would you rather live a single life forever or kill yourself?

[Jonp219]

What will this do for you?

 

Do you want to be considered the crazy ex who just won't let go because that's EXACTLY how you'll be seen.

 

Get over it already and move on.

 

Not really...

 

She's not going to know.

 

When she moves on, I'll move on to the next best thing.

[Satu]

"For the man for whom nothing is ever enough, nothing is ever enough."

[fireflywy]

Of course it would be silly! Because I don't want to see my friends die!

But i don't give a damn about myself lol. And you know what? Joke's on me because I am seeing a therapist, and I still want to do it.

 

It's rough that you had to see that because I would of BEEN offed myself, probably right in front of her too. But i'm happy for you, you have more to live for that's awesome! That's great!

 

I don't...

 

That's the difference between me and everyone else in here.

 

Yeah but did you tell your therapist this?

 

With that said, I want you to imagine that day Jon.

 

Let's imagine it shall we?

 

You see her on twitter with some other douche and you finally say "Alright that's it. I'm doing this." And then you begin planning how you will erase yourself from this world.

 

Imagine that. Total erasure from this world. There won't be a day after. No, Jonp decided to ended his own life because his relationship didn't work out with a woman.

 

So imagine your last day. Perhaps you call your mother or friends to say you love them. You do your best to act normal but there is something wrong in your voice. They ask you "What's wrong?" And you lie to them. They have absolutely NO IDEA what's coming and if they did, they would move HEAVEN AND EARTH to get you to stop walking this path of THOUGHTS (yes, all you are facing now are THOUGHTS and SHADOWS because the PAST is done). They have absolutely NO IDEA what's coming.

 

You though, in self pity, because of a stupid woman and a few mistakes which you can learn from for the future, are about to bring THEM a lifetime of misery and tears which you can NEVER take back.

 

But hey, who cares right? All that matters is YOU. ALL that matters in this universe is that Jonp messed up a RELATIONSHIP, a brief year or so of his life, at 25 years old, because he didn't handle it the way he thought he should have.

 

So the day comes. You go outside, hear the birds, feel the sunshine, and perhaps you wonder why you never noticed it before. You ask yourself "Where were all of these days before? Why cant i have a day like this?" of course the answer is clear that you have a choice to move beyond your past mistakes and embrace thousands of days like this and the excitment of the unknown in the future but you dont care.

 

All that matters is YOU. The wonderful unknown doesnt matter. Your friends dont matter. The prospect of sweet days dont matter. All that matters is YOU and how you feel in THIS MOMENT. This fleeting MOMENT which WILL pass one day if you look beyond it.

 

But hey, **** that. All that matters in all of your years of existence is a woman and a failed RELATIONSHIP at 25 years old. Forget the idea that youre only 25. Forget the facf that, even though you've faced tough circumstances, fears, doubts, mistakes, and problems, that you have also had fantastic, wonderful days (and not just with HER! But SHE is an example that you are able of finding someone and making it even BETTER for the next!) and that, being so young, you still have so much time, so many days to disproportionally FILL YOUR LIFE with more great days of joy than that of sorrow.

 

So there you are. You've now gone through your day and you're finally at the act. Perhaps you are chosing a method. They are all messy. Have you thought of you'll look when you're found? Some soul has to clean up after you, clean up your messy bowels. Perhaps you just passed away from some chemical induction in a hot New York apartment and no one heard from you for days. The smell begins to waft up from where you live and the landlord has to open your apartment or dwelling only to basically have the coroner scrape you off the carpet. (My little brother had this happen to an old lady who died of a heart attack beneath him and their apartment complex stunk for days.)

 

Take note, because THIS will be the last act, and the disguting image that it conjurs, that your ending tombstone date will be connected to.

 

But hey, who cares right. All that matters is a failed RELATIONSHIP right? Who cares about anything else right? Who cares about sunny days, an empty seat at the Holidays, that mysterious, unamed faceless woman who is looking for a man who has matured following his "long night of the soul" who is desperately looking for you? Right now, in brief moment in time, all that matters is a damn woman.

