Women don't play by the rules

[SearchingForMyself]

Okay so men are screwed after divorce, women are screwed after divorce. Let's just not get married, what's the point anyway?

 

For men, easy access to sex.

For women, a nest egg to start a family.

 

I'm joking of course but you know what they say.

[sweetjasmine]

Most attractive women are not gonna want him in such a shattered state.

 

Yeah, 'cause attractive men are lining up around the block for the chance to date divorced women with full custody of young children.

[jay1983]

Because they aren't all screwed - some people never divorce, and others work through their problems.

 

But why take that risk, what does tying the knot do for you?

[Kamille]

Where is this fantasy land where 400$ in child support allows the custodial parent to afford childcare, day care, housing, clothes for the kid, food for the kid, books for the kid and still live a life of luxury while not working a day in their life?

 

 

I have friends who's ex-husbands somehow imagine that their ex-wives are living a life of luxury off the state-mandated child support they have to give. These women are far from living large and living rich. They all also have jobs on top of taking care of the children full-time. They all also feel betrayed and deal with heartbreak.

 

Perhaps whoever thinks men have it worst has the only ex-wife who can make it work and who happens to live large. Chances are, he's speaking from emotional hurt and not rational thought.

[sweetjasmine]

But why take that risk, what does tying the knot do for you?

 

This has been argued a million times on LS, but here's my quick answer. In my demographic (age group, socioeconomic status, education level, assets, religious affiliation, geographic location), the risk isn't very high at all, and divorce wouldn't be financially catastrophic for either of us based on the laws of our state. The benefits include those of a regular life-long partnership -- having someone who provides support and who you can support, the emotional/psychological benefits of having a loving partner, the basis for a nuclear family, the support of an extended family, the boost in motivation from working together towards a common goal, the stability of a peaceful and supportive home life, the financial benefits of pooled expenses and shared income. The marriage part of it includes the legal benefits and the social benefits of officially being a family unit.

[xxoo]

But why take that risk, what does tying the knot do for you?

 

It creates a family

 

Words have meaning. My husband is my legal family. We belong to each other. We are responsible for and to each other, in the eyes of society and the law.

[SearchingForMyself]

Yeah, 'cause attractive men are lining up around the block for the chance to date divorced women with full custody of young children.

 

Not attractive, desperate.

 

25 semi attractive guys with money is still better prospect than o women for a broke guy.

[jay1983]

This has been argued a million times on LS, but here's my quick answer. In my demographic (age group, socioeconomic status, education level, assets, religious affiliation, geographic location), the risk isn't very high at all, and divorce wouldn't be financially catastrophic for either of us based on the laws of our state. The benefits include those of a regular life-long partnership -- having someone who provides support and who you can support, the emotional/psychological benefits of having a loving partner, the basis for a nuclear family, the support of an extended family, the boost in motivation from working together towards a common goal, the stability of a peaceful and supportive home life, the financial benefits of pooled expenses and shared income. The marriage part of it includes the legal benefits and the social benefits of officially being a family unit.

 

But you can get all that without tying the knot.

[jay1983]

It creates a family

 

Words have meaning. My husband is my legal family. We belong to each other. We are responsible for and to each other, in the eyes of society and the law.

 

I'm starting to really not give a crap about the eyes of society.

[sweetjasmine]

Not attractive, desperate.

 

25 semi attractive guys with money is still better prospect than o women for a broke guy.

 

You're missing my point. You're arguing that it's terrible for men because hot women don't want to date divorced men. It's not like divorced women have it any easier. The ones with kids, or as other posters around here on LS like to call them - "baggage" -, are worse off.

 

But you can get all that without tying the knot.

 

Except for my last sentence, which is actually pretty important. If you're not sure why, contact any of the number of organizations fighting for gay marriage.

[SearchingForMyself]

Man this gender war has gotten ugly. Women, you win. We can all go home.

 

Someone close this thread!

[Kamille]

Man this gender war has gotten ugly. Women, you win. We can all go home.

 

Someone close this thread!

 

Win?

