Satu Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 yes I love her very much, so much that I'm now having to swallow my feelings on this and let her hang out with a recent FWB this weekend by herself These are not trick questions. I'm asking them purely because I want to understand. 1. What do you mean when you say you love her? 2. How do you experience this love? Is it a thought, a feeling, a wanting, or something else? 3. Is it a pleasant thing? Does it make you happy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I would cut ANYONE out of my life for her, no questions asked. She can't even let go of some casual FWBs from her recent past... bulls**t Well, you have answered to yourself. How did Paul McCartney said? "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". She makes very little. It's not something you should convince her to do. You can't convince someone to love you. If she'd loved you, she would change her behavior for you. Apparently she doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deadelvis Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 1. What do you mean when you say you love her? I am happier when I am with her than I have ever been with another person. She makes me feel complete. When I'm not around her all I can think about is how badly I want to be near her. I would do almost anything for her. I feel like I place her happiness above my own, (perhaps thats why this all seems so hurtful to me. she seems unwilling to have any regard for my feelings) It's hard to explain what love is, but I just can't imagine ever feeling this strongly for anyone else, and I certainly haven't in the past. 2. How do you experience this love? Is it a thought, a feeling, a wanting, or something else? It's a feeling when we are together. A wanting when we are apart. 3. Is it a pleasant thing? Does it make you happy? When we are together, yes. When we are apart I begin to feel frustrated and often resentful. It often feels like things are unequal. I give 100% and she gives much less. When we are together I don't notice it and I'm happy to do anything for her, when we are apart and I start thinking about things I feel like "wtf? thats not fair" Link to post Share on other sites
Author deadelvis Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) But I understand she is very independent and for her it's mostly about feeling controlled. She does not want to feel controlled at all. So now she's become defensive and unwilling to make any compromise as it suggests she's giving up her freedom. But I'm starting to feel like she's walking all over me Edited May 22, 2015 by deadelvis Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 But I understand she is very independent and for her it's mostly about feeling controlled. She does not want to feel controlled at all. So now she's become defensive and unwilling to make any compromise as it suggests she's giving up her freedom. But I'm starting to feel like she's walking all over me People in a commited relationship make comromises and lose some freedom. There's nothing wrong with her way... It is perfectly right. But it shows she doesn't love you. She is going to make you miserable more and more. Just walk away while you still have your dignity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 1. What do you mean when you say you love her? I am happier when I am with her than I have ever been with another person. She makes me feel complete. When I'm not around her all I can think about is how badly I want to be near her. I would do almost anything for her. I feel like I place her happiness above my own, (perhaps thats why this all seems so hurtful to me. she seems unwilling to have any regard for my feelings) It's hard to explain what love is, but I just can't imagine ever feeling this strongly for anyone else, and I certainly haven't in the past. 2. How do you experience this love? Is it a thought, a feeling, a wanting, or something else? It's a feeling when we are together. A wanting when we are apart. 3. Is it a pleasant thing? Does it make you happy? When we are together, yes. When we are apart I begin to feel frustrated and often resentful. It often feels like things are unequal. I give 100% and she gives much less. When we are together I don't notice it and I'm happy to do anything for her, when we are apart and I start thinking about things I feel like "wtf? thats not fair" Thanks for that. I'm getting the picture now. There are many valid definitions of love, but I'm interested in what you think of this one: "Love is total commitment to a person's wellbeing." Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Is the "no big deal" part from you or her? I didn't read everything, sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I don't get the point of this relationship. Why are you with her if how she is bugs you that much? Life would be so much simpler if you quit making things hard on yourself and just find someone who has a whole lot more consideration for her dignity than this chick you insist on being with. That's what I reckon too. This post is not the only one on this girl. In one of his others (she was a freak before me but now she's not) the issues he had with this girl was doing his head in and he was on fairly high dose of xanax I thought. As much as she is attractive and she probably has a very outgoing, open & friendly personality and is a bit psychologically damaged and he might want to be that guy that saves her and wins her heart, I can't see this relationship surviving. Her past and nature is too much for him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) Seems like she is