SweetCharity Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 (edited) I've had several posts here that have talked about all the shenanigans I've gotten into because of sex. Guys going ghost, guys turning out to have gfs then going ghost, guys calling me names, saying I'm too easy, blah blah blah. I was sick of it. I've been really depressed for a long time so I decided to move back in with my mom and take time for myself, and stop jumping into bed with every pretty face I see. That being said, there's a guy trying to pursue me who I have history with. He's caused me a lot of grief and heartache. Long story short, he'd make promises, sleep with me, disappear and come back saying he was sorry. Rinse, repeat. This happened multiple times over the two years we've known each other. I posted about him. The thread can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/427875-complicated-situation-i-need-closure I had very strong feelings for him but the truth is I can't trust him. He said things will be different now. That he's truly sorry for everything and wants to be with me. I told him I was trying to fix my life and heal. He still keeps trying. He's tried multiple times to seduce me and each time I've said no. He texts me non stop and even invites me places now. I've told him time and again that I wouldn't be ready to have sex with him for a long time because I need to trust him again. That if he really wants to be with me I'd like to go on more dates and maybe even meet his family before anything can happen. I'm not trying to be manipulative. I just don't want to get hurt again. The truth is though, I'm almost afraid to have sex with him even then. I don't know if this is a game he's playing and I'm just making it more interesting by not throwing myself at him. On top of that my family HATES him. My mother has banned him from entering the house , lest he wants to get "stabbed with a machete" and my sister has stated that she'll kill me if I go back to him. They've seen all my tears over him. Should I even bother with him? Should I just bone him already and see if he'll actually stick around? He says he'd never disappear like he used to. Or should I just tell him we're too far gone? I like being around him but I can't help but feel like my guards are up. It's like he turned my heart into ice. And yeah, if he's sincere, I myself don't want to hurt him, even though he's hurt me. What should I do? Edited April 27, 2015 by SweetCharity Formatting
Author SweetCharity Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 Do you even have to ask? Hahaha, I guess not. I just like to get unbiased opinions.
todreaminblue Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 i dont blame you for not trusting him i dont think you should..not yet....he doesnt seem at all reliable...one of my personal red flags.......but its your life not mine and if you feel it in your heart to give him a chance then give it.......as far as your parents getting involved or your sister its not up to them who you see...how old are you if you dont mind me asking?...deb
losangelena Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Ignore, block, and delete. Girl, this guys is nothing but bad news. Assuming he has changed and giving him another chance will just keep you stuck in this loop. Do whatever it takes to stay away from this one. 2
Author SweetCharity Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 i dont blame you for not trusting him i dont think you should..not yet....he doesnt seem at all reliable...one of my personal red flags.......but its your life not mine and if you feel it in your heart to give him a chance then give it.......as far as your parents getting involved or your sister its not up to them who you see...how old are you if you dont mind me asking?...deb I'm 25. I just respect my family and their opinion. I'm also really trying to change my life and habits...and actually succeeding. Truth is, I'm unsure if I should give him another chance. I'm trying to just hang out and see how I feel but I feel like he's pressuring me to get physical and it's turning me off. He'll try and hold me and kiss me and I'm just like, "Slow down tiger."
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I had very strong feelings for him but the truth is I can't trust him. He said things will be different now. What should I do? You should re-read the above. He's lying to you. You know you can't trust him. It will be more of the same. Do not go back with him. Move forward in your life. If you are genuinely trying to change your life, that means getting rid of the things that don't work, like your relationship with him. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I'm 25. I just respect my family and their opinion. I'm also really trying to change my life and habits...and actually succeeding. Truth is, I'm unsure if I should give him another chance. I'm trying to just hang out and see how I feel but I feel like he's pressuring me to get physical and it's turning me off. He'll try and hold me and kiss me and I'm just like, "Slow down tiger." I respect my mothers opinions too...but ultimately my mum wants me to follow my own heart.....and be happy...i seek to do that ..and that doesnt mean disrespect at all if i dont agree with her....i am an adult my decisions are my own....so are the consequences....i have no one but myself to blame when things go pear shaped..... i think the pressure is not good ....especially physical and or sexual pressure.....he isnt respecting you and that is another red flag...tread carefully.....i think you already have the answer in your heart what you should do.....i wish you well.....deb............. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 It's happened to me. He dissapeared. Then came back. Then he dissapeared again. And of course he did. Duh. It's what guys like this do.
