Dealing With a Guy who Feels Inadequate.

[Frank2thepoint]

While in a missionary position, place a pillow below your butt/lower back. This will allow for deeper penetration, and may improve your pleasure during missionary sex.

[katiegrl]

While in a missionary position, place a pillow below your butt/lower back. This will allow for deeper penetration, and may improve your pleasure during missionary sex.

 

^^That's good too! Get creative ...and incorporate some *dirty* talk too! Encourage HIM to talk dirty! The raunchier the better! It adds to the experience, trust me!

[SeelBubble]

I told him sex wasn't the most important thing, anyone can have sex. He said I'm the only girl he has ever loved and said that it isn't just sex.

 

He said. "it's the only thing that matters. The only thing in the world I want is to give you orgasms, because you are special to me."

 

Here's the thing - to him sex is the only thing that matters, not so for you. I think you need to get him to realise that he can make you feel special without giving you orgasms.

 

The only thing he wants in the world is to give you orgasms - has he not thought if that's what you want (obviously yes, who doesn't want one but if the sex isn't doing anything for you he needs to find other ways to make you feel special)

 

In all honesty he's actually coming across as a bit selfish if you ask me

[BlauFrau]

>>"He is basically upset because I don't get pleasure out of missionary and he wants to look into my eyes and kiss and be romantic and such. Missionary is the only position I don't care for much."<<

------

 

I adore missionary (sometimes) for that very reason! Precisely *because* it is the only position where we can look into each other's eyes and kiss while f**king our asses off.

 

As I said in an earlier post, missionary is incredibly *intimate* and it is that *intimacy* that he is missing, and apparently needing.

 

Not ALL the time obviously, but can you switch it up once in awhile forfeiting the orgasm in exchange for experiencing some true intimacy with your partner? Or are you uncomfortable with that type of intimacy, as it does cause one to feel quite vulnerable... emotionally.

 

Try this -- Have him lift your legs up high so your ankles are ultimately resting on his shoulders....while he slams his throbbing pen*s inside you ---- wowza!! You will love it!

 

Sex with your partner is NOT just about the orgasm ... unless you are FBs or FWBS. Is that what you are?

 

I'm not really sure what fbs is I'm guessing friends with benefits and that's a no he already asked me to marry him after we graduate from college. It isn't about the orgasm to me but he thinks it is a requirement. Girl on top can also be intimate too. I think out sex and naked cuddles are intimate but I think I could maybe play it up some so he feels he is giving me as much pleasure as I give him. Hopefully he will just relax. I'm thinking about getting a we vibe to try during missionary to spice it up.

[BlauFrau]

Here's the thing - to him sex is the only thing that matters, not so for you. I think you need to get him to realise that he can make you feel special without giving you orgasms.

 

The only thing he wants in the world is to give you orgasms - has he not thought if that's what you want (obviously yes, who doesn't want one but if the sex isn't doing anything for you he needs to find other ways to make you feel special)

 

In all honesty he's actually coming across as a bit selfish if you ask me

 

He does do other things to make me feel special. He rubs my back and brushes my hair and tells me how beautiful I am. He confides in me. He's cooked me meals. He teases and plays around with me. After we have sex he always cuddles me and kisses me and makes me feel loved. He tells me he loves me every day and that I am his whole world. He does make me feel special. I think maybe I need to work harder to make him feel special because i never want to lose him. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be more theatrical about sex not fake it per-say but play it up.

[preraph]

The problem here is that he thinks sex is THE most important thing in the world. He thinks him having orgasms should be your number one priority and that you having them should be his. This is pretty immature and infantile sounding. To me, it sounds like yes, he is inadequate and wants to be told how fantastic he is to feel better about himself. I would not be able to stay with a guy who was like that. This is about him, not about you.