not good at handling hersself and life, she has got a lot of learning to do:( i think that only when she knows herself and understand and solve her own problems and are able to be happy, Can she love someoneelse (like the true cliche you have to love yourself first). I think you are captivated maybe by her femininity (wild guess?) which is rare in women today (not men;)), that makes it even Harder to let go of her, not that i advice you to do that:o:confused: and Then she is beautiful, i Can see even harder. Edited May 23, 2015 by Noideanow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 yes I love her very much, so much that I'm now having to swallow my feelings on this and let her hang out with a recent FWB this weekend by herself Why do you love her? What is it about her and how she behaves that conjures loving to you? What is it about her not having a problem with making your value equal to others she's smashed in the past that is so loveable? See, I'm not getting the point in this relationship of yours except that you dont' think you can do better than her, you're too lazy to dump her and go find a girl who doesn't behave this way or you get off on this in some way... like this is what love means to you: to be treated like you don't matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 he might want to be that guy that saves her and wins her heart, I can't see this relationship surviving. Her past and nature is too much for him. exactly. OP--You can't save a h0. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 exactly. OP--You can't save a h0. She has her reasons, abuse, rape, mental illness, medication, therapy, she is one mixed up kid. Not easy for even the most switched on, stable guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 OP, this is a brutally honest peice of advice. Get out there hit on girls and shag as many as you can without lying or bullsh*ting any of them. Collect phone numbers like mario collects coins. Get a tinder, pof, ok cupid, match.com, and every other type of online dating account and work them all. Get a wingman and practice cold approaching women in bars, build up the confidence to approach them anywhere and ask for the number. Ask female friends to set you up. Work every angle you can find simulataneously, make it your god damned job. Because this woman is a drug to you. Keep having sex with her if you want. Just have sex with as many other women as humanly possible. Your hooked on a party girl that wants to play and you want her to be your exclusive little bunny and beleive me its never going to work out that way. You are but one on her roster and she gets the juice from each new guy she adds to her harem of dudes. Keep going like this and you will "need yourself out" by getting too clingy and emotional and youll even lose this girl who is obviously slutting it up. You might be afraid that if she finds out she may not want you anymore. Not bloody likely. She obviously shagging the town and if she senses competiton she will redouble her efforts to keep you in her web. But keep at it, build up your own harem. It would be pretty hypocritical of her to criticize you for getting play when shes got multiple lists of guys for every need imagineable. Best outcome is you meet another girl who blows your socks off who is a better use of your devotion. Mid level outcome is that you have an incredible amount of sex for a while. Worst possible outcome is this girl in your eye doubles down so hard she committs to you to be exclusive to ensare you in her web, then cheats on you later which she will - and youll end up right back here telling me I was right. You dont have to write this girl off. In fact use her (like shes been using you) as an ego booster. Get together with her, have sex with her, then go on a first date with someone else right after you shower. Girls will think this is gross but as a man its odd how rockstar you can just kill it on a first date if you just got laid. Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I would try and do better then. Drunk excuse, off pills, random excuses for getting rocks off, public sex, ect ect. Just cause she lacks discretion and standards doesn't mean you have to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deadelvis Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 We actually had another talk about it last night. I feel much better now. She assured me she will always be respectful and appropriate. I may have been making a bigger deal about this than it needed to be. I really don't care about her sexual history. We both have a high body count. It shouldn't matter that she's friends with her FWBs. She was much more understanding and considerate when we talked about it last night. But it does seem like it's been one thing after another with this girl. Now our sex life is struggling. She has almost zero sex drive from her medications. I'm getting about to the end of my rope with this girl Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 May i inquire why the double message to her? yes hon hang with your fwb, but in my mind i dont like it and you are a ho. Yet you basically give consent?? she and you are birds of a feather , and need to take flight in different directions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deadelvis Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 I don't mind her hanging out with her friends, including guys she may have had sex with at some point, but there's a big difference between an old friend who she hooked up with once during a moment of drunken indiscretion, vs. going out alone with a guy she was sleeping with 6 months ago. she assured me she is respectful and appropriate, and I do trust her. She explained that it's about not feeling controlled or losing her freedom, and I do understand that. of course it's not fun hanging out with a bunch of guys she used to bang. but I can deal with it, especially if it was a long time ago, and they are long time friends... so I guess the double message is the difference between what I would like and what I can live with Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I really don't care about her sexual history. your tits aren't in the wringer over history: they're in the wringer over present/recent guys. