Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 The only thing you can do now is to leave him be. Remain calm. Let him do his thinking own his own. Also, take this opportunity to have some space between both of you. These are the few scenarios that may happen: 1. He ignores you for life... 2. He finally reconnects but doesn't have confident in this relationship 3. He finally reconnects but ask for the end of the relationship 4. He finally reconnects and want to work out with you (that's the most ideal case) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Njackson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 give him space. Be a stable force. He might not be unsure of your feelings but of your ability to withstand. Trust and communication are vital. They are tools used to overcome insecurities and misunderstandings. Sometimes you're walking on the beach, sometimes your walking in the dark forest, sometimes your close and others your a bit distant. Not simply believing in someone .. but KNOWING a person is by your side..knowing that someone wants your safety and happiness as much as you yourself do.. that changes the entire landscape of a relationship. Give him space... just be cool, every time you go through this , you are strengthening and reducing the need for assurance. One day.. he will be so sure and you will know without a doubt that he is all yours and you are all his ... and it's solid love match. That day,that Kodak moment, is when marriage proposals roll off the tongue. Besides, taking space is healthy. If he's coming back around for sure anytime I'm willing to deal with it just because I love him . I'm aware of the flaws of others because I have flaws myself & that's why I'm accepting it . Some people would walk away & say I'm done but I'm the type of person if I love u I love hard & petty stuff doesn't make me give up. I just hope he sees that I'm really serious about him . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Njackson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 The only thing you can do now is to leave him be. Remain calm. Let him do his thinking own his own. Also, take this opportunity to have some space between both of you. These are the few scenarios that may happen: 1. He ignores you for life... 2. He finally reconnects but doesn't have confident in this relationship 3. He finally reconnects but ask for the end of the relationship 4. He finally reconnects and want to work out with you (that's the most ideal case) Yes it's not on me to make the decision . I'm hoping for number 4 to happen but everything happens for a reason anyways Link to post Share on other sites
sly_fly1 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 We'll no offence but your bf is a child. And sounds very controlling. Face timing another guy is not cheating. Doesn't matter if you have guy friends or not. Your bf needs to back off. Now he says he doesn't trust you? Does he have a real reason not to trust you? Have you cheated on him or betrayed him in anyway? If so then I can understand because he probably hasn't healed from the past. But if you have been faithful n he is freaking out over a guy who is just a friend? Then he is defiantly insecure, jealous, he is trying to get you to chase him. This is a tactic that one member of a relationship will do all the time, that's if one of you are immature, which it is clearly him. How do I know this? I'm a guy, n with my first gf, we were both constantly getting jealous n playing games. And it seven simpler to turn the tables, next time he messages you, just ignore him. Then he will start blowing up your phone. Make him your last priority. If he asks to meet up, tell him your going out n you can after. When you do meet up. He will question you about every last detail that you did. And that's how you know that he's playing games, he's immature and insecure and controlling. Just remember, he's not ignoring you, he's playing a game and manipulating you into chasing him, don't contact him, just act careless , works every time My gf is a master manipulator, n the one thing that she can't stand is me not giving a damn Link to post Share on other sites
Author Njackson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Actually, I do think he'll see that in time, but not on the timeline you're thinking. He's going to have to lose you, and see you with other guys, and you'll have to reject his advances when he begins to realize the error of his ways. That's when he'll see it - when he realizes he's thrown you away because of the past. But now? No way. You see, it isn't about convincing him. Not nearly enough time has passed, and all the reassurance in the world isn't enough. He needs to come to this realization on his own. It's sad that ppl have to lose you first to see what they had Link to post Share on other sites
Author Njackson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 We'll no offence but your bf is a child. And sounds very controlling. Face timing another guy is not cheating. Doesn't matter if you have guy friends or not. Your bf needs to back off. Now he says he doesn't trust you? Does he have a real reason not to trust you? Have you cheated on him or betrayed him in anyway? If so then I can understand because he probably hasn't healed from the past. But if you have been faithful n he is freaking out over a guy who is just a friend? Then he is defiantly insecure, jealous, he is trying to get you to chase him. This is a tactic that one member of a relationship will do all the time, that's if one of you are immature, which it is clearly him. How do I know this? I'm a guy, n with my first gf, we were both constantly getting jealous n playing games. And it seven simpler to turn the tables, next time he messages you, just ignore him. Then he will start blowing up your phone. Make him your last priority. If he asks to meet up, tell him your going out n you can after. When you do meet up. He will question you about every last detail that you did. And that's how you know that he's playing games, he's immature and insecure and controlling. Just remember, he's not ignoring you, he's playing a game and manipulating you into chasing him, don't contact him, just act careless , works every time My gf is a master manipulator, n the one thing that she can't stand is me not giving a damn I have never cheated on him or anything like that . He just doesn't trust me . I don't club whenever he calls my phone I answer him whenever I'm free I come see him or he's over my house and now I have even changed my number so he can see that nobody that I knew before him can contact me anymore . But he doesn't hit me up or nothing but constantly posts videos on Facebook now what he never did . I feel like he doing that on purpose so I see he's online but not replying on purpose . And if he wanted to break up with me why didn't he do it Sunday when I dropped him off and why did he leave his shoes in My car . I also feel like he's doing that to punish me or something . It's annoying but I can't help that I love him . I'm done contacting and chasing him for now tho . Link to post Share on other sites
