ragdoll15 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Here's a link to my original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/524019-he-gave-up-i-m-numb-struggling Basically my ex and I argued a lot in the past month and he broke up with me because he said he couldn't be in a relationship, that grad school was stressing him out, and that he needed to find himself. This will be the third time that he's done this. I broke NC on day 8 to write him an encouraging message. It's now been three weeks post-breakup and he wrote me back. I'm going to paraphrase so he doesn't somehow find it. He basically said the following: "I miss you. I love you. I'm having the hardest time right now. I screwed up our relationship and I should have talked to you and stuck it out. I tried to stick to NC because I know you're busy but I couldn't do it anymore. You deserve so much." The thing is, the two times when I took him back I always did the apologizing. Every time he broke up with me it really crushed my self esteem. I want to believe him but how do I know if this is a reconciliation, a knee-jerk reaction to loneliness, or simply just a sincere apology? I'm gutted because I knew he was having a hard time in life and I genuinely want to help him. He had severely isolated himself and he's such a high functioning guy.
badpenny Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Thank you for paraphrasing, but the problem with that, is that we only get the gist of it... Has he asked you to try again? has he said he wants to reconsider, or NOT break up? Other than remorse and affection, has he actually given any indication that he wants another chance with you? 1
Cinnamonstix Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 If he's broken up with you twice before, he's not even worth it at this point. But, it doesn't matter what anyone else says, as you're probably going to want to find out. So I say this: proceed with caution and don't ever stop being cautious until you are sure you can let your guard down. Don't respond to his message. If he is serious about you, he will fight for you and there will be more. It shouldn't be easy for him to get back in your life after dropping you three times. People appreciate things more when they are not easy to obtain. 1
minimariah Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 he had dumped you two times already. my opinion? his biggest problem is his fear of being alone. don't take him back only to have him dump you AGAIN when someone else comes along. keep NC & continue with your life. see what happens from there. 1
Author ragdoll15 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 Badpenny, he actually didn't make any mention of second chances, but in the past when he wanted to reconcile he didn't explicitly say those words either. Cinnamonstix, you're right that I've been burned too many times. I've made plans with other guys to try to put a little bit of this history behind me. But you also guess correctly that the stupid, stubborn part of me would like to think that because this is his first apology that he will want to commit. I will stick to non-response and see what happens.
badpenny Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Badpenny, he actually didn't make any mention of second chances, but in the past when he wanted to reconcile he didn't explicitly say those words either. Well my advice would be to keep him at some distance until he does; the NC Guide is very explicit. This, believe it or not, is just 'breadcrumbs'. He's asking you to 'love him' and stroke his ego.... I agree with the others. Your heart may be saying "Yes!! I want you back too!" But listen to your head. It's by far the more sensible option, and frankly, in your sweet little shoes, I wouldn't touch him with anyone's barge-pole, let alone mine....
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