 

That said, I agree that if there is anything you can do to yourself during sex that will make it more pleasurable for you, do it. It's not at all unusual for women not to have orgasms often during sex with partners but be able to get themselves off every time. Like you, I don't see it as a reflection on him. While it can be about him not being trained well enough by you to do what you need, it can also just be about having to concentrate on getting HIM off all the time, which means you can't really relax and let yourself go. I suspect that is the case, that he's constantly flipping back and forth like, I did you, now you do me, and not doing anything to completion. So if that's the case, then have a talk about how about we get off one at a time.

[fitnessfan365]

I am usually the one who initiates intercourse at least half the time. We f**k a lot. I'd have sex everyday three times a day if I could we are in a long dist relationship at the moment (different Universities). When my bf and i are together we have sex about 3 times plus a day for a two week to a month period 10% is still basically atleast 3 times a week that it is amazing for me.

 

I love doggy style and anything from behind because it is the most pleasurable. I also like girl on top.

 

He is basically upset I think because I don't get pleasure out of missionary and he wants to look in my eyes and kiss and be romantic and such. Missionary position is the only sex I don't care much for. I like the kissing and touching but I don't want the whole sack session to be missionary it doesn't hit my g-spot. I'm thinking about getting a we vibe to spice missionary up.

 

I still get a kick out of it even if I don't get an orgasm from it. The 10% I'm talking about are the times I g-spot orgasm. I want sex more often than any woman he's been with. I've explored myself plenty we have a dildo etc. He is just expecting something that is unrealistic really. Sex can't be perfect every time. He thinks he has to make it perfect for me because I make it perfect for him every time. He doesn't understand I can get other types of pleasure besides orgasms out of sex. I love riding and looking down and watching his pleasure or finishing him with a bj and watching his face. Our sex is really intimate and wonderful until he over thinks it and gets obsessed with fairness.

 

He wronged be once (cheated before we had started having sex. I was a virgin when we met) he thinks orgasms are the only way to make it up to me.

 

You see, now you're FINALLY clarifying.

 

If you had said "my BF only wants to have sex in missionary and I don't find that position enjoyable" that would have been a whole different ballgame. But you originally said that you love oral and only like penetration 10% of the time. So it really did sound like you want a foreplay only sex life for the most part.

 

However, now that you're clarifying a lot more, he mainly likes sex in the missionary position which you don't find pleasurable. You want to be f**ked from behind, ride him on top. etc.. That's actually really hot that your favorite position is doggy style BTW. However, I actually do like missionary from time to time. You can kiss, feel her nails dig into your back, etc.. It can be super hot. But I'd go out of my mind with boredom if it was only missionary 24-7.

 

So based on your love of giving BJ's as well as fun sexual positions, you really need to dump that wimp and find a guy that knows what to do with you.

[BlauFrau]

He should know that the more you try to force an O on women the more it's not going to happen. It's like him fking you while saying "did you cum yet, hey baby are you cumming", I am right?

 

 

White-knight male feminist complex arghh.

 

Yea he is like a closet feminist. It's not like he actually asks if I'm cumming he just studies my face really hard sometimes. Or looks at me guiltily if I don't appear to be cumming and then will talk about how he is sorry later. He doesn't do this all the time. I really do think it is connected to past guilt and isn't all about the actual sex. I think it's like a 50/50 thing.

[preraph]

There's nothing that will halt an impending climax sooner than someone interrupting your flow to start prodding you to come. Don't they realize that if you're listening to them and trying to talk to them or do to them, you can't possibly be zoned out enough to climax? So any prodding is an instant orgasm killer.

[BlauFrau]

My man, he actually comes of as a misogynistic douche bag to everyone who isn't me. He only likes women who act intelligent and not like idiots. This one girl hit on him one time and he told her she was a fat ho and to ef off he had a girlfriend. I wouldn't say he is nice all the time we tease each other. He just loves me a lot so he treats me really well. He isn't the stereotypical nice guy. He is a closet nice guy. My man is a big muscular good looking guy in very good shape, but when we started dating he was a skinny little guy with glasses so he has a soft spot for me because I fell in love with him for who he is not what he looks like. His world doesn't revolve around me I am just part of his life plan.

