GirlStillStrong Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 this is good to read though because it just strengthens my resolve to remain NC. It would be bad for me to see him! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 this is good to read though because it just strengthens my resolve to remain NC. It would be bad for me to see him! It's horrible!!! Like I'm not encouraging him but he's all, "I can't, I can't. Gahhhh..." and looking at me like a puppy dog. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 "Don't think I haven't been thinking about you and missing you." Argh. Did he say this to you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Did he say this to you? Yes, word for word. Actually: "Please don't think for a second that I haven't been thinking about you and missing you." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Yes, word for word. Actually: "Please don't think for a second that I haven't been thinking about you and missing you." Out loud, or in a text? What did you do? If it was a text, just ignore it. Or write an email containing your response and send it to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Out loud, or in a text? What did you do? If it was a text, just ignore it. Or write an email containing your response and send it to yourself. Out loud. He came to my office and stood near the entry way and just looked at me, like he was pained, and then said that. And I stupidly responded with, "That's good to hear." And he stood there, then put his head down, put his hands in his pockets and walked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 He has abandoned you in this relationship, and how that it's convenient for him he is sniffing around again. If you sleep together again, he will all of a sudden remember that he feels guilty and will run away. Leaving you feeling even worse. No. The answer is no. He decided he is working on his marriage. That means he does not get to have fun with you anymore. Pick up the phone. Call a friend. Make some plans for tonight so you are not tempted to reach out to him later. If I was there right now, i would rip him a new one so big he could hold a flea market in there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 I have plans with friends tonight. And tomorrow through Tuesday. I'm looking ahead and booking my social calendar for this very reason. I'm afraid to be alone because I get anxious. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 His newest announcement: "You are messing with my head!" Me (puzzled): "How?" Him: "By existing." And then he practically stormed out... I think he's taking his first day back in the office harder than I am... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 His newest announcement: "You are messing with my head!" Me (puzzled): "How?" Him: "By existing." And then he practically stormed out... I think he's taking his first day back in the office harder than I am... I bet what he is taking hard is you not kissing his azz, not begging and stroking his ego. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 I bet what he is taking hard is you not kissing his azz, not begging and stroking his ego. I'm acting like we're the same friends we were before the A started. Buddy buddy but warm... trying to pretend like nothing ever happened. This is moreso so that people in the office don't notice an obvious shift in our interaction, from regular and daily to nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 And now he's making big sighs and grunting at his desk while typing furiously. He keeps looking over at me and sighing and then pressing the clicker on his pen a gazillion times... His anxiety is at full tilt right now. Is it bad that I almost find this funny? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 And now he's making big sighs and grunting at his desk while typing furiously. He keeps looking over at me and sighing and then pressing the clicker on his pen a gazillion times... His anxiety is at full tilt right now. Is it bad that I almost find this funny? This guy used you, left you, and is now toying with you to see if he still has you on the hook and it's apparently working, so...yeah, I'd say it's bad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 And now he's making big sighs and grunting at his desk while typing furiously. He keeps looking over at me and sighing and then pressing the clicker on his pen a gazillion times... His anxiety is at full tilt right now. Is it bad that I almost find this funny? Typical male! You wait and see, he'll be begging soon. Prepare yourself for that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 This guy used you, left you, and is now toying with you to see if he still has you on the hook and it's apparently working, so...yeah, I'd say it's bad. Laughing at his efforts to get my attention by huffing and puffing at his desk means I'm on the hook? Huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 And now he's making big sighs and grunting at his desk while typing furiously. He keeps looking over at me and sighing and then pressing the clicker on his pen a gazillion times... His anxiety is at full tilt right now. Is it bad that I almost find this funny? It's good to keep your sense of humor. Be amused, but don't let him draw you in. I agree that he will try another tactic if he sees these aren't working. Begging. Declarations of feelings. Manipulation. There are many possible options, so just stick to your guns. He does not have your best interests in mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tullyseptember Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 This isn't funny at all, it's sad and confusing. You existing is not a problem and how that is messing with his head doesn't make sense. He's messing with his own head by trying to re-engage into some type of affair that makes him feel good. You are engaging as well though and it just seem further pain will happen the longer this goes on:( 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 He wanted and fully expected you to chase after him. When you didn't, he found excuses to engage you. He thinks he can spark your attention by making his open ended, nonsense statements. Don't fall for it! Keep doing what your doing and hold your head high. YOU have the upper hand now....KEEP IT!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 You guys are cracking me up lol. I know I've read a few posts on here, where I've had to read over and over because the description sounds exactly like xmm. Just goes to show these pricks are all the same 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I bet what he is taking hard is you not kissing his azz, not begging and stroking his ego. Men have egos? Shocker.... RoseVille, here is where the rubber meets the road. This is where it makes or breaks. You knew he would be back trying to weasel in, and we all told you. NOTHING good can come from you interacting with him AT ALL. The ironic thing is that the more you ignore, like DKT3 said above, the more he will seek it out. Really it would be nice if men could be more creative than that, you know, just to avoid the predictable boredom... but that's what they do. It's a conquest... as soon as you give in, you will be right back to Square 1 and you will feel even worse. I know you said you have plans set up with friends and that's great. Just wanted to wish you strength and keep on taking the high road. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 You have my sympathies. MM and I have some serious sexual tension. *sigh* I knew it would be hard to continue working with him. Just remember if you fall back into it, he wont fix his M (yet will stay in it). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 This isn't funny at all, it's sad and confusing. You existing is not a problem and how that is messing with his head doesn't make sense. He's messing with his own head by trying to re-engage into some type of affair that makes him feel good. You are engaging as well though and it just seem further pain will happen the longer this goes on:( His existence is messing with my head, too. I was doing okay while he was out at a work conference thing. Out of sight, out of mind. First sight of him today, and my heart fluttered. So those where true NC (can't even physically see him) is possible: stay the course!!! There's just no way to completely avoid him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 You have my sympathies. MM and I have some serious sexual tension. *sigh* I knew it would be hard to continue working with him. Just remember if you fall back into it, he wont fix his M (yet will stay in it). I really do think he sincerely wants to fix his M, to find a way to be happy in it. But I don't know how that's possible... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 After reading this thread the impression I get is: OP is breaking NC. I can hear the groans already: "they work together you ignoramus - and don't say she has to quit". Well, true NC is one quitting. But ok, we will call it "NC-lite". And its not even that. You ALLOWED him to have a non work related conversation - all that crap he has, now twice, vomited out- fishing of course. Put an end to it. In no uncertain terms communicate if he even considers saying that hallmark drivel you'll shove a cheese grater up his as_. Work related conversation only. Put an end to the fishing. That's on YOU. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Don't ascribe any significance to those "heart flutters." That is a simple biological reaction to conditioned stimulus. It will go away with behavioral reshaping. What I mean by that is if you ignore him for a while, that feeling will go away. I agree wholeheartedly with the above poster who said that if you give in to him, you will feel exponentially worse. Right now, you have power in the situation. Don't give it away. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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