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Posted
Originally posted by blind_otter

:laugh:

 

Ok, I get it. Try to do five things at once.....

 

Yeah the "in my bed" thing was getting out of HAND last weekend amongst my friends and myself.

 

"Wow, these new spicy hot cheetos really ARE spicy hot" (in my bed)

"God is there a starbucks nearby?" (piping up from backseat - "in my bed!")

 

:lmao:

 

I'll let you know how this experiment in your honour goes!

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

I'm glad you updated earlier.

 

Work has been busy!

 

Anymore text messages from El Jerko? :confused:

 

Nope, none, nada...

 

;)

Posted

If I had to guess he's working on his approach. Probably thinks if he gives you a day or two to settle down he can slide back in.

 

WTF ever.

 

Go out this weekend and shake your tailfeathers with your girls. Who knows- you may meet some new cute thing you can't live without- or who can't live without you.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

If I had to guess he's working on his approach. Probably thinks if he gives you a day or two to settle down he can slide back in.

 

WTF ever.

 

Go out this weekend and shake your tailfeathers with your girls. Who knows- you may meet some new cute thing you can't live without- or who can't live without you.

 

LOL I have no idea wtf is wrong with him Girl...

 

I do think he will try to contact me again BUT he will get Voicemail :laugh:

 

I'm out to have a good time this weekend with my friends.. right now the last thing I need or want is something serious ya know? So Mr. Right NOW will be okay! :laugh::bunny:;)

Posted

Oh yeah, totally- I meant just for the moment as BO said,

 

"In my bed"

 

Okay, maybe not that far- unless you want to :cool:

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

Oh yeah, totally- I meant just for the moment as BO said,

 

"In my bed"

 

Okay, maybe not that far- unless you want to :cool:

 

LOL

 

I'm down for a good time... BUT not down for In My Bed with some random Guy.

 

:laugh: But yeah I Knew what ya meant Girl:)

  • Author
Posted

He called me at 5 tonite...

 

Said he was sorry for not calling me last night that it was sh*tty of him.. I agreed.

 

Told me he doesn't want a relationship... that he want's to hang out with his friends and do what he wants without a girlfriend to answer too... that to him when I told him on Saturday night that his always making plans to spend with everyone except me when I have my kids wasn't okay with him it reminded him of what his EXW used to tell him ALL OF THE TIME... Wow... and he wonderd why she divorced him :rolleyes:

 

I said "Okay, whatever" I asked him when I had ever given him a hard time about going out with his friends.. he said never... I asked him when I had ever asked him who was on the phone, he said never... I asked him when I had ever demanded he spend time with me... he said never.... but he said it *could* happen eventually and he couldn't be about that.

 

I said Okay whatever, all you...

 

He said "I know this will sound bad Merin... but I would still be down for having sex... sex with you was the most amazing sex I've ever had and If you're about it, I am too" :eek:

I was speechless... he went on to say he's afraid of STD's and he knows I'm clean and I know he is... :eek::eek:

 

I said ya know what, I just need to move on and start dating other people... he said "Does it make a difference that I'm not going to see anyone else?" :confused: WTF does that mean? I said "Well hey what if I still see other people but still have sex with you, would that be okay?" He said "No, It leaves to much up in the air" I said "Well what if I only had sex with you BUT just spend time out with other guys no sex with them?" He said "NO" but somehow couldn't explain why that wouldn't be okay with him... :rolleyes: I said "You already know there isn't any way in hell I'm ever having sex with you again right?" He got pissed off.. said he didn't want to have this conversation.

 

He told me he is better off alone..... that he's an idiot... blah blah... that he has issues....

 

Then he asked me if I was going out this weekend to find a real man.... I said "I'm going out with my gf's and for real do ya think I have a hard time getting attention?" He got pissed....

 

Whatever... I'm done.

 

He asked me if I would still call him, I said No I had deleted his number... he asked if I had erased his photos on my phone, I said yes.. he asked if I had taken his photo off my wall, I said yes.... he got pissed and said that was fast!

 

He again told me how he doesn't want a relationship... I said "So who's arguing with you?" he asked if I still liked him... I said "Not really..." told him he had played a lot of games and I wasn't about people who do that...

 

Told him to take care... he told me he was always there if I needed him :rolleyes: I said "I'm going to let you go.. bye" he said "Goodbye Merin"

 

Thats it....

Posted
:confused: Funny how quickly someone can change - now that he's clearly an a**h*** the "getting over him" part should be easy.
Posted

Damn...he's got some nerve offering up sex like that! I hope you told him to F-off....

