BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I quite like approaching men myself, it throws them for a loop and flusters them which I find cute. I often send the "first message" on dating sites, and have no qualms about that sort of thing. HOWEVER, I have noticed several men on loveshack saying that they actually dislike when a woman cold approaches them, as it makes a woman seem insecure or desperate and that makes them think something is wrong with her. It's sort of a double edged sword... clearly not all men think this way, but enough do. So if you are annoyed by the fact that fewer women approach... consider that there are men out there who might be influencing that. Ya, well there are seriously, plenty of men that love being approached by women first, me being one of them obviously Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I've approached plenty of men first, more than the other way around. But if they don't have it in them to be proactive and socially adept after that, I'll lose interest right away. But the guys I was approaching for the most part had zero trouble getting women and were social. I was approaching them because I wanted them to notice me, not because they were too fearful to say hello. I did approach one guy standing in line by me that I didn't realize was the fearful type, and we became friends and saw each other a lot, but because he was a gay guy in denial, it never became romantic, though he got jealous and everything even though it was platonic. I doubt he'd have spoken to me even though I was standing right in front of him. Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Regarding "finding whole not looking", I know I didn't do any looking the whole time I was in college; I was primarily concerned with getting good grades and getting into grad school, and no woman showed interest in me in 4 years (for a while I thought maybe one did, but upon further recollection I concluded it was wishful thinking). Some of us have to look pretty hard and put in a lot of effort to get anywhere, so the "stop trying to find women and just be yourself or whatever" advice doesn't hold. Ya, well there are seriously, plenty of men that love being approached by women first, me being one of them obviously Me too. Few things would make me happier. But I'm not holding my breath. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 If you are not looking then you don't come off as desparate. This is a highly sought after quality in a mate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I remember a post a little while back from a lady here who said essentially "my best relationships are when I've approached the guy". I've been thinking about it and I agree. My best relationships so far have been when the girl has made the first move. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 You get more attention from opposite sex when you stop looking. Not true for everyone. It all depends on the person and their social/work/school environment. I haven't looked for 5 years and the only attention I've had is from guys online who troll for attention and harassed and lied to me (!), or from online dating when I had an active profile (which I no longer do). I think men give women attention when said women catch their attention. There is no magical fix to dating. It either happens or it doesn't. You can online date, expand your social circle, be more social at work and join community social events or volunteer to meet more people of the opposite sex. Yet, doing all that doesn't necessarily guarantee that men (or women for that matter) will suddenly show up at your doorstop in droves, anxious to date you. I've essentially been single this whole year. For fall semester I felt like I wanted to see people. Yet in January when I started school I didn't want anything. Probably honestly won't until I secure a job this next year with my grad program. I've noticed I've gotten more attention from guys. It's like you can't win. When you aren't looking people flock to you. When you are, people don't. Another thing what is it with people who bounce into the next relationship immediately after a relationship has ended, then after that ends they jump into another. I think I just like my independence. It's been two years since my last relationship. I think it's because you are in college. And college is rife with horny single people who multi-date because they can. The people who bounce from relationship to relationship don't want to commit to one person. That's why they hop from person to person. That type of person is pretty shallow. Avoid them if you can and hold out for a guy who is relationship-worthy and has experience with long-term relationships. Oh, and enjoy the attention in college. It will dwindle as you age unfortunately. Men are just as fickle about women as women are about men. And dating becomes more difficult in your 30s, 40s and beyond due to how much people change at each life stage. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) Not true for everyone. It all depends on the person and their social/work/school environment. I haven't looked for 5 years and the only attention I've had is from guys online who troll for attention and harassed and lied to me (!), or from online dating when I had an active profile (which I no longer do). Pffht. They haven't seen your kitty avatar. Not fair, you are special, an outlier writergal. You can't fairly lump yourself in with the pack. I think men give women attention when said women catch their attention. There is no magical fix to dating. It either happens or it doesn't. You can online date, expand your social circle, be more social at work and join community social events or volunteer to meet more people of the opposite sex. Yet, doing all that doesn't necessarily guarantee that men (or women for that matter) will suddenly show up at your doorstop in droves, anxious to date you. I think it's because you are in college. And college is rife with horny single people who multi-date because they can. The people who bounce from relationship to relationship don't want to commit to one person. That's why they hop from person to person. That type of person is pretty shallow. Avoid them if you can and hold out for a guy who is relationship-worthy and has experience with long-term relationships. Oh, and enjoy the attention in college. It will dwindle as you age unfortunately. Men are just as fickle about women as women are about men. And dating becomes more difficult in your 30s, 40s and beyond due to how much people change at each life stage. This is true but in the same regard, you are also more attune to what you want/need. There is less waste of time and a greater ability to meet the right person instead of what is ok for now. Edited May 22, 2015 by Timshel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 This is true but in the same regard, you are also more attune to what you want/need. There is less waste of time and a greater ability to meet the right person instead of what is ok for now. Ah, you are too kind my friend! Too kind! I've decided to adopt a thousand cats and run a hobby cat farm if things don't turn around for me dating-wise. And yes, the older you get, the more you're attuned to what you want and need from a partner and it becomes easier to suss out the from the . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Ah, you are too kind my friend! Too kind! I've decided to adopt a thousand cats and run a hobby cat farm if things don't turn around for me dating-wise. And yes, the older you get, the more you're attuned to what you want and need from a partner and it becomes easier to suss out the from the . Lol, talented people always talk about cats. