Author Caskette Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you all for the responses! I actually stopped texting him for a while, but that just made him chase me more, he inboxed me and used all mediums of communication to get in touch. Then, we started talking again. I finally just gathered courage to ask him about his girlfriend and to my utter shock he was absolutely cool and sounded more than in love with her and was giving me tips on how to have a long term relationship and how patience is the key to everything and how lucky he is to have her in his life. So, I obviously not wanting to jeopardise myself in the process took a step back but that hasn't got him to stop texting me, and I have no idea how should I take things from here. Maybe, he genuinely considers me a good friend there's no doubt in the fact the he is very funny to talk to but even after trying so hard to just stop things, it's not happening. Can people in committed relationships have friendships with the opposite sex where they have the time and want to talk to someone other than their girlfriend till wee hours in the morning?? And just laugh over random things especially when you have an age gap of about 6-7 years ? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you all for the responses! I actually stopped texting him for a while, but that just made him chase me more, he inboxed me and used all mediums of communication to get in touch. Then, we started talking again. I finally just gathered courage to ask him about his girlfriend and to my utter shock he was absolutely cool and sounded more than in love with her and was giving me tips on how to have a long term relationship and how patience is the key to everything and how lucky he is to have her in his life. So, I obviously not wanting to jeopardise myself in the process took a step back but that hasn't got him to stop texting me, and I have no idea how should I take things from here. Maybe, he genuinely considers me a good friend there's no doubt in the fact the he is very funny to talk to but even after trying so hard to just stop things, it's not happening. Can people in committed relationships have friendships with the opposite sex where they have the time and want to talk to someone other than their girlfriend till wee hours in the morning?? And just laugh over random things especially when you have an age gap of about 6-7 years ? OP, come on now. You haven't tried very hard if you're still responding to him and haven't asked him to stop. You don't take a step back - you stop it all together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I actually stopped texting him for a while, but that just made him chase me more, he inboxed me and used all mediums of communication to get in touch. This is ridiculous and shows how inappropriate this really is from a man who is in a LTR . Men like this can afford to play the long game. What you fail to grasp is that he doesn't NEED the sex with you right now, he has a gf for that, but he is determined to keep you sweet in the hope he can persuade you to have sex with him sometime. However, he's also a woman activist and swears to protect the dignity of a woman and personally has spoken to me about how he feels when people from his fraternity ill treat or misbehave with girls. Yeah sure. Are you really that naive? Ever heard of "projection"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) Thank you all for the responses! I actually stopped texting him for a while, but that just made him chase me more, he inboxed me and used all mediums of communication to get in touch. Then, we started talking again. I finally just gathered courage to ask him about his girlfriend and to my utter shock he was absolutely cool and sounded more than in love with her and was giving me tips on how to have a long term relationship and how patience is the key to everything and how lucky he is to have her in his life. So, I obviously not wanting to jeopardise myself in the process took a step back but that hasn't got him to stop texting me, and I have no idea how should I take things from here. Maybe, he genuinely considers me a good friend there's no doubt in the fact the he is very funny to talk to but even after trying so hard to just stop things, it's not happening. Can people in committed relationships have friendships with the opposite sex where they have the time and want to talk to someone other than their girlfriend till wee hours in the morning?? And just laugh over random things especially when you have an age gap of about 6-7 years ? You obviously feel uncomfortable about it...so does it matter if someone else says it's possible? So far most people seem to find it odd. I would not let him be the lead here. He is showing poor boundaries and it may seem all fine now but many cheating scenarios start with "we were just friends...but we had lunch together everyday...talked everyday...he told me everything...then one day it just happened." It didn't just happen though, that type of closeness allowed it to happen. I have guy friends but like I said, I don't text them all day all night and neither do they do that to me esp if they have a gf, it's just bad practice and if I were you I'd ask him casually if his gf minded or if he felt it could be misconstrued OR I'd simply say something about going to bed earlier in the evenings now so sorry if you stop replying after 9 or something like that which sets a boundary where he isn't texting you until the wee hours. Edited May 15, 2015 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 He's primed you to expect nothing - except what little he's Going to give. He's not leaving his GF - he's basically asked you to participate as his little side kick. Block him! He's actually getting creepy from what you describe. Tell him if he doesn't stop you plan to expose to his GF and the school administration. