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Breaking It Off Vent

Leigh 87

By Leigh 87
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I'm not worried, I'm just sad.

 

I know I'll find the mind blowing sex but with a decent guy next time.

 

I'm sad because I'll miss his company. But know I'll find chemistry at this level again but with a more reliable character.

Anela Established Member

Anela

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Cool. All couples I know who had that natural chemistry and that madly in love feeling... eventually found that it waned over time. New toys lose their luster.

 

That isn't to say they divorced. Rather, they settled into a quiet, boring relationship that consisted of antiquing and listening to "A Prairie Home Companion".

 

This reminds me of a show, "Married at First Sight" that I watched last year, after a few friends kept talking about it. The couple who went through with it, and consummated right away, didn't last. The others - one couple who seemed fine with each other right away, and another where the woman did *not* want to go through with it - they're happily married.

shvrk Established Member

shvrk

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Someone give me definitions for compatibility, lust and chemistry, please?

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Cool. All couples I know who had that natural chemistry and that madly in love feeling... eventually found that it waned over time. New toys lose their luster.

 

That isn't to say they divorced. Rather, they settled into a quiet, boring relationship that consisted of antiquing and listening to "A Prairie Home Companion".

 

I know a few couples where it didn't turn boring.

 

They still had explosive sex. Just not every day.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I'm not worried, I'm just sad.

 

I know I'll find the mind blowing sex but with a decent guy next time.

 

I'm sad because I'll miss his company. But know I'll find chemistry at this level again but with a more reliable character.

 

It's okay to feel sad. Allow this feeling.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Someone give me definitions for compatibility, lust and chemistry, please?

 

When I have chemistry: after the first date, I WANT to hear from them badly. I'm excited about them. I envision sex with them. We both naturally seem to get really into making out effortlessly. Intense chemistry makes people fall hard and fast.

 

Lack of the instant and natural chemistry causes that " growing slowly in love " feeling. Where the " in love " feeling is bypassed.

 

Lust for me is totally tied into chemistry. No chemistry, no lust for me.

 

Compatibility information infers to how well you mesh together. Compatible partners can last the distance because their core values, outlooks on life and mutual respect and admiration are all nicely lined up and present.

 

For me, I need a man to make me laugh. Not to be funny. It for us two to just giggle. At silly things. For me, I also need a man who enjoys being generous and spoiling me rather than insisting splitting the bill most of the time.

 

So for me, compatibility entails: mutual ability to make each other laugh and smile a lot, an intellectual match, a mental and emotional match and a generous man with a kind hearted.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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It's okay to feel sad. Allow this feeling.

 

I want him to feel sad too. How awful am I. I want him to miss me and...... Reach out eventually and tell me how he thinks I could have been the one for him. Hahahahahahaha.

 

This feeling tends to dissipate as you get over them.

 

Your ego gets stroked enough through living a full life.

shvrk Established Member

shvrk

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When I have chemistry: after the first date, I WANT to hear from them badly. I'm excited about them. I envision sex with them. We both naturally seem to get really into making out effortlessly. Intense chemistry makes people fall hard and fast.

 

Lack of the instant and natural chemistry causes that " growing slowly in love " feeling. Where the " in love " feeling is bypassed.

 

Lust for me is totally tied into chemistry. No chemistry, no lust for me.

 

Compatibility information infers to how well you mesh together. Compatible partners can last the distance because their core values, outlooks on life and mutual respect and admiration are all nicely lined up and present.

 

For me, I need a man to make me laugh. Not to be funny. It for us two to just giggle. At silly things. For me, I also need a man who enjoys being generous and spoiling me rather than insisting splitting the bill most of the time.

 

So for me, compatibility entails: mutual ability to make each other laugh and smile a lot, an intellectual match, a mental and emotional match and a generous man with a kind hearted.

 

I see. Well I hope you find a man that you have both the compatibility and chemistry with. Like others have said, it's not bad to try taking the falling in love route, at least you will know and trust the person down the road.

 

I was just talking to a friend of mine that is with a guy that has an entire family, and I need her to understand that she is being manipulated. Unfortunately she's relying on numerology to make her decisions because this scumbag of a man has a compatible number to her own. I told her she needs to observe his life and if she wants to be a part of the baby mama drama... unfortunately she's still thinking she can handle it even though she's 19... anyway I'm glad you're further along and realize you don't want to pursue this guy.

Hopefully she will decide the same

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I want him to feel sad too. How awful am I. I want him to miss me and...... Reach out eventually and tell me how he thinks I could have been the one for him. Hahahahahahaha.

 

This feeling tends to dissipate as you get over them.

 

Your ego gets stroked enough through living a full life.

 

 

 

All part of the process of letting go.

 

 

I believe it's really important to feel those emotions though. They're not comfortable but allowing them is the best way through them.

 

 

And, also, in the long run, allowing myself to feel negative emotions has helped me find more serenity. I've learned what I can and can't deal with.

 

 

May it be the same for you.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I know a few couples where it didn't turn boring.