Buddhist Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Long story short, he'd make promises, sleep with me, disappear and come back saying he was sorry. Rinse, repeat. This happened multiple times over the two years we've known each other. I don't know if this is a game he's playing and I'm just making it more interesting by not throwing myself at him. Should I even bother with him? Should I just bone him already and see if he'll actually stick around? So he's solidly taught you over a 2yr period that this is his pattern of behaviour and you are confused about his pattern of behaviour? You can certainly bone him again if you would like to take another hit to your self esteem, but given his solid track record of being a liar, it would seem almost silly of you to do that wouldn't it? 2
katiegrl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I'm 25. I just respect my family and their opinion. I'm also really trying to change my life and habits...and actually succeeding. Truth is, I'm unsure if I should give him another chance. I'm trying to just hang out and see how I feel but I feel like he's pressuring me to get physical and it's turning me off. He'll try and hold me and kiss me and I'm just like, "Slow down tiger." Being turned off. ...yes, THAT is the right and appropriate reaction! Sweetie, you need to learn to take better care of yourself. Come on now. He doesn't have any feelings for you, except for maybe disrespect and disgust at how YOU keep allowing yourself to be used by him. Come on now....
Gary S Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 How many times do you have to touch a hot stove and get burned to realize it's hot? Please, cut the cord, cut contact with this guy! You'll find another man to love, a good one. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 My guess? Its a game to him... How many times can I get into her pants. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I'm 25. I just respect my family and their opinion. I'm also really trying to change my life and habits...and actually succeeding. Truth is, I'm unsure if I should give him another chance. I'm trying to just hang out and see how I feel but I feel like he's pressuring me to get physical and it's turning me off. He'll try and hold me and kiss me and I'm just like, "Slow down tiger." Just hang out and see how you feel hey. Great idea.
angel.eyes Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Let's see... Empty promises, then you engage. He beds you and disappears. You're hurt and distrustful. He reappears. More empty promises, then you engage. He beds you and disappears. You're hurt and distrustful. Two years of these cycles... He reappears. More empty promises, you've engaged and are talking to him. He's pressuring you to sleep with him... Honestly, do you really think there is suddenly a rainbow sunset and a happily ever after down this road? What exactly has changed about this scenario to make things different this time around? Unless you're trying to win an award for masochism, let this one go. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I've had several posts here that have talked about all the shenanigans I've gotten into because of sex. Guys going ghost, guys turning out to have gfs then going ghost, guys calling me names, saying I'm too easy, blah blah blah. I was sick of it. I've been really depressed for a long time so I decided to move back in with my mom and take time for myself, and stop jumping into bed with every pretty face I see. That being said, there's a guy trying to pursue me who I have history with. He's caused me a lot of grief and heartache. Long story short, he'd make promises, sleep with me, disappear and come back saying he was sorry. Rinse, repeat. This happened multiple times over the two years we've known each other. I posted about him. The thread can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/427875-complicated-situation-i-need-closure I had very strong feelings for him but the truth is I can't trust him. He said things will be different now. That he's truly sorry for everything and wants to be with me. I told him I was trying to fix my life and heal. He still keeps trying. He's tried multiple times to seduce me and each time I've said no. He texts me non stop and even invites me places now. I've told him time and again that I wouldn't be ready to have sex with him for a long time because I need to trust him again. That if he really wants to be with me I'd like to go on more dates and maybe even meet his family before anything can happen. I'm not trying to be manipulative. I just don't want to get hurt again. The truth is though, I'm almost afraid to have sex with him even then. I don't know if this is a game he's playing and I'm just making it more interesting by not throwing myself at him. On top of that my family HATES him. My mother has banned him from entering the house , lest he wants to get "stabbed with a machete" and my sister has stated that she'll kill me if I go back to him. They've seen all my tears over him. Should I even bother with him? Should I just bone him already and see if he'll actually stick around? He says he'd never disappear like he used to. Or should I just tell him we're too far gone? I like being around him but I can't help but feel like my guards are up. It's like he turned my heart into ice. And yeah, if he's sincere, I myself don't want to hurt him, even though he's hurt me. What should I do? You are a challenge to him. He enjoys the chase, but when he gets what he wants, he moves on. You are probably not the only one either. You allowed it to happen a few times. He probably doesn't have anyone at the moment, so he's coming at you harder because it's likely you'll break down and do it again. Do not worry about hurting him. You are the priority here. You've already been hurt by him a couple of times. Tell him you're moving on and go no contact. Do you even know what he wants for himself out of his dating journey? Has he said he's looking for a committed relationship for himself? What is his past relationship history? I'd be willing to bet that he has a long string of short relationships at best and maybe one long-term. If that is the case, this man either doesn't really want a relationship or thinks he does, but when push comes to shove, he knows he doesn't know how to maintain it. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 You are a challenge to him. He enjoys the chase, but when he gets what he wants, he moves on. You are probably not the only one either. You allowed it to happen a few times. He probably doesn't have anyone at the moment, so he's coming at you harder because it's likely you'll break down and do it again. Do not worry about hurting him. You are the priority here. You've already been hurt by him a couple of times. Tell him you're moving on and go no contact. Do you even know what he wants for himself out of his dating journey? Has he said he's looking for a committed relationship for himself? What is his past relationship history? I'd be willing to bet that he has a long string of short relationships at best and maybe one long-term. If that is the case, this man either doesn't really want a relationship or thinks he does, but when push comes to shove, he knows he doesn't know how to maintain it. He says he fell in love with a girl who cheated on him. He says that then he really didn't want a relationship and has since grown up and really wants one now, with me. He even introduced me to his mom recently (something he doesn't do with ANYONE). He's pulling out all the stops this time around but I can't help but feel this dark cloud of doubt over me.