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) your tits aren't in the wringer over history: They're in the wringer over present/recent guys. You made me laugh so much!!! Edited May 24, 2015 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) Dude I'm sorry, but this girl is friends with guys she banged. That right there is reason enough to end the relationship. You say you don't care about this, but the problem is even if you don't care it is still a red flag. Also man come on, this chick has a list with SEVERAL Walter's on it? Good god man, leave! Also she is going to hang out alone with a guy she slept with? How do you not think she is going to sleep with him again? What do you feel this other Walter is expecting by being alone with her for the weekend? I am going to be harsh for your own good: your girlfriend is a slut and you should leave her unless you are in this just for the sex. Just try to separate yourself from the situation and then re-read your post and you will see how utterly crazy it is you are even still with her. Let me repeat: your girlfriend is going this weekend to hang out with some guy she boned..alone. That just doesn't fly. I think you should run, but if you stay with her she can't go see this guy. If you stay with her she actually needs to cut contact with all guys she slept with. But for now focus on Walter #12. Edited May 27, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 the problem is aside from our "sex related" issues (jealousy included) our relationship is amazing. and I really do trust her to be faithful plus that would make her just another Ashley. but I want to Mary this girl If you trust her and you love her and you want to marry her, then let all of this other crap go. It doesn't sound like you trust her, though, and you're basically telling her that she has to stop being friends with people that she was friends with before you came along because you don't trust her. Some people can handle their significant others being friends with exes. Some can't. You seem to not be able to, so you should move on from this. OR come to terms with it to where you aren't making it a problem. She's not going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I don't mind her hanging out with her friends, including guys she may have had sex with at some point, but there's a big difference between an old friend who she hooked up with once during a moment of drunken indiscretion, vs. going out alone with a guy she was sleeping with 6 months ago. she assured me she is respectful and appropriate, and I do trust her. She explained that it's about not feeling controlled or losing her freedom, and I do understand that. of course it's not fun hanging out with a bunch of guys she used to bang. but I can deal with it, especially if it was a long time ago, and they are long time friends... so I guess the double message is the difference between what I would like and what I can live with Tell her you'd like to go with her to meet him, because you'd rather see if he's just innocently trying to be her friend or not. Emphasis on him. If she is against this, then you know the score. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deadelvis Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 nah she was going to go have drinks with one of the Walters but she decided not to, I think she was really only testing me to see if I would get upset when she mentioned it. She's actually really loyal. She was a major slut for over a decade. But she's faithful when she has a boyfriend. She just banged all her "orbiters" when she was single because thats what sluts do. I've banged a ton of women too so it's pretty fair in that regard. We actually sat down a few days ago and worked everything out. I trust her and she's explained that she just doesn't like feeling like I'm controlling or possessive of her. Which is fair. I'm always welcome to go hang out with her and all her orbiters whenever she hangs out with them. They are all pretty nice guys. She's also retardedly hot so it explains her having the fan club of Walters and such a high body count. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Okay dude the problem is she has a harem of friggin dudes she screwed hanging around her. You say she was going to have drinks with a guy but decided not to in order to test you. Well dude, that right there is something you should see as a red flag. What kind of test is that? I'm sorry, but it is not wrong to get pissed if your girlfriend says she is going to go have drinks with a guy she screwed. Also, you said she is going away this weekend to hang out alone with a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deadelvis Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Sorry for using the word slut. We use that word without any negative association because we were both such sluts. I forget thats a word that many people find hurtful. Apologizes for that. No insult intended Link to post Share on other sites
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