seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You shouldn't feel bad for wanting what you want, OP. You need a little romance and reassurance that you are desired and loved every now and then. Most women do. I think the biggest issue is why he won't put in the effort if it's important to you. You've expressed how you feel and he responded with, " Men just aren't that verbal...romantic..." I think 5 months is still the honey moon stage. So if he's stopped putting in effort at this point..that's not a good sign. If he cared, was mature and truly wanted you to feel loved and heard, he would've said, " I'll make more of an effort for you." 1.) He either doesn't care or 2.) he's lazy Either way, if you're not getting what you need out of the relationship and you've given him a fair chance ...maybe it's time to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 He used to show that he cares! The first couple of months, he would go out of his way to talk to me and see me but lately, its me who drives up 40 miles every weekend to see him and he doesn't even plan a proper date (which is fine) but it would be nice to see some sort of effort... Stop driving to him for a couple of weekends and see what happens. I tend to overfunction in my relationship like that, too, but he won't step up if you keep doing all the work. In my experience, you gotta put the ball down if you want him to pick it up. If he doesn't, it's better you know now than later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 He used to show that he cares! The first couple of months, he would go out of his way to talk to me and see me but lately, its me who drives up 40 miles every weekend to see him and he doesn't even plan a proper date (which is fine) but it would be nice to see some sort of effort... So then stop driving to see him every weekend. Don't fight with him about it... just make other plans if he won't make the effort. Stop doing it all...and give *him* a chance to step up to the plate. As another poster said, what motivation does he have to do anything....when YOU are either doing it all...or accepting what little he gives you? You are allowing him to be lazy in this relationship...stop allowing that and maybe things will change. If not, walk.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Does he show you in other ways how he feels about you? Does he do things for you, like wash your car, run an errand for you? Does he buy you things? Does he spend a lot of time with you? His way of conveying to you how he feels about you is not verbal, but that's not to say that he may have other ways of conveying it to you that you're not picking up on because for you, the conveyance of that is telling you. If you haven't done so or if it hasnt' already been mentioned, you should get the book "The Five Love Languages". It goes a long way to helping people translate their way of loving another. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 When I said he hasn't shown once he cares, I was referring to the last several days. He used to be more attentive when we first started dating. It has been 5 months now into the relationship. Of course he was more attentive when you first stated dating -- it's called an endorphin high. That usually fades a little with time and people start getting more comfortable in a relationship. This is when you each start to see the "real" person and drop some of the "chasing", flirting behaviors. What is the status of the relationship? Are you at least exclusive and both wanting a long-term relationship? If you do and he doesn't, then I'd move on now. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I am not trying to manipulate him in anyway. I am genuinely upset...having someone show verbal affection is important to me and the fact that he can go about his day while I have been upset is hurtful. Good, because the advice that poster replied with is absolutely ridiculous. Don't ever resort to that. The reason why he can go about his day while you are upset is because to him, it's not as big of a deal to him as it is to you and you need to realize this much, much sooner than later. If you don't like the thought of this, you need to exit this relationship, ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Having said that, though, if he acted one way when you were first together and now he has adopted a policy of neglect, then it may be that he's done but doesn't have the balls to tell you he's done--he's hoping you'll get the hint and save him having to live with being the "bad guy" for breaking up. So, do him a favor: become scarce. Stop bending over backwards to make this work. You're doing all the heavy lifting and he's just saying "meh.." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 He used to show that he cares! The first couple of months, he would go out of his way to talk to me and see me but lately, its me who drives up 40 miles every weekend to see him and he doesn't even plan a proper date (which is fine) but it would be nice to see some sort of effort... What a pity. So out of 5 months you had 2 great ones and it's been going downhill for the last 3. Now you are down at driving 40 miles his way (that's 80 miles round trip) and you get the 'leave me alone' attitude when you talk about how he used to be. That is not have it's suppose to be. Yes after a few months it's normal to settle in a routine but that's not a routine, that's him not caring anymore. If you don't want to break up off the bat then I am with the others and suggest you stop driving there and observe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I would stop seeing him so often. Be busy with other things in your life and don't be as available and observe his behavior. He may just be losing interest in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 My bf(27) and I(25) had a disagreement on Sunday night about how he isn't romantic and never really uses any verbal affirmations in the relationship. It's hard to know that he misses me or cares when never says it. I told him that I dont feel special in the relationship and he did not say anything to reaffirm how he feels about me. I was still upset and he just went to bed. The next day, we barely texted and when he called at night, I was still upset and he just said cheer up before you go to sleep and went to bed. Same thing last night. I'm just hurt by the fact that he hasn't once tried to show that he cares verbally or through actions that I am upset and tried to make me feel better. I dont know if I am over reacting or that is something I should expect from him (to make me feel better)... He's actually showing through his actions that he doesn't care enough about your sensibilities to change or make an effort to accommodate you. People have distinct personality types, including being noncommunicative, but usually people are able to adapt their behavior to some extent regardless. If he makes no changes for you, it means he doesn't care to, which means he's prioritizing his sensibilities over yours. Probably time to go your separate ways, because you're not #1 in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 All the debate is well and good, but the bottom line is you can't force anyone to want to say something they don't feel like saying, no matter what the reason. If they give in to you, what is it worth next time they say "I miss you" if you know the only reason they're saying it is because you nagged them into it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts