Dybbuk Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) ] I think you might be right, but at the same time, I feel like if I did that..this lets the last guy win. Like I'm just suppose to take time off being happy or dating just because the last jerk screwed me over. It's like he gets to "win"--he gets his ex girlfriend, and I get to be alone AND bitter. What a win-win for everyone(sarcasm): "I have to take time off dating" yet he gets to go on, and be happy. Nah. lol. OK don't take this the wrong way but this way of thinking is destructive to yourself. The last ex is happy regardless if you're happy, if you're miserable, if you're dating and bitter toward men, or taking time of to self heal and get yourself in a proper state of mind to date. He's happy with his ex. So why give a crap about him anymore? Why waste anymore time thinking about what he 'wins'. He isn't thinking about you anymore, and I bet you don't cross his mind nearly as he crosses yours. So instead of telling yourself "I was hurt and it sucks. I'm alone and really frustrated with men/dating. I need to find my center again, and rekindle happiness in my life before I date someone new."... you're telling yourself "I'm not going to let him win. I'm going to date at all costs. Lead people on, act like a jerk myself, and grow even more frustrated because this guy who probably doesn't even think about what I'm doing anymore can't WIN." Marinate in that. Pick up a new activity that lets you get all this negative energy out. Kick boxing, running, yoga... whatever. Being bitter and hurting other people isn't going to make you happy, and the jackass from the past certainly still 'wins' by being happy regardless of what you do. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 You don't have to drink alcohol if you go out for a drink. Most pubs and bars (at least in the UK) have the option of soft drinks or tea or coffee. However, I don't think the drink is the real issue; you just don't feel any chemistry with this guy. Why not say you don't feel the two of you clicked and that it's best to leave it? I know it's not easy but if you don't feel anything and he's on the rebound anyway, what is the point in another meeting? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 All of this is true. I went, paid for my own yogurt, and it was actually okay. He was more attractive then I remembered him being, but mostly I just don't care. When we left, it was awkward. I'm pretty sure it's just me--it's not guys, it's just me that's awkward. The conversation was way better than the first date. The next day he texted me. A little texting back and forth. And then I replied, and he just *poof* never responded. Like disappeared... Hasn't said a word since. Seems flaky on his part, and I'm apathetic on my part, so it's all for the best. Another one over and done with! Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 You shouldn't have said yes in the first place to a 2nd get together. If you are to go on this date, there is nothing wrong with having a non alcoholic beverage in a bar. I do it all the time. But if you don't want to see him, just cancel the date and say you're not feeling it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 All of this is true. I went, paid for my own yogurt, and it was actually okay. He was more attractive then I remembered him being, but mostly I just don't care. When we left, it was awkward. I'm pretty sure it's just me--it's not guys, it's just me that's awkward. The conversation was way better than the first date. The next day he texted me. A little texting back and forth. And then I replied, and he just *poof* never responded. Like disappeared... Hasn't said a word since. Seems flaky on his part, and I'm apathetic on my part, so it's all for the best. Another one over and done with! But why go through all that? You could just respond to his initial text post first date with "After our date, I didn't feel any chemistry, so best of luck!" The worst example yet was the woman who agreed to dates and re-scheduled for five years straight because she didn't just want to be honest with the guy. Personally, spending ten seconds to text a rejection is way better than investing so much time and energy in a charade. I mean you even engaged the guy in more texting after the second keeping up appearances fake date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 But why go through all that? You could just respond to his initial text post first date with "After our date, I didn't feel any chemistry, so best of luck!" The worst example yet was the woman who agreed to dates and re-scheduled for five years straight because she didn't just want to be honest with the guy. Personally, spending ten seconds to text a rejection is way better than investing so much time and energy in a charade. I mean you even engaged the guy in more texting after the second keeping up appearances fake date. Agreed. When I did online dating, there were plenty of times guys cancelled our 1st date at the last minute, or cancelled our 2nd date because they just weren't interested. I'm glad they didn't waste my time agreeing to see me again when they weren't interested, because if they had, that would have led me to believe they were interested. I can't believe the games people play where online dating is concerned. Just be honest with the person that you're not interested. Why is that so hard for people to do? I wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 The problem is OP is hurt by the last guy she's dated. He's over her, and dating again. She feels almost obliged to go on dates even though she's clearly not ready to date again. OP, this will backfire. I know it hurts to get over someone, but it's necessary to take the time to heal, otherwise you're wasting your (and others) time, and it's not fair for anyone. I had a breakup last June and only now I feel my heart is open again. It sucks to spend this time alone in suffering, but there's not much you can do. Going on dates with people you don't care about won't heal your heart or make you feel happier or more confident. Man do it, they date right away and move on, but we can't do it usually. We need time. Take some months off, do things you like until you feel ready - and want - to go on dates again. ] I think you might be right, but at the same time, I feel like if I did that..this lets the last guy win. Like I'm just suppose to take time off being happy or dating just because the last jerk screwed me over. It's like he gets to "win"--he gets his ex girlfriend, and I get to be alone AND bitter. What a win-win for everyone(sarcasm): "I have to take time off dating" yet he gets to go on, and be happy. Nah. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 No she does not have to go on the date.... she's her own person and has the right to change her mind or cancel at anytime, she owes him nothing. Besides, she's only had one date with him. Some of you peeps act like she's been married to the guy for ten years, lol! And what is a sympathy date worth? All it will do is waste his time, money, and get his hopes up even more. Just cut contact with him or tell him you met somebody else and want to see where it goes. A woman can say "no" anytime. If you don't like the process of dating, the natural cat-and-mouse game, then find your lover and get out of the dating pool. Cry me a river! Link to post Share on other sites
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