On average how long does it take to heal from been cheating on?

[Omei]

The trick is not getting over it but not allowing yourself to accept it while together and leave, and not let it affect your future trust.

 

I was cheated on multiple times in my first relationship the first time hurt real bad and followed with many sorrys and it will never happen agains, it did.

 

I spent a lot of time convincing myself had they loved me they wouldnt cheat and also did some major thinking about how I would act within my next relationship. Also thought about all the pro's that came with me knowing now I really knew what this person was like.

 

I somewhat brainwashed myself everyday I would get up and while I was getting ready at the mirror I would tell myself just because he cheated doesnt mean all men cheat and to give others trust like you did him till they break it.

 

And I would say that litterly everyday until I felt I could go into another relationship without burdening my new parter with worry.

 

I cant give you a timeframe thats just what I personally did.

 

When you move on in life and get to the point of having various relationships with non cheating partners, when you do come across a cheating one they're very easy to give up its the first time thats the hardest.

[barcode88]

Being cheated on changes you forever just like having your home invaded and burglarized or being in a big car wreck where you were doing nothing wrong does. It makes you realize that no matter how careful you are, bad things can still happen to you that you have no control over, and it leaves you feeling vulnerable.

 

There is no time after which you are just past it. It changes you. Each person is different how long it takes them to process it. For some, it becomes an obsession it's hard to move past, something that plays over and over in their head and is so traumatic that they just can't process it and get past it. For others, they rationalize it and maybe realize that in their case, it was all the other person's fault and decide they're lucky they found out before they married them or whatever. For most, it sets you back for some time and then you venture out again.

 

But one thing you must do is dissect the whole thing, look at what hints or red flags you can now see in hindsight that you chose to ignore at the time that could have alerted you, and also look at anything you may have done to create instability that helped trigger the other person to cheat and if it's something you had a part in, then don't do that in the future. And then begin looking for red flags and getting out of relationships fast (or preferably don't get into them to begin with) when you see red flags. An example of this would be not to try to steal a woman from their boyfriend or husband, because if she'll wander while she's committed to him, then she will definitely wander on you as well down the road.

 

And just in general, look for a person who doesn't seem to be hiding things and is just open about things. There are people out there whose ethics will not allow them to feel good about themselves if they cheat. There are those who have no such ethics or use a religious crutch to "be forgiven" and just keep doing everything and then ask for forgiveness, and there are people, there are substance abusers who will use substances as their excuse for not having control over themselves or taking responsibility for their own actions, and there are people with just no ethics in that regard. So get to know someone's ethics before you let yourself fall for them.

 

I don't think being cheated on changes a person forever. Time heals ALL wounds applies to this just like anything else.

 

I was cheated on, and I'm completely over it now.

[Phoe]

The first time I was cheated on I was still in a completely heartbroken daze even 2 months later. Weirdest 2 months of my life. I started to perk up after that but still hurt quite a bit from time to time, for well over a year, and didn't fully let go of it until 2 years later (by which time I had already dated and been cheated on by another man, which then added to the heartbreak pile). When the 2nd one cheated, the pain was amplified due to the fact that I still hurt from the first one, and there was a strange vindictiveness that I felt towards both of them. An anger, you could say. That was the first time I truly felt anger, rather than just sadness, and that was pivotal. The anger is what really prompted me to move on, and it was a moment when I truly realized I deserved better, and it sort of kicked my self-esteem up a notch, and that's when my demeanor started looking up. Within another 6 months I was completely over both sets of cheating.

 

2-3 years later it happened again, with a man that I was not in a relationship with, but a man who I had fallen for, and who had agreed that neither of us would sleep with anyone else. I desperately hoped that by remaining loyal to him, and being patient and easygoing, that he would want to officially be with me. Instead it got me used, but I was too silly and blind to see. 3 times he went back on his word, 3 different women. And during those months I was numb, and simultaneously having moments where I felt irrationally angry. I felt completely out of control. I gained quite a fair amount of weight in a short time, and barely noticed. I just didn't care about anything anymore. Finally, one day I cut him off. Just walked... I was already so numb at that point that I felt nothing about walking away. In just a small amount of time I had fallen for an awful man and watched myself seemingly fall apart. I'd had enough. From there on out it was nothing but growth and positivity. I realized that I had already gotten "over" it, before I'd even ended it.

 

But those experiences made me much better equipped at handling what's thrown at me now. I may have handled many of those past experiences terribly, but I grew and learned. Always learning...

[Danstacey123]

Wow. Just revisited my post to see all your nice comments. I am getting closer to a girl at the minute. Something as small as getting close to cuddle is a problem. Does this come in time when you feel you can trust this girl?

[Leigh 87]

Couple days. I was only seeing them for a month though.

 

I'd likely feel crappy if I had to see them all the time.

[Danstacey123]

Yes Leigh but was there cheating involved?