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you all for the responses! I actually stopped texting him for a while, but that just made him chase me more, he inboxed me and used all mediums of communication to get in touch. and I guess you have no idea about how to put someone on block. Then, we started talking again. You are agreeing to play this game with him to hurt his girlfriend. I finally just gathered courage to ask him about his girlfriend and to my utter shock he was absolutely cool and sounded more than in love with her and was giving me tips on how to have a long term relationship and how patience is the key to everything and how lucky he is to have her in his life. That is called "deflection". You think he's putting you off his path because he's professing such love for her, but all he's done is to tighten up the slack on the hook that is firmly in your cheek. He's letting you run with the line, kind of like what one does in sports fishing. He's wearing down your resistance. So, I obviously not wanting to jeopardise myself in the process took a step back but that hasn't got him to stop texting me, and I have no idea how should I take things from here. You honestly want to know what to do? Tell his girlfriend. I'll bet that will get him off of you. Maybe, he genuinely considers me a good friend there's no doubt in the fact the he is very funny to talk to but even after trying so hard to just stop things, it's not happening. It's not stopping because you're not acting like someone who wants it to stop. You are encouraging it. You have not blocked him in any way. You're expecting him to open up a can of "act right" and he has no intention as long as you keep playing your part in this. You are not a hapless innocent here, sweetie. You are colluding with a cheater to deceive his girlfriend and he's using the guise of "friendship" to do this. You are playing along. If you weren't, this thread wouldn't be here. Stop acting brand new already!! Can people in committed relationships have friendships with the opposite sex where they have the time and want to talk to someone other than their girlfriend till wee hours in the morning??And just laugh over random things especially when you have an age gap of about 6-7 years ? No, because he is a deceptive manipulator and that is the problem here. People with integrity who are in committed relationships do not sit up all hours of the night and have conversations with friends of the opposite sex nor do they open up a place of intimacy between themselves and someone other than their committed partner. That is exactly what he is doing and it's not "friendship" that's going on here. You do not belong in the space you're occupying with him. Period. Is his girlfriend a part of these wee hours conversations you two have? If not, then it is inappropriate what you are willfully engaging in. You are participating in an emotional affair with him. He is perfectly willing to play the long game and wear you down til you capitulate and begin a physical affair with him. There is absolutely no other way one can view this and any further participation by you in any fashion with him is you knowing full well what is going on and you are condoning this deception. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Caskette Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 He told me that he's attracted to me and when I asked about his girlfriend, he said that he is not seeing her anymore, however he would not want to be in a relationship with me, because he finds it too much to handle but he really wants to be friends with me. I just told him that nothing could ever work out between us and I feel he should patch things up with the girlfriend if at all she's willing to. he said he doesn't know about all that but admitted being in love with her. But here's the thing He hasn't stiopped texting. I didn't have the courage to block him to be frank, he's helped me a lot in life but I'm not even replying as I used to. However, he still wants to be friends and continue chatting. I really don't know if I should be friends or not? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 You can't be friends with your professor after he has said he's attracted to you but "won't be in a relationship with you because it's too much to handle." For a professor to say this I'm glad he's smart academically because he apparently has no common sense whatsoever. You need to put a LOT of distance in your relationship with this guy. Stop the texting. Be courteous when you see him on campus but avoidance is your best bet Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 He told me that he's attracted to me and when I asked about his girlfriend, he said that he is not seeing her anymore, however he would not want to be in a relationship with me, because he finds it too much to handle but he really wants to be friends with me. I just told him that nothing could ever work out between us and I feel he should patch things up with the girlfriend if at all she's willing to. he said he doesn't know about all that but admitted being in love with her. But here's the thing He hasn't stiopped texting. I didn't have the courage to block him to be frank, he's helped me a lot in life but I'm not even replying as I used to. However, he still wants to be friends and continue chatting. I really don't know if I should be friends or not? That's all you need to know. He isn't chatting you up so that you two can some great romance. You responding at all is sending the message that you're ok being in the friendzone, or maybe a few hook-ups. But that's it. Him continuing to message you isn't a sign that he's looking for more. He's smooth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 You're young so you may not realize but texting is the easiest thing in the world to do. It requires no effort and is meaningless. This guy is not into you, and he may just want sex. Do you just want sex? If so, proceed. If not, then stop the communication now. You can't be friends with people you are attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
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