 

They still had explosive sex. Just not every day.

 

How do you know? Were you there? Didn't think so.

 

Leigh, PLEASE don't believe everything people "tell" you, even your friends.

 

It is natural and normal for sex to become mundane and "boring" when in a LTR, and if these "friends" tell you otherwise they're lying.

 

Feelings, sexual desire ebb and flow. THAT is normal!

 

Believing you can maintain hot, explosive sex in the LONG TERM with your partner is unrealistic and frankly just stupid.

 

People who believe this will NEVER be able to maintain a LTR. They will always be flitting from one partner to the next in their quest to find this elusive and completly unrealistic and idealistic fantasy of the "perfect" person.

 

Just like you are doing now and have been doing for god only knows how long.

 

And if you respond to this post by announcing for the umpteenth time that because so many men find you hot and desirable with a golden p**sy, you are the exception, I think I might puke.

 

We get it, you're hot! Now work on your INNER spirit ...you are in dire need.

Edited by katiegrl
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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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How do you know? Were you there? Didn't think so.

 

Leigh, PLEASE don't believe everything people "tell" you, even your friends.

 

It is natural and normal for sex to become mundane and "boring" when in a LTR, and if these "friends" tell you otherwise they're lying.

 

Feelings, sexual desire ebb and flow. THAT is normal!

 

Believing you can maintain hot, explosive sex in the LONG TERM with your partner is unrealistic and frankly just stupid.

 

People who believe this will NEVER be able to maintain a LTR. They will always be flitting from one partner to the next in their quest to find this elusive and completly unrealistic and idealistic fantasy of the "perfect" person.

 

Just like you are doing now and have been doing for god only knows how long.

 

And if you respond to this post by announcing for the umpteenth time that because so many men find you hot and desirable with a golden p**sy, you are the exception, I think I might puke.

 

We get, you're hot! Now work on your INNER spirit ...you are in dire need.

 

quest to find this elusive and completly unrealistic and idealistic fantasy of the "perfect" person.

 

I say this often: If you go through your dating journey looking for someone who is perfect and think you've found someone who is . . . they won't have found the same thing.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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I have loads of first dates and I rarely go on second.

 

I have gone in loads of dates online and real life, and most men don't get a second

 

I don't feel connections easily. Once every four or so months. Of weekly dates.

Leigh, you said right in this thread that you have had sex with "LOADS" of guys. So which is it are you promiscuous or not?

 

You have connections with new guys a lot more often than once every 4 months if what you write on here is really the truth. What about having sex with the neighbor who has a girlfriend when you were ON YOUR WAY TO MEET this so - called boyfriend (who you just met really). You also said you had a mind boggling connection with that neighbor, he liked you much more than his gf (you always say that). Anyway if that is not promiscuous I don't know what is!!!!

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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It was not sex. I had sex three times this year now I remember the neighbour.

 

What about the FWB you are talking about here and what about that drummer or was that last year?
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Leigh, you claimed you had mindblowing sex with your neighbor THIS year, ..and you are just NOW remembering him?

 

Good gawd girl ... with love, PLEASE seek help!

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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I believe I have the figure and looks to find an average aussie guy to fall for me fast and not have to warm up to me and feel a slow burn.

 

Leigh you NEVER seem to really read anybody's posts unless you feel like they are challenging how hot you think you are. Just listen to me this one time PLEASE. :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

LOOKS AND FIGURE AND VAGINA STYLE DO NOT ADD UP TO A GOOD RELATIONSHIP!!

 

You need to STOP focussing on that stuff! Yes you look fine. You do! great! Now move on from that!!! PLEASE!! You are not doing yourself any favors by believing that since you are so freaking HOT you are going to find love!!!

 

If you get a nose job, you will have NO better chance of finding love than you do right now you will just be hot with a different nose!

 

Your porn star body and designer vagina or whatever :sick: are working just fine for attracting guys who are dtf you. You seem to experience a guy who wants to get into your pants as INTENSE CONNECTION. It is NOT!!! It's a horny guy responding to how you look and that you come off as sexually available, and I am sure that with you flattery about your looks works great for most guys.

 

You need to back way off about your looks and your experience of "connection" unless you want to be making threads like this one a few times a year when you are a middle aged lady!!!

 

Just develop your LIFE and try to be a more calm, thoughtful person, less concerned with all the superficial, and you will see!!!

  • Like 5
Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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Leigh, you claimed you had mindblowing sex with your neighbor THIS year, ..and you are just NOW remembering him?

 

Good gawd girl ... with love, PLEASE seek help!

The neighbor was literally within the past month … while on the way to meet the guy this thread's about.
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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The neighbor was literally within the past month … while on the way to meet the guy this thread's about.

 

I rest my case. Leigh, again SEEK HELP!

 

This is not the behavior of a stable, emotionally balanced person. PLEASE!

rester Established Member

rester

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How do you know? Were you there? Didn't think so.

 

Leigh, PLEASE don't believe everything people "tell" you, even your friends.

