StephenSG Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Everyone tells me to learn to be happy on my own, but I genuinely want to know how other people feel. If you were in the same boat that I am, and unable to get a girlfirned no matter how hard you try, would you mind living alone forever? Or would you end your life? I am at the point where I feel the loneliness has taken hold and I would be better off not living. I dont say that in a way seeking sympathy, but I genuintely feel that its a logical decision to end suffering instead of continueing living a woeful life.
todreaminblue Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 loneliness is in isolation.....death is not the answer to isolation or loneliness ....people are the answer....and not just a partner or a girlfriend but many people from all walks of life ......part of being human is that longing to share your life with someone special..i know and understand your longing for I have it too.....when you dont have that special someone in your life...make everyone you touch and come in contact with in your life as it is......feel special...and pretty soon....you will feel special too....never give up..deb..... 3
deadelvis Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Umm. ask a married person. the order goes like this from best to worst 1. Single 2. Suicide 3. Marraige 6
todreaminblue Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Umm. ask a married person. the order goes like this from best to worst 1. Single 2. Suicide 3. Marraige ray of sunshine...injecting one here.......deb 1
Satu Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Not having a girlfriend, doesn't mean you have to be alone or lonely. There are billions of people on this planet, and a good many of them are lonely. There are many who are friendless. Why not be a friend to a friendless person, and make their life richer and more rewarding? Forget about 'take,' and concentrate on 'give.' You won't be lonely for long, if you do. 8
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Not having a girlfriend, doesn't mean you have to be alone or lonely. There are billions of people on this planet, and a good many of them are lonely. There are many who are friendless. Why not be a friend to a friendless person, and make their life richer and more rewarding? Forget about 'take,' and concentrate on 'give.' You won't be lonely for long, if you do. I have friends, but the feeling isnt the same. When I was with my ex we could lay together and there was a phsyical and mental closeness, with friends you don't have that. sex is also a big part of it. 1
carhill Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Everyone tells me to learn to be happy on my own, but I genuinely want to know how other people feel. Sounds hokey but, having walked the path IMO they aren't wrong. If you were in the same boat that I am, and unable to get a girlfirned no matter how hard you try, would you mind living alone forever? I didn't have a real 'girlfriend' until my mid 30's but didn't give up. Or would you end your life? Never occurred to me to offer up my life at the altar of women. I guess it works for some people though. I am at the point where I feel the loneliness has taken hold and I would be better off not living. Yep, living alone can do that to one if one is a social creature. The loneliness lets one know they are alive. I dont say that in a way seeking sympathy, but I genuintely feel that its a logical decision to end suffering instead of continueing living a woeful life. Hey, if I had self-terminated in my 30's I never would have met the woman who became my wife or been able to give my mother comfort and care in her last years on the planet or love and friendship to many in the interceding 20 or so years. I would have walked away. Up to you. Good luck with your decision. 4
Satu Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I have friends, but the feeling isnt the same. When I was with my ex we could lay together and there was a phsyical and mental closeness, with friends you don't have that. sex is also a big part of it. You undervalue your friendships if they give you no reason to continue living. 2
TunaCat Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 No man or woman is worth killing yourself over. Yes, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life. I have a great family who I love and hobbies that I enjoy doing. Committing suicide because you can't find a significant other seems crazy to me. You have to be happy with yourself before you are happy in a relationship. I have only dated one guy my entire life. I'm in my late 20's, but I'm not what people would consider attractive. I've been single for nearly 2 months and I literally cannot get a date with anyone I find interesting. So what? Having a significant other is not the key to happiness. 4
Satu Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 No man or woman is worth killing yourself over. Yes, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life. I have a great family who I love and hobbies that I enjoy doing. Committing suicide because you can't find a significant other seems crazy to me. You have to be happy with yourself before you are happy in a relationship. I have only dated one guy my entire life. I'm in my late 20's, but I'm not what people would consider attractive. I've been single for nearly 2 months and I literally cannot get a date with anyone I find interesting. So what? Having a significant other is not the key to happiness. I don't know what you look like, but you've got a beautiful mind.
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Its also the feeling of rejection, when you put forth effort to try and date these girls and they tell you you arent good enough, then go date some other guy. 1
Satu Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Its also the feeling of rejection, when you put forth effort to try and date these girls and they tell you you arent good enough, then go date some other guy. Did someone actually tell you that you aren't good enough?
Author StephenSG Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Did someone actually tell you that you aren't good enough? Their actions say it all. If I get a date with a girl she wont even respond to my texts/calls after. Shes basically saying "sorry you're boring and I would never want to be with you" or "you're too ugly for me". Its quite apparent.
