Suggestions?

[preraph]

Now I'm wondering if you are maybe too much of a perfectionist; in other words, if everything isn't just right and lining up with you, you blow it off.

 

Also, I just reread the whole thread. What ARE your interests that no one else is interested in them?

 

Lastly, don't know your religion, but maybe church is a place for you to meet nonpartying ladies. Most people like to kick up their heels a little in their 20s, so....

 

Or maybe you are not going to find someone until everyone is old and tired of partying, and then you'll look like the golden key to someone who's battled with a husband's alcoholism. But of course, the older you get, the older and less perfect the women get. It's rare women don't put on some weight in middle age.

 

You also might consider moving to a small town where maybe there's just not as much going on partywise.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

You are all about the personality and intellect, yet you are not willing to date overweight or "desperate" women.

I guess you are a "desperate" man, no dates at 31 is pretty desperate.

I think you should just date everybody and anybody who meets your intellectual standards, and take it from there.

Intellect alone can be pretty sexy and as your preference is not for the Kim Kardashian addicts of this world, then I guess your soulmate may not come in the standard "hot" package.

I guess you are not "cool" either, you are quirky and so you are going to have to delve into quirkier women to find anyone who truly gets you.

So he should lower his standards?

[ZA Dater]

You are all about the personality and intellect, yet you are not willing to date overweight or "desperate" women.

I guess you are a "desperate" man, no dates at 31 is pretty desperate.

I think you should just date everybody and anybody who meets your intellectual standards, and take it from there.

Intellect alone can be pretty sexy and as your preference is not for the Kim Kardashian addicts of this world, then I guess your soulmate may not come in the standard "hot" package.

I guess you are not "cool" either, you are quirky and so you are going to have to delve into quirkier women to find anyone who truly gets you.

 

Point being there are very, very few people I meet who do appeal to me intellectually, those that do appeal are intangibly different from the rest, their way of thinking and being is different to others and they have substance about them, knowledge and the ability to communicate well, this is very rare for me. With these people I can be me because I don't need to dumb myself down to make mundane conversation.

 

The last one wasn't conventionally hot, she wasn't a whale but I wouldn't but she was nice enough looking but what made her was the personality and the way we could communicate, I have never had that before. The fact she spoke well and used great language also showed me she was smart and educated, definite appeal.

[La.Primavera]

Since he's a guy, its his fault for everything, that's what I've observed about reality for a while

 

We are all responsible for our own happiness. If you want something enough you will do whatever it takes to make it happen regardless of your gender.

[ZA Dater]

Now I'm wondering if you are maybe too much of a perfectionist; in other words, if everything isn't just right and lining up with you, you blow it off.

 

Also, I just reread the whole thread. What ARE your interests that no one else is interested in them?

 

Lastly, don't know your religion, but maybe church is a place for you to meet nonpartying ladies. Most people like to kick up their heels a little in their 20s, so....

 

Or maybe you are not going to find someone until everyone is old and tired of partying, and then you'll look like the golden key to someone who's battled with a husband's alcoholism. But of course, the older you get, the older and less perfect the women get. It's rare women don't put on some weight in middle age.

 

You also might consider moving to a small town where maybe there's just not as much going on partywise.

 

I have tried to date church people and with the greatest of respect each and everyone of them has a mind as closed as a dormant volcano, they shun me because I don't go to church and really it just doesn't work.

 

My interests: world affairs, politics, general knowledge, writing, amazing places, food, super cars and to some extent the finer things in life.

 

I guess I am just very specific because I know its possible to find people like this they are just incredibly rare.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I pray and hope you do not become a 40-year old virgin OP, I wish you the best of luck in which you don't end up like that

[Satu]

I wish I could say that is true but my confidence is truly shot from so many rejections, for the most part I just muddle through each day, do the maximum I can do at work and try to not think about what a complete and utter failure I am at dating. Problem is you can only blot this out for so long and when it comes back it hits you like a stone.

 

You are the victim of your own thinking.

 

If you don't like being who you are, change.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I wish I could say that is true but my confidence is truly shot from so many rejections, for the most part I just muddle through each day, do the maximum I can do at work and try to not think about what a complete and utter failure I am at dating. Problem is you can only blot this out for so long and when it comes back it hits you like a stone.

