fireflywy Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 And what are you not GOOD at enough Jon? A failed RELATIONSHIP at 25? An unsettled career at 25? Living in the wrong city at 25? 25. 25 years old man and you think the breakwater just beyond the pier is your destination. Perhaps telling you to focus on yourself is the wrong thing because in telling you this, you're focusing too much on you FEEL vs the positive change of BEING for the future. I'm done here. Nothing more I can say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 My problem is that I had SO MANY opportunities to change in my relationship and I away swept it under the rug. She supported me thought my bouts of depression and when I decided to go back to therapy. I made valid efforts but I would eventually relapse back to my old ways until she got fed up with my bull****. I took her kindness for granted and she finally decided she didn't want to deal with my ass anymore. My thing is why didn't I change in my relationship? Why did I let the argument go from yelling to tears? How could I be so dumb, selfish and stupid? It took the break-up to make me realize I REALLY needed to change but now it doesn't matter, because in my head it's too late. It will always be too late. Your problem is that you think you need to change ...you shouldnt need to change for your partner. I am not sure what the arguments were but change shouldnt be a one person only. Both need to change things to make things work but you can only make so many changes. If you didnt like eating cheesy and your ex kept wanting to feed you cheesy..you cant just flip the switch and like something ...you simply cant make yourself like it. You shouldnt have to change for anyone regardless 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Your problem is that you think you need to change ...you shouldnt need to change for your partner. I am not sure what the arguments were but change shouldnt be a one person only. Both need to change things to make things work but you can only make so many changes. If you didnt like eating cheesy and your ex kept wanting to feed you cheesy..you cant just flip the switch and like something ...you simply cant make yourself like it. You shouldnt have to change for anyone regardless Somethings such as controlling your anger and being a better communicator should always warrant change no matter who you're in a relationship with. There's a thread I made recently called, "Weighing in issues of previous relationship" where I mention all our issues, mines and hers. You and Fly should check that out and tell me what you guys think... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 my relationship ended 1 year ago, and I truly believe I am cursed and will not meet anyone to be with. I have decided that I will end my life in one year no matter what anyone says if I cannot find a girlfriend again. Its absolutely too much to bear being alone day in and day out, spending nights alone with no one to hold, its the worst feeling knowing that all my friends are coupled up and having sex everynight and enjoying their relationships WHILE I HAVE literally NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 my relationship ended 1 year ago, and I truly believe I am cursed and will not meet anyone to be with. I have decided that I will end my life in one year no matter what anyone says if I cannot find a girlfriend again. Its absolutely too much to bear being alone day in and day out, spending nights alone with no one to hold, its the worst feeling knowing that all my friends are coupled up and having sex everynight and enjoying their relationships WHILE I HAVE literally NOTHING. How old are you? Do you work and go to school? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 How old are you? Do you work and go to school? im 25 and i work full time for the government. none of that matters though. im better off dead Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 im 25 and i work full time for the government. none of that matters though. im better off dead OK, you need help, please go and see your doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 OK, you need help, please go and see your doctor. the doctor just says the same **** everyone else says, or tries to shove pills down my throat. what good is any of that going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 the doctor just says the same **** everyone else says, or tries to shove pills down my throat. what good is any of that going to do. Have you tried the pills, seen a therapist? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Have you tried the pills, seen a therapist? what people dont get is if it wasnt for the rejection and the ability to find someone or to even get laid, things wouldnt be this bleak for me. you cant expect any human to go years without phsyical contact and mental connection with the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 im 25 and i work full time for the government. none of that matters though. im better off dead You too? Damn, 25 is such a ****ed up age lol Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I would live single the rest of my life. I can think of PLENTY of worse things. Look, I've been married. It was hell on earth. I said, "never again!" Being single is awesome. Yes, I have a GF, but I didn't despair when I was single. