Getting drunk and/or high (marijuana) when out with her friends - problem?

[Vintage79]

She's a partier, you're not. Discuss this with her. I'd tell her what you're telling us. Everything you're saying sounds reasonable to me.

 

I do know quite a few couples that are mismatched in this way and they make it work. My friend's wife does this about once every month or two and they have three young kids. He'd do the same but he doesn't like to go out much and prefers staying home with the kids.

 

You have to accept this about her or it won't work and it will cause arguments in the future. Best to discuss it now before it becomes a bigger problem for you.

 

I absolutely agree that I have to accept this if things are going to work out. I'm not so sure about discussing this with her - she's not forcing me to join her, and I think the only outcome of that conversation would be her interpreting it as me being controlling...which I'm not. I don't want to change who she is - I'm trying to figure out if I can accept who she is (i.e. this is a potential problem/challenge for me, not with her) - it's only been a few months - I'm perfectly comfortable calling it quits if I feel I can't deal with it - i.e. I'm not in the situation where I feel we need to try to work on this as a couple.

 

My view is I have to come to terms with it on my own, as long as she's not trying to pull me into it against my will (if she starts trying to aggressively pull me into it, then the conversation is more necessary).

[barcode88]

She's a partier, you're not. Discuss this with her. I'd tell her what you're telling us. Everything you're saying sounds reasonable to me.

 

I do know quite a few couples that are mismatched in this way and they make it work. My friend's wife does this about once every month or two and they have three young kids. He'd do the same but he doesn't like to go out much and prefers staying home with the kids.

 

You have to accept this about her or it won't work and it will cause arguments in the future. Best to discuss it now before it becomes a bigger problem for you.

 

Solid advice. Although I wouldn't label someone as a "partier" if they're going out once every month or two. That seems to be pretty normal for a well rounded social person IMO?

[Vintage79]

Solid advice. Although I wouldn't label someone as a "partier" if they're going out once every month or two. That seems to be pretty normal for a well rounded social person IMO?

 

I think going out with friends a few times a month and having a few drinks is normal - I do it...she just tends to push what she does when she's out a bit further.

[barcode88]

I think going out with friends a few times a month and having a few drinks is normal - I do it...she just tends to push what she does when she's out a bit further.

 

Okay I see where you're coming from. It sounds like pretty normal behavior to me, but everyone is different. Usually if I go out late-night with friends, we go a little bit more crazy than usual. I don't want to project what I think is normal onto you though, that's for you to decide.

 

Let's look at some positives though:

1. According to you she is accepting/supportive of you.
   
2. She doesn't pressure you into going with.
   
3. She only goes out once a Month.
   
4. She isn't a habitual pot smoker, only 1-3 times per year.
   
5. She drinks relatively normal/moderately overall.
   
6. She does want to settle down...?
   

[Vintage79]

Okay I see where you're coming from. It sounds like pretty normal behavior to me, but everyone is different. Usually if I go out late-night with friends, we go a little bit more crazy than usual. I don't want to project what I think is normal onto you though, that's for you to decide.

 

Let's look at some positives though:

1. According to you she is accepting/supportive of you.
   
2. She doesn't pressure you into going with.
   
3. She only goes out once a Month.
   
4. She isn't a habitual pot smoker, only 1-3 times per year.
   
5. She drinks relatively normal/moderately overall.
   
6. She does want to settle down...?
   

 

Great summary BarCode

[Vercetti]

I've posted that don't have issue with weed depending on amount and person. Yet, personally...have no tolerance for adults that have head up ass of old collage friends that magically regress into drunken idiots. For me have far better things to do then glory stories of youthful stupidity with a collective where that's the only common ground. Sigh, like so remember that time we were supposed to better ourselfs with higher education but got so blasted...lets talk about that when 30+ years old.

[barcode88]

I've posted that don't have issue with weed depending on amount and person. Yet, personally...have no tolerance for adults that have head up ass of old collage friends that magically regress into drunken idiots. For me have far better things to do then glory stories of youthful stupidity with a collective where that's the only common ground. Sigh, like so remember that time we were supposed to better ourselfs with higher education but got so blasted...lets talk about that when 30+ years old.

 

Uhhh, I think everyone lets loose a bit when they're in college, but they still get good grades and graduate.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting together with College friends once in a while - they're your friends after all? Some of my High School friends are still my best friends.

 

My roommates are all 30-32 and still hangout with their college friends, and we all throw a party together once in a while or let loose. We're all responsible and have full time jobs, have girlfriends or actively dating.

 

You're not projecting your own negativity from a lack of a college experience are you?

 

I don't get a vibe that the OP's girlfriend is highly irresponsible in any way... Once a month is hardly a party animal. Back in college it would be 2 times a week more like

Edited April 1, 2015 by barcode88