Edited April 18, 2015 by BlauFrau

[ascendotum]

The problem here is that he thinks sex is THE most important thing in the world. He thinks him having orgasms should be your number one priority and that you having them should be his. This is pretty immature and infantile sounding. To me, it sounds like yes, he is inadequate and wants to be told how fantastic he is to feel better about himself. I would not be able to stay with a guy who was like that. This is about him, not about you.

 

You are adding in extra details to the story here, and making him out to be worse then he is based on the limited one side info we have. We don't know if its his no.1 priority though its clear its a big deal to him. I think being unhappy that you were unable to arouse your gf to the same levels as past partners would be upsetting for many guys...and on the flip side as valid if she was writing in complaining about her boyfriend, not being able to cum or low volume jizz, or low pleasure from sex, or being really quite when having sex, or can't do it 2 times in one nite, or not baring up when she grabs his crotch, or just wanting to be sensual instead of rough, and so on, like we see in other threads on LS. For lots of guys true expression of love is through sex. Its a big deal to them. For many not being good enough in bed will have lost them women. It hits their ego, and lets be real, women will reject and mock guys because of their lack of sexual prowess. Some good advice to men to keep their woman happy & devoted is to be great lover and to **** their woman with great passion every time...and not just in the first x mths.

 

No, its not a case of him needing to be told he's great as she said she does that and it doesn't cut it with him. Guys love to get feedback they are achieving that, but with un-restrained/involuntary physical reactions rather than a 'you were good last nite' comment at the breakfast table. He might be inadequate in bedroom skills though I didn't read that in her OP though that she's got off more with her exes. I guess she's told him this but it hasn't helped. At the end of the day though whats he want her to do...fake it. I don't think he would.

 

I don't think this is quite the clear cut case of "this is about him, not about you". Does the reverse of that advice get given to the women on here who complain about their bf's low sex drive. Unfortunately she just cant flip the endorphin circuit on in her brain with willpower. If she really wants to keep this relatiosnhip I think she should try out some aphrodisiacs, get a little intoxicated, try different sex acts, incorporate vibrators or whatever before resignation over this. hopefully something will help

[BlauFrau]

I think I've gotten to the bottom of this, It appears that his previous girlfriend told him he was bad in bed and he woke to find her and another guy naked in his apartment living room. I think that's enough to scar anyone about sex. That's part of the reason he is so insecure.

Edited April 18, 2015 by BlauFrau

[BlauFrau]

You are adding in extra details to the story here, and making him out to be worse then he is based on the limited one side info we have. We don't know if its his no.1 priority though its clear its a big deal to him. I think being unhappy that you were unable to arouse your gf to the same levels as past partners would be upsetting for many guys...and on the flip side as valid if she was writing in complaining about her boyfriend, not being able to cum or low volume jizz, or low pleasure from sex, or being really quite when having sex, or can't do it 2 times in one nite, or not baring up when she grabs his crotch, or just wanting to be sensual instead of rough, and so on, like we see in other threads on LS. For lots of guys true expression of love is through sex. Its a big deal to them. For many not being good enough in bed will have lost them women. It hits their ego, and lets be real, women will reject and mock guys because of their lack of sexual prowess. Some good advice to men to keep their woman happy & devoted is to be great lover and to **** their woman with great passion every time...and not just in the first x mths.

 

No, its not a case of him needing to be told he's great as she said she does that and it doesn't cut it with him. Guys love to get feedback they are achieving that, but with un-restrained/involuntary physical reactions rather than a 'you were good last nite' comment at the breakfast table. He might be inadequate in bedroom skills though I didn't read that in her OP though that she's got off more with her exes. I guess she's told him this but it hasn't helped. At the end of the day though whats he want her to do...fake it. I don't think he would.