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, with no repercussions. Oh, a friend invited me to fly with them across country for a few days? I'm there. Lounging around in my pj's all weekend playing video games sounds good? I'd totally do it. Some floozy is making it clear she'd like a hook up? Yay, NSA sex! Nobody to nag me, nobody to try to change me, nobody to tell me what to do, nobody judging me...just me, my money, and the world, baby. If I really got that lonely and didn't feel like dating, I'd get me a sugar baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) my relationship ended 1 year ago, and I truly believe I am cursed and will not meet anyone to be with. I have decided that I will end my life in one year no matter what anyone says if I cannot find a girlfriend again. Its absolutely too much to bear being alone day in and day out, spending nights alone with no one to hold, its the worst feeling knowing that all my friends are coupled up and having sex everynight and enjoying their relationships WHILE I HAVE literally NOTHING. Really? Come on man, it is not that bad to be alone. Do you really think that people in relationships are always happy? I can tell you they are not. They have other problems and sometimes crappy marriages. Many of my friends are married and have a bunch of children, a house they own, etc, etc. But it is not all that shines that glitters. I on the other hand am alone, I just have lost my job. But I feel so positive right now. And believe me I know depression! I am always leaning to the pessimistic side of things. But we have to take life as it comes and in almost everything there is something good to discover.I still miss my ex after 1.5 years. It really is unfortunate that she pushed me away. I really think that she denied something really beautiful, those short moments with her were the happiest in my life and I feel fortunate that at least those short moments were there for me. I have learnt in my three and a half decades that I have to work with how life presents itself to me. Do not compare, it is a road to unhappiness, more so because many people lie about there apparently beautiful lives. Edited May 14, 2015 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 By far I'd rather be single. If you think that all there is to life is to be in a relationship with someone else, you are doing it wrong. That should not be the sum of your existence, rather just part of the equation... and an optional one. If you aren't living, that's not because you don't have a relationship, it's because you are denying yourself the chance to live. Mutually exclusive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Have not read this thread, but single life all the way. I actually like being single a lot -- I can do what I want when I want with who I want. You have to be special as hell for me to give up that freedom. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 She blocked everything but my number, that bitch. I'm mad I messed it up with such a good girl. Even my mom looked a little disappointed in me. She didn't say these exact words but the look on her face just said, "How could you mess it up with such a nice girl". But she did say, "You need to learn my son, you need to learn to be patient and keep your composure with others." All I could do is look in the mirror and tell myself, "You, have you done this time? You really did it this time..." I took her for granted just like my dad took my mom for granted. Now we're both just two losers that lost the best women in our lives. Jon, your mother looked at you this way because SHE knows you can do better. She's hoping you'll learn from this. As for your IQ comment and social skills pity stuff, (and yes I call it self pity because that's how you're sounding) stop it . How you do on an IQ test can be improved. How you socialize can be improved. But that will ONLY get better when you leave the guilt trap and the only magical formula which will make that happen is YOU taking one step at a time with the INTENT that you will do your best to leave that trap behind. You're better then this man. Come on. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 By far I'd rather be single. If you think that all there is to life is to be in a relationship with someone else, you are doing it wrong. That should not be the sum of your existence, rather just part of the equation... and an optional one. If you aren't living, that's not because you don't have a relationship, it's because you are denying yourself the chance to live. Mutually exclusive. That's the part I can't wrap my head around. The thing is I do live, and living just makes me miss the people (or person) I want to do these things with the most. 