katiegrl Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I missed the four dates part . . . either way, he's playing games and she won't play Good for her. It is in her original post. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Yeah, stop all contact and find other dates. There's no reason on Earth that would stop a guy from seeing a woman he fancies. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I missed the four dates part . . . either way, he's playing games and she won't play Good for her. Actually, I think I thought I was answering another thread. I got confused Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Actually, I think I thought I was answering another thread. I got confused Lol, I've done that! Many of these threads are so much alike, it's easy to do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Oooh, sorry that it went that way I had near identical slow fade, which made me discover that forum: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/483648-over-he-stopped-calling I will never understand what makes this guys spend extensive amount of time on dates that they obviously don't like... But the common theme is that no sex happened both in your and my case, and this was most likely the deal breaker, although they'll not admit it... ****show indeed. Okay so to update everybody...i got blown off. Or at least I think I did. After two weeks of making plans with me, then blowing me off last minute, i got a lengthy three part text telling me that they like me, but they need to get their priorities straight before they can think of dating anyone, I deserve better, etc etc . I was told though to "please not write me off. I already feel a sense of regret". Love in your 30s.....total **** show........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 It may be legit. He may have something going on in his life that he likes to keep private. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 I honestly saw this coming once i got blown off for the "family" excuse. What upsets me the most is that he kept stringing me along. I would have rather he ghosted or just said he was busy. Instead he would make plans, build up my ego, and then cancel. Like i said in a previous post, it just seems cruel. I'm just so grateful to myself that I didn't sleep with him. Otherwise I'd feel 100000000x worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 So i got messages from him late last night first one said "everything is ok, i hope you don't feel like i'm avoiding you" along with asking how my weekend went i then replied it was good and that i'm here if he needs anything and he replied " thanks. you know i'm not an *******, i'm just acting like one." On the surface this seems positive, but no definite plans for future have been made. Opinions............? This guy is a wuss! Too nervous to set a solid plan! Also this may be why he was keep bring up excuses to cancel. If you like to wear the pants in the relationship than date this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I doubt he did it maliciously. More likely he's just not that into you. He and didn't bother putting any effort in and cancelled because he got better offers. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 i've noticed everyone on these forums is really quick to say "walk away", this is because they aren't the one with feelings involved. its so easy to tell someone to "cut and run" when you have no vested emotions and don't know the individuals involved. I agree with this^^ Although the situation turned out the way it did, it seems silly to walk away from something rather than see it out. Sometimes you just have to trust what a person says and take the chance your heart will get hurt. That's what love and dating are: risk. Sometimes it feels like a game of chicken is advised for ego purposes. I'm much more into strategy up front that shows the guy you are worth dating to avoid this kind of stuff though sometimes even with the best strategies you will be dealing with these situations and guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 I agree with this^^ Although the situation turned out the way it did, it seems silly to walk away from something rather than see it out. Sometimes you just have to trust what a person says and take the chance your heart will get hurt. That's what love and dating are: risk. Sometimes it feels like a game of chicken is advised for ego purposes. I'm much more into strategy up front that shows the guy you are worth dating to avoid this kind of stuff though sometimes even with the best strategies you will be dealing with these situations and guys. I was sincerely hoping it would be much different with this person, since it's someone I know from my past/youth and the timing is seemingly right. With online dating its easier to walk away or disappear on the person since theres no history. When its someone you met organically or through friends I think it makes it that much harder. Regardless, my heart and ego are a little bruised... "...It was Sofia who never fully recovered. It was she who some how knew you best... and like you, she never forgot that one night where true love seemed possible. " Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Here's what I did when I was in the dating arena. I really tried to NEVER have all my eggs in one basket. I found myself doing what you're doing. He's the only one you have to think about right now so you're obsessing over everything he's doing. I've done it too many times as well when I was first back on the dating scene. So, I always tried to have several different "prospects" to date and spend time with. I found this helped me not to catastrophize each text or communication with one person. Once I started dating one person who I liked and started sleeping with, I'd then focus on them as long as I didn't feel there was any games or other BS from them. I ran into many women who did similar things as your experiencing. Right or wrong, I simply told myself they were not that into me and focus my attention on finding someone who was. I didn't "end" it with them, I just didn't instigate communication with them either. If they were free and wanted to get together and I was free, I'd see them. If they flaked out a second time, then I'd move on and not communicate with them any further. As a guy, when I'm interested in someone and REALLY like them, I'd MAKE time to see them again, even if I had to rearrange things to accomplish it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 So, I always