 

And then there is your funeral. People are there crying, missing you. Your family and dear friends are devasted. They are sad but also enraged. However, not ONE of them blames your ex or are angry at her. They are angry at you.

 

And her, maybe she showed up, maybe she cried a tear or two, but she'll move on and chances are she'll move on thinking she dodged a bullett and ANY sweet thing that she remembers about you is now overshadowed with this thought.

Whereas you could have directed your energies into being a better, stronger, more secure, bright, open, person, and maybe showed HER someday how far you've come and made yourself a man worth being with for someone ELSE, you are gone.

 

Whereas you could have been remembered for being a person of joy, strength, and an example that dark times and doubts CAN be overcome and being remembered as an inspirational example, all of that will have a glaring asterick saying *SUICIDE.

 

So now you're dead.

 

Think of that for a moment. Let it echo like a bell struck once at midnight.

 

Dead.

 

There is no certainty of an afterlife, no certainty that there is an awareness or escape from the TEMPORARY pain. You're gone.

 

Heck, maybe you're even in HELL for comitting such acts as a defilement against life. Who knows?

 

 

And all because of a failed RELATIONSHIP and a rough road leading up to the age of 25.

 

You don't want to be remembered for this. You don't want to end it over this. You don't want all of that beauty of the mystery of an unknown day FOLLOWING all of this (and following her moving on) to be missed do you? You.live in a universe of possibilities. Infinite possibilities and infinite little mysteries where your destiny, yet unrevealed, will bump into you one day.

 

Don't give that up.

 

So, with that said. Please, please wake up. Tell your therapist, call a hotline please.

 

The world needs MORE EXAMPLES of people who can overcome dark times. We need wisdom from those people travelling those paths.

I hope you can be one.

Edited May 16, 2015 by fireflywy

[guest569]

Of course it would be silly! Because I don't want to see my friends die!

 

But i don't give a damn about myself lol. And you know what? Joke's on me because I am seeing a therapist, and I still want to do it.

 

It's rough that you had to see that because I would of BEEN offed myself, probably right in front of her too. But i'm happy for you, you have more to live for that's awesome! That's great!

 

I don't...

 

That's the difference between me and everyone else in here.

 

Do you want your friends to see you die? Can you think of how crap that would be for your family? Are you on your own? Go and stay with friends or family and go back to psychologist ASAP.

 

I wanted to kill myself over a breakup too, i still do at times. I am glad i didnt though, things change and things got better. You need to stop thinking that you are unique and alone in this. I think you will regret it (sure, you'll be too dead to give a damn, but your mother will have regrets I'm sure). Just go and talk to the psychologist again.

[na49]

You have more to live for that's awesome! That's great!

 

I don't...

 

That's the difference between me and everyone else in here.

 

I really don't have any more to live for than you. I also am not great with girls, and made my ex my entire world. I lost most (all) of my friends over the course of my relationship, so I'm lonely/bored as hell most of the time now. While you are unsure about your ex getting railed by another dude, my ex has been railed by two already over the course of 3 months. I don't have a lot going for me right now either.

 

You seem to think that your heartbreak is more severe than everyone else's but I don't think that it is. We mention how we talked about marrying our ex's. Some people actually DID marry their ex, and then got divorced! I can't imagine how badly that would hurt.

 

I know how you are feeling, so I know that nothing I tell you or anyone else will tell you can change your mind. You are convinced that your entire purpose was to be with this girl, and because you failed, your life is over. I feel that way too sometimes. You need to have an epiphany on your own. Keep talking to your therapist, and tell him about your suicidal thoughts if you haven't.

[Jonp219]

I really don't have any more to live for than you. I also am not great with girls, and made my ex my entire world. I lost most (all) of my friends over the course of my relationship, so I'm lonely/bored as hell most of the time now. While you are unsure about your ex getting railed by another dude, my ex has been railed by two already over the course of 3 months. I don't have a lot going for me right now either.

