Reality015 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I've been trying to go NC for 5 weeks now. I'm not trying to get her back with NC. I'm trying to move on. She initiated the breakup. She is now at the stage where she is begging me to give her another chance. Thing is i'm 95% if I get back with her we will only break up again. I have no choice now other than blocking her. I feel horrible having to do this though I have repeatably asked her to stop contacting me & have no other option? Every time she says she will respect my decision & move on. Within 24 hours she contacts me again. Is this slightly odd behaviour? It's starting to freak me out? 1
you must let it go Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 slightly odd behaviour? NO perfectly normal withdrawal symptoms its like coming of drugs even when the relationship is toxic. Block, ignore and avoid its the only way forward. 3
PegNosePete Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 How does she contact you? Phone/text/email/fb? Yes block. You have repeatedly told her not to contact you but she is totally disrespecting your wishes. You're totally justified in blocking her (not that you even need a reason to block someone!!!). 1
Author Reality015 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 slightly odd behaviour? NO perfectly normal withdrawal symptoms its like coming of drugs even when the relationship is toxic. Block, ignore and avoid its the only way forward. I know unfortunately you are right. I've never experienced this behaviour before. I've heard of it though I didn't think it was common? I know it's like coming off drugs because I am in withdrawal myself. It's a horrible feeling this whole process however I know it's the only way forward. It was an amicable breakup. Now i'm feeling even worse having to block her as our intention was to be friends in the future. Looks like I can forget about that now. This is bordering on stalking. I do hope she is ok it's just sad to know she probably hates me even though she initiated this whole breakup?????
Author Reality015 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) How does she contact you? Phone/text/email/fb? Yes block. You have repeatedly told her not to contact you but she is totally disrespecting your wishes. You're totally justified in blocking her (not that you even need a reason to block someone!!!). I don't check FB. It's always by phone/text. I've blocked her on email & phone. I have told her at least 15 times to respect my wishes to please let me go & move on. I have been so respectful towards her. I'm guessing it's a control thing where she feels that she does not have me anymore? I am still emotionally connected to her & need to detach. She knows where I live so i'm guessing that's the next step for her if she is determined to contact me? Edited April 16, 2015 by Reality015 1
stillafool Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Don't answer the door if she drops by your house. Change your phone number. She broke up with you and now wants to change her mind. It's not fair and you are right that she is trying to control you. You are not a yo yo. I commend you for moving on. You cannot be friends at this point anyway. Maybe years down the line after you both have moved on but even that's doubtful. Just change your phone number and keep moving forward. 2
PegNosePete Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I have told her at least 15 times to respect my wishes to please let me go & move on. Then she knows that your words mean nothing and she carries on. Just don't reply. She will get the message. Do not respond, do not reply, do not answer if she calls, hang up immediately if she calls from a different or withheld number. If she knocks your door don't answer, even to get rid of her. Become a total ghost to her. 2
you must let it go Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Tell her leave you alone or you will get the police involved! I dumped my first love 3 days later i was regretting it after 3 days i was chasing her to the point of stalking her she mentioned the police that was enough I never contacted her again after that. cut them off, cut them out avoid them! good luck brother you can do this. 1
Author Reality015 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Thanks guys. I know I can do this as i've had to do it before so I have evidence that it's possible. Right now I know i've got a long road ahead of me. At least 3 months for me to usually to start to feel detached & back to myself. Saying goodbye to those happy memories of what we use to share really hurts. Like I said if I cave in & go back i'm 95% sure i'll be here again in a few months. It's good to know that you guys are backing me up telling me i'm doing the right thing. I'm trying to be strong through all of this 2
Author Reality015 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Tell her leave you alone or you will get the police involved! I dumped my first love 3 days later i was regretting it after 3 days i was chasing her to the point of stalking her she mentioned the police that was enough I never contacted her again after that. cut them off, cut them out avoid them! good luck brother you can do this. How long did it take you to move on from her?
you must let it go Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 How long did it take you to move on from her? my first love was 9 months im still struggling with the last brake up I was with her 16 years with 2 kids house the lot its been 5 months to the day.
Ruby65 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 If you're clear you don't want to get back together, what does it really cost you to let her continue to contact you for a few more weeks? It sounds like she's changed her mind and wants you back, and now you're in the position of dumping her.... so my feeling is, when you're the dumper, you treat your ex with as much compassion as possible. Most exes don't become crazy stalkers. But the more you cut her off, the more desperate she'll be feeling.... is it really necessary to cut her off so soon after a breakup? (Yeah, I think five weeks is soon after a breakup.) I know I'm probably alone in this thinking, but I just don't see the harm in letting her go through her process, as long as you're not giving her false hope -- and as long as it's not delaying YOUR healing. Just my take anyway.