 

There is no winning or losing. There's an exchange of idea. Perhaps each side is oblivious to the arguments the other makes. That's far from winning.

[SearchingForMyself]

Win?

 

There is no winning or losing. There's an exchange of idea. Perhaps each side is oblivious to the arguments the other makes. That's far from winning.

 

Of course they are. They argue from experience.

 

But no progress is being made

[autumnnight]

I think the thing that both "sides" (I hate to use that word) are seeking is empathy. Men want women to empathize with their frustrations and legitimate hurts. Women want the same.

 

I admit sometimes my own emotion gets so high I forget that the men have emotion too.

[toolforgrowth]

Man this gender war has gotten ugly. Women, you win. We can all go home.

 

Someone close this thread!

 

What I'm perceiving the issue to be is choice. I had a bad experience in marriage, so I've decided to never marry again. I've assumed control of my life, finances, and destiny. But most importantly, I've rejected the biggest social pillar of our society.

 

This is dangerous to those who have a vested interest in that pillar. Most women are not comfortable raising children out of wedlock. They purposefully wait to reproduce until they have the safety net provided by marriage and the state.

 

By rejecting that, it throws their entire social reproductive paradigm out the window. How can they reproduce if the man won't legally bond? And divorce ensures that if the bond is broken, they still have the financial means to continue reproducing.

 

In other words, it's blatant self interest.

 

The bottom line is that my self interest is in direct contradiction to theirs. I recognize out and act accordingly. I'm no longer willing to forgo my self interest in place of theirs. Because of that, I'm a threat. I must be silenced and minimized, because the more men who come to the same conclusions means there are less viable options for reproduction.

 

They can try to silence us. But they will fail.

 

Never forget that we weren't placed here for them. It is OUR lives. Once the majority of women become viable options for US, we may start to return to the marriage altar.

 

But I'm not holding my breath.

[clia]

Play me the world's smallest violin. Not only was that my emotional state, I also had to deal with being financially raped and having my daughter taken from me at the same time. All the while, my xWW was happily humping another dude.

 

I don't think she was all that broken up about it.

 

Well, not at first anyway.

 

I'm always curious when men complain about being taken to the cleaners financially in a divorce...

 

Why wasn't the division of assets 50/50? What explanation did the judge give for awarding everything to your ex-wife and only giving you a Kia and the clothes on your back? What explanation did your attorney give you for such an unfair division of assets?

[autumnnight]

What I'm perceiving the issue to be is choice. I had a bad experience in marriage, so I've decided to never marry again. I've assumed control of my life, finances, and destiny. But most importantly, I've rejected the biggest social pillar of our society.

 

This is dangerous to those who have a vested interest in that pillar. Most women are not comfortable raising children out of wedlock. They purposefully wait to reproduce until they have the safety net provided by marriage and the state.

 

By rejecting that, it throws their entire social reproductive paradigm out the window. How can they reproduce if the man won't legally bond? And divorce ensures that if the bond is broken, they still have the financial means to continue reproducing.

 

In other words, it's blatant self interest.

 

The bottom line is that my self interest is in direct contradiction to theirs. I recognize out and act accordingly. I'm no longer willing to forgo my self interest in place of theirs. Because of that, I'm a threat. I must be silenced and minimized, because the more men who come to the same conclusions means there are less viable options for reproduction.

 

They can try to silence us. But they will fail.

 

Never forget that we weren't placed here for them. It is OUR lives. Once the majority of women become viable options for US, we may start to return to the marriage altar.

 

But I'm not holding my breath.

 

This makes me sad, not because I am mad about it, but because our society has become such that I actually understand it.

 

I have recently been so hurt I'm surprised I'm still functioning some days. But I'm not a fool. I am female, and that means I have a small circle of people I can call and cry to, who will allow me more than five minutes to process it, and when I walk around my neighborhood with my ipod on and tears roll, if the neighbors see, they probably feel bad for the sensitive woman rather than thinking I should "man up."

 

I also just get plain mad at women who blow it with a normal decent man. This stems from my marriage I know. I'd listen to my friends gripe about their husband with normal male needs and desires and I would just fume inside from my state of envy and starvation (not an attractive thing to admit).