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Lol, talented people always talk about cats. Meow! Seriously OP, I wish your generalization was true but alas,it's not. Makes me want to go back to college though to improve my dating life. Grad school pretty much put a kibosh to dating, even though I did date a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I've approached plenty of men first, more than the other way around. But if they don't have it in them to be proactive and socially adept after that, I'll lose interest right away. But the guys I was approaching for the most part had zero trouble getting women and were social. I was approaching them because I wanted them to notice me, not because they were too fearful to say hello. I did approach one guy standing in line by me that I didn't realize was the fearful type, and we became friends and saw each other a lot, but because he was a gay guy in denial, it never became romantic, though he got jealous and everything even though it was platonic. I doubt he'd have spoken to me even though I was standing right in front of him. Some people argue against women being the initiator, approaching men, because it goes against nature when they are comparing other animal species, but yet we humans are the most intelligent species on the planet, does any other animal besides us drive cars, fly planes, invent things, etc.? Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 In my life it hasn't been true. In fact I have dated and eventually had relationships mainly when I started looking, not stopped looking. By looking I mean actively using dating sites and apps. I consider myself a nice looking intelligent woman but just minding my own business and living my own life hasn't yielded nearly as many dates as consciouscly putting myself out there. Maybe it's where I live that people are more on the introverted side and usually don't strike up a conversation in grocery stores and coffee shops. I basically took it as looking for a job - you can't expect someone to come looking for you in your own home, you need to send out resumes and make yourself visible. That said, while I theoretically don't mind women approaching men then in real life nothing good has come out of situations where I'm the more active part. I have found that it's really true that if a man is interested, he will make it obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 This advice was given to young attractive women and everyone thought it applied to them 1 Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 If I stop looking, then I would be totally oblivious to what's going on around me, and that includes attention from the opposite sex. I never believed in those proverbs of "You'll find a girl if you are not looking." Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I think I just like my independence. It's been two years since my last relationship. Just be careful how many animals you acquire. Also, stop putting off meeting someone until you find a job in grad-school. You really think you're going to have more time/energy then? Be open to new people, but be picky- cause you're patient and can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl89 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 I am in grad school. Town is pretty small and next to a large city. So unless I go into the city its actually pretty sli . Not true for everyone. It all depends on the person and their social/work/school environment. I haven't looked for 5 years and the only attention I've had is from guys online who troll for attention and harassed and lied to me (!), or from online dating when I had an active profile (which I no longer do). I think men give women attention when said women catch their attention. There is no magical fix to dating. It either happens or it doesn't. You can online date, expand your social circle, be more social at work and join community social events or volunteer to meet more people of the opposite sex. Yet, doing all that doesn't necessarily guarantee that men (or women for that matter) will suddenly show up at your doorstop in droves, anxious to date you. I think it's because you are in college. And college is rife with horny single people who multi-date because they can. The people who bounce from relationship to relationship don't want to commit to one person. That's why they hop from person to person. That type of person is pretty shallow. Avoid them if you can and hold out for a guy who is relationship-worthy and has experience with long-term relationships. Oh, and enjoy the attention in college. It will dwindle as you age unfortunately. Men are just as fickle about women as women are about men. And dating becomes more difficult in your 30s, 40s and beyond due to how much people change at each life stage. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 If I stop looking, then I would be totally oblivious to what's going on around me, and that includes attention from the opposite sex. I never believed in those proverbs of "You'll find a girl if you are not looking." Yes because men are still expected to be the primary, active pursuers Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Yes because men are still expected to be the primary, active pursuers indeed BAJ217 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 indeed BAJ217 and it's a matter of how to go about it, and at the same time, avoid coming across as needy or desperate Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 and it's a matter of how to go about it, and at the same time, avoid coming across as needy or desperate Chat, smile, notice if it's reciprocated. "I've really enjoyed talking to you, fancy going out for a drink sometime?" If she says yes, take her number and call her the next day to arrange something. It really is that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Chat, smile, notice if it's reciprocated. "I've really enjoyed talking to you, fancy going out for a drink sometime?" If she says yes, take her number and call her the next day to arrange something. It really is that simple. when a woman says she's busy when you are asking her out on a date, like actually scheduling something with her, does that usually mean she is not interested? like even though i'm aware of the fact that women still expect men to ask them out, plan the date, do women also expect men to set up an alternative date if she can't make it at a certain day and time? or is the woman supposed to suggest an alternative date, time? Because obviously, how am I supposed to know a womans whole life schedule? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 when a woman says she's busy when you are asking her out on a date, like actually scheduling something with her, does that usually mean she is not interested? like even though i'm aware of the fact that women still expect men to ask them out, plan the date, do women also expect men to set up an alternative date if she can't make it at a certain day and time? or is the woman supposed to suggest an alternative date, time? Because obviously, how am I supposed to know a womans whole life schedule? It's just a conversation, just like you would have with your friend or your parents. You: Can we meet for coffee on Thursday? That new place on the square beside the clock is supposed to be good. Her: Sorry, I am really busy that day. I also heard it is good, they do cupcakes too. You: OK what about Friday, I have the day off. Her: Yes, after 3 o' clock would be best for me. You: Great. I have some shopping to do first, and 3 o' clock is perfect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) It's just a conversation, just like you would have with your friend or your parents. You: Can we meet for coffee on Thursday? That new place on the square beside the clock is supposed to be good. Her: Sorry, I am really busy that day. I also heard it is good, they do cupcakes too. You: OK what about Friday, I have the day off. Her: Yes, after 3 o' clock would be best for me. You: Great. I have some shopping to do first, and 3 o' clock is perfect. Boom! And you're done. It may not lead to everlasting love, but it's a start, right? Edited May 23, 2015 by misspond Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 they say women can tell, sense when a guy is desperate from miles away, does that usually happen during the first approach, first interaction? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 So, if you stop looking then you'll be less likely to be perceived as desperate, or any other adjective because, well, you're not looking. Link to post Share on other sites
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