 

I don't think this is quite the clear cut case of "this is about him, not about you". Does the reverse of that advice get given to the women on here who complain about their bf's low sex drive. Unfortunately she just cant flip the endorphin circuit on in her brain with willpower. If she really wants to keep this relatiosnhip I think she should try out some aphrodisiacs, get a little intoxicated, try different sex acts, incorporate vibrators or whatever before resignation over this. hopefully something will help

 

I don't have any previous sexual partners. I have exes but I never did anything more than hold hands and kiss them. He is the only penis I've seen or come into contact with. I do enjoy the sex a lot he just doesn't believe me. I don't need a aphrodisiac, I'm already a horny sex maniac. He is the one who needs to loosen up and quit worrying. As I said earlier I initiate a lot of the sex and we do it 3 plus times a day if we have time, but we do it at least once a day when we are together busy or not.

Edited April 18, 2015 by BlauFrau

[ascendotum]

Just saw your recent posts. Ok that puts things in a bit of a different light from the first post. Sex 1-3 times a day and you initiate plenty well that's real good for any guy. Ok forget my recent comments. I see it seems to stem from his ex giving him grief over his skills and then going out and bringing another guy home to screw. sheesh I get why he has the hangup he does. Its 2 years in though and he is still dealing with this...and not good. The fact that you don't have a lot past sex experience might make him discount your positive reinforcement of his efforts. I wonder if its going to take a bunch of relationships/flings with a number of women complimenting him before he believes it and gets his mojo back.

 

Yes this is definitely on him, though wanting to give you orgasms all the time and looking into your eyes more during sex are not exactly terrible wishes, but his disappointment at what would be great sex otherwise for many guys would be wearisome. Least you are still young and he is just your first love and not your fiance so it wont be a huge blow to move on, though its a shame the relationship is great otherwise and he kills it because of this issue.

[JohnsonBaby]

I don't have any previous sexual partners. I have exes but I never did anything more than hold hands and kiss them. He is the only penis I've seen or come into contact with. I do enjoy the sex a lot he just doesn't believe me. I don't need a aphrodisiac, I'm already a horny sex maniac. He is the one who needs to loosen up and quit worrying. As I said earlier I initiate a lot of the sex and we do it 3 plus times a day if we have time, but we do it at least once a day when we are together busy or not.

 

Lmao@horny sex maniac .You alright there's still a lot to learn and as they say,different people awaken different beasts.Experience is your teacher .

[BlauFrau]

Just saw your recent posts. Ok that puts things in a bit of a different light from the first post. Sex 1-3 times a day and you initiate plenty well that's real good for any guy. Ok forget my recent comments. I see it seems to stem from his ex giving him grief over his skills and then going out and bringing another guy home to screw. sheesh I get why he has the hangup he does. Its 2 years in though and he is still dealing with this...and not good. The fact that you don't have a lot past sex experience might make him discount your positive reinforcement of his efforts. I wonder if its going to take a bunch of relationships/flings with a number of women complimenting him before he believes it and gets his mojo back.

 

Yes this is definitely on him, though wanting to give you orgasms all the time and looking into your eyes more during sex are not exactly terrible wishes, but his disappointment at what would be great sex otherwise for many guys would be wearisome. Least you are still young and he is just your first love and not your fiance so it wont be a huge blow to move on, though its a shame the relationship is great otherwise and he kills it because of this issue.

 

He did ask me to marry him and I said I would so he kind of is my fiance. And I couldn't see wanting to sleep with anyone else because he's my best friend and I love him so much that no one else matters to me. I don't find anyone else attractive. We have a lot in common and as an added bonus he is really really hot. Everything about him is amazing if only he could see it. I have dated many other people but I never really liked them so I never had sex with them. I just broke up with them before it got that far because I knew I didn't like them and they were wasting my time. Because everything else in our relationship is so perfect I'm not going to give up just because of this. Just because someone hurt him in the past and made him feel really bad I'm not going to abandon him. He hid these insecurities from me for a while now that I've gotten him to open up as to why he feels this way I think it will get much better.

Edited April 20, 2015 by BlauFrau