 

You seem to think that your heartbreak is more severe than everyone else's but I don't think that it is. We mention how we talked about marrying our ex's. Some people actually DID marry their ex, and then got divorced! I can't imagine how badly that would hurt.

 

I know how you are feeling, so I know that nothing I tell you or anyone else will tell you can change your mind. You are convinced that your entire purpose was to be with this girl, and because you failed, your life is over. I feel that way too sometimes. You need to have an epiphany on your own. Keep talking to your therapist, and tell him about your suicidal thoughts if you haven't.

 

If you feel this way what keeps you going? What makes you want to wake up every morning? What makes you want to go through another day with all of this on your mind? You're telling me I need to have an epiphany, so what was yours?

[Jonp219]

Do you want your friends to see you die? Can you think of how crap that would be for your family? Are you on your own? Go and stay with friends or family and go back to psychologist ASAP.

 

I wanted to kill myself over a breakup too, i still do at times. I am glad i didnt though, things change and things got better. You need to stop thinking that you are unique and alone in this. I think you will regret it (sure, you'll be too dead to give a damn, but your mother will have regrets I'm sure). Just go and talk to the psychologist again.

 

Everyones experience is unique. I'm not trying to downplay what you went through, but we go through these things differently. Just like my perception of this world is a lot uglier than most people. I see people as vindicative opportunists who are only out for their own gain. Hell I even saw my ex as one of those people, because sometimes I just didn't know what was on her mind and it scared me. The world was ugly even when I was with her, she was my only bright spot. Now the world look absolutely abhorrent and ridiculously hideous in my eyes.

 

You said you still want to kill yourself sometimes? Well since continue to have those thought, what exactly has changed for you then?

[Jonp219]

Yeah but did you tell your therapist this?

 

With that said, I want you to imagine that day Jon.

 

Let's imagine it shall we?

 

You see her on twitter with some other douche and you finally say "Alright that's it. I'm doing this." And then you begin planning how you will erase yourself from this world.

 

Imagine that. Total erasure from this world. There won't be a day after. No, Jonp decided to ended his own life because his relationship didn't work out with a woman.

 

So imagine your last day. Perhaps you call your mother or friends to say you love them. You do your best to act normal but there is something wrong in your voice. They ask you "What's wrong?" And you lie to them. They have absolutely NO IDEA what's coming and if they did, they would move HEAVEN AND EARTH to get you to stop walking this path of THOUGHTS (yes, all you are facing now are THOUGHTS and SHADOWS because the PAST is done). They have absolutely NO IDEA what's coming.

 

You though, in self pity, because of a stupid woman and a few mistakes which you can learn from for the future, are about to bring THEM a lifetime of misery and tears which you can NEVER take back.

 

But hey, who cares right? All that matters is YOU. ALL that matters in this universe is that Jonp messed up a RELATIONSHIP, a brief year or so of his life, at 25 years old, because he didn't handle it the way he thought he should have.

 

So the day comes. You go outside, hear the birds, feel the sunshine, and perhaps you wonder why you never noticed it before. You ask yourself "Where were all of these days before? Why cant i have a day like this?" of course the answer is clear that you have a choice to move beyond your past mistakes and embrace thousands of days like this and the excitment of the unknown in the future but you dont care.

 

All that matters is YOU. The wonderful unknown doesnt matter. Your friends dont matter. The prospect of sweet days dont matter. All that matters is YOU and how you feel in THIS MOMENT. This fleeting MOMENT which WILL pass one day if you look beyond it.

 

But hey, **** that. All that matters in all of your years of existence is a woman and a failed RELATIONSHIP at 25 years old. Forget the idea that youre only 25. Forget the facf that, even though you've faced tough circumstances, fears, doubts, mistakes, and problems, that you have also had fantastic, wonderful days (and not just with HER! But SHE is an example that you are able of finding someone and making it even BETTER for the next!) and that, being so young, you still have so much time, so many days to disproportionally FILL YOUR LIFE with more great days of joy than that of sorrow.