Author SweetCharity Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 He only comes back because you are easy, girl... And what defines easy? Hmm? You know what my sister tells a guy who calls her easy? "I'm sorry, do you have a rape complex? Would you rather I have sex with you unwillingly? Or not all?" Yeah...the concept of "easy" never made sense to me either.
h0000 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 And what defines easy? Hmm? You know what my sister tells a guy who calls her easy? "I'm sorry, do you have a rape complex? Would you rather I have sex with you unwillingly? Or not all?" Yeah...the concept of "easy" never made sense to me either. Easy is he can walk all over you back and forth over and over and you are still willing to have sex with him. So he will just keep walking all over you back and forth over and over and still have sex with you. If you are happy about it then we are all happy. But you aren't so there is a problem. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AT ALL
Author SweetCharity Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AT ALL OKAY. Thank you for clarifying. I have no rebuttal.
Author SweetCharity Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Honestly, do you really think there is suddenly a rainbow sunset and a happily ever after down this road? What exactly has changed about this scenario to make things different this time around? Unless you're trying to win an award for masochism, let this one go. I don't believe in happily ever afters anymore. What's different is that I've changed from the person I was. there's a lot of pain in my heart but I know I'm the only one who can heal it. I don't jump at the first chance to see him. I put my family first. I think about what I should be doing with my life. And he sees that and is treating me a lot better than he was. He used to treat me like a secret. Definitely not anymore. But you're right. Even if he is sincere there will always be doubt in my mind.
mortensorchid Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 That happened to me last year. After a few months together, he suddenly just went *poof*. I ran into him again at Halloween after the summer of no communication. He said it's weird being divorced as he had just gotten divorced before I met him. He came back, I let him back in. Now I have a feeling he's going to go *poof* again. I think you have to ask yourself if you are ok with this or not, because he's going to pull this one on you again. I am alright with it, he's not Mr. Right, he's Mr. Right Now, which this guy sounds like as well.
MissBee Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I've had several posts here that have talked about all the shenanigans I've gotten into because of sex. Guys going ghost, guys turning out to have gfs then going ghost, guys calling me names, saying I'm too easy, blah blah blah. I was sick of it. I've been really depressed for a long time so I decided to move back in with my mom and take time for myself, and stop jumping into bed with every pretty face I see. That being said, there's a guy trying to pursue me who I have history with. He's caused me a lot of grief and heartache. Long story short, he'd make promises, sleep with me, disappear and come back saying he was sorry. Rinse, repeat. This happened multiple times over the two years we've known each other. I posted about him. The thread can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/427875-complicated-situation-i-need-closure I had very strong feelings for him but the truth is I can't trust him. He said things will be different now. That he's truly sorry for everything and wants to be with me. I told him I was trying to fix my life and heal. He still keeps trying. He's tried multiple times to seduce me and each time I've said no. He texts me non stop and even invites me places now. I've told him time and again that I wouldn't be ready to have sex with him for a long time because I need to trust him again. That if he really wants to be with me I'd like to go on more dates and maybe even meet his family before anything can happen. I'm not trying to be manipulative. I just don't want to get hurt again. The truth is though, I'm almost afraid to have sex with him even then. I don't know if this is a game he's playing and I'm just making it more interesting by not throwing myself at him. On top of that my family HATES him. My mother has banned him from entering the house , lest he wants to get "stabbed with a machete" and my sister has stated that she'll kill me if I go back to him. They've seen all my tears over him. Should I even bother with him? Should I just bone him already and see if he'll actually stick around? He says he'd never disappear like he used to. Or should I just tell him we're too far gone? I like being around him but I can't help but feel like my guards are up. It's like he turned my heart into ice. And yeah, if he's sincere, I myself don't want to hurt him, even though he's hurt me. What should I do? Sorry I find it hard to see the positives and selling point here. I think you know the answer. I doubt anything will change. He has shown you who he is before and you've already experienced falling into the same trap with guys. So don't do it. Do something different this time and tell him to eff off. He'll get over it, trust me.
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