3 yr old son. My life is already so difficult, I don't need this stress. But ..... I don't know what to do, or how to deal with the consequences of whatever choice is eventually made.

Tough situation my husband basically said similar things to my lover when he found his phone number. I tried to take his advice he told me to go find someone else. Let me tell you it didn't work, there is no one like him, no one I got along with so well like him. Really really hard situation for me. I still think about him every day and he wasn't in contact in any way since the end of April. Not sure if he will ever come back.

Edited June 1, 2015 by mysterywoman

[KissofGrace]

I became the other guy about 5 weeks ago. Started off as an emotional affair but very quickly turned physical. The sexual tension was way too strong to ignor, never felt like that before. It was all new an exciting. But we got greedy, her husband found out, wanted t kill me for 2 days, third day he cooled down and we actually met and talked about this man to man. H says I'm not to see or talk to her every agian. But I can't avoid her, she is my sons teacher, I see her everyday. I tried to let her go but seeing her everyday is making that even more difficult. She's back and forth on weather to leve her husband or not, this has caused me to be on an emotional roller coaster. One minute she's mine next she's not sure. Today she called to me to say its over, she doesn't want it to be but has to be this way. But even now she's still texting me saying how she loves me and wants to be with me again. I didn't respond, yet. I want to let her go but really really don't want to. She makes me feel so good and happy.

I was married but my wife past away from cancer in 2012, I'm left alone to raise our now 3 yr old son. My life is already so difficult, I don't need this stress. But ..... I don't know what to do, or how to deal with the consequences of whatever choice is eventually made.

WOW... so many emotions is this thread...I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like maybe some time away will help you both figure out what is best and so that you both can deal with your emotions and get a better idea of what is is you both REALLY TRULY want. I hope the best for you and this situation.