White men, black woman? Fetish or actual interest?

[shvrk]

Exactly. My parents have made plenty of off color remarks (no pun intended) in that department when it's just us. The girl I'm on and off seeing actually had a nightmare that my mom told me I could do better, regarding her. She has never even met my mom.

 

Then i worry about her family as well. Half of her family is very proper. About as tricky as meeting the Cosby's. The other half... well, there's uncle Busta (as in Rhymes) and all these crazy people I have zero experience with trying to have a conversation with. I'm sure Id be the butt of like 1000 jokes too and some of the family wouldn't approve.

 

Then i also wonder about the other life stuff... team stuff... couple stuff.

 

Fact: Black people are pulled over and hassled by cops way more often.

 

Right now, as a mature white guy, I can get away with literally anything. When I had a very cute, petite, short, younger, pretty white wife, we could have stolen a cop car and not got in trouble. ha ha ha

 

But... does this type of thing change in an interracial relationship?

 

All concerns, as silly as they may sound.

 

Couple stuff is just couple stuff lol. I mean, I live in Indiana, and my boyfriend and I receive more looks than I would have if I were alone. We went to Texas Roadhouse and that was uncomfortable, (had a man look at us directly and make a loud disapproving sound) Then another time we went into a mom & pop bike shop, I said hi when I walked in and didn't receive a response from the guy working, but when my boyfriend came in he received a welcome and even was asked if he needed help... just dumb ****. My boyfriend doesn't seem to notice these things. Being a white man in America, go figure.

[nomadic_butterfly]

My main question is, do men that date black women do it because the woman they are interested in just so happens to be black, or are these men just "seeing what it's like."

 

I ask because of the way black woman are portrayed, and just other ignorant comments about us such as how we are apparently "gross" and "have bad attitudes."

 

It just depends! I've dated a handful of non-black men who never dated a black woman before me. Me being black was a secondary factor. They were truly interested in me and I haven't slept with many people in my life, but have gone out on at least 100 dates. Sometimes people don't have the opportunity and black women are known to be the most loyal to their race and there's stereotypes about all of us being abrasive, so sometimes other races are afraid to approach us. I get approach a lot by non-black men online too. If they keep harping on your race/color/features and make everything purely sexual, then yes, you are a fetish.

 

I have an ex who only dates black women, usually super dark women too, I'm Kerry Washington's complexion and I am the only brown skinned black girl he's dated. I've lived all around the world and traveled all around the world and I'd like to think I am a decent looking girl with a great personality, so why wouldn't a great guy gravitate towards me, regardless of race? In every country I have been to (over 15) there's been men who approached/had an attraction to me. People live in such a mixed up society (ethnically speaking) that I find socio-economic sameness, going to same schools, traveling to the same kinds of places, etc. bring all kinds of people together. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless a non-black guy only wants to date you, but never put a title on it, or have you meet his mom/family and his close friends, etc.

Edited April 1, 2015 by nomadic_butterfly

[Krieger]

It is hard to find a good woman now days and that matters more than a girl skin color.

[EngnimaticResponse]

"I've never been with a..." is not really a good indicator of intentions. I grew up in a small town that was 98% cauc, and 2% everything else. Think "South Park", token black fam, token hisp fam, etc. I have not had much interaction with black women until I moved here to NC. Now I get all kinds, though there are few that I find pretty and even fewer that are not twice my size. Sorry, not a chubby chaser. There is one at work; 30's, chocolate skin, pretty face, smart, probably raised upper-middle class because she acts more white then black. Hell, I think I'm even a better dancer.(X-mas party) Could see myself dating her if she was not engaged.

 

As far as family, mine would not care. At this point my mom would like to see me find Someone, no matter the color. She says Sicilians are just inside-out black people.

Edited April 1, 2015 by EngnimaticResponse

[Auspecial]

I guess this could also be a maturity thing, but even then, older men would be more into a fetish of getting with a younger black woman... having gotten involved with a man in his mid 30s I should have just KNOWN

 

I don't know about it being a fetish. To me its just a preference, like anything else. To me, a fetish is something of a perversion, and being with a different race isn't a perversion.

[Toodaloo]

I sometimes felt though, that the men that I have dated and just so happened to be white would make comments that would throw me off, and making it obvious that they only showed interest in wanting to be intimate with a black woman, nothing beyond. "I've never been with a black girl." is the biggest red flag when I comes to dating, unfortunately I've gotten it so many times...

