I Found Quite Flirty Texts in Girlfriends Phone

[forest97]

To me, it sounds like she likes the attention but she's not really interested in him. Especially since she was setting boundaries, but not in an extremely mean way. I had a guy I used to text that was like him. For awhile, I acted like her because just in case something happened with me and my boyfriend, I could fall back on that guy and just have someone to flirt with to make me feel better, even if I never intended on ever being with him and then when I realized my relationship wasn't going to just be a fling, I stopped all contact with him. It's also possible that since she likes the attention, she could've just been messing around and tricking him. You know, getting his hopes up for nothing. If she had sent him a nude, he would be texting her a lot because he'd really think he had a chance. Since the conversation ended there, I think she didn't give him what he wanted.

 

But i'm thinking they could have carried on this "chat" on snapchat to be honest. Should i confront her, but i don't want to admit i snooped? I'll be honest, I didn't snoop for any reason, like i wasn't trying to catch her out, but like i say she goes through my phone.

[forest97]

If this is what the relationship is like 4 months in, end it, for your own sanity.

 

There's no trust.

 

I did trust her 100% before I saw the texts, I have no reason as to why I looked, but i wasn't trying to see if she was cheating etc. How would i confront her about this?

[forest97]

But i'm thinking they could have carried on this "chat" on snapchat to be honest. Should i confront her, but i don't want to admit i snooped? I'll be honest, I didn't snoop for any reason, like i wasn't trying to catch her out, but like i say she goes through my phone.

 

Also she text me earlier saying i'm all she needs, but if so, why does she feel the need to do what this guy had asked for? I know she snapped him, because when she was on snapchat, his username was there, around the same time the text was sent so

[Diezel]

I did trust her 100% before I saw the texts, I have no reason as to why I looked, but i wasn't trying to see if she was cheating etc. How would i confront her about this?

 

I don't care whether you trusted her before or not, the reality is that you don't trust her NOW.

 

Maybe some people don't think it's flirty, but the conversation should have stopped at some point and not even gone to SnapChat and no photo should have been sent, but that doesn't even matter at this point.

 

You went through her texts. Trust was broken there. It's never going back to that "BEFORE" point. And it's not even 4 months in.

 

This is done.

[d0nnivain]

You can't stay at her dad's house & do this. You will get kicked out on your butt. You must meet & discuss this before going there.

 

 

You can & should tell her you looked in her phone. You should also apologize for doing so. I told you that already.

 

 

Then you should talk to her about it. Confront is an angry destructive word. If you go in with that attack mode, you will blow this relationship to smithereens. Be calm. Be courteous. You don't know she did anything but tell him no & not show you the texts. You have zero evidence of any wrongdoing on her part just some suspicions. The only wrongdoing so far is you for snooping so you don't own the high road here.

[BetrayedH]

Him: You've turned boring

...

Girlfriend: Hmm i'll send you one then

Him: Get on snapchat now

Girlfriend: Answer me on there then

 

What kind of picture do you think she sent? One of her cat? Or perhaps something not "boring?"

 

I wouldn't say a thing and I'd quietly keep investigating. I don't see a rational explanation here as to why she'd switch to snapchat unless she wanted to send something exciting that would disappear in a few seconds. If she just sends her pussy photos thru snapchat, you can look thru her phone all day and find nothing of interest.

[edgygirl]

I don't understand how you didn't see/remember what she wrote before moving to snapchat. What picture did she say she was sending? How could you miss that part?

 

I agree with the first few texts doing that, but then if she was putting him in his place, why would she agree to send him "certain" pictures on snapchat? she has no need to. They have never dated, but i guess they kinda had a flirting thing before me.

 

We have each others passwords for our phones because we can trust each other and if we don't we can have a look for ourselves because there is nothing bad or dodgy on there. Although, she did the texts mentioned, when i asked about them so what does that mean?

[Frank2thepoint]

because if she's sent a nude, then that's cheating!

 

Sorry to break it to you, cheating doesn't start with sharing nudes. She was already cheating when she sent him flirty texts, because those are emotional affairs. She's emotionally thinking of another guy instead of just you.

 

I feel hurt to be honest, she always tells me she loves me and i honestly love her, but what should i do? Should i tell her i've already seen the texts?

 

If you believe her lies then you are a fool. Yes you should be honest that you looked through her texts while she was showering. Was it wrong? That's debatable, because you learned about her deceptiveness which confirmed she isn't being honest with you. You did something dishonest to realize she is being dishonest. So if you care that the end justifies the means, then go with it, admit it, don't be sorry, and just break it off with her. Neither of you belong together anyway.

 

 

Keep in mind that in the future it's advisable NOT to snoop on someone's phone especially if they don't give you reason to...

 

It's all serendipitous. About a year ago there was a hot thread where a guy found his girlfriend's journal while cleaning up around the house. He learned that before him, she had slept with over 50 men and majority were married. Sometimes the forces of chaos, present you with a moment of clarity, a chance to see through the murkiness of life, and learn something about who you are with.

