Popsicle Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Another thing, I did not initiate this affair so I don't feel as though I've manipulated anything or anyone. I had a weak moment and allowed things to go on from there. I do agree with all of you who say that I need to end things. It's not an easy thing to let go of your infatuation. And I know it's not impossible! Sometimes I wonder, if you just give the MP enough time after ending things totally, that they will forget in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Why do YOU think this needs to end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kabadee Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 Why do YOU think this needs to end? Because I'm no longer getting what I was initially offered from this A, {Although I Still want it} It's making me emotionally crazy and I Know that I need to deal with my Marriage issues in a more positive way! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kabadee Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 Because I'm no longer getting what I was initially offered from this A, {Although I Still want it} It's making me emotionally crazy and I Know that I need to deal with my Marriage issues in a more positive way! Also I do care about my A and realize even though she started all of this, she deserves better! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 All our kids are grown but hers still lives with us and that fact is our biggest problem. (...) She refuses to talk to me about or address her kid's issues. I need to vent which left an opening for my A to offer a release for me.I've made it clear to my wife that I don't want to live with her kid! this is the most ridiculous excuse for cheating i have ever heard. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 As to why I cheat, I have a unique situation at home. My wife and I have kids from prior marriages. (Me 4, her 1, together 0) All our kids are grown but hers still lives with us and that fact is our biggest problem. She continues to say that her daughter is going to get her own place but it doesn't seem likely. My kids live on their own and I don't see why an exception should be made for her kid when mine can't live with us. I'm trying to hang in there but my wife does nothing to make it easier for me. She refuses to talk to me about or address her kid's issues. I need to vent which left an opening for my A to offer a release for me. I'm not justifying my actions but that's where it started. And all of the frustration causes me to not desire my wife the way i did once upon a time. I've tried to move out but me or my wife don't really want that to happen. I've made it clear to my wife that I don't want to live with her kid! Being angry at a partner over kids (yours, hers, whoevers) is hardly a unique situation. Advice boards are full of situations like that. Letting it fester to such resentment that seeks revenge through an A is probably also not unique. "Hitting back at big bad mommy" is a common affair type. Thing is, you're in danger of repeating the dynamic with your AP. You're upset with her, which could easily lead to resentment. This is not the kind of pattern you want to drag from R to R. Speak to a counsellor about how to become more assertive in your M, and then if things don't work out, leave and start a healthier R with someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) I don't think he sought revenge through an A, I just think he is in one of those common situations where the married couple has problems but not big enough problems to leave (or for that matter, change) and when the A dropped into his lap, it just became like an addictive oasis for him. Like an avenue to temporarily escape. I know this because my MM acts this way. In time, after it's over he will get used to his old life again and go back to normal. Edited May 22, 2015 by Popsicle 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 You will be sad, you will grieve, you will even regret that you got into the A, but no matter what you will be okay. Just know that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kabadee Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Poppy, Can you recommend some threads for me to read? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Question for you. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you do the same as your Hubby? Kabadee, I do have a daughter and she is normal. If my adult child behaved badly while living with us, I would have asked her to leave. MY step daughter had two faces: She used to tell me when we were alone that she would get rid of me. When my late husband was around, she would be sweet and loving. She is still, at 56, ****ed in the head with her relationships. I loved my late husband, but I wasn't going to live with the constant sabotage and emotional turmoil. She told him all kinds of untruths about me. He didn't believe me until she physically attacked him one night and nearly ripped him to pieces with her fingernails. It was " the daughter goes or I go " . That woman is now a lawyer and nobody would guess how she really is. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Because I'm no longer getting what I was initially offered from this A, {Although I Still want it} It's making me emotionally crazy and I Know that I need to deal with my Marriage issues in a more positive way! You said she was looking for sex when you met her, and had recently been having sex with a mutual friend up until the month before (I hope you're using protection since she seems to get around a lot). What she initially offered was SEX and that's what you're getting. So why are you saying you're no longer getting what you 'initially' were offered? Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 MM who won't leave their wives and won't leave OW alone after she has asked to be left alone are a real pain in the ass. You and your wife have already decided you are not splitting up so there is nothing left to decide or do related to this affair. Realize that the world does not revolve around YOU and there is NOTHING to fix here, except yourself. Get a therapist. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 You said she was looking for sex when you met her, and had recently been having sex with a mutual friend up until the month before (I hope you're using protection since she seems to get around a lot). What she initially offered was SEX and that's what you're getting. So why are you saying you're no longer getting what you 'initially' were offered? No, it seems she's backed off and he's not getting the sex anymore. That's the very reason why he's upset. He probably "needs his release." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts