autumnnight Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Some of them have truth to them, some seem lame (#9 for example. Some marriages might become strong IN SPITE OF the A, but never because of it). #6 was interesting, and I tend to agree. I think that many times (no I did not say all or even most) when men cheat, they are just...bored? Looking for strange? Hiding from problems? I think it is more often that when a woman cheats she has checked out of the marriage. Except for "tramps" and serial cheaters, I think a lot of women cheat as a "last resort" after lots of resentment, etc. That does NOT mean anyone but them are to blame. I think it just means that women tend to probably invest more emotionally in the AP, and that coupled with them "checking out" makes the A harder to break up and more damaging. Of course, I am sure there are a whole heap of "not in my case" examples. I'm just basing it on what I have observed and heard and seen. I am not an expert and have taken no random samples. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Is this considered actual legitimate journalism? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Is this considered actual legitimate journalism? Yes and no. Main things is WE SHOULD NOT TAKE THESE "FACTS' AS LEGITIMATE and continue debating them. The writer made them up. She's a freelance writer. They make their living selling articles to magazines, more and more online. They study what sells, what's 'trending,' what people like to read about and in what form. They get an idea and then before even writing the whole thing, they "pitch" it to an editor. It's very difficult to get editors even to read your pitch, so once they've been accepted a couple of times (and paid), those editors are more likely to hire them again. The thing is you're supposed to assiduously verify your sources — original sources — like the actual study, not just another writer's story about it as this writer has done. Thing is: This woman (the writer) knows what people will read! She knows how to make it SOUND like she's quoting important people she talked to (which she didn't). She also MADE UP these 12 "Facts" as real things per se. That's not to say that there's not true stuff in each one. But she has actually stretched the conclusions further and given additional interpretations on them. That is scary. That is taking pseudo-science and making it more pseudo and less science. She's sold to Fox News, Yahoo and a bunch of other online periodicals. It's clever, sells, and makes her look successful. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 It seems like most of the list are based on opinions - and in some cases, research results - from various professionals. They have more weight than most opinions here, because few posters here are not trained professionals and have a personal bias based on negative experiences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I would tend to agree with everything except "fact" 12. if a spouse is horny and wants more or kinkier sex, and they keep getting rejected and are forced into twice a month vanilla sex...then it is the rejector who is to blame for the affair. sorry, turning your spouse down for sex is a REAL MARRIAGE KILLER, and it is so easily avoided...just get laid more. Disagree as neither spouse should be coerced into "kinkier" sex acts they're not comfortable with. One person's kink is another's squick... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I would tend to agree with everything except "fact" 12. if a spouse is horny and wants more or kinkier sex, and they keep getting rejected and are forced into twice a month vanilla sex...then it is the rejector who is to blame for the affair. sorry, turning your spouse down for sex is a REAL MARRIAGE KILLER, and it is so easily avoided...just get laid more. Idk...I laid him anyway, any time he wanted. He still cheated..... Go figure....SEX did not kill my marriage. His EGO did...ya know, someone hanging on to his every word, his every story, telling him how underappreciated he was, how wonderful he was, if she had a man like that, she would.....fill in the blank.....and she did! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Is this considered actual legitimate journalism? No! But is based on a lot of infidelity gurus scientific data...... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I especially like this one: And tornadoes can often fix trailer parks... Mr. Lucky Well..... have you seen some trailer parks? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Yes and no. Main things is WE SHOULD NOT TAKE THESE "FACTS' AS LEGITIMATE and continue debating them. The writer made them up. She's a freelance writer. They make their living selling articles to magazines, more and more online. They study what sells, what's 'trending,' what people like to read about and in what form. They get an idea and then before even writing the whole thing, they "pitch" it to an editor. It's very difficult to get editors even to read your pitch, so once they've been accepted a couple of times (and paid), those editors are more likely to hire them again. The thing is you're supposed to assiduously verify your sources — original sources — like the actual study, not just another writer's story about it as this writer has done. Thing is: This woman (the writer) knows what people will read! She knows how to make it SOUND like she's quoting important people she talked to (which she didn't). She also MADE UP these 12 "Facts" as real things per se. That's not to say that there's not true stuff in each one. But she has actually stretched the conclusions further and given additional interpretations on them. That is scary. That is taking pseudo-science and making it more pseudo and less science. She's sold to Fox News, Yahoo and a bunch of other online periodicals. It's clever, sells, and makes her look successful. omg - I really did that - wrote almost the same thing twice. sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Is this considered actual legitimate journalism? the bar for "journalism" now includes twenty-something bloggers who would not know a strunk and white if it fell on their big toe. I weep for he future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 the bar for "journalism" now includes twenty-something bloggers who would not know a strunk and white if it fell on their big toe. I weep for he future. me too, spanz.....Me too? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Idk...I laid him anyway, any time he wanted. He still cheated..... Go figure....SEX did not kill my marriage. His EGO did...ya know, someone hanging on to his every word, his every story, telling him how underappreciated he was, how wonderful he was, if she had a man like that, she would.....fill in the blank.....and she did! My MM has fairly regular sex with his W; he says she treats it like a chore. Something about the way you write about your H suggests to me that you did, too. It's not that sex kills marriages, or egos, but a lack of continued commitment and intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 My MM has fairly regular sex with his W; he says she treats it like a chore. Something about the way you write about your H suggests to me that you did, too. It's not that sex kills marriages, or egos, but a lack of continued commitment and intimacy. Or maybe he lied to you, I know I know he didn't lie, right? What OW wants to hear "my sex life with my wife is great, my relationship is fine, I just want some a$$ on the side or to have my ego stroked, thank you for that" Come on, your dealing with a guy who lies and cheats, but for some odd reason he breaks who he is for you? Not likely. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Or maybe he lied to you, I know I know he didn't lie, right? What OW wants to hear "my sex life with my wife is great, my relationship is fine, I just want some a$$ on the side or to have my ego stroked, thank you for that" Come on, your dealing with a guy who lies and cheats, but for some odd reason he breaks who he is for you? Not likely. Perhaps "who he is" isn't the guy who lies and cheats? Perhaps that guy is reserved for the W who treats sex like a chore, and with everyone else he's a nice, normal guy who doesn't lie or cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Or maybe he lied to you, I know I know he didn't lie, right? What OW wants to hear "my sex life with my wife is great, my relationship is fine, I just want some a$$ on the side or to have my ego stroked, thank you for that" Come on, your dealing with a guy who lies and cheats, but for some odd reason he breaks who he is for you? Not likely. Right? I know through one of our OWs many rants after the fact she mentioned- I didn't think he would lie about XYZ- I thought, oh really-so you are so special that a person that can lie outright to his wife and kids (even if by omission) is totally on the up and up with you- And I get the posters that say, well the BS was this and that- OK, fine if thats the case, what about the kids- were they also such crappy people that they deserve the fall out as well- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 And I have to wonder....if the BS seemed to treat sex like a chore, could it be because the WS saved all the good stuff and attention and romance and such for the OW, who had no business being a part of it all anyway.....because let's face it, in the moral mainstream, no one has any business in a marriage except the H and W. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 My MM has fairly regular sex with his W; he says she treats it like a chore. Something about the way you write about your H suggests to me that you did, too. It's not that sex kills marriages, or egos, but a lack of continued commitment and intimacy. Rose...careful. Link to post Share on other sites
calvincline47 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Actually women cheat more now. For real. This is true. Because women have so many options and men have all become good guys, women cheat with the bad boys. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 My MM has fairly regular sex with his W; he says she treats it like a chore. Something about the way you write about your H suggests to me that you did, too. It's not that sex kills marriages, or egos, but a lack of continued commitment and intimacy. I read an article some time ago where the author pointed out that there are situations when someone cheats even though the sex with their husband or wife is great, but there is something "more" that the cheating spouse wants that they aren't doing. Whatever that may be, they don't ask their husband or wife for it because they are too embarrassed or they don't feel right aksing their spouse to do it. They then translate this into " my spouse won't meet my sexual needs" when that really isn't true. No one can read someone else's mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 While it may fit a subset, I don't see these blanket "facts" as factual for all. I also take issue with the continuing focus on men cheating and not women. I haven't seen too many legitimate studies showing a great difference between the two genders. I did chuckle at the stronger marriage because of the affair, boy that is the gift that will keep on giving. You're welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I read an article some time ago where the author pointed out that there are situations when someone cheats even though the sex with their husband or wife is great, but there is something "more" that the cheating spouse wants that they aren't doing. Whatever that may be, they don't ask their husband or wife for it because they are too embarrassed or they don't feel right aksing their spouse to do it. They then translate this into " my spouse won't meet my sexual needs" when that really isn't true. No one can read someone else's mind. And yet how often they try to....or to rewrite another person's entire life. We do tend to become pretzels to keep our paradigms intact.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I read an article some time ago where the author pointed out that there are situations when someone cheats even though the sex with their husband or wife is great, but there is something "more" that the cheating spouse wants that they aren't doing. Whatever that may be, they don't ask their husband or wife for it because they are too embarrassed or they don't feel right aksing their spouse to do it. They then translate this into " my spouse won't meet my sexual needs" when that really isn't true. No one can read someone else's mind. I read an article that blamed immigrants for the high level of unemployment. Just because one misinformed, strongly prejudiced writer manages to convince some editor somewhere to print their rubbish, doesn't mean a single word of it is true. Anyone can publish anything - and some sucker somewhere will embrace it as fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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