Robert Z Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I can't imagine regretting not cheating. That is like saying: I regret missing an opportunity to lie to someone I claimed to love. I regret that I didn't take the chance to make them cry until they were sick, make them question their worth, darken their world, and lie awake at night. I regret that I never snuck around and made a fool out of them. What kind of person wishes they had done that? That is what happened to us. We're just sorry we were duped into loyalty. My ex's world only got darker when the money ran out. She could have cared less if I lived or died as long as she was covered. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I guess it's understandable that people regret being loyal to someone who couldn't have cared less. Best way to show your appreciation of faithfulness is being faithful yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I guess it's understandable that people regret being loyal to someone who couldn't have cared less. Best way to show your appreciation of faithfulness is being faithful yourself. And being faithful is based on the premise that you are loved. When I realized that the entire marriage was just a pathetic joke, the faithfulness became an embarrassment. How could I have been so stupid?!?! Those words will ring in my ears for the rest of my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I cannot imagine finding being honest and having strong values embarrassing, even if my partner WAS a jerk. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I guess it's understandable that people regret being loyal to someone who couldn't have cared less. Best way to show your appreciation of faithfulness is being faithful yourself. I'm sorry No Limit, as much as I respect some of your posts on LS I can't say that I agree with one. Being faithful is more for YOU than it is about them. It's just like what they say about forgiveness. Forgiving someone is more about what it does for YOU than it is about the person who wronged you. It does NOT mean you condone what they've done but rather it releases you from the anger and bitterness and resentment so YOU can move on. Remaining faithful to even the sh*tiest excuse for a partner has more to say about YOUR character than it does about theirs. It's ultimately a reflection of who YOU are and therefore should never be viewed as weak or something to be ashamed of. Never. Showing appreciation for faithfulness by being faithful is no better than being unfaithful because they were unfaithful. Two wrongs do not make a right and conditional love is not love at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I'm sorry No Limit, as much as I respect some of your posts on LS I can't say that I agree with one. Being faithful is more for YOU than it is about them. It's just like what they say about forgiveness. Forgiving someone is more about what it does for YOU than it is about the person who wronged you. It does NOT mean you condone what they've done but rather it releases you from the anger and bitterness and resentment so YOU can move on. Remaining faithful to even the sh*tiest excuse for a partner has more to say about YOUR character than it does about theirs. It's ultimately a reflection of who YOU are and therefore should never be viewed as weak or something to be ashamed of. Never. Showing appreciation for faithfulness by being faithful is no better than being unfaithful because they were unfaithful. Two wrongs do not make a right and conditional love is not love at all. Spoken like someone who has no idea of the cost - idealism in a vacuum. Rather than cheat a person should just get divorced. However, some people do feel trapped or don't want to destroy the family. So I can understand why for some people, cheating seems the best option. And there is times when it probably is the best option. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Spoken like someone who has no idea of the cost - idealism in a vacuum. Rather than cheat a person should just get divorced. However, some people do feel trapped or don't want to destroy the family. So I can understand why for some people, cheating seems the best option. And there is times when it probably is the best option. Seriously? I have no idea of the cost?? Give me a break. Don't paint me out to be some naive child who has no idea what I'm talking about or what it means to struggle in an unhappy marriage. Because I DO. I'm also well aware of the intricacies and the complexities that exist in every relationship, married with children or not that challenges one's resolve. You're not the only one whose had a ****ty marriage. Am I being idealistic? Perhaps a bit, so shoot me. Then again I live what I speak so I speak from experience. As for accusing me of living in a vacuum, you couldn't be further from the truth but I forgive you nonetheless. I'm just sorry you are still so bitter about having remained faithful to your ex wife. I guess now you know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revolver Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Have you had an offer, Revolver? No........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revolver Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Most young relationships in general are extremely fickle and shallow. My older brother said looking back his first gf in HS was a horrible person who had nothing really in common with. But she was cute with big breasts and she put out Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Spoken like someone who has no idea of the cost - idealism in a vacuum. Rather than cheat a person should just get divorced. However, some people do feel trapped or don't want to destroy the family. So I can understand why for some people, cheating seems the best option. And there is times when it probably is the best option. I don't know how old Michelle is, but I am closer to 50 than 40, and I spent 2 decades in a miserable marriage. I am anything but naive, and trust me, I know more about "cost" than I ever wanted to. I just prefer not to let MY values depend upon whether someone else has them or not. I know I've hear everything when I see someone derided for doing the RIGHT thing and not the wrong thing.