[pteromom]

Just say, hey when I was taking selfies, I saw the texts between you and him. I am going crazy wondering what "I'll send one" means. Send WHAT? Please tell me so I can quit coming up with crazy scenarios in my head.

 

Then it becomes about YOU instead of accusing her of anything.

 

If she has a legitimate answer right away, you'll know it was nothing. If she stammers and stutters and becomes super-defensive, you'll know it was something.

 

But I agree with the others that it sounds like she was standing up for your relationship. I have no idea what she sent, but I wouldn't rush to the conclusion that it is a nude photo.

[candie13]

I believe you should only settle with what you can cope with. That conversation of her with the guy obviously disturb you.

 

peace of mind over a piece of arse. if you guys are at the "I love you" stage and she sends naked pics to another guy, that's cheating and lying, indeed... sorry, mate, no good news.

 

talk her into discussing this, there's only one way of finding out...

[forest97]

I don't understand how you didn't see/remember what she wrote before moving to snapchat. What picture did she say she was sending? How could you miss that part?

 

Because i thought she was coming back, so i left the phone. Although they were quite bad i thought. She didn't say what kind of picture, but from the way they were speaking it sounded like a nude, especially where she said hmm i'll only send one

[forest97]

I believe you should only settle with what you can cope with. That conversation of her with the guy obviously disturb you.

 

peace of mind over a piece of arse. if you guys are at the "I love you" stage and she sends naked pics to another guy, that's cheating and lying, indeed... sorry, mate, no good news.

 

talk her into discussing this, there's only one way of finding out...

 

We are at that stage to be honest, how would i get her into discussing this with me, because i need to know?

[Tribble]

This doesn't look good to be honest. Even if she hasn't done anything wrong, you clearly think she's capable. This will always be in the back of your mind, your trust is gone. At this point, even if she shows you texts, what's going to make you think she hasn't deleted some?

 

 

In her defence, no-one apart from her and the guy know what went on. You've asked her about it and told you but you pushed to see the texts. Which does show you don't trust her. I don't know if I'd have showed you the texts either. If you don't believe what she says, that shows a severe lack of trust on your part. Also, if you're generally insecure (as this thread may suggest), innocent or not, you could take the conversation the wrong way anyway. She stuck up for your relationship but as a result of him pushing a little, you could turn around and say don't speak to him again. Which she might not want to do. I don't think the texts were flirty, or out of line from what you have written. She obviously wants him as a friend, whether that is from some hidden fantasy or simply because he's part of her friendship group.

 

 

Either let the relationship go or talk to her. And that conversation starts with you admitting to what you've done and explaining how it made you feel. She can decide whether to tell you the truth and whether to trust you after you broke her trust through snooping.

[Frank2thepoint]

We are at that stage to be honest, how would i get her into discussing this with me, because i need to know?

 

Your obsession with needing to know signals the demise of the relationship. You don't trust her, regardless of what she says and what she shows you on her phone. You'll even think she has deleted messages to prove her innocence. What you really need to know is what are you holding on to. You can try to trust her, but you really don't. You want her to be with you, but from her flirty text messages, she isn't just thinking of you. Like I said, just break off the relationship because if you continue on, it will get ugly with lots of arguments and resentment.

[autumnnight]

Here's a question....does nayone, OP included, even KNOW if she sent a nude?

 

All this stuff about investigations and VARs and PIs that comes out when we are all just speculating blows my ever-loving mind.

[forest97]

Just to let everyone know, she deleted the texts that I could not remember for some reason, I found some other stuff from this guy in her snapchat chat thing, I think they may have been "dirty" towards each other before she met me, which she said she never had done. Maybe she's embarrassed by this, and was saying no to not ruin our relationship? I don't mind this as this was before me.

 

However in January, I found that this guy was almost forcing her to have "fun" on her snapchat, either pictures or talking dirty. Some of her messages were not on there however, but she kept saying no to him, and making excuses like going to bet, to which he was saying things like "no go sleep in another 30 minutes" he also said "don't say it's cheating because you know its bull" What are your opinions on this? And should i say something to this guy?

 

Also i wanted to post the screenshots i got of this so people can see what was actually put, is this possible?

[PaperCrane]

Just to let everyone know, she deleted the texts that I could not remember for some reason, I found some other stuff from this guy in her snapchat chat thing, I think they may have been "dirty" towards each other before she met me, which she said she never had done. Maybe she's embarrassed by this, and was saying no to not ruin our relationship? I don't mind this as this was before me.

 

However in January, I found that this guy was almost forcing her to have "fun" on her snapchat, either pictures or talking dirty. Some of her messages were not on there however, but she kept saying no to him, and making excuses like going to bet, to which he was saying things like "no go sleep in another 30 minutes" he also said "don't say it's cheating because you know its bull" What are your opinions on this? And should i say something to this guy?