PegNosePete Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 and as long as it's not delaying YOUR healing. If it wasn't delaying his healing then I doubt he'd have bothered to make a thread about it. 1
stillafool Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I've heard that it takes half the length of the relationship to get over a person. So, i.e. together 1 year = 6 mos to get over it.
Ruby65 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 If it wasn't delaying his healing then I doubt he'd have bothered to make a thread about it. I just don't agree with cutting someone off like that when they're still in so much pain about the breakup. I guess I just don't believe in cutting people off, period.... unless they're a dumper who's torturing you with breadcrumbs and mixed messages. We're all human beings, here. She's in pain. Couldn't he just suck it up and be there for a few more weeks? 1
PegNosePete Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Well I guess I don't believe that OP, the guy who got dumped, should have to suffer any more pain and stress because of her actions and inability to live with the consequences of them. She dumped him. His responsibility to care about her feelings ends right there. 9
Fufu Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Since you are firmed in your decision, do not get swayed.
No Limit Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Chances are she's the crazy type who considers it a challenge to get the ex back - ultimate ego stroking. As for how to deal with such exes, you've received good advise already. 2
Author Reality015 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) I just don't agree with cutting someone off like that when they're still in so much pain about the breakup. I guess I just don't believe in cutting people off, period.... unless they're a dumper who's torturing you with breadcrumbs and mixed messages. We're all human beings, here. She's in pain. Couldn't he just suck it up and be there for a few more weeks? I've been sucking it up for 5 weeks already, clearly if I suck it up for another few weeks the situation will not change. I've been sincere & respectful when she has contacted me & I feel like i'm constantly going around in circles. I constantly tell her to please let me go. She even said to me the only way to stop her contacting me is by blocking her number. How are we supposed to move on fro each other when we are constantly in each others life? Trust me I don't feel good about blocking her. It would of been nice to know she respected me enough to let me go though it's the only solution I can think of. Everyone has told me that i'm doing the right thing as she is clearly not respecting my wishes. I personally think it's a control thing & now that i'm trying my hardest to move forward. If we get back together the same problems will be there & I will be back to square one. Edited April 17, 2015 by Reality015 2
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I just don't agree with cutting someone off like that when they're still in so much pain about the breakup. I guess I just don't believe in cutting people off, period.... unless they're a dumper who's torturing you with breadcrumbs and mixed messages. We're all human beings, here. She's in pain. Couldn't he just suck it up and be there for a few more weeks? Ruby, ruby, ruby -- she is the dumper. He's not having it. He's tried to tell her, but she's not listening. She doesn't get to dump him and then dump all of her crap on him. This is holding him back and it's holding her back. I respectfully disagree with this stance. It's not his job to hold her hand through a breakup he caused and listen to pleas for reconciliation he does not want. She created this mess, it's up to her to deal with it. I normally agree with your takes, but I have to say that I unconditionally disagree with your thought process here. 5
Author Reality015 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 and as long as it's not delaying YOUR healing. Trust me this whole keeping in contact with an ex is delaying my healing. If it wasn't i'd have no problem staying in touch.
Author Reality015 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 my first love was 9 months im still struggling with the last brake up I was with her 16 years with 2 kids house the lot its been 5 months to the day. Sorry to hear that. I assume you are feeling some progress since 5 months of NC?
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 She obviously does not respect you otherwise when you say stop contacting me she would. Maybe she thinks if she consistently contacts you she will eventually wear you down and you two will get back together. You need to cut her off, move on and keep your distance.
you must let it go Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Sorry to hear that. I assume you are feeling some progress since 5 months of NC? It's not as bad as at the start I still have obsessive thoughts about her and the kids, but the tears are dried up some what. Iv been codependent in all my relationships (3) ever since I was 18 (41 years old now) I had a f** up child hood Iv never spent any of my adult life alone thats something I need to work on. The only thing left is to find out shes with some one else living in our house with my kids once that happens I think I can move on that will be the end of it then? I hope your doing good my friend? you will get over this I promise you;)
Author Reality015 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 It's not as bad as at the start I still have obsessive thoughts about her and the kids, but the tears are dried up some what. Iv been codependent in all my relationships (3) ever since I was 18 (41 years old now) I had a f** up child hood Iv never spent any of my adult life alone thats something I need to work on. The only thing left is to find out shes with some one else living in our house with my kids once that happens I think I can move on that will be the end of it then? I hope your doing good my friend? you will get over this I promise you;) Well keep doing what you are doing. It's the only way forward. Being Friday today is hard. This time every week was when we use to meet up for a drink after work & spend the whole weekend together. I miss her so much right now. Just got to force myself to get through this. 1
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