 

So there you are. You've now gone through your day and you're finally at the act. Perhaps you are chosing a method. They are all messy. Have you thought of you'll look when you're found? Some soul has to clean up after you, clean up your messy bowels. Perhaps you just passed away from some chemical induction in a hot New York apartment and no one heard from you for days. The smell begins to waft up from where you live and the landlord has to open your apartment or dwelling only to basically have the coroner scrape you off the carpet. (My little brother had this happen to an old lady who died of a heart attack beneath him and their apartment complex stunk for days.)

 

Take note, because THIS will be the last act, and the disguting image that it conjurs, that your ending tombstone date will be connected to.

 

But hey, who cares right. All that matters is a failed RELATIONSHIP right? Who cares about anything else right? Who cares about sunny days, an empty seat at the Holidays, that mysterious, unamed faceless woman who is looking for a man who has matured following his "long night of the soul" who is desperately looking for you? Right now, in brief moment in time, all that matters is a damn woman.

 

And then there is your funeral. People are there crying, missing you. Your family and dear friends are devasted. They are sad but also enraged. However, not ONE of them blames your ex or are angry at her. They are angry at you.

 

And her, maybe she showed up, maybe she cried a tear or two, but she'll move on and chances are she'll move on thinking she dodged a bullett and ANY sweet thing that she remembers about you is now overshadowed with this thought.

Whereas you could have directed your energies into being a better, stronger, more secure, bright, open, person, and maybe showed HER someday how far you've come and made yourself a man worth being with for someone ELSE, you are gone.

 

Whereas you could have been remembered for being a person of joy, strength, and an example that dark times and doubts CAN be overcome and being remembered as an inspirational example, all of that will have a glaring asterick saying *SUICIDE.

 

So now you're dead.

 

Think of that for a moment. Let it echo like a bell struck once at midnight.

 

Dead.

 

There is no certainty of an afterlife, no certainty that there is an awareness or escape from the TEMPORARY pain. You're gone.

 

Heck, maybe you're even in HELL for comitting such acts as a defilement against life. Who knows?

 

 

And all because of a failed RELATIONSHIP and a rough road leading up to the age of 25.

 

You don't want to be remembered for this. You don't want to end it over this. You don't want all of that beauty of the mystery of an unknown day FOLLOWING all of this (and following her moving on) to be missed do you? You.live in a universe of possibilities. Infinite possibilities and infinite little mysteries where your destiny, yet unrevealed, will bump into you one day.

 

Don't give that up.

 

So, with that said. Please, please wake up. Tell your therapist, call a hotline please.

 

The world needs MORE EXAMPLES of people who can overcome dark times. We need wisdom from those people travelling those paths.

I hope you can be one.

 

I really didn't know how to answer this one. I slept on it just thinking about what you said here. In all honesty, being completely eradicated from this earth doesn't scare me as much as living in it without her. The only thing this really made me think about was my family. My friends will be just fine I'm not worried about them, they have their own lives to worry about.

 

You say it's just a failed relationship, but no it's more than that. It's lost love and more baggage for my unforgivable journey. More baggage that I have to haul around, more baggage than I was carrying in my previous relationship. It's just more fear, more hate, and more despair. I experience these sunny days everyday, it's part of the reason I feel this way! I go outside I feel the breeze, I feel the sun shining on my face, I see people joking and laughing, and I can't enjoy it. I can't enjoy it because it all brings me back to a place that makes me wish I was dead in the first place.

 

I don't know what you see around you everyday, but to me the ugliness is potent. We live in times of economic turmoil and people my age are nothing more but slaves to debt. We live in a world where materialism runs rampant, and love is nothing more than a Saturday night fling. This is the world I have to adapt to, really? I didn't see all this when I was with her. I knew the world sucked, but since she had similar views it almost seemed like it was a "Us against the world" kind of thing you know? Now it's not, now I feel like Will Smith in "I Am Legend" after his dog gets killed. You put me in a room full of people and I'm still going to be alone, it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

 

25...only 25...I feel like I'm 40.