 

This is where I really think some guys are lucky and some guys just have crappy luck.

 

There's a chance that if you are in high school or college, or a similar environment that you will meet a cute woman, she will like you for being you and the fact that you get along so well, and you might get together and get married.

 

If that doesn't happen, then you go through the meat grinder of the bar/club scene, getting attached to and rejected by female friends, and the horrors of online dating.

[ZA Dater]

You are the victim of your own thinking.

 

If you don't like being who you are, change.

 

I am not prepared to conform and pretend to enjoy things I don't for the sake of meeting someone.

 

 

If cant find someone who I like who likes me as I am well then its just tough really.

[ZA Dater]

I pray and hope you do not become a 40-year old virgin OP, I wish you the best of luck in which you don't end up like that

 

Absolutely no sign of me meeting anyone interesting who is interested in me.

[I_Squared_R]

I am not prepared to conform and pretend to enjoy things I don't for the sake of meeting someone.

 

 

If cant find someone who I like who likes me as I am well then its just tough really.

 

You don't have to pretend to enjoy certain things. I think you need to learn to genuinely enjoy certain things. You want a relationship, but you don't want to conform/compromise? Have you been paying attention? Relationships ALWAYS require some kind of compromise in one way or another. There are no fairy tales.

 

You need to open up a little bit. I think you are very much like me (very intellectual), but you don't get dates by trying to connect on a intellectual level. Attraction and the desire to mate is a primitive thing. Maybe you need to examine yourself and what you're doing wrong and try to remedy it? If you're socially awkward then go out and talk to an infinite amount of women until you are comfortable with it. Approach things with that mentality.

Edited May 18, 2015 by I_Squared_R

[ZA Dater]

You don't have to pretend to enjoy certain things. I think you need to learn to genuinely enjoy certain things. You want a relationship, but you don't want to conform/compromise? Have you been paying attention? Relationships ALWAYS require some kind of compromise in one way or another. There are no fairy tales.

 

You need to open up a little bit. I think you are very much like me (very intellectual), but you don't get dates by trying to connect on a intellectual level. Attraction and the desire to mate is a primitive thing. Maybe you need to examine yourself and what you're doing wrong and try to remedy it? If you're socially awkward then go out and talk to an infinite amount of women until you are comfortable with it. Approach things with that mentality.

 

I don't have any issue with compromise but I look at the person how I am able to communicate with them and how they make me feel, if I feel nothing then its not worth compromising and yes this is a double edged sword.

 

I like an intellectual challenge, someone who speaks well and has confidence.

 

When it comes to what I an doing wrong I have no idea but clearly the me I am is one very few find appealing and those who do are usually the size of trucks and just want physical.

 

Everything to do with dating just makes me feel so sad.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Absolutely no sign of me meeting anyone interesting who is interested in me.

 

Why do you feel that is your fate? Also, What is your height?

[ZA Dater]

Why do you feel that is your fate? Also, What is your height?

 

I am 5.9 tall.

 

 

Simply put I think I have made some fairly fundamental mistakes in life and this last and most brutal disappointment pretty much drives that point home. I can concede where I haven't clicked with someone, its easier to walk away from a situation like that but in this instance this was someone I did click with and could open up to and actually enjoy spending time with them.

 

 

The problem here isn't intellectual, I am fairly sure of that, its the fact I am obviously inexperienced, I couldn't be nicer than I was but it wasn't fake it was just me being me and this was the only person I felt I could be me with.

 

 

Perhaps the most bitter pill of all to swallow is this "she is still looking for a nice guy, its a pity she isn't into you, she is really a great chick", mutual friends feedback.

 

 

How should I feel about that, yes I pretty much feel like sh*t.

 

 

Some would call this crying over spilt milk and perhaps to some extent it is but the frustrating thing is I never really had a chance, maybe there was never a chance to be had, maybe she is looking for someone more stupid than me, there are tons of "maybes" many of which cloud my mind for every hour of the day I am not working.

 

 

Not a great feeling.

 

 

Decided to like this forum suggested try and move on, tinder, zoosk, okcupid, datingbuzz, badoo, am on all of them but I cant even find anyone interested, no matter how nice I be, there is either no physical attraction towards them but more often there is no intellectual connection either, nothing to talk about, my mind just goes to sleep as I try to talk about arcane things.

