dadis Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Thank you for reading my story. My girlfriend and I met online. We have known each other for the past 10 months. We live on different parts of the world(me US and her in Europe) I was planning to visit her on April 2015 but I couldn't mainly because of visa related issues. I have explained to her that I cannot visit and why. I then asked her if she will be able to visit in April but she mentioned that it would be impossible to get a time-off from her new job in such a short period of time. I didn't push her and accepted the reasoning. We then started planning another visit which will be on July. The reason why we choose July is that she is coming over to US to visit other friends and participate in a wedding. In the meantime, she left her current job and looking for another one. Since getting a vacation day was her main reason why she couldn't visit, I asked her again if she can come to the US for a short period of time(4-5 days). This time I was convinced that she would love the idea. But she was against it, mentioning that this is not the time for her to take vacation but look for jobs. She also said that her family would think of her that she is crazy if she comes and visit in April while there is another trip is scheduled in July. She also mentioned that it would be easier to explain to family and friends that she visited me during her stay in July than explaining her travel that is manly focused on visiting me. I also informed her that I will be more than happy to cover the cost of the trip including her stay here. We all know that face to face interactions, even for short period of time, are important in LDR and will take the relationship to the next level. I would love to see her in person and see where things go from there. But her decision made me feel like she is not as much interested. All these excuses made me think that maybe we are not on the page and she is not as much interested in the relationship as I am. I would like to get you opinions and you point of view please. Am I being unreasonable and inconsiderate? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 UK - America is a big trip. Cost wise, planning & flight. (I'm from the UK, live in Canada ) if she already had a trip planned in July, I totally get her reasoning for not coming in April, especially at such short notice. We're not talking short train ride here. I go home yearly, its a mighty cost and 5 days would never be enough. So, yes, I think you're being unreasonable. Why couldn't you try harder to see her? Why denied a visa? This will be a difficult relationship to maintain, but you already know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dadis Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Poppyolive,thank you for the reply. Money is not the main issue. She has never mentioned that money is the issue. Besides, I told her that I am more than happy to cover her trip cost. Her main reason seems that she doesn't know what to tell her family and friends. I didn't feel good about that. The reason why I cannot get a visa is that I am waiting for citizenship and I have no control over the interview schedule. I would definitely go and visit her if it was possible for me. Edited April 5, 2015 by dadis Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 When government regulations are the largest impediment to meeting you need to recognize that this may be a pipe dream. "Dating" somebody you have never met IRL is a fantasy. She is already coming in July & is willing to see you then. Accept that. She probably doesn't want you to pay for her trip because it's so expensive & then she may feel pressure. Since you don't know each other, it's unrealistic to expect her to cross an ocean on your dime. Where would she stay? Don't say your house. How would she get around? If you two don't hit it off, it would incredibly awkward if she was economically dependent on you. I'm not saying you would but if you paid for her to come here & then things didn't work out, the wrong kind of person may cancel her ticket home. She can't take that risk. Meet her in July when she is here with her other plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I agree with d0nnivan, her flying to you on a ticket that you bought and staying at your house, when she hasn't even met you yet, would not be wise. If you have already arranged a July visit, what's the problem with waiting for July? UK to US is a very long trip and going twice in 4 months would seem excessive to most people who don't travel for a living. If she cancels the July visit THEN you have cause for worry. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnsonBaby Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I agree with d0nnivan, her flying to you on a ticket that you bought and staying at your house, when she hasn't even met you yet, would not be wise. If you have already arranged a July visit, what's the problem with waiting for July? UK to US is a very long trip and going twice in 4 months would seem excessive to most people who don't travel for a living. If she cancels the July visit THEN you have cause for worry. I ve done it twice ,crazy as hell but they were both good experiences . Link to post Share on other sites
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