Pregnant and he left me.. :(

[ZiggyZoo]

I'm in MI, and the state will go after non-custodial parents for you. They don't mess around! Who enforces the support for your oldest? But at any rate, I can't see anyone blaming you for just cutting him out entirely. Shoot, that way he'd have to petition the court to make you do a DNA test on the baby, then go back and ask for visitation. All of which takes money and time.and if he doesn't want to be a father at all, chances are he won't even bother. That's the route I'm taking, unless my ex really makes some serious effort here

 

As far as getting OK with everything...I'd say maybe two months before I wasn't absolutely consumed by either hating him, or crying. Beginning of February. But I still get sad and miss him, I'm just to a place now where I can handle it. I think a big part of this is because I went through something MUCH worse a few years ago when my daughters' dad left me. That completely kicked me in the a*s. But I know that if I survived that then I can do this. And so can you, I'm happy to help. But be prepared to be a mess for a bit. Pregnancy hormones don't help at all!

 

Something else, I have depression, and I've been on meds for about three months. If you have had it, I'd highly recommend getting ahold of your Dr and letting him/her know what's going on. I wish I had sooner, it really helped me with dealing with everything.

[MommytoBe]

Im in CA and we're such a liberal state Im surprised we dont have something like this.. I went through the child support agency for my oldest, but my sons father has a more stable career, etc. This one i chose, I didn't use the best of decisions. -___-

Im not sure if he will want to be in his kids life or not, at this point, i dont think so, although times and situations may change, but i feel like im kinda over it because I expected it in a sense, in a weird way.

 

Crazy how you say that about my ex, because that is how i feel about him. I never loved anyone before him and he broke my heart years ago and ive never been the same, i have never stopped taking him back NO MATTER WHAT he has done, so maybe that's part of the issue honestly, me being too forgiving thinking that something might change, when in reality, NOTHING will change!

 

I have that same feelings too, like if i survived what he put me through before, where im SURE i was depressed but was in denial and wouldnt get any meds and i lost 35 LBS in 6 months (i was only 145 at the time too). It took me FOREVER to get over him the first time and NOW, oh look, here i am again, like an idiot and now im pregnant. wahhhh...

 

Two months is a long time, but i think without contact it will be fine because honestly i kind of resent him for what he did. i feel betrayed and i think i am more angry than anything. like i havent cried today, i havent anything today.

 

His girlfriend egged my house last night.. UGHHHHHHHHH

[ZiggyZoo]

I tell you, I am 38 years old and haven't been in any sort of fight for about 20 years, but I seriously would make an exception for that piece of trash. The one my ex left me for was like that in a way, every time I'd see her, she was wearing some of his clothes. Or she'd answer hisphone and ask what I needed from him. It pissed me OFF until my therapist said she was probably a bit insecure, since she knew she had latched onto a guy who would turn his back on his wife and kids like he had. So what was to prevent him from doing the same to her? That changed a lot for me, and I (admittedly a little immaturely) would say that to her when she started to pull her sh*t. I bet your exs trash is doing just the same. She knows that you have a connection to HER man no matter what she says or does. Of course, he'll likely be a jerk and not step up and be a father, and you don't really even want him, but there's some insecurity with her I bet. Just some thoughts, that sort of thing helped me a lot. If I can understand where someone is coming from it makes it easier to deal with them.

 

Anyway, I'm glad that you're angry. I like angry, it helps keep from doing sgtupid things like calling exs crying and begging for a second chance. I didn't get angry with this latest ex for at least a month, so you may be ahead of where I was there. You have a lotmore to be angry about too. Just direct it at him, not yourself.

[MommytoBe]

I dont even want to fight her. I feel like she broke up my family, well they both did. they both broke up my family.

 

Haha, im so weak that you said that to her. She doesn't want to hear what I have to say.. Apparently neither does he because he sure has not replied or even tried to contact me.

 

I dont understand where she or he is coming from, i'd never do this to anyone! Its so messed up!