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Stephen, a girlfriend (or boyfriend) should "enhance" your life...not BE your entire life. Come on now.... An emotionally and mentally healthy person knows this...and loves him/herself ....and is happy with themselves and their life ....regardless of whether or not they have a significant other. They may strongly desire a significant other ...again to ENHANCE and ENRICH their lives, but any person who feels life isn't even worth living without a partner is severely emotionally and mentally damaged and should seek professional help. So I would encourage you to PLEASE do just that. Your feelings are not healthy and not normal. Please seek professional help before it's too late. 7
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Their actions say it all. If I get a date with a girl she wont even respond to my texts/calls after. Shes basically saying "sorry you're boring and I would never want to be with you" or "you're too ugly for me". Its quite apparent. My bet is they sense you are in a dark place mentally, not an attractive state to be in. Focus on yourself, learn to be happy when your single and you'll start finding that women are more interested. The reason why that one girl suddenly shows up when you're not looking. As for your question though... I'd live a single life, solitude doesn't really bother me all that much. That's not to say I don't have my bouts of loneliness. I have a lot of other things I'd like to do in life that don't revolve around a significant other. 3
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I have friends, but the feeling isnt the same. When I was with my ex we could lay together and there was a phsyical and mental closeness, with friends you don't have that. sex is also a big part of it. ^^^ This I think I rather have a girlfriend than have friends. I pushed a lot of people away when I got into a relationship and I don't regret it. I only kept a few on them because they didn't bitch if they didn't see me for weeks, they understood my relationship came first. Now I have no gf and only a few friend. I love my family but I would still rather kill myself.
Ashurii Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 personally I think you're placing way too much importance on relationships and what they should mean in your own life. The people you're seeing are probably getting getting signs of what kind of place you're in right now and your thoughts, and turning them away. It's hard, but focus first on yourself as improving yourself as an individual. 2
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Stephen, You should not let having, or not having a mate define you as a person. You need to be confident in yourself by yourself. No one likes desperate people, and it could be the image that you are projecting. But the fact that you would even contemplate ending your life because you are single, points to some deeper issues that you may be having. You may need to seriously consider sitting down and speaking with a professional to work through this. 2
Jonp219 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've been to plenty of professionals and although I always make a conscious effort to change it never works. Some people just need that special someone to survive, it's that simple. The alphas can survive on their own, the betas can not. I'm also contemplating suicide because I can't live on without her. I realized that I messed up more than I thought I did. I thought I would eventually feel like I can do just fine without her, but truth of the matter is I can't. Stephan listen these guys, they have a better head on their shoulders than I do. Be happy that you can ATLEAST get dates, I can't get ****. However it doesn't matter because no one will ever be able to replace her.
ToOldForThis Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Stephen, It sounds like you have become very depressed and are fueling that with negative thoughts and a dark outlook on your future. The one thing that is always certain is that you have no idea what your future will bring. Look back on some of the great things that have happened in your life that you never imaged would have prior to that. You will begin to see that none of us really know what our fate will bring. To predict that you will always be alone is impossible. Before you met your ex, did you ever imagine you would meet someone like her? But now that she is gone, you feel like you will never have that connection again? Why would that change? It doesn’t, you just can’t see that right now because of your pain. I do understand your pain; many of us on this forum really get it. In the beginning of a break up, there is no hope, no light, and no relief. This is very normal; you are in emotional trauma right now. Your mind, emotions and body are suffering from a loss. Will it pass? Yes it really will, it will take time, a lot of time. Understand that and don’t rush it. You can’t rush healing you can only help it by trying just a little bit to take care of yourself during the process. When I say take care of yourself, I mean basic stuff. Eating, sleeping, a walk. A short visit with family or a friend you feel safe with. Sure it’s great to get out, exercise, take up a new hobby etc, but I am guessing if you are down in such a deep dark hole right now, none of that makes sense to you. Forget dating right now, you don’t seem to have the strength for possible rejection or the energy it takes to participate. So what, there is no hurry. You need to move at the pace that feels okay to you. For some people that is days, for others, weeks or months, but if you add depression into the mix it will be hard for you to imagine this can change in years. I have been there, really. I understand how bad it can get. Only recently (after several months) did I start to realize that I could get thought this. I am still not dating nor do I want to. Am I lonely, yes. Do I miss being touched and having sex, of course. But I am growing stronger than I have every been from this experience. I really believe that once I am healed and ready, a wonderful woman will come into my life when I least expect her. Time is not your enemy right now it is your friend. Understand that many people on this forum do not suffer from depression as they try to move on. They are dealing with the same pain, loss and grief you are but without depression mixed it. Depression is nasty business and if that is how you are feeling, perhaps you need some meds short term. Nothing to be ashamed of. Again, this is for healing not for the rest of your life. You will be okay sooner than you think. 1
Satu Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Jill is a distorting mirror to herself. Jill has to distort herself to appear undistorted to herself. To undistort herself, she finds Jack to distort her distorted image in his distorting mirror She hopes that his distortion of her distortion may undistort her image without her having to distort herself. - RD Laing, Knots.
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