SunnySide0418 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I don't expect her to pay all of it. You think I should pay until it becomes a regular thing and not as much exploring waters with each other? We aren't going to cheap cute places. But perhaps that's because I'm most familiar with her neighborhood since I used to live there, and I don't want to suggest a date that requires that she drive yet Yes, I absolutely think you should pay. You're the man. I also think you shouldn't be going to expensive places at this point. Keep it casual. A sports bar/restaurant for drinks and appetizers or something like that. Why are you going to expensive places so early on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yes, I absolutely think you should pay. You're the man. I also think you shouldn't be going to expensive places at this point. Keep it casual. A sports bar/restaurant for drinks and appetizers or something like that. Why are you going to expensive places so early on? They aren't necessarily expensive. Just not cheap. Most places near downtown of this fairly major city are not cheap unless they are a dump. $8 for a decent beer, $8-$12 for a smallish plate of food. Those are the types of places I've been going. There is a cheap Mexican place right next to where she lives that would probably be better but I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to get near her place. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 No, it's not over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Last time I spent $70 including tip on two beers, a cocktail, a glass of wine, and two small plates of food. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Last time I spent $70 including tip on two beers, a cocktail, a glass of wine, and two small plates of food. Ouch - that's a lot. How about just going out for ice cream or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Ouch - that's a lot. How about just going out for ice cream or something? Learning this stuff. Would changing plans after the fact be too cheap? I originally planned today because all night happy hour would have trimmed the cost. I feel like I can't actually bring up money to her so I'd need to find another way of doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Found a better place where beers are 5-6. Now it will just be about smoothly transitioning off the old place. She's intuitive and may know I'm doing it because of money and then feel bad about the first date. If she doesn't csncel. But I'm wayyyy overthinking Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Learning this stuff. Would changing plans after the fact be too cheap? I originally planned today because all night happy hour would have trimmed the cost. I feel like I can't actually bring up money to her so I'd need to find another way of doing it. If you've already asked her to dinner and she's planning on that, it could appear strange. What was the invitation? Aren't there any places that do Happy Hour or specials on Tuesdays? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 If you've already asked her to dinner and she's planning on that, it could appear strange. What was the invitation? Aren't there any places that do Happy Hour or specials on Tuesdays? The plan is still dinner no matter what. No about all night happy hour on Tuesdays. I'm just trying to go to a cheaper but still fun place, more of a sports bar place Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 The plan is still dinner no matter what. No about all night happy hour on Tuesdays. I'm just trying to go to a cheaper but still fun place, more of a sports bar place I think it's fine to change the location. I don't know where you live, but maybe you could explain the change in location to the sports bar type place based upon a game -- NBA playoffs, NHL playoffs, MLB, etc.? Is anyone playing tomorrow night that you care about? (If you are in the U.S....) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I don't think that will work since I don't care about the teams here. Maybe I could just say I think it will be nice? If this date even happens. Expecting it not to. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I don't think that will work since I don't care about the teams here. Maybe I could just say I think it will be nice? If this date even happens. Expecting it not to. It will happen. You really don't have to explain it. Just say Hey, let's meet at X instead. Done. If she asks, you could just say you thought it would be more lively because there are lots of sporting events happening tomorrow night with the NHL and NBA playoffs. Link to post Share on other sites
sharp9 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Generally if you spend too much you'll get labeled as a "provider" and not a "lover," but if you show enough value as a man it's not going to matter much. I actually follow the 20-minute rule for my dates, as long as they're 20 minutes, it's good. Obviously this isn't practical for dinner, 2.25 hours is fine Always be asking "when can I see you again," and don't let things stagnate over the phone. Physical attraction is more powerful than anything you can imagine. And remember to be the guy who she'll feel the need to come back to. So for drinks or coffee dates you just shoot for 20 minutes or so? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Sorry for posting three topics about the same date process with the same girl. But I'm figuring out dating for the first time, so I guess I'm anxious like a high school kid would be. After the first date I had to ask twice to meet again. The first time I asked was not assertive or with a specific place and time and she did not respond. As soon as I suggested a place and time she responded and we scheduled a second date. Fast forward three days to the day of the actual date, and she says it will not work out and asked if we could reschedule. I said sure, and asked if she could do tomorrow. She said tomorrow would work much better and that she was very sorry. I'm assuming there is nearly 150% chance that she'll cancel tomorrow too? Since I have no self-esteem and am dissociated human I assume there's no reason she want to see me again, I'm no fun. But setting that aside I'd like to challenge, or who knows, maybe she does like me… Maybe we can get along. The figure if she really liked me she would be telling me and would not be engaging in these short texts planning to meet up. She asked you to reschedule with a specific day. That's good sign. In the mean time, you continue to plan for the date until you KNOW she's not going. If she cancels again, you don't reach out to her anymore. And, get out of the texting thing. You talk on the phone when planning dates always. If she texts you to cancel tomorrow, you leave it be. She should call you with a cancellation or to reschedule. no self-esteem and am dissociated human -- Let her treat you with respect and you treat yourself with respect this time. If you're not getting that from her, preserve what you do have and then you can start to build it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunyata Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Well the date is happening but she might just have no spine in letting a guy down. I changed the venue and she replied "I'm kind of in a budget is all" and "I'm down." I think the texts got flipped. I took this as her trying to get out. I thought one of the texts didn't come through since the message confused me and she said "I would love to see you I'm just on a budget right now." I didn't reply for 15 minutes and she said "We could reschedule for next week." I tried calling, no answer. Texted her saying I had been planning on paying and that if she wants to get together we can. She waited 10 min and then said lets get together at 7 (30 min earlier than planned) I'm so negative. Maybe she really did she just feel since I'm not going to cheap places. Maybe I'm ****ing this up. gah, first girl I've went on dates with ever Link to post Share on other sites
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