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Years later - He cheated on me and left me for another woman. Looking back, I wish I had of taken the chance and cheated. I might have ended up with a better guy. I guess it's understandable that people regret being loyal to someone who couldn't have cared less. I'm really surprised by the number of people who say they regret they didn't cheat on a partner who later cheated on them. Really surprised. Seriously I got cheated on by my ex. Caught her and dumped her ass. While we were together I had numerous opportunities with other good looking girls to cheat. I got propositioned by one of her friends once who was actually staying at her place (yes seriously). I had another girl actively pursue me with full knowledge I was engaged. I had number of other times with just random girls while we were out. I do not one little bit wish that I accepted any offers during the time we were together even though she later cheated on me. In retrospect its easy to say you wish that you had of got in first ..... but for me if I did that to some one who I cared about at the time it would eat me up from the inside out. I don't compromise my own values to match those of others that are not up to scratch. I simply bid them farewell from my life when they reveal their true colors. Despite what many people think .... most people .... even cheaters like to believe they are "good people". That type of **** behavior and weakness is not the type of baggage I want to carry around with me for the rest of my days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Two wrongs do not make a right and conditional love is not love at all. Michelle ma Belle, do you really believe that romantic love is ever unconditional? Parents love their children unconditionally, but that's about it. Romantic love is fragile, a delicate balance... that's not to say that romantic love cannot endure, just that when it does it's because of a high degree of dedication, good behavior, and usually the absence of unfortunate circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 The more I read on here, the more I'm realizing that some people will act really poorly, so long as they have an excuse to do so. Others will have every excuse in the book to do so, yet they will live their life honestly and in a way that is respectful to both themselves and others. As for whether I regret not cheating, of course I don't. Why in he hell would I? I've been cheated on before, and it's hurtful, not only to the person being betrayed, but to the person doing it as well. Why would I regret missing out on that? Missing out on what, lying , sneaking and being deceitful? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) Emotionally heathy folks break up with someone if they want to be with others. Emotionally healthy folks remain single if they want variety. To regret "not" cheating seems immature and passive aggressive. Might as well say do you regret not stealing, or regret not cheating on your taxes, or taking steroids to win that competition. Cheating is cheating, it's not just about relationships, it's about being civilized and not doing unto others as you would not want to be done to you. Personally, I may regret certain things but cheating wasn't and isn't something that plays a role in how I live my life. Edited April 21, 2015 by Furious 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Michelle ma Belle, do you really believe that romantic love is ever unconditional? Parents love their children unconditionally, but that's about it. Romantic love is fragile, a delicate balance... that's not to say that romantic love cannot endure, just that when it does it's because of a high degree of dedication, good behavior, and usually the absence of unfortunate circumstances. Actually I do but I also understand that things aren't always so black and white. My comment wasn't necessarily a blanket statement but rather in response to the topic of THIS post and the comment No Limit made about "the best way to show your appreciation of faithfulness is being faithful yourself". You're either someone who values fidelity or you're not. Of course every relationship comes with a certain amount of "conditions"; some are universal and even widely expected while others are really just excuses to justify poor behavior and push their own shady agendas. We've seen and heard it a million times on here alone. Choosing to cheat on your partner just because it may look good on paper doesn't make it right and it certainly doesn't solve anything apart from making you a cheater. If you can live with that, great but most people can't. Love is supposed to be unconditional and we're supposed to love each other in good times and in bad but that doesn't mean you have to be stupid about it. Link to post Share on other sites
bebe23 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I can't understand the mindset of this at all. Why would you want to destroy the person you love? If you regret not cheating, then you just didn't love who you didn't cheat on. In a way, I CAN see if you are with the same person for years and years, since your youth, there WOULD be some curiosity of what it would be like to cheat and 'experience someone else.' All of us see other attractive people. I will never know what it's like to sleep with a big, burly muscular guy, because my H is not of that body type. I have been curious, to be honest, having been with only one man for the last 22 years. I love my H, I think he's cute, we still have sex regularly, but in our daily life he's 'Dad.' I'm 'Mom.' Our identities as parents have often clouded over our roles as lovers. It's hard for me to focus back to that sometimes. I can see the appeal of a giddy, youthful dating relationship without the family responsibilities you have with your spouse. But in a real, actual situation? If I were hit on by some other guy? Well recently, I had been on a lesser-known social network site, which I stopped using. I was on the site to post pretty photos, inspirational quotes, and recipes. I thought it was like Pinterest. Then, I got a few friendly messages from men. Now, I had said 'married' in my profile, so fine, I can be pen pals with these guys, no problem. I wrote back with some friendly small talk. Then they started getting suggestive. I realized the site is secretly a hook-up site! Sleazy!! If I had no morals, and I actually decided to go see these men, I would be weirded and grossed out at the real thing. Why? Because they are NOT my husband. Other men smell different, there's different chemistry, I know if I tried to go through with it, my mind and heart would be repelled and be thinking 'stranger!' No I wouldn't want to take the chance even if I DIDN'T have my morals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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