 

 

Here is the thing, through circumstance I have experienced some amazing things, real wow moments, the one where you need to think if that really did happen. Its also true to say I spend some time in a world of opulence and class.

 

 

Ultimately I want someone who is comfortable in that world, someone who has the confidence around captains of industry, comfortable in their own skin, articulate and someone who just feels special.

 

 

She is that and more.

 

 

Then I go to dating sites and all I find are people with kids, in their own way special lives but general apathy, poor education, poor vocabulary, people with weight problems but all of that is fine and I respect each person but there just isn't a connection, life unfortunately isn't a Cinderella story where you can fundamentally change people.

 

 

The short version is what I am looking for is extremely rare but in some ways I am extremely happy I got to experience it once but it was better than I could ever have imagined.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

So you think you are doomed to remain forever single, involuntary celibate?

[elaine567]

Its also true to say I spend some time in a world of opulence and class.

 

 

Ultimately I want someone who is comfortable in that world, someone who has the confidence around captains of industry, comfortable in their own skin, articulate and someone who just feels special.

If you exist in a world of opulence and class, do you not have a good network, that could yield a suitable woman for you, instead of trawling around OLD.

[ZA Dater]

If you exist in a world of opulence and class, do you not have a good network, that could yield a suitable woman for you, instead of trawling around OLD.

 

That's exactly the problem, the people in that world are much older than me, there are no 20's people at all. I'd also say at least 99% of the people are married.

 

I then go to OLD and desperately search for people I can take into that world but there are pretty much none, there was one potential one a few years ago but we met up once and no surprise I was rejected on the ground of "no chemistry" which in plain English mean "I don't find you hot enough to sleep with" but even with her I drifted in that "there isn't much interesting hear and my mind just goes to sleep" sure I keep talking and taking an interest but when you sit with someone for 2 hours and they ask you nothing about yourself its quite bad, when you sit for two hours and they ask you nothing about yourself and offer up no intellectual stimulation its far worse!

 

The quandary for me is at what stage do I stop looking for a date and start looking for a physical experience (i.e. sex). My belief is that if one meets someone you like the first goal is to get them communicating, read the body language, do they laugh, does the conversation flow, do they look relaxed and in my mind if you can do all these things you are off to a good start.

 

I managed it twice with the same person but its never worked with anyone else and crucially she wasn't from a dating site.

[ZA Dater]

So you think you are doomed to remain forever single, involuntary celibate?

 

Quite possibly yes, objectively its an almost certainty and not the best reality to live each day with.

 

People say confidence is key to dating and yes, I would agree with that apart from one thing when you get rejected each time, its a bit like being smacked to the ground, you cannot ever hope to find any confidence when each experience has the same conclusion as the last.

 

Like the last time I was buoyed by the fact I met someone nice and everything seemed to good but the end result was no different.

 

Anyone who says bad experiences don't knock your confidence is either a lying or very deluded by same taken good experienced build ones confidence.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Quite possibly yes, objectively its an almost certainty and not the best reality to live each day with.

 

People say confidence is key to dating and yes, I would agree with that apart from one thing when you get rejected each time, its a bit like being smacked to the ground, you cannot ever hope to find any confidence when each experience has the same conclusion as the last.

 

Like the last time I was buoyed by the fact I met someone nice and everything seemed to good but the end result was no different.

 

Anyone who says bad experiences don't knock your confidence is either a lying or very deluded by same taken good experienced build ones confidence.

 

What is your height? Since height obviously plays a huge factor in a guys attractiveness to women

[elaine567]

What is your height? Since height obviously plays a huge factor in a guys attractiveness to women

 

Keep track of your own posts, you already asked that...

[ZA Dater]

There may yet be some positive to come out of this, spoke to a mutual friend yesterday and he is going to try and help me get into the friend zone with this particular female.

 

Lets see what happens.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

There may yet be some positive to come out of this, spoke to a mutual friend yesterday and he is going to try and help me get into the friend zone with this particular female.

 

Lets see what happens.

friend-zone usually means no sex

[ZA Dater]

friend-zone usually means no sex

 

I can live with that. Because its simply vastly better than being alone all the time.

 

However I type this it seems this idea has fallen flat on its face too.

 

With luck this I don't feel the need to play the lottery.