 

This dude sounds WAAAAAAAY immature. He breaks up with you because one day you MIGHT ask him for something? Hopefully he'll live a nice, long, happy, uncommitted life ALL ALONE just like he wants.

 

You're beautiful, you're young, and you have a good heart. You need a guy where your company is a pleasure, not a drag.

 

This guy is making himself more and more unnattractive every time he opens his mouth. Good riddance.

 

 

SP

Posted

Maybe you feel better now, Merin. I hope what he said didn't hurt you. It made me mad to read it. I can't believe he would say those things. He could have left it at "I don't want a relationship". He didn't have to go on and insult you like that. The sad thing is he wasn't trying to. He was just being honest.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by johan

Maybe you feel better now, Merin. I hope what he said didn't hurt you. It made me mad to read it. I can't believe he would say those things. He could have left it at "I don't want a relationship". He didn't have to go on and insult you like that. The sad thing is he wasn't trying to. He was just being honest.

 

Thanks Johan... honestly you're right, I really wish he had just left me the hell alone after our conversation on Sat night....

 

Don't speak....

 

Anyway... did it hurt me? I would be lying if I said it didn't... it's just part of my issues that I've had since my last relationship before him...

 

BUT on the positive side it did more than hurt me, it pissed me off :mad: There won't be any tears shed over this on my end... or any regret for me in saying I'm not all about this and I won't settle... HOWEVER I know there will be regret on his end... there already is... he knows he's an idiot and he knows this is HIS problem.. it's just unfortunate he dragged me through his misery.

 

I know why his wife divorced him... truth be told, he knows why as well... he wasn't willing to grow up or give anything to her and she decided if she was going to be alone... she was truly going to be alone with the option of finding someone else to spend her time with...

 

I think part of this is my fault in without intent always finding the Guy who's selfish and self absorbed...

 

I don't know Johan.... right now, yeah I'm taking a hard look at myself and feeling pretty sh*tty...

 

Thanks for all of your words of comfort and support...

Posted
yeah I'm taking a hard look at myself and feeling pretty sh*tty...

 

Don't feel too s***ty for too long. Do a list. Pros and Cons. Of the relationship and of him. Then do one for yourself. Bet ya that the PRO's will out do the CONS on yourself.

 

We all have some emotional baggage that follows us into every relationship...Whether we want it there or not.

 

Hang in there babe. As Ricky, Bubbles and Adrian say on Trailer Park Boys...Go get drunk and stoned with friends and family! (DO you guys get that show in the States? It's funny as heck!!!)

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by sweetpea01

Damn...he's got some nerve offering up sex like that! I hope you told him to F-off....

 

This dude sounds WAAAAAAAY immature. He breaks up with you because one day you MIGHT ask him for something? Hopefully he'll live a nice, long, happy, uncommitted life ALL ALONE just like he wants.

 

You're beautiful, you're young, and you have a good heart. You need a guy where your company is a pleasure, not a drag.

 

This guy is making himself more and more unnattractive every time he opens his mouth. Good riddance.

 

 

SP

 

Thanks sweet...

 

He says this is the way he wants it.. to be alone and uncommitted.

 

I have no other option to believe him.

 

He sat there tonite saying to me "C'mon Merin we had great times together.... I loved being with you, I loved spending time with you.. I loved having sex with you" then followed with "Don't you agree?"

 

Ugh!

 

Thats when he got to the part of "I'm afraid one day You MIGHT want something from me... you MIGHT ask me to do something"

 

So I said "So you love being with me, you love spending time with me, you love having sex with me... I'm amazing BUT you're willing to risk it all and hope I'll wait around for you to care about me enough to want to do things for me not because I asked but because you want to?" all he could come up with was "I know it makes me a dick... but yeah I had to ask?" :mad:

 

Don't get me wrong here.... I don't feel bad about the loss of this BS... I feel bad because I KNOW who I am, I know what I did in the relationship AND somehow it wasn't going to be enough...

 

It's just my own issues from a previous relationship with a selfish Man right now who's words in the end are ringing....

"You will NEVER find anyone else who loves you Merin... ONLY ME... you're damaged... you'll find a lot of guys that want to get with you because of your looks and sex... BUT you're damaged now and the only guy who will accept you for who you are will be me" I know it's crazy and I know he was/is an idiot... BUT right now... wow... It's sh*tty.

 

My EXBF (before this one ha!) was very controlling and jealous.... he always told me I was "damaged" because in his words I was the kind of Girl that other Men would be looking at and it made people (men) not take me seriously as relationship material... that while having sex with me would be great and having me as a display on thier arm would be okay.... I would not find a guy that would see past an exterior and appreciate me as a person....

