cocorico Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 oh for F'S SAKE, of course you should find out who has been F'ING your spouse. the information is YOUR'S......To do What you Will..... The law protects you. JUST Do IT. Perhaps in your particular country, but not in the world at large. Many countries regard it as irrelevant and the BS has *no* right to that information. Do not assume that because something is allowed in your country, it is like that elsewhere. That is known as cultural imperialism. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 And so will a BS who is scratching their head, wondering WTH just happened..... Any worthy AP will not back down from BS confrontation.....Others may run for the hills.... I believe a BS has the RIGHT to discover who, what turned their reality on its heels. You may believe that all you want, as you may believe the moon to be made of green cheese if you so choose. That does not change reality. The reality is that the law (in many places) does not support your belief. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 The WS is free to disclose or withhold the identity of the AP - the law protects them (unless there are extraordinary circumstances). The BS is free to accept or reject the WS's refusal to disclose, and to make disclosure a precondition for reconciliation. If the WS continues to refuse to disclose, the BS can do nothing to force disclosure. S/he is free to walk away from the M if the WS will not disclose. (This may be different in some countries, but it is definitely true in many - perhaps most.) Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I'll be blunt. This ain't about the law. Country or no country, a moral, respectable person doesn't **** someone else while married or **** someone who IS married, and their defensive view of whether the BS deserves the whole truth is laughable, sickening, and completely unsurprising. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) I'll be blunt. This ain't about the law. Country or no country, a moral, respectable person doesn't **** someone else while married or **** someone who IS married, and their defensive view of whether the BS deserves the whole truth is laughable, sickening, and completely unsurprising. Actually, people with high morals and values slip up all the time and make mistakes. Judging by your quote I would say certainly you must believe there is redemption and forgiveness. Or am I mistaken? If, once someone does something that goes against their morals there is no way to come back from it, there is no point in trying to be a good person at all. So what are you saying here? This is why I don't believe it to be a flaw of character, that gives cheaters the easy way out. They made a choice. My guy made a choice, after his ex broke their marriage vows by turning him away sexually, emotionally for 12 years. This is why the guilt was there, but it was not as hard to make the leap. As for the law, I don't care about the law part of it. I am grateful he tried to protect me from the crazy that is his ex, that he lost vex me enough to want to make sure I was safe. I know, I know, not the case with all affairs, but you would be surprised how many AP and MM have a true, deep, loving relationship. Edited April 22, 2015 by goodyblue Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 True redemption comes after true repentance, andvtrue repentance doesn't withhold the truth. And there is a difference between a woman who regrets being an AP and a woman who celebrates participation in infidelity and derides the betrayed victim. The former is operating with admirable values. The latter is not. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Actually, people with high morals and values slip up all the time and make mistakes. Sleeping with someone else's spouse is not a "mistake". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Sleeping with someone else's spouse is not a "mistake". Especially when one actually sought out the married person....mind blowing.... Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Well, I don't know about anyone.else but we tried to stay away from each other. I had known my guy for 17 years.before our short affair. I certainly didn't chase or pursue him. I also.don't think everyone is a Christian like you. I am certainly not. Tbh we had guilt but the affair was so heady we swept it aside. Later, the guilt was crippling. We had to do a lot of work to forgive ourselves and move forward in a healthy dynamic. But we knew we were in it for the duration and he had left his wife, who has a major drinking issue and a bad temper. He protected me and our relationship because it was what mattered. Morals are not a list of things... Morals are personal. Different for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Well, I don't know about anyone.else but we tried to stay away from each other. I had known my guy for 17 years.before our short affair. I certainly didn't chase or pursue him. I also.don't think everyone is a Christian like you. I am certainly not. Tbh we had guilt but the affair was so heady we swept it aside. Later, the guilt was crippling. We had to do a lot of work to forgive ourselves and move forward in a healthy dynamic. But we knew we were in it for the duration and he had left his wife, who has a major drinking issue and a bad temper. He protected me and our relationship because it was what mattered. Morals are not a list of things... Morals are personal. Different for everyone. I didn't mean to