dvx Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 We broke up 2 months and 5 days ago, and I believe I've been NC for 2 and a half weeks now lol I'm not reaching out to her again, not even thinking about it. Nor have I checked any of her ****. I can't handle knowing she moved on to someone else, so i'm keeping myself safe. I'm tired of hurting myself, i'm not doing it anymore. She has my number, so it's whatever. Well then it's still pretty fresh, just like mine. And to be honest, even if mine did call me right now, I wouldn't even know what to say. I would just feel so ashamed, ashamed of what i did to her. Now when i think back to those worthless mistakes i did that pushed her away, i feel like a worthless piece of **** with no dignity whatsoever. Im not ready to talk to her, I might never be, but time will tell. I deserved to be dumped. I left her with no other choice. And that's what kills me even more. Im guessing you feel kinda the same. I know that she loves me but she is so hurt and disappointed that she might need forever to forgive me, if she ever does. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 It's good that you're not reaching out to her. Have you ever read any of the 12 step program materials? They say to make amends but only if it won't hurt the other person further. You've already acknowledged that your need for forgiveness is for you, not her, so you're doing the right thing. About forgiveness, she'll forgive you. My ex screwed me over emotionally and financially. I was kind of a mess after and had no idea how I'd be able to handle a healthy relationship after that mind f*ck. Luckily, I had the ability to evaluate my shortcomings that led to me being in that relationship, settling for such poor treatment, and not leaving sooner. He ultimately gave me a gift. Not only do I forgive him, I'm grateful for the experience because it led to the strengthening of my standards and boundaries that kept me from creeps and allowed me to find the man of my dreams. Your ex might get the same thing in the end. Either way, forgiving you is about letting go of the resentment and power your memory has which is undoubtedly something she wants. I, too, have hurt people. My boyfriend and I were friends before we dated and there was a time that I did something I didn't realize would hurt him. It wasn't until months later that I found out how hurt he'd been and I felt sickeningly guilty. I beat myself up about it for weeks even though he wasn't mad and had completely forgiven me; I couldn't forgive myself. I was poisoning myself and decided to channel it into something productive instead. I decided to do an act of kindness for him whenever I felt bad. Over time, I no longer feel terrible and I still enjoy showering him with random affection or a nice note or a pastry just because I love him. Few people have the opportunity to know exactly what they did wrong in a relationship. You have some amazing information that you could do wonders with! Channel it into something good instead of punishing yourself for a past you can't change. You can change your future into one in which you treat the next girl in a way that makes her friends jealous, one in which you know you're such a good boyfriend/husband you're secure with letting your walls down. Next time the guilt strikes, do a random act of kindness for someone. Use it to brighten someone's day instead of ruining yours. Finally, no one has time to be single. I need to have a wife and a kid soon enough, and most likely I'm going to see myself settling for less because of it. It's your responsibility to stay single until you resolve the issues that led you to treating your ex badly. You do NOT need to inflict pain on a wife and kids just because you think it's time to settle down. How crappy do you think you'll feel if you fail at a marriage and fatherhood for the same reason your relationship ended? Give in to love the next time you get the chance. There are plenty of women complaining that their men don't show affection or reciprocate their feelings. You know what you did wrong and have the opportunity to grow into the perfect man for someone whom you will love with reckless abandon. It could be fun 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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