 

Also i wanted to post the screenshots i got of this so people can see what was actually put, is this possible?

 

It's over dude, I'm sorry. Don't post anything, it will help nothing. A girl you're with is interacting with a guy who was a past lover or whatever he was in a way that isn't appropriate to a relationship. She won't stop talking to him when what he's after is obvious and she considers it on a cheating level, so regardless of what it is she's doing with him it's wrong.

[forest97]

It's over dude, I'm sorry. Don't post anything, it will help nothing. A girl you're with is interacting with a guy who was a past lover or whatever he was in a way that isn't appropriate to a relationship. She won't stop talking to him when what he's after is obvious and she considers it on a cheating level, so regardless of what it is she's doing with him it's wrong.

 

Well from the recent stuff, he kept on at her to do this stuff, be it dirty talk or pictures or whatever. From her replies to him she kept saying no, but he kept saying to do it, I obviously will have no proof of if she has as it was on snapchat, but she promised me she hadn't and in January she was saying no to him, but it sounded like he was forcing it upon her, and tried claiming doing so was not cheating. She even told me that sending nudes and flirting is cheating.

 

Also the other day, i was with her for the week, he snapped her saying he broke his nose, she asked how and he said how. Then she put haha, he tried to continue with the conversation, but she ignored it. I told her how it makes me feel, she says nothing has/will happen what should i do about him?

[forest97]

It's over dude, I'm sorry. Don't post anything, it will help nothing. A girl you're with is interacting with a guy who was a past lover or whatever he was in a way that isn't appropriate to a relationship. She won't stop talking to him when what he's after is obvious and she considers it on a cheating level, so regardless of what it is she's doing with him it's wrong.

 

Oh and the screenshots are of the conversation, i can block names out etc. there are no nudes.

[autumnnight]

It's over dude, I'm sorry. Don't post anything, it will help nothing. A girl you're with is interacting with a guy who was a past lover or whatever he was in a way that isn't appropriate to a relationship. She won't stop talking to him when what he's after is obvious and she considers it on a cheating level, so regardless of what it is she's doing with him it's wrong.

 

How do we even know this? Sounds like she was telling the guy NO repeatedly, and everything else people are wigging over are things nobody even knows that the OP is just speculating about.

[forest97]

How do we even know this? Sounds like she was telling the guy NO repeatedly, and everything else people are wigging over are things nobody even knows that the OP is just speculating about.

 

Any advice to get this guy to stop?

[Diezel]

Any advice to get this guy to stop?

 

She has to get him to stop. And since she apparently doesn't care to (Since JANUARY!?!?), it's safe to assume that maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

[PaperCrane]

How do we even know this? Sounds like she was telling the guy NO repeatedly, and everything else people are wigging over are things nobody even knows that the OP is just speculating about.

 

His trust is lost. She continues to converse after telling the person to stop. They take it to a place where any and all evidence of what may or may not have happened gets erased in seconds. It is just as easy to text a selfie. She's lied about her past with this man. It doesn't matter if nudes were sent, or not. It has gotten to the point that the OP had to come online and ask for advice from total strangers about the scenario.

 

Why would she keep talking to someone she has to keep telling no? If I had someone I had to keep telling no for crotch shots or whatnot while in a relationship I'd quickly cut all contact unless I wanted to pursue something with that person at another time.

 

The whole thing is a drama filled bubble ready to pop.

 

Actually, that's an idea. Just go pop the bubble OP. Just lay everything out and be 100% honest. If you don't like the fact they talk it will always be a thorn in your side.

[forest97]

His trust is lost. She continues to converse after telling the person to stop. They take it to a place where any and all evidence of what may or may not have happened gets erased in seconds. It is just as easy to text a selfie. She's lied about her past with this man. It doesn't matter if nudes were sent, or not. It has gotten to the point that the OP had to come online and ask for advice from total strangers about the scenario.

 

Why would she keep talking to someone she has to keep telling no? If I had someone I had to keep telling no for crotch shots or whatnot while in a relationship I'd quickly cut all contact unless I wanted to pursue something with that person at another time.

 

The whole thing is a drama filled bubble ready to pop.

 

Actually, that's an idea. Just go pop the bubble OP. Just lay everything out and be 100% honest. If you don't like the fact they talk it will always be a thorn in your side.

 

How would you suggest i talk to her about this? She hasn't really spoken to him for a few weeks now, i don't think properly

[forest97]

She has to get him to stop. And since she apparently doesn't care to (Since JANUARY!?!?), it's safe to assume that maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

 

She goes to school/college with him and sees him everyday so she said it would be awkward not to talk, but she says she loves me and only, she admitted to flirting with him before me but not during. Is there anyway to post the conversations on here to allow people to understand them a bit better, and to see if its me overthinking?