 

I don't even know if I'm making sense....

 

I'll be okay I know... just a few more bags for me to carry....

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Pocky

:confused: Funny how quickly someone can change - now that he's clearly an a**h*** the "getting over him" part should be easy.

 

(((Pocky)))

 

Thanks for all the PM's they helped more than you know....

 

I know you're right....

 

It isn't getting over him thats the hard part (thats the easy part)

I guess it's pushing away the old ghost at this point and not allowing his words to mean anything...

 

I'm more pissed at myself for allowing those words that my EXBF (before this) come into my mind....

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by whichwayisup

Don't feel too s***ty for too long. Do a list. Pros and Cons. Of the relationship and of him. Then do one for yourself. Bet ya that the PRO's will out do the CONS on yourself.

 

We all have some emotional baggage that follows us into every relationship...Whether we want it there or not.

 

Hang in there babe. As Ricky, Bubbles and Adrian say on Trailer Park Boys...Go get drunk and stoned with friends and family! (DO you guys get that show in the States? It's funny as heck!!!)

 

Thanks Girl...

 

I don't need the pro's and con's list LOL there aren't any Pro's...

 

Love ya honey... thanks

Posted

You need to find a guy who isn't so wound up about how you look. Yeah, so you're hot. So what? I'm good-looking, too. It doesn't make me interesting to talk to or fun to be with. Which, come to think of it, could be the problem my girlfriend (or whatever she is) is having...

 

Even with all the baggage these two guys have given you, I still wouldn't categorize you as damaged. Not yet anyway. ;)

Posted

Merin - I know it's hard - but don't let his words get to you - he seems mad at himself and he is taking it out on you - totally not cool

 

Someone needs to design a life fast forward button for breakups so you can fast forward to the point in which you are over the hurt. Hmmm

  • Author
Posted

He just text me..

 

Says "We need to talk, I need to clear my conscience"

 

OMG... Just off the phone with him....

 

He told me he had done what he did and said what he said out of fear of being caught in a lie.... :eek:

  • Author
Posted

Johan... I love Ya... BEFORE I get to bed I wanted to tell you what an amazing person I think you are...

I hope your Girl see's that in you...

 

You've made this crap I've been going through a lot more bearable, with your humor and your kind words...

 

Thank you...

 

I've got to get to bed... I'm emotionally drained tonite after the conversation I just had with him on the phone just now...

 

I'll tell you guys what happend tonite tomorrow.... and leave you with for now... I feel 110% better.

Posted

Sleep tight, Merin.

 

Don't let no a$$clown from your past make you feel "damaged" good. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

 

As for your current EX, I really can't understand why you've talked to him in the first place. Because no matter what else he may be adding, the first and formost thing is that HE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP. The rest of it.... had ver little importance, since you want a relationship.

 

Don't spend a minute thinking about his sorry lame arse. I know you're being hard on yourself because you've fallen for his act, but imagine that... there's a girl who actually married the guy !!! So I guess you're safe now. No one is protected by this individuals when on the dating scene. If a guy wants to make you fall for him, there are many chances that he'll succeed. What comes before that, when you get to know him is your responsability. The minute you see the man behind the mask, it's your business to either stay or leave. You've left! You did the good thing, Merin.

 

 

Ok, I'll be reading your update as soon as you post it.

 

Cheer up, chica!

 

Curly

  • Author
Posted

Damn 5 am came around fast...

 

He had text me last night and said he needed to clear his conscience...

 

He called right after that text.

 

This is what he said...

 

"Merin, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but please let me tell you whats on my mind before you say anything.. can you do that?"

I said okay..

 

"I know you don't understand why I did what I did and I feel like a complete a**hole for what I did and the things I said... when I said this wasn't about anything you had done I meant it... it was because of something I did and it's been eating me up since I met you... I lied to you about something significant and I was always afraid that eventually I would be caught up in my lie and you'd leave knowing what I did and what I lied about... as stupid as it is I thought it would be better for me to do what I did and you would never know what I had lied to you about."

 

When he told me what he had lied about... it was ironic because he hadn't been the first Guy that had lied to me about this... I don't want to get into what he had lied about because in so many ways it wasn't the lie that was significant in being a deal breaker had he told me to begin with... but because he knew I had been lied to about that exact thing, different circumstances to begin with he had been afraid to tell me the truth.

 

I didn't say anything until he had finished...

