Gloria25 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 My friend struggled with telling her mother but figured she had a right to know. It turned out that although her mother had no idea her husband had fathered several children with different women, she was aware of his affairs. She said it was an "unspoken understanding"...whatever that means. That "unspoken understanding" is why I have gotten to the point where I am learning that you don't question why people are married to so-and-so...and, while you think they're an epic failure and/or "he/she" doesn't deserve so-and-so - fact is they are salt and pepper shakers. They are with each other for reasons they both are VERY aware of. Stay out of people's marriages - they know why they are with so-and-so. I mean seriously, you can't be married to and/or dating someone for so long and be THAT oblivious about what they are doing. I'm not advocating snooping, but you have to be involved in your SO's life at some point. I mean, like when I call my brother, sometimes the kids and/or the wife pick up. Think he could have texts to some other woman on that phone? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Other Men and ladies who were married didn't misbehave, and often would come and chat about their family and sometimes even share family stories of their wife /husband or kids...it was lovely getting to know them. Some folks really do value family and marriage! For every woeful tale , there are folks out there to re-affirm that values do exist. Exactly! Focus on the positive, find a good man, and treasure him Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 And I'm glad you brought that up...cuz I often wondered if women like in that George Clooney movie (where he was the guy who traveled and handled lay-offs for companies) - who got her groove on while on the road. Then some women wanna label their husbands "insecure" when a woman wants to have a job/career soooo bad - especially when he provides more than enough for her and the family. Travel or not, seems like "career-minded" women are very likely to cheat cuz shoot you combine them spending more than 8hrs a day with other guys and the possible independence and/or resentment they may have from making their own money and that equals "affairs". A lot of women LIKE to make their own money. My career was the best thing I ever did in my life. I put it above everything else. You couldn't have forced me to quit it. And if you take your career that seriously, having random affairs with coworkers is off the table. I don't know if you're aware, but for many decades, it's been pretty routine for companies to treat their clients, if they're interested, to a call girl to keep them happy. So a whole lot of this going on the road to conventions and stuff is about keeping clients happy by getting them laid. I have seen it many times with my own eyes in the business I was in. I've met the actual call girls, seen them at work. And the farther back you go, say the 1950s, the more common it was. That's why being a traveling salesman is such a cliche. Now with more women in the workplace, it's probably falling off some because there's witnesses! Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 That "unspoken understanding" is why I have gotten to the point where I am learning that you don't question why people are married to so-and-so...and, while you think they're an epic failure and/or "he/she" doesn't deserve so-and-so - fact is they are salt and pepper shakers. They are with each other for reasons they both are VERY aware of. Stay out of people's marriages - they know why they are with so-and-so. I mean seriously, you can't be married to and/or dating someone for so long and be THAT oblivious about what they are doing. I'm not advocating snooping, but you have to be involved in your SO's life at some point. I mean, like when I call my brother, sometimes the kids and/or the wife pick up. Think he could have texts to some other woman on that phone? That would be correct, you don't bail into someones relationship trying to be the hero and set things right...and inform them of all that is going on. Her mother was already aware, it's embarrassing having your daughter come to you and announce it like it's the channel 5 news. It's more humiliating for the daughter and the mother because now the mother has to face the gritty details and shame that she'd rather not paid attention to and ignore...this can cause her psychological/emotional distress/damage without some form of support to help her get through those feelings and accept what was actually going on, because even if there is an "unspoken understanding" the other party typically doesn't need a tell all...they'd rather be out of sight and mind with it. If it was me personally, since I'm a man and well-informed man in the ways of men, I wouldn't have bat and eye-lash with the father who had side-babies and secret accounts...I would've just kept it to myself for dear old dad and maybe at a later time when the time was right and necessary formulate a rational plan on how to approach that sensitive situation...obviously if the father was sick you'd need to contact the people involved, and I would do that personally but keep it to myself...but I know a lot of people cannot do that. But this is the reality of the world, and its not just about you and how you feel, I have no idea why people are so shocked all the time by this kind of behavior. The reality is women nearly always know something is going on if there is in their relationship, the only way they usually don't (besides being overtly trusting and naive) is if they intentionally turn a blind eye and try to ignore it and all the signs that come with it, something that I'd expect a young woman not to take too much notice to and just let slide by but older women do it as well of course...but overall women are way too intuitive and obsessive over the men they are with, they know everything about you and your behavior within like two years...any slight break in pattern or routine and immediately the flags go off in a woman's mind, they have excellent radar and men tend to be obvious in their behavior and leave a trail of clues..it's not rocket science to catch most men cheating if you just simply LOOK...and I would think that most women know that. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 With a loving, trusting woman at home, why would a man cheat? Opportunity. Boredom. "Manly urges". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 With a loving, trusting woman at home, why would a man cheat? Probably because he felt like this: Maybe it's too much to ask a man to live his life alone in a hotel room. That wouldn't occur to anyone though, would it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mammasita Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 It's definitely a weird phenomenon. The guy I just came across this time is actually a newlywed so even worse, right? I'm like WTF? So the sucky home life theory couldn't possibly fit. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 It's definitely a weird phenomenon. The guy I just came across this time is actually a newlywed so even worse, right? I'm like WTF? So the sucky home life theory couldn't possibly fit. It could be that some going into business with travel just for this purpose, skewing the numbers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 The guy I just came across this time is actually a newlywed so even worse, right? I'm like WTF? So the sucky home life theory couldn't possibly fit. Chances are he married for status. Don't know how it is for guys, but I do hear very often among women how they enjoy "status married" treatment. Don't know what that entails, but considering how my mother's been treated (as in completely ignored by everyone) I guess they're simply more accepted socially. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 It's definitely a weird phenomenon. The guy I just came across this time is actually a newlywed so even worse, right? I'm like WTF? So the sucky home life theory couldn't possibly fit. why not? all i see is highly disfunctional relationships turning into marriages. newlywed =\= happy home. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KimmyBee Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Then their are those men who don't....why? Could it be these men have wives that take care of business? or The men that don't have stronger convictions? Perhaps a bit of both. Either way, when a man [or woman] is starved of love, affection and/or sex at home they will fill in those gaps sooner or later. Who's to blame? Sounds like excuses to me. Cheaters never accept responsibility for their actions and will blame the other person. If you are unhappy in a relationship then leave. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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