 

 

Well honey I get comments because I am a red head and they are all the same as you have just written about... I think nothing of it. The same way as I think nothing of comments about blondes being stupid or any thing else... Just washes over my head.

 

Have you not considered for a minute that perhaps they are commenting just because its something different? "Oh I have never had whole wheat hot cross buns before" before... Would you take offence to that comment?

 

Who cares what colour anyones skin is, or if someone has or has not dated people of the same skin colour before. All that matters is that they treat you well, with dignity and respect. Mentioning a blindingly obvious thing such as your skin colour/ hair colour etc is not being racist. Nor is dating you when they haven't dated someone of your skin colour before... Some people prefer different skin tones and hues. Thank goodness we are all different eh!

 

Chin up chook. People are weird sometimes and its a reflection on them not you. Judge by actions not words.

[kendahke]

In my younger days, I may have come across that from time to time. At that time (teen's/early 20's), my experience was that the guys were more into assimilating into their comfort zone; and while they may have been curious, they weren't resolved to enter into a relationship because they were too dependent upon/intimidated by the opinions of their peers and family. I just left them all alone after having one too many experiences of "that one friend" who takes it upon themselves to tell me that it's not a good idea for me to date their friend--and he never gets checked for saying that to me.

 

Now, I'm dating a 54 yr old white guy and he's into me for me, not for the color of my skin or some fetish. And thank God he's well past the age where what anyone would say to him about dating me would not live before the sentence is completed.

[shvrk]

"I've never been with a..." is not really a good indicator of intentions. I grew up in a small town that was 98% cauc, and 2% everything else. Think "South Park", token black fam, token hisp fam, etc. I have not had much interaction with black women until I moved here to NC. Now I get all kinds, though there are few that I find pretty and even fewer that are not twice my size. Sorry, not a chubby chaser. There is one at work; 30's, chocolate skin, pretty face, smart, probably raised upper-middle class because she acts more white then black. Hell, I think I'm even a better dancer.(X-mas party) Could see myself dating her if she was not engaged.

 

As far as family, mine would not care. At this point my mom would like to see me find Someone, no matter the color. She says Sicilians are just inside-out black people.

 

I once dated a Sicilian, he for some reason kept stressing how he could never bring me home to his family because I was a black woman. He said that he only dates Italians/Sicilians... He couldn't even bring home white women

[Toodaloo]

I once dated a Sicilian, he for some reason kept stressing how he could never bring me home to his family because I was a black woman. He said that he only dates Italians/Sicilians... He couldn't even bring home white women

 

Well he is just a wimp who will not stand up to Mummy then isn't he.

[Gaeta]

I go through something like that because I am a French woman. I will hear things from men like 'oh is it true what they say about you French ladies', or 'I always wanted to be with a French woman' or 'is it true you girls love oral' . So I just got to be smart and thread carefully and make sure I am dating someone who's interested in me and not in my nationality and the stereotypes attached to it.

[carhill]

My main question is, do men that date black women do it because the woman they are interested in just so happens to be black, or are these men just "seeing what it's like."

I've met a few black ladies over the decades that I found attractive but there was never anything mutual or they were involved with someone else. TBH, my impression of those I did interact with in that realm were pretty conservative regarding inter-racial dating and relationships. Luck of the draw I guess.

 

IME, the ones I interacted with were overwhelmingly feminine, educated, worked white collar jobs and most were, from their own statements, pretty involved in their religion and family milieu. I noticed strong faith and commitment to family to loom large as a common denominator.

 

Not that I was fishing for approval, since I was an adult male in my 30's at the time, but my mom knew a couple of them and liked and respected them, even though I will admit her opinions racially vacillated a lot over the decades, probably typical of rural culture where we live. That stuff never rubbed off on me, however.

 

If I met an older black lady today and we got on well, I'd surely enjoy dating her as with any other woman I liked and found attractive. 'Black' is simply a method of description, similar to 'Caucasian'.

[GorillaTheater]

I wouldn't doubt that there's a lot of fetish crap or trophy hunting going on, but the "real thing" certainly exists, too. A friend of mine is married to a black woman. They've been married for years, have a bunch of kids, and seem to be doing very well.