'Living' makes me more sad than sitting in my room watching TV all day. Like traveling the world, who wants to do that one their own? I certainly couldn't do that. And then what Simon mentioned is true too. Nobody wants to give up that freedom anymore, everyone wants to be free and do whatever they want. My ex had the same thing in mind, she rather be single than to be with me, that **** hurts more anyone could imagine, I rather you just cheat on me and bounce. I know too many people who think like this and it just makes me hate society even more. I'm constantly swallowing this biter pill every morning that I wake up. I don't know where the human mind is anymore but I sure as hell am not 'evolving' like the rest of you. All these things are ugly in my eyes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 THad I the certainty I'll spend the rest of my life alone, I'd kill myself with no hesitation. . And thank goodness that CERTAINTY DOESN'T EXIST; IT IS NOT KNOWN BY MORTAL HANDS. Nothing is certain in this case so this is ALL hypothetical. Those of you dabbling in certainties need to stop OR go out and make yourself rich already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 'Living' makes me more sad than sitting in my room watching TV all day. Like traveling the world, who wants to do that one their own? I certainly couldn't do that. Being alone is probably good for you then. You were just co-dependent. You need to embrace that at some point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Being alone is probably good for you then. You were just co-dependent. You need to embrace that at some point. Embrace, nah. Tolerate, I try. The quicker a rebound shows up the quicker I'll stop feeling like this... Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 And then what Simon mentioned is true too. Nobody wants to give up that freedom anymore, everyone wants to be free and do whatever they want. My ex had the same thing in mind, she rather be single than to be with me Well in all honesty, I think there is a difference between a girl in the beginning of her twenties and Simon. Its an old one from the book. Girls just say this, when they want to experience other things. Has nothing to do with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Well in all honesty, I think there is a difference between a girl in the beginning of her twenties and Simon. Its an old one from the book. Girls just say this, when they want to experience other things. Has nothing to do with you. It actually an old one from the book. Girls just say this, when they want to experience other things. Has nothing to do with you. The constant fighting had a lot to do with it too. I didn't want her hanging with her coworkers because some of them were guys. If I wasn't such an insecure little girl I would still have her right now. The more the fighting persisted the more I pushed her away, and I felt it. I just don't like when my girlfriend is around guys, no guy should. Little things makes me paranoid. I would get frustrated at her whenever she ate McDonalds because I didn't want her to get sick and die. I would get frustrated at her when she didn't self examine herself because breast cancer runs in her family. I was really overprotective. But if what you're saying is true then I hope her next boyfriend beats her to a pulp so she knows what real fighting is... Edited May 14, 2015 by Jonp219 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Embrace, nah. Tolerate, I try. The quicker a rebound shows up the quicker I'll stop feeling like this... Bull. The quicker you stop THINKING like this, the better off you'll be. A rebound isn't going to SAVE you and even if it does for a little while and you get your heart broken AGAIN then what? You'll wait for the next bus? Put on the next band aid to patch together a broken bone? Your perception is your reality here. How long are you going to let yourself stay in HELL? Time for you to inch your way out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 I would live single the rest of my life. I can think of PLENTY of worse things. Look, I've been married. It was hell on earth. I said, "never again!" Being single is awesome. Yes, I have a GF, but I didn't despair when I was single. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, with no repercussions. Oh, a friend invited me to fly with them across country for a few days? I'm there. Lounging around in my pj's all weekend playing video games sounds good? I'd totally do it. Some floozy is making it clear she'd like a hook up? Yay, NSA sex! Nobody to nag me, nobody to try to change me, nobody to tell me what to do, nobody judging me...just me, my money, and the world, baby. If I really got that lonely and didn't feel like dating, I'd get me a sugar baby. Key sentence here being you get laid. I havent been laid in 1.5 months. its starting to eat away at me. Sure if I got laid all the time i probably wouldnt be wanting to kill myself either. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Key sentence here being you get laid. I havent been laid in 1.5 months. its starting to eat away at me. Sure if I got laid all the time i probably wouldnt be wanting to kill myself either. Meaningless sex is "B" sex compared to really knowing the person. I'm going to catch a lot of crap for this, but why not just pay to have a little meaningless sex if that's what's bothering you most? Similar price to a fairly expensive date, you have a job. I have been away on my project for several months and have not stopped it to hook up in well over 2 months. Yet, I'm not bothered at all. Just hire a girl to get that off your brain, then focus on something else... Link to post Share on other sites
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