Realist3 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I have talked to my husband,he asked how i would feel if he did it(i had to admit not good),he told the emotional connection hurts more than a "one time sex" .I have told this friend we will stop he said its ok.I also deleted him from fb and his phone number People(men) tend to focus on sexual aspect so much, but they are missing the forest for the trees. The emotional side of these relationships is FAR more important. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I have talked to my husband,he asked how i would feel if he did it(i had to admit not good),he told the emotional connection hurts more than a "one time sex" .I have told this friend we will stop he said its ok.I also deleted him from fb and his phone number Good for you. I would not say you can not have ANY kinky play of any sort with others...just make sure your hubby knows all about it ahead of time and gives you the hall pass first! that way there are no train wrecks waiting in the wings. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I have talked to my husband,he asked how i would feel if he did it(i had to admit not good),he told the emotional connection hurts more than a "one time sex" .I have told this friend we will stop he said its ok.I also deleted him from fb and his phone number I'm glad you made the decision to save your marriage. However, I think severing all contact is a bit extreme (unless that is what your husband required) Anyway, if you do have friend of the opposite sex, those interactions have to be transparent. The person has to be a friend of your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wondering33 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Married people do not need opposite sex friends. You are having an EA, emotional affair. Talking about personal marriage problems to another man is betraying your husband. This man as many others have used let me be your friend, you can vent to me, to "groom" a wife into having an affair. Your husband is right to be mad at you carrying on a EA. An EA with a OM has never saved a marriage. Though EA's with OM have led too many affairs. I don't agree. My husband & I both have friends that are the opposite sex. When we did have A's it never crossed with the people we are friends with. I have even gone out of town with my girlfriends & stayed at a male friend's house (completely innocent) As long as it's open & the spouse knows the other person, I don't see a problem. Yes, there are people that are no good & will try & cross boundaries but if you don't have anything to hide & are open in a healthy marriage there isn't anythng wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. Now if a spouse puts boundaries on what should be spoken about, that should be respected. Once boundaries are in play & your spouse still has a problem (with trust being a non issue in the past) that would be a insecurity issue on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 It said "How are you these days,how is your husband? long time since we talked,just seen the movie and thought about you" (i suggested a movie few weeks ago) So just to be clear, not only are you discussing the details of your marriage with another man, you are making suggestions to him that you two should go to the movies? You honestly are surprised your husband doesn't like this? Why are you making suggestions to another man that you go to the movies with him? Your husband should definitely be worried. Not only because you are discussing your relationship with someone you have no business discussing it, but because you are naive enough to think it's okay for a married woman to ask her male friend to go to the movies. Something tells me you didn't say "we should go to the movies, with my husband!" right? Or maybe you did! So when you suggested this movie, you made it clear you by no means meant just you and this other man alone at the movies, right? So here is what needs to happen, and there is no wiggle room here: this friend is not your friend anymore, period. He's gone from your life. Delete him from your Facebook, and also make it so he can't send you anymore messages. Either do that or just divorce your husband. Like I said there is no wiggle room: make sure this "friend" has zero way to get into contact with you if you ever want to save your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trishern Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I have talked to my husband,he asked how i would feel if he did it(i had to admit not good),he told the emotional connection hurts more than a "one time sex" .I have told this friend we will stop he said its ok.I also deleted him from fb and his phone number Smart move. It 's amazing how the other person (you) doesn't realise how it feels. It upsets your husband, so you shouldn't have to think twice about cutting loose. Mrs. Trishern 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well my friend contacted me today again,it was only a question about a random thing he needed.And my husband saw it(he has my fb password) he replied to him without even asking me,said to him do not contact her again and blocked him .Am i right for thinking he had no right to do this? especially since i already deleted him and told him we wont continue talking Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well my friend contacted me today again,it was only a question about a random thing he needed.And my husband saw it(he has my fb password) he replied to him without even asking me,said to him do not contact her again and blocked him .Am i right for thinking he had no right to do this? especially since i already deleted him and told him we wont continue talking Your friend shouldn't have contacted you after your request. It was disrespectful of him. I guess your H could have left you to ignore or respond, but I really don't blame him for responding as he did. Surely this guy could have asked anyone else for whatever he needed. It's disrespectful to your husband and your marriage hopefully, he's got the message loud and clear now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well my friend contacted me today again,it was only a question about a random thing he needed.And my husband saw it(he has my fb password) he replied to him without even asking me,said to him do not contact her again and blocked him .Am i right for thinking he had no right to do this? especially since i already deleted him and told him we wont continue talking But you did continue talking, or atleast he did. So now you look like a liar. How did he contact you if you deleted him? Maybe it would have been nice if your H had let you handle it but he tried it that way and it didnt work. He seems seriously bothered by this. I can see why. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well my friend contacted me today again,it was only a question about a random thing he needed. You said you told this guy you were no longer going to be talking. So he had no reason to be contacting you for anything. Why was this guy not blocked already? This should of never happened. And my husband saw it(he has my fb password) he replied to him without even asking me,said to him do not contact her again and blocked him .Am i right for thinking he had no right to do this? especially since i already deleted him and told him we wont continue talking No you are not right for thinking he had no right to do this and in fact your husband should be worried you feel that way. Your husband did what you SHOULD of done, and blocked him. He shouldn't have to ask you if he can block the guy you already told him you'd cut out of your life. He had every right to do that, and he has every right to now be suspicious of you and not believe a word you tell him from now on. So you need your priorities checked. This "friend" continues to contact you despite you apparently having told him not to and him agreeing to not contact you. So why the hell was he contacting you? Why are you defending this creep who is NOT your friend? It comes off like you are defending him. If you told him not to contact you and he agreed and then you find out he contacted you anyways and your husband blocked him..the thing that should irk you about that scenario is that the guy had the balls to try to contact you again. What your husband did should not of even registered beyond a "yup, that was the right thing to do". So I hate to make a mountain out of a mole hill, but I think you need to reflect on just why you got irked at the wrong person over this? There should of been zero negative thoughts about your husband, and yet that wasn't the case. You talked of how he had no right to do that, yet no mention of how the other guy had no right to keep contacting you. I find that weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) But you did continue talking, or atleast he did. So now you look like a liar. How did he contact you if you deleted him? Maybe it would have been nice if your H had let you handle it but he tried it that way and it didnt work. He seems seriously bothered by this. I can see why. Well like you said, it would of been nice if she handled this but the husband rightfully assumed she had failed to handle it, so he did it for her. He is obviously bothered by it, the bigger question is why does she seem so bothered over the fact the H blocked this creep? As for contact after deletion, I would imagine deleting someone just deletes them, but does not automatically block them. Since the husband was able to block him though it is obvious that yes having someone blocked and deleted is possible so it still should of been done. Other question is why her "friend" doesn't take her seriously? He agreed they wouldn't talk and then literally seemed to message her within days. Not even over something life or death, but a "random question". So is that just the type of guy he is and he doesn't listen or did she give him a reason to maybe not take this "we are done talking" seriously? Edited April 14, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
deg20 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Not a good idea...take it from me. Ex contacted a "friend" to discuss her daughter's depression , and he began befriending her...he's three provinces away even...he or she switched the topic to how she isn't happy, etc. A week later, I'm separated, and she's sexting/texting him, and then she slept with him when he came home for a few days. Of course this was her choice, and I don't blame him fully, but there was a lot of coaching and convincing going on, I can assure you of that. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but the fact you talked to him, especially without your hubby knowing, is not good at all...you may have innocent intentions, but it's what your husband perceives, and I don't blame him in this day and age, that could start a firestorm. At the very least, get your husband involved, tell him/show him the texts, msgs, etc.,...all of them... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well my friend contacted me today again,it was only a question about a random thing he needed.And my husband saw it(he has my fb password) he replied to him without even asking me,said to him do not contact her again and blocked him .Am i right for thinking he had no right to do this? especially since i already deleted him and told him we wont continue talking You should be more mad at the guy who contacted you after you told him NOT to contact you again, not your husband. He (your husband) is checking up on you, rightfully so. You may have deleted OM but you didn't block him, hence the fb message...Or he created a new account. What was it he needed to ask you that he couldn't ask someone else? The guy is fishing and was hoping you'd reply. Let me ask if you H hadn't stumbled across the message first, would you have responded? Be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
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