sly_fly1 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 That's exactly what I mean, I know you love him. But this guy has to much control over you, he's using your love to his advantage, you even switched your number so that he can see that no one will ever message you, yup he used manipulation and the silent treatment to punish you, he seems to want you all to himself. Listen to me, relationships are all about trust, if you can't trust someone who's faithful, then clearly that person shouldn't be in a relationship. I'll tell you this too, his games will get old, you'll start to get tired of the always chasing game, you shouldn't have to chase someone you love Tell him that he needs to trust you and that this is unacceptable. If he keeps it up, then end things, go screw another guy. And give him a real reason not to trust you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Njackson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 That's exactly what I mean, I know you love him. But this guy has to much control over you, he's using your love to his advantage, you even switched your number so that he can see that no one will ever message you, yup he used manipulation and the silent treatment to punish you, he seems to want you all to himself. Listen to me, relationships are all about trust, if you can't trust someone who's faithful, then clearly that person shouldn't be in a relationship. I'll tell you this too, his games will get old, you'll start to get tired of the always chasing game, you shouldn't have to chase someone you love Tell him that he needs to trust you and that this is unacceptable. If he keeps it up, then end things, go screw another guy. And give him a real reason not to trust you. If he would at least tell me he's done I could accept that . I would move on even tho it would be hard and be hurtful but he's simply ignoring me I'm so sick now ! Nobody understands how this makes me feel this is worse than a break up I feel like he's not respecting my feelings or anything I gave him ! He's posting pictures on the Internet updating his status talking bout he feels good ! Wtf does he get out of this ? At least I want closure 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 If he would at least tell me he's done I could accept that . I would move on even tho it would be hard and be hurtful but he's simply ignoring me I'm so sick now ! Nobody understands how this makes me feel this is worse than a break up I feel like he's not respecting my feelings or anything I gave him ! He's posting pictures on the Internet updating his status talking bout he feels good ! Wtf does he get out of this ? At least I want closureYou'd be shocked at how many people actually do understand how it is even worse than a breakup. This is what I meant by immature. He's not ready, he's incapable of talking about how he feels, he's projecting somebody else's faults onto you, and he's won't even give you the courtesy of a clean breakup. If he was 30, he'd be an assclown, but I just think he's a little kid on the inside who is old enough to have sex, but not old enough to have a girlfriend. You may run into a few guys like this, so be prepared for that over the next few years. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I would just like to talk about it . Either way if we break up or keep it going and work it out . Ignoring me isn't fair and it's selfish in my opinion . I wouldn't do it to him & ive dealt with bigger issues in my past relationship. Ignoring your partner never solves anything . I agree, ignoring is a kind of punishment or it's an attempt to avoid further engagement for fear of being hurt. He didn't listen to your explanation and I wonder why? What has happened to him to make him lack any trust? I can certainly understand him wondering about the Facetime guy but you have made a great effort to reassure him. Just leave him be to think this over and try to remain neutral for the moment. If he doesn't come around, then why should you chase him? After all, have you done anything wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
sly_fly1 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Agreed, a real man will be there for you no matter what, especially when your up set, and a real man will trust you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Njackson Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Well yesterday when I was finally at a point where I basically said **** it n started feeling better about all this I updated my status and quoted a song that said "baby I've been California dreaming ". You must know I love Cali and LA period cause that's where a part of my family is from and I'm planning on moving there after college . Once I put that status I received a message from him talking bout I should just move to Cali and get me a dude from LA since that's what I want Anyways n he's just doing me a fav. Lol !!! I kept it cool n said I can't force you to be with me if that's what you want Imma let u go bla bla and he texted me a long ass paragraph basically showing his insecurities and stuff so I just said can I come over ? At first he was like I still need space but when I just said ok he texted me again talking bout ok come over Imma stop being Srubborn . I came over he was getting a tattoo at this time so I just watched and we talked normal didn't really try to bring up the argument but I remember how he said you gotta sweat me and I shoulda let you wait longer than this . In my head I'm just thinking lol seriously I love him but all this is kind of childish . Seriously this needs to stop . That's not the way you solve a problem but I don't really know how to explain that to him because I've tried multiple times in the past and e always thinks he's right -.- Link to post Share on other sites
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