tried to have several different "prospects" to date and spend time with. I found this helped me not to catastrophize each text or communication with one person. Once I started dating one person who I liked and started sleeping with, I'd then focus on them as long as I didn't feel there was any games or other BS from them. Yes, this not putting all eggs in one basket will help you keep it in perspective. It's important not to catastrophize each text or communication as aloneinaz says. I do think it's possible he could be telling the truth based on his last relationship. What you do next could be exactly what pulls you toward him or pushes you away. I advocate making him a very low priority and letting him contact you. Be pleasant but not invested if he does. I'm thinking he started getting majorly nervous when he realized you two were getting close enough that he was going to be in another relationship shortly. Keep him slightly in your orbit through his own effort. I know plenty of relationships that started out like this and are now successful ones. I say this with caution though because you can't count on it. Date other people too and give him little thought. If anything, this will speed up the process of him figuring out what he wants because he will worry that one of the others will get serious with you. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 The thing is: I have been playing the field. As a scorned woman in my 30s (lol), I've been casting a wide net for the past year. Not letting myself get attached to one person, dating (but not sleeping with) multiple guys so I don't feel like I'm settling, rediscovering myself and weighing all my options. My last relationship was a nightmare so I'm better at spotting red flags now. Until this person, I really had a grip on my expectations and didn't let myself get too excited or dream of the future. This time, i don't know wtf happened... Maybe its karma. As f'ed up as it may sound, even since I've been dating him I still have been talking to other guys. But even that doesn't distract me or bandaid how I feel Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 oh good you are doing the right things then. I know it hurts. That's just how it is sometimes. Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Late last year, I had someone from my high school and college days (who I had a heavy crush on--and heavy is an understatement) contact me via email from out of the blue talking about he'd been looking for me for years, wanting to rekindle things with me and see where they went. We lived in different states, but he wanted to come out and visit me, etc. After about 3 weeks of texting and calling each day, he ghosted. I waited about a week and sent him a text and he said he was crazy busy, but would call. That was November 2014 and I still haven't heard from him. He used to do this mess when we were in college. I dropped him then and I'm not about to pick him back up now, in my 50's, and put up with that isht. I blocked him every which way except for email and if he wanted to find out what was wrong, he would have sent an email by now. He demonstrated that he was not serious about anything--probably more like he and whoever he was with were on the outs and he went looking for me and found me on Facebook (I'm hard to find on there unless you know someone I know, which is possibly how he found me). I refuse to go back and play that mess again, so I moved on. It would have been a really interesting chapter in my life had it worked out for us to have worked it out 40 years later. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 The thing is: I have been playing the field. As a scorned woman in my 30s (lol), I've been casting a wide net for the past year. Not letting myself get attached to one person, dating (but not sleeping with) multiple guys so I don't feel like I'm settling, rediscovering myself and weighing all my options. This is perfect and you need to continue down this path. Dating can be so frustrating. You meet someone you like but it doesn't go they way you really want it to go. When this happened to me, I simply kept plugging along. I always said dating is like sales calls. You have to get in front of a lot of prospects to make the sell. The challenge is to keep your patience while going thru the process. In all my successful relationships, there was never any BS at the beginning of the dating or relationships. When there was, it was a sign that it wasn't going to work for any length of time. Keep dating and let the dust settle with this guy. If you hear from him again and he asks you out, give him a final chance. I wouldn't be his texting buddy when he's bored though. If he communicates with you, if he's not asking you out, then decide if you want to keep going down that road with him. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Just an opinion, but dating many guys didn't work for me even as a bandaid... The main reason is I couldn't relax to be physical, even kissing, if i know i've set dates with others. Sequential dating and learning to spot the manipulators very early on could be a working strategy. Similar to you, I'm in my early 30s and had been in horrible relationships and bad dating experiences. One lesson is that the ones who start very strong on date 1/2/3 are likely just charismatic manipulators. Women like us (sorry if I'm generalizing) are a good target: we probably appear very keen for relationship/love which is easy to spot. Again in my opinion, the source of meets (OLD or organic), doesn't matter after date 1. The thing is: I have been playing the field. As a scorned woman in my 30s (lol), I've been casting a wide net for the past year. Not letting myself get attached to one person, dating (but not sleeping with) multiple guys so I don't feel like I'm settling, rediscovering myself and weighing all my options. My last relationship was a nightmare so I'm better at spotting red flags now. Until this person, I really had a grip on my expectations and didn't let myself get too excited or dream of the future. This time, i don't know wtf happened... Maybe its karma. As f'ed up as it may sound, even since I've been dating him I still have been talking to other guys. But even that doesn't distract me or bandaid how I feel Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Thanks to everyone who replied! I can't tell you how much I appreciate the advice/opinions/words of encouragement. Good luck to you all! Link to post Share on other sites
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