 

Dating is always a crapshoot. You win and you lose and spend a lot of time weeding out the jerks. At the end of the day, you still have to be willing to take a chance.

 

I guess there may be a fine line between what may be a fetish and what is simple attraction. One of my sons almost exclusively dates Hispanic and East Indian girls. He's obviously very attracted to their general appearance, but is that a fetish or a preference? I don't know.

[Timshel]

I go through something like that because I am a French woman. I will hear things from men like 'oh is it true what they say about you French ladies', or 'I always wanted to be with a French woman' or 'is it true you girls love oral' . So I just got to be smart and thread carefully and make sure I am dating someone who's interested in me and not in my nationality and the stereotypes attached to it.

 

One of my best friends in university was French. Oh my, she was so pretty and her accent... l never talked less. Beautiful. So I am straight female but flip and do still believe there is something about French women that is so lovely and sexy.

 

I am Greek and German but look more Greek. Adopted by a Russian (dad) and Irish (mom) so wth do I know? Raised in the south. If anything I learned long ago to not correlate integrity, morals and decency with skin color or ethnicity. There are people that a person should stay away from. Not because of gender or race, because they lack scruples and basic character. Sex should never be given lightly, my opinion. Dating and talking gives everyone an opportunity to find out if someone has a chance to get in your pants.

It sounds like OP is on a good track with her BF. Just stay true to yourself. Jeez, everyone should just stay true to themselves and honest with others in regard to dating/friendship. What a different world this would be.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have been in almost nothing but "interracial" relationships. Even with an African American of a very different skin tone It can feel the same as with a totally different race.

 

I am trans/genderqueer and I have even noted people are extra uncomfortable with an interracial queer couple.

 

 

1. People never assume you are with eachother.
   
2. People make rude remarks and react in a completely differnt way.
   
3. There is a hostility that I can say feels greater than being LGBT.
   

 

That said, when I do find someone willing to be with me knowing the great obstacles that we face compared to a more socially acceptable pairing I know it has to be that much more real. At the same time I can understand more when it breaks up.

 

 

To put it this way.

 

When one is a same race couple there is positive social pressure pushing the two of you together. Society tries to keep such couples together in many little ways.

 

When one is a different race couple there is negative social pressure trying to suck the couple apart in so many ways.

 

 

Exactly. My parents have made plenty of off color remarks (no pun intended) in that department when it's just us. The girl I'm on and off seeing actually had a nightmare that my mom told me I could do better, regarding her. She has never even met my mom.

 

Then i worry about her family as well. Half of her family is very proper. About as tricky as meeting the Cosby's. The other half... well, there's uncle Busta (as in Rhymes) and all these crazy people I have zero experience with trying to have a conversation with. I'm sure Id be the butt of like 1000 jokes too and some of the family wouldn't approve.

 

Then i also wonder about the other life stuff... team stuff... couple stuff.

 

Fact: Black people are pulled over and hassled by cops way more often.

 

Right now, as a mature white guy, I can get away with literally anything. When I had a very cute, petite, short, younger, pretty white wife, we could have stolen a cop car and not got in trouble. ha ha ha

 

But... does this type of thing change in an interracial relationship?

 

All concerns, as silly as they may sound.

[Krieger]

Well I found aaliyah the singer hot back in the day .

[LookAtThisPOst]

Theres a white woman in my area on a dating site that says she'll only date black men. Apparently some white men had been in touch with her about this and had expressed in her profile that with emails coming to her, there is no changing her mind. That white guys just don't "do it" for her.

 

To me...it's a fetish if you date outside your race and not your own.

 

 

 

I have met and dated my fair share of men, of many ages, though I am only 20... I sometimes felt though, that the men that I have dated and just so happened to be white would make comments that would throw me off, and making it obvious that they only showed interest in wanting to be intimate with a black woman, nothing beyond. "I've never been with a black girl." is the biggest red flag when I comes to dating, unfortunately I've gotten it so many times...

 

My boyfriend now, however, never makes comments on our racial differences unless he doesn't seem to understand something of black culture...

 

My main question is, do men that date black women do it because the woman they are interested in just so happens to be black, or are these men just "seeing what it's like."

 

I ask because of the way black woman are portrayed, and just other ignorant comments about us such as how we are apparently "gross" and "have bad attitudes."