 

I have far too much pride to call crying after he did this to me, but that doesnt mean im not crying still. i had a bad day today, yesterday was much better. Today ive been crying on and off....

 

Give me your strength.

[KatZee]

i would want him to be involved but i wouldnt want her involved.

 

No, actually you wouldn't want him to be involved.

 

The universe knows this, and it's why it took him away from you.

 

Anyone who says, abort my child or lose me, is NOT father material, and if you push past your emotions, I'm sure you can agree with this.

 

Some people are just not meant to be fathers. Sperm donors, sure. But fathers? It takes a certain kind of man to stand up and be there for a child. Some are cowards, immature, scared, or whatever else.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a catch either. Running back to an ex, allowing her to rub it in your face, we're not in junior high school here.

 

I'm sure even had he stuck around, he would have wound up leaving eventually, or been a pretty shoddy "dad."

 

My personal story:

 

My "father" left my mother when I was around 2-3 years old. I remember her trying the joint custody thing, I remember her dressing me up and me sitting on the chair by the front door waiting for him to show up. Sometimes he would show up, more often, he wouldn't.

 

When he did show up, I remember being in the car with him, and him rolling joints. I remember him holding his fist in my face when I made a smart remark once. (Keep in mind, these are memories from when I was around 3 years old, so for those people that say kids don't remember things, they do. And you don't want garbage father's leaving memories like this in the minds of children.)

 

My mother finally told him to F off. She hated seeing me sitting in that chair by the door all dressed up and waiting for hours for some deadbeat. She told him never to come back again and filed for child support, which was paid every single month, automatically coming out of his paycheck until I was 18 years old.

 

She met my stepdad, who I consider my actual father, not long after that. He married her, and raised me and took care of me as if I was his own. He didn't have to do that. Most men wouldn't do that. He's the best dad and neither my mother nor I miss the POS that left us in the beginning.

 

I grew up with lots of support, with a father who was able to help pay for college, a car, he taught me to ride my bike, taught me how to drive.

 

A few years ago I received a message on FB from a girl who claimed to be my "step sister." Turns out she was the child of my deadbeat dad, and her mom was the ex-girlfriend my deadbeat dad ran back to after he realized he couldn't be a father to me. This girl told me she hated him, and he ruined her life, and her mother's life. He always made promises and didn't follow through, he pulled the same crap with her that he did with me and my mother, except HER mother didn't have the balls to kick him to the curb. Instead, this girl grew up in a dysfunctional home, with a deadbeat father who was always half in, half out.

Edited March 26, 2015 by KatZee

[ZiggyZoo]

I dont even want to fight her. I feel like she broke up my family, well they both did. they both broke up my family.

 

Haha, im so weak that you said that to her. She doesn't want to hear what I have to say.. Apparently neither does he because he sure has not replied or even tried to contact me.

 

I dont understand where she or he is coming from, i'd never do this to anyone! Its so messed up!

 

I have far too much pride to call crying after he did this to me, but that doesnt mean im not crying still. i had a bad day today, yesterday was much better. Today ive been crying on and off....

 

Give me your strength.

 

You've got plenty of strength, trust me. You are handling this beautifully, you are calmer than I was for sure. I made such an ass of myself...now is the time for you to just process everything and cry it out. You'll have bad days and better ones, but you're doing just what you need to be doing. This is a huge shock. But you're going to be great.

[stillafool]

This guy was going to be with his ex anyway. He just wants you to abort because he doesn't want to pay 18 years of child support. He is trying to trick you into an abortion so he doesn't have to pay. She didn't break you guys up he did. He is a sorry excuse for a man and your baby is better off without him but he isn't getting away with jack because he will have to pay 18 years of support whether they like it or not.

[MommytoBe]

That's a very good point, i guess eventually, everything that shouldn't be there, leaves...

 

Yes, I can- its like beyond hurtful that someone can say Kill my child after you specifically stated you wouldn't and couldn't. Boy, how I hope things change..

Not a catch..

 

My personal story:

 

OMG, that is so horrible about your dad and the fact that you remember that. I cannot imagine sitting and waiting and hoping.. What a terrible dad!! Who does drugs around their own children??