 

But mostly....I DO one day want to really officially share my life with someone, and it makes me sad that so many really good men are gun shy of that because of what some other heartless woman did to them.

 

I'm glad we can vote and be executives, but I really think a lot of the very extreme pseudo feminism bred a type of anti-feminine and entitled sentiment in the fairer sex that just screwed up the whole system.

[clia]

Blunt time, that's the biggest load of absolute crap I've ever heard.

 

How can you even compare the sheer amount of time, sweat, effort, and pain men have to do to work in this society to a broken heart?

 

Are you under some delusion that women don't work?

 

Women, if they need it, can easily find a guy to cover expenses.

 

Oh, really? Tell me more.

[toolforgrowth]

Are you under some delusion that women don't work?

 

 

 

Oh, really? Tell me more.

 

The mere fact that you won't go out with a guy unless he covers your dating expenses is a prime example of men covering your expenses simply because you're a woman.

 

You said you work. You said you make money. Then put your money where your mouth is and pay for yourself.

 

One has no right to become righteously indignant over a legitimate criticism.

[toolforgrowth]

This makes me sad, not because I am mad about it, but because our society has become such that I actually understand it.

 

I have recently been so hurt I'm surprised I'm still functioning some days. But I'm not a fool. I am female, and that means I have a small circle of people I can call and cry to, who will allow me more than five minutes to process it, and when I walk around my neighborhood with my ipod on and tears roll, if the neighbors see, they probably feel bad for the sensitive woman rather than thinking I should "man up."

 

I also just get plain mad at women who blow it with a normal decent man. This stems from my marriage I know. I'd listen to my friends gripe about their husband with normal male needs and desires and I would just fume inside from my state of envy and starvation (not an attractive thing to admit).

 

But mostly....I DO one day want to really officially share my life with someone, and it makes me sad that so many really good men are gun shy of that because of what some other heartless woman did to them.

 

I'm glad we can vote and be executives, but I really think a lot of the very extreme pseudo feminism bred a type of anti-feminine and entitled sentiment in the fairer sex that just screwed up the whole system.

 

This is seriously why I like you.

 

This post really resonated with me. It really is sad.

 

I believe you're a good person with a good heart who would make a great partner. I feel no sense of competition with you. If anything, I feel like you've had a similar experience to mine, and I totally empathize.

[clia]

The mere fact that you won't go out with a guy unless he covers your dating expenses is a prime example of men covering your expenses simply because you're a woman.

 

You said you work. You said you make money. Then put your money where your mouth is and pay for yourself.

 

One has no right to become righteously indignant over a legitimate criticism.

 

Stop twisting what I said to support your agenda. Once again, I was talking about the first few dates, which might involve a drink or dinner at most. And that choice of date is all within the guy's control.

 

That's a far cry from expecting a guy to pay my mortgage and other life expenses, which is how I took SearchingForMyself's comment.

[toolforgrowth]

Stop twisting what I said to support your agenda. Once again, I was talking about the first few dates, which might involve a drink or dinner at most. And that choice of date is all within the guy's control.

 

That's a far cry from expecting a guy to pay my mortgage and other life expenses, which is how I took SearchingForMyself's comment.

 

An expense is still an expense, be it dating or housing. And you are not entitled to have either covered because of your gender.

[clia]

An expense is still an expense, be it dating or housing. And you are not entitled to have either covered because of your gender.

 

I'll be sure to tell my husband that he did it all wrong.

[toolforgrowth]

I'll be sure to tell my husband that he did it all wrong.

 

It's his life and his money. What he chooses to do with them is his business.

[SearchingForMyself]

Can we all agree that what sides of the argument each sides takes is directly affected by what causes more benefit to each side?

 

So no matter what we argue neither side will budge.

 

I am choosing not to participate in marriage as money is very fickle to me.

 

But if you want to be a part of it, that's on you.

 

Maybe I'll change my mind, maybe not. But at 24...I'm in no rush.