[Krieger]

Theres a white woman in my area on a dating site that says she'll only date black men. Apparently some white men had been in touch with her about this and had expressed in her profile that with emails coming to her, there is no changing her mind. That white guys just don't "do it" for her.

 

To me...it's a fetish if you date outside your race and not your own.

 

I like Asian woman and it is not a fetish I have good reasons. For example less likely to be a single mom , and we have the same values like hard work, education and family.

 

Also I think it is something like 80% of Asian kids grow up with both parents under one roof .

[JohnsonBaby]

It depends on the person.

 

Exactly . At the end of the day black women are women ,the fetish comes from a negative stereotype portrayed by the media . Same goes for black men.

[PogoStick]

What's wrong with wanting to experience a new type of person or culture? If a man grows up (like myself) where 97% of the population is white, then how can you expect him to have developed any feelings on black women and culture?

 

Know what else I don't know about? Asians, Europeans, Africans, South Americans, Russians, Australians, or Indians. Well at least I didn't use to. I've since dated 2 Peruvians, a Brazilian, a Ukrainian, and both a Chinese and Japanese woman. It's pretty difficult to "know" how a relationship will work until you meet someone and take the time to try it out.

[shvrk]

Theres a white woman in my area on a dating site that says she'll only date black men. Apparently some white men had been in touch with her about this and had expressed in her profile that with emails coming to her, there is no changing her mind. That white guys just don't "do it" for her.

 

To me...it's a fetish if you date outside your race and not your own.

 

Are you talking about if someone where to day that they exclusively date outside of their race it's a fetish? Or if someone just so happens to be dating outside of their race when they also date into their own.

 

Don't get me started on black men that only date outside of their race.

[shvrk]

What's wrong with wanting to experience a new type of person or culture? If a man grows up (like myself) where 97% of the population is white, then how can you expect him to have developed any feelings on black women and culture?

 

Know what else I don't know about? Asians, Europeans, Africans, South Americans, Russians, Australians, or Indians. Well at least I didn't use to. I've since dated 2 Peruvians, a Brazilian, a Ukrainian, and both a Chinese and Japanese woman. It's pretty difficult to "know" how a relationship will work until you meet someone and take the time to try it out.

 

I guess I'm just saying I'd rather not be told that I'm someone's first black experience. I just don't care to hear it. If I am, that's fine. I'm my boyfriends first black anything, but he didn't tell me until later on in the relationship because clearly it doesn't matter.

[Timshel]

 

To me...it's a fetish if you date outside your race and not your own.

 

Really sweetie? What race are you, exactly, please be precise. Lord knows we do not want any confusion.

[shvrk]

I have been in almost nothing but "interracial" relationships. Even with an African American of a very different skin tone It can feel the same as with a totally different race.

 

I am trans/genderqueer and I have even noted people are extra uncomfortable with an interracial queer couple.

 

 

1. People never assume you are with eachother.
   
2. People make rude remarks and react in a completely differnt way.
   
3. There is a hostility that I can say feels greater than being LGBT.
   

 

That said, when I do find someone willing to be with me knowing the great obstacles that we face compared to a more socially acceptable pairing I know it has to be that much more real. At the same time I can understand more when it breaks up.

 

 

To put it this way.

 

When one is a same race couple there is positive social pressure pushing the two of you together. Society tries to keep such couples together in many little ways.

 

When one is a different race couple there is negative social pressure trying to suck the couple apart in so many ways.

 

Wow, i could only imagine the stress of being trans... You're located in Chicago? Haven't been there but I would imagine there would be less stress because it's such a large city? But there's *******s everywhere, I suppose

[LookAtThisPOst]

Are you talking about if someone where to day that they exclusively date outside of their race it's a fetish? Or if someone just so happens to be dating outside of their race when they also date into their own.

 

Don't get me started on black men that only date outside of their race.

 

This woman wasn't even willing to be diverse and date white men. I just kind of find that odd. It's not a phase she's going through, this is a 40-something white woman who specified this.

 

I have even seen POF profiles of white women saying in their headliner, "Black Men only!"

[shvrk]

This woman wasn't even willing to be diverse and date white men. I just kind of find that odd. It's not a phase she's going through, this is a 40-something white woman who specified this.

 

I have even seen POF profiles of white women saying in their headliner, "Black Men only!"

 

That's ignorant. If I came across a profile that said "black woman only" I would turn the other way smh