Good for the child support thing!!

 

See that is such a beautiful story about love and meeting someone who really cares..

 

See I never had ANY of that as a child, none, so I guess I grew up before my time..

 

She wrote you an email to say she hated you? haha! Real mature! But that had nothing to do with you, it had to do with him. That's what some kids/adults dont understand- you cant blame their family, you have to blame the dad- it is the DAD's fault for not stepping up and being a good role model! Not the innocent wife or children!!!! Hope all is well for you now!

[MommytoBe]

Yesterday was such a BAD BAD day for me, i cried most of the day, but my bday is tomorrow so I am trying to be as strong as possible... it still hurts though, i think im doing ok because i have no choice. :/ im still shooting for your level.

 

See and I don't think he is right for what he did, but before me being pregnant, he wasn't speaking to her or anything and a little while after i told him no abortion, he reached out to her and reconnected, like he was hoping i would be so devestated ALONE that I would end the pregnancy to keep him, sadly, for all three of us involved, actually 4 because my son loved him too, he was sadly mistaken.

[ZiggyZoo]

Sometimes you've got to do one day, one hour, shoot..15 minutes at a time. I would go back to bed on some days for a few minutes and "restart" my day. You have every right to be sad and cry, don't feel bad for it. Crying every day is perfectly expected.

 

I'm having a "cry all day" day too. I get it every once in a while where I just absolutely miss my ex and am just really sad. Don't be discouraged though, it's different and easier to handle then where you are right now. But it still happens to all of us

[KatZee]

My personal story:

 

She wrote you an email to say she hated you? haha! Real mature! But that had nothing to do with you, it had to do with him. That's what some kids/adults dont understand- you cant blame their family, you have to blame the dad- it is the DAD's fault for not stepping up and being a good role model! Not the innocent wife or children!!!! Hope all is well for you now!

 

Not to say she "hated me" but to tell me that when she was growing up she did. She said she was always jealous of me because she thought he was being a crappy dad to her, and being an amazing dad to me!!!

 

Every time he walked out on them, she thought he was going back to me. She always wondered what I had that she didn't.

 

When she found out the truth, that no, he left me at 3 yrs old and never came back, she was mind blown. Apparently that POS had told so many lies about my mother/me to her and her mother.

 

As a result of that, she cut him out of her life and she doesn't allow any contact from him, or with her current kids.

 

But long story short: I grew up pretty much undamaged by him. She? Not at all. She's a mess to this day. She trusts no one. So, keep crappy sperm donor away from you and your unborn baby!!!

[MommytoBe]

Ziggy - I had an OK weekend. He called to tell me he wasn't really with her and was lying just to piss me off to try to get me to have an abortion. Like LORD. please, i can't take anymore. We then fought all day Sunday... like,

 

Pointless. He told me to call him when the baby is born... Today was just a bad day, I've been in the worst mood- sad and angry... ughhhh

 

Katzee- Still immature instead of reaching out to you? Like an adult? And her thoughts were wrong of course.. And at the end of the day, it's his loss!

I dont know what to do.. He said he wants to be involved with the baby just not me because im forcing him to be a father..

 

everything is so ridiculous....

[darkmoon]

Right, i NEVER understood why she wanted to talk to me? Like IM PREGNANT... why would you even want to speak with me?

 

She lied and said she was pregnant and then said all types of stuff. I was just like alright, well I hope you feel good about yourself being with a man who left his pregnant girlfriend of like 5+ years because she wouldnt have an abortion for him.

 

I REFUSE to let anyone have control over my body, period.. This is my baby and I will love my baby no matter what. I do hope that he feels some type of guilt at some point for doing this to me, but my child and I are truly the innocent party in this and we've done nothing wrong. I only tried to protect its life..