[fireflywy]

I really didn't know how to answer this one. I slept on it just thinking about what you said here. In all honesty, being completely eradicated from this earth doesn't scare me as much as living in it without her. The only thing this really made me think about was my family. My friends will be just fine I'm not worried about them, they have their own lives to worry about.

 

You say it's just a failed relationship, but no it's more than that. It's lost love and more baggage for my unforgivable journey. More baggage that I have to haul around, more baggage than I was carrying in my previous relationship. It's just more fear, more hate, and more despair. I experience these sunny days everyday, it's part of the reason I feel this way! I go outside I feel the breeze, I feel the sun shining on my face, I see people joking and laughing, and I can't enjoy it. I can't enjoy it because it all brings me back to a place that makes me wish I was dead in the first place.

 

I don't know what you see around you everyday, but to me the ugliness is potent. We live in times of economic turmoil and people my age are nothing more but slaves to debt. We live in a world where materialism runs rampant, and love is nothing more than a Saturday night fling. This is the world I have to adapt to, really? I didn't see all this when I was with her. I knew the world sucked, but since she had similar views it almost seemed like it was a "Us against the world" kind of thing you know? Now it's not, now I feel like Will Smith in "I Am Legend" after his dog gets killed. You put me in a room full of people and I'm still going to be alone, it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

 

25...only 25...I feel like I'm 40.

 

Yes. Its just a LOST RELATIONSHIP. Jon, think about it dude, you are posting on a forum where each poster here has LOST LOVE too. There are stories on here which are absolutely DEVASTATING and far beyond the pale of anything you just experienced.

 

Do you REALLY, honestly, think she's the ONLY person in all of creation who can make you happy in a relationship? No. She isn't.

 

There are two people out there who can give you perspective and happiness and one is more important then the latter.

 

The latter is the NEXT person who will come along. However, she's only going to come along if and when 1. You're alive. 2. You get rid of this self pity "Woah is me! I'm so horrible I can get beyond the FALSE goddess I just dated!" b.s. 3. If you're a stronger person from this.

 

Now, the former person who is formost in your happiness is you. However, you have got to reframe the bull**** coming from your mouth about all of this. It needs to stop, today. You need to let this stuff go and LEAVE looking at your ex behind you.

 

Who cares if you FEEL 40? There's a lot of wisdom at 40 and if you're a lite hearted 25 year old with that 40 year old perspective on life then you're running with the MEN and not the little boys that the unworthy women are chasing and getting ****ed over by.

 

But hey, its up to you to change your mind. As I said,.its a FEELING. the change basee on how you take steps to avoid it.

 

And as for your family and friends, yes. It would be absolutely devasting. You think YOURE in pain? Imagine losing a child who had his world before him (if he would just open his ****ing eyes!) and who is now gone.

 

Well, and that's all I have to say. I gave it my best shot.

Edited May 16, 2015 by fireflywy

[fireflywy]

And one last question Jon....

 

Did you TELL your therapist these thoughts?

[Jonp219]

And one last question Jon....

 

Did you TELL your therapist these thoughts?

 

I will answer you on my latest thread.

[fireflywy]

I will answer you on my latest thread.

 

Whatever dude....

[TrevorDia]

I know my story isn't as intense as other people's, but anyway:

 

Today marks 4 weeks since I last spoke to her. Most people would say I broke NC by drunkenly adding her on Instagram, but I don't think I'd make it a day longer if I went back to Day 1, so I'm going to cheat myself, tell myself I'm 4 weeks NC, and in a month, knock off 4 weeks.

 

It's been a rough month, it's had very few ups and a lot of downs, but it's getting to the point where the downs are on par with the ups - so hopefully my ups will outnumber my downs to the point where I no longer think about my ex. I loved her so much, but I guess that's the way life's meant to be. I still love her, but I'm not going to let my pain hurt other people.

 

I live by a new rule: "When people hurt you over and over, think of them as sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end you end up polished and they end up useless."

 

You know what the hardest bit of all this is? Forgiving myself for allowing her to hurt me like this.

 

I wish you all a better tomorrow