imply that you pursued. I get the idea that you wouldn't have sought out an A and have some regrets about how it all initially came about. That is because Christian or not you prefer not to betray or hurt others. I'm talking about women who flauntvit, pursue it, defend it, and rub it in BS'S (all BS's) faces. An atheist with an ounce of empathy knows that's just crappy, slutty behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 The WS is free to disclose or withhold the identity of the AP - the law protects them (unless there are extraordinary circumstances). The BS is free to accept or reject the WS's refusal to disclose, and to make disclosure a precondition for reconciliation. If the WS continues to refuse to disclose, the BS can do nothing to force disclosure. S/he is free to walk away from the M if the WS will not disclose. (This may be different in some countries, but it is definitely true in many - perhaps most.) Guess what? My fWS,did not disclose.....shocker, I know. But within 72 hours I had her name, her address, where she worked (with him) her families address, the age and birth date of her child, her income, her properties, her divorce date, where her ex lived, his new wife and ALL her phone numbers. It was too easy and I'm not some lay down and die, accept unacceptable behavior, and run for the hills kinda gal. DON'T Cross me. And we live in the internet age where no one has true privacy or can be undiscovered.....unless you live under a rock without a cell phone, job, home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Actually, people with high morals and values slip up all the time and make mistakes. Judging by your quote I would say certainly you must believe there is redemption and forgiveness. Or am I mistaken? If, once someone does something that goes against their morals there is no way to come back from it, there is no point in trying to be a good person at all. So what are you saying here? This is why I don't believe it to be a flaw of character, that gives cheaters the easy way out. They made a choice. My guy made a choice, after his ex broke their marriage vows by turning him away sexually, emotionally for 12 years. This is why the guilt was there, but it was not as hard to make the leap. As for the law, I don't care about the law part of it. I am grateful he tried to protect me from the crazy that is his ex, that he lost vex me enough to want to make sure I was safe. I know, I know, not the case with all affairs, but you would be surprised how many AP and MM have a true, deep, loving relationship. Sorry Goody....and i LIKE you....But, it is okay to get swept up in an affair but NOT okay, to once discovering that affair, to go crazy? It's not OKAY for that BS to be angry, betrayed and broken? Isn't that a moral flaw in a usually moral person? Just like you and your fMM? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Guess what? My fWS,did not disclose.....shocker, I know. But within 72 hours I had her name, her address, where she worked (with him) her families address, the age and birth date of her child, her income, her properties, her divorce date, where her ex lived, his new wife and ALL her phone numbers. It was too easy and I'm not some lay down and die, accept unacceptable behavior, and run for the hills kinda gal. DON'T Cross me. And we live in the internet age where no one has true privacy or can be undiscovered.....unless you live under a rock without a cell phone, job, home. Well that just seems stalkerish, which I guess is what my guy was trying to avoid by not disclosing, although you are right, she.w o u pd have found out who I was eventually. I would have just preferred it if she had waited a week before scaring my kids half to death. I had been in town exactly one hour when she rolled up to his apartment and saw my out of state license plates, because apparently for the previous almost year she had been driving by and watching him. I still wish she didn't know who I was, but the truth is, there is nothing she can do to us, unless she kills us in our sleep. Nobody cares about our affair. Everyone has moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Sorry Goody....and i LIKE you....But, it is okay to get swept up in an affair but NOT okay, to once discovering that affair, to go crazy? It's not OKAY for that BS to be angry, betrayed and broken? Isn't that a moral flaw in a usually moral person? Just like you and your fMM? I understand her feelings. I will admit I was a bit shocked considering she didn't even like him, wouldn't touch him etc. She was more embarrassed and mad that she was losing his big paycheck. But she has a right to her feelings. But so do I. I do not have to deal with her if I choose not to. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 This thread temporarily closed for moderation review. ~Thank you for your patience. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Also, original William here, the one who posted the directive to adhere to the topic - any members who have their posting privileges curtailed pending review, yup, that's me. If you want to ignore my directives, feel free to do so and take your postings to another forum. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 After review, this thread will remain closed as the original topic has come and gone. Those members who have been sanctioned on account of this thread will remain so until that period expires.~Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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