 

be flattered, she sees you as a threat, i would not send a pic like that, any more than you would, she is dramatising in her imagination as you and him were once an item and not all exes are liked, some are resented, see she wants to rile you, bitchy that

 

i think you should look out for local mommy and baby/toddler groups and have a nice time with new ppl

[ZiggyZoo]

Ziggy - I had an OK weekend. He called to tell me he wasn't really with her and was lying just to piss me off to try to get me to have an abortion. Like LORD. please, i can't take anymore. We then fought all day Sunday... like,

 

Pointless. He told me to call him when the baby is born... Today was just a bad day, I've been in the worst mood- sad and angry... ughhhh

 

Katzee- Still immature instead of reaching out to you? Like an adult? And her thoughts were wrong of course.. And at the end of the day, it's his loss!

I dont know what to do.. He said he wants to be involved with the baby just not me because im forcing him to be a father..

 

everything is so ridiculous....

 

Oh, man...I'm so sorry. What a complete ass. Why would he even think that lying (yeah right) and having that girl act like that would make you change your mind? Were you supposed to suddenly see how desirable he is, now that another girl wanted him, and just go ahead and have an abortion so he'd take you back. I can't even right now, he's too ridiculous.

 

I'm sending some great big hugs and lots of support. Hopefully things will settle down once the shock of you being pregnant and keeping the baby sinks in. Luckily for you, every time he shows his ass, it makes it easier to not miss him, huh? I don't know what makes some people act like that, you surely don't deserve it.

 

I'm hoping the rest of the week goes well for you. Ignore him as best as possible, and I'm here!

[Tayla]

When you both spoke of a family, how far into the future was this being planned? Did you both decide on birth control?

 

I ask this because it sounds to me that he was taken off guard on this eminent arrival. Give him time.... he is the biological parent . His reference to abortion may not be your cup of tea, its a knee jerk reaction that some guys consider the resolution. ( not making excuses, trying to bring some optional understanding)

 

He will come around .... just keep the focus on your health and your other child.

 

I walked your path.... and it turned out okay.... had to give the other person time to come to terms with where they saw themselves in the parent role.

 

Since you do have a support system... lean on them... they will see you thru this.

[Auspecial]

Been dating on and off for 5+ years. I am 27, have 1 son, 8, he has no children and is 26.

Found out I was pregnant on Valentines day, told him and he seemed to be supportive.

 

Between then and now, he has been seeing his ex behind my back and lying to me and he blames it on me and the baby as to why he is doing this.

 

Fast forward to now, I am almost 10 weeks pregnant and he wants nothing to do with me. Him or the baby is my only choice.

 

 

Tells me if I don’t get an abortion, he is going back to his ex-girlfriend and that the baby is destroying our relationship.

Says if I do get an abortion, we can work things out and move back in together and maybe one day we’ll have a family when HES ready.

 

I want my baby, I love kids, I love my unborn baby, but I feel so stuck and hurt and betrayed. He’s giving every single excuse in the world and now says if I decide to keep the baby to just not talk to him at all, like only contact him if I want to have an abortion.

 

His family is supportive of me, my family is supportive of me, all my friends are supportive of me- but he hates me now and I feel like this is both our responsibility and both of our jobs, not just mine.

 

I am so heartbroken and I have no idea how to handle this. I am NOT going to get an abortion but I don’t know how to emotionally go through this alone.

 

I just don’t know what to do……

 

Any advice, support, anything... help please..

 

 

 

I am soooo sorry and sad this is happening to you!!!!

 

its terrible.

 

You do not deserve this.

[Auspecial]

Ziggy - I had an OK weekend. He called to tell me he wasn't really with her and was lying just to piss me off to try to get me to have an abortion. Like LORD. please, i can't take anymore. We then fought all day Sunday... like,

 

Pointless. He told me to call him when the baby is born... Today was just a bad day, I've been in the worst mood- sad and angry... ughhhh

 

Katzee- Still immature instead of reaching out to you? Like an adult? And her thoughts were wrong of course.. And at the end of the day, it's his loss!

I dont know what to do.. He said he wants to be involved with the baby just not me because im forcing him to be a father..

 

everything is so ridiculous....

 

This is sad AND ridiculous!

 

I am so sorry this is happening to you