 

It is natural and normal for sex to become mundane and "boring" when in a LTR, and if these "friends" tell you otherwise they're lying.

 

Feelings, sexual desire ebb and flow. THAT is normal!

 

Believing you can maintain hot, explosive sex in the LONG TERM with your partner is unrealistic and frankly just stupid.

 

People who believe this will NEVER be able to maintain a LTR. They will always be flitting from one partner to the next in their quest to find this elusive and completly unrealistic and idealistic fantasy of the "perfect" person.

 

Just like you are doing now and have been doing for god only knows how long.

 

And if you respond to this post by announcing for the umpteenth time that because so many men find you hot and desirable with a golden p**sy, you are the exception, I think I might puke.

 

We get it, you're hot! Now work on your INNER spirit ...you are in dire need.

 

I know both men and women like this. They've been chasing the "madly in love" feeling for decades now.

 

In response to the original post, I think it's unrealistic to expect daily texting from a guy so soon. I don't think it makes any sense to use texting frequency as a gauge of how "into you" a guy is. It doesn't always work that way. If I were only after sex it would be easy to text and text and text every day because I would know I would only have to keep it up for a few weeks because the relationship would never be going anywhere. Since I've never only gone after sex, it makes sense to me to not text every day in the beginning because as the relationship progresses the frequency should increase. Relationships that start off too quickly end because the frequency of contact is exhausting and unsustainable for a lot of people.

 

That said, this new guy sounds like a train wreck and I think it'd be wise to distance yourself, OP.

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SawtoothMars Established Member

SawtoothMars

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Women don't get a prize for patting their man on the head, saying 'there there" and comforting them immensely through the worst time in their life.

We should do it. But to a man who is ALREADY in a serious relationship with us.

There is no telling how soon this man will overcome is issues.

He comes accross as a nice guy, affable and I can SEE he has LOADS of empathy!

I do not feel it will take him years to heal, I can sense a real human spirit within and not a shell of a person that... cannot be completed.

I hope he gets better and gets in touch with me one day as I will be thrileld to know he has beat his demons. Chances are I will be with a better guy or OVER HIM and single.

 

Ok... couple points here. First, I really can't differentiate whether this guy is the problem or you are the problem. With the given information, I think it's a bit of both. He is clearly going through some stuff and you have no patience for it. I'm on the fence as to whether this is reasonable or not. I personally would never give up on someone I thought was great simply because they were going through a rough patch. That is just me though.

 

On the topic of helping people through tough times. There are a number of female friends who helped me get through my divorce years back. I actively stay in touch with them and frequently send them small gifts and such to say thank you. One in particular I recently sent her concert tickets for her and her husband (also a friend).

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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Ok... couple points here. First, I really can't differentiate whether this guy is the problem or you are the problem. With the given information, I think it's a bit of both.
You should read the thread (if you can it's a challenge!!) he takes drugs, just had a new baby within the past week or so, has 2 other kids somewhere else he has no contact or interest in, hates ALL his exes and talks about what crap they are nonstop, drinks, is obsessed with anal sex which Leigh doesn't like, I can't remember everything.

 

She just met him 3 or 4 weeks ago, why not cut losses NOW, nothing good can come of this!!

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Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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I think the rest of you need to realize, she is not going to derail from her current path. This is who she is and this is what she believes.

 

Weezy nailed it earlier. And Leigh will always look for these things and idealize her one friend's relationship.

 

Trying to convince her of anything to the contrary is an exercise in futility.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I think the rest of you need to realize, she is not going to derail from her current path. This is who she is and this is what she believes.

 

Weezy nailed it earlier. And Leigh will always look for these things and idealize her one friend's relationship.

 

Trying to convince her of anything to the contrary is an exercise in futility.

 

At this point, the ONLY thing I am trying to convince her of is to seek help.

 

Clearly, she suffers from swings between mania, delusions of grandeur .... and self-hatred.

 

That combined with her OBVIOUS sexually promiscuous behavior, which she is in complete denial about, indicates serious mental and emotional instability.

 

I am actually quite concerned about her!

 

I realize her problems growing up, etc, as Weezy pointed out, but the "why" of it doesn't matter.

 

She needs help!!

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SawtoothMars Established Member

SawtoothMars

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You should read the thread (if you can it's a challenge!!) he takes drugs, just had a new baby within the past week or so, has 2 other kids somewhere else he has no contact or interest in, hates ALL his exes and talks about what crap they are nonstop, drinks, is obsessed with anal sex which Leigh doesn't like, I can't remember everything.

She just met him 3 or 4 weeks ago, why not cut losses NOW, nothing good can come of this!!

 

Because THIS is the kind of guy who makes her feel 'Le Passion'. Any guy with an advanced degree in Leigh87 Chemistry is going to have some emotional issues going. Which is why I'm so confused about how to provide her feedback on this.

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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She needs help!!

 

What gives you this impression? The designer vajayjay?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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What gives you this impression? The designer vajayjay?

 

This is no laughing matter. Have you read the thread?

 

Read my last post again if you don't get it.....

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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