 

He went on.. "I adore you Merin and I really Love you and I feel like such a piece of sh*t for what I've put you through.. I was nothing short of a complete pr*ck and I'm ashamed of myself for what I did and how bad I made you feel... I love spending time with you and you were never anything but great to me. I know you probably think the past 4 days were easy for me and I sat here tonight after you had told me you were done and knew I had just lost out of a lie I had told and not wanting you to find out... you didn't and don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone and it kills me that I was the one who treated you so bad because my insecurity... stupid thinking on my part that it would better for you to think I didn't care then for you to eventually find out I had lied to you and then know for certain I wasn't worthy of your time or affection."

 

"I understand if you want to hang the phone up now and never talk to me again.. I'm praying you won't, I don't want to loose you Merin but I will understand if I came clean with you to late... I am so sorry for the things I said to you... when I said I still wanted to have sex with you but not a relationship... that was out of line and I didn't mean it... I knew you would never be about that and I knew it would piss you off when I said that... I guess I was trying to say mean things with the hopes it would be easier to get out of my lie and you not find out... If I made you mad enough I knew you're a strong enough girl that you would let go of me and I wouldn't have to ever explain what I had done..."

 

"I DO care about you Merin and I've been miserable since you came and got your things at my house... when I kept asking you if we could do it another day I was hoping you wouldn't come and get your things and I could find another way out of my lie without having to actually tell you... it killed me to not talk to you and like an idiot I continued with my game all in the effort of not being found out... I thought about you all of the time and have missed you like crazy but I let my own fear, shame and pride drive me down a road that ended up hurting us both"

 

"You're an amazing person Merin, I am so sorry for what I did... even if you don't give me another chance here to show you I can make things right I wanted you to know why I had done the things I did (because of his lie) and that I adore you and don't want to loose you... this has been a very different experience for me Merin, I've never in my life met anyone like you and the lie I told you has eaten me up... regardless if you give me that opportunity to be in your life again I had to let you know and get this off of me"

 

"I don't know how to let go of you.. I thought I could do this and I know I'm selfish for trying to cover my a** in your not finding out.... how are you feeling right now?"

 

I felt a lot of clairty and things that had not made sense to me before made sense... the lie he had told while again wasn't a deal breaker in his mind it would have been had I known the truth... this isn't to say I'm okay that he lied to me because I'm not but I know what was driving him when he did so...

 

I told him how he had made me feel with the things he had said.... he was quiet for most all of this... he didn't ever say "Yeah but... " he took responsibility for what was said and done...

 

He then said "I would really love to talk to you face to face... I wrote you a letter so I wouldn't forget to say anything and clear my thoughts... I should've done this a long time ago and I'm so sorry that I didn't... I would really like it if you would have dinner with me tomorrow so we can talk.... if after everything I've said you still don't want to give me a chance please know I understand.... but know too that I am hoping you will give me another chance."

 

 

I am so tired today... I didn't sleep much last night it was a lot to have absorbed in one day...

 

Regardless of what happens I want all of you to know how much your words have meant to me.... like you cannot imagine...

 

If ever one of you thought your words and your time didn't matter to someone or it was inconsequencial I can tell you.. it mattered to me...

 

Thank you...

Posted

Sometimes it takes losing everything to know what you really want.. :love:

Posted

Gosh Merin-

 

I'm kinda at a lost for words right now- ironic huh? :(

 

My first thoughts after reading your first post after he called........

My ex told me that I would never find anyone to love me like he loved me, or who wanted to please me sexually as much as he did. He also asked me if we could continue to have sex during the separation until the divorce was final- because we both have needs and why shouldn't we satisfy them with each other?? He also accused me of being like my mother- who was mentally ill. I'm sure all things just said to make himself feel better because he lost the best thing that ever happened to him or will ever happen to him.

 

What do you really think about all of this?? I kinda find it hard to believe that he did all of this because he felt bad about telling you a lie. Seems like a awful big fiasco to go through for that. But, you know him better than we do.

 

I think he's just been terrified. I think he has a selfishness problem though and do you really want to be with someone who is selfish? My exh was and it was the death of our marriage, really. I am such a giver- to a certain extent. The more I gave to him, the more he wanted- until then I got disgusted and just quit- which didn't solve anything.

 

The one thing that gets me about all of this- yeah he's been a real jerk- but it's that you love him. I know you do. I know it will be hard as hell not to give him another chance.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Pocky

Sometimes it takes losing everything to know what you really want.. :love:

 

Almost his exact words...

Thanks Pocky for everything... I know you understand me from where you've been, and it's reassured me in so many ways that I'm still okay... :)

Posted
Originally posted by Merin

Almost his exact words...

 

It goes both ways - the break offered you both a moment for clarity. Sometimes, we're not given the chance to decide what we really want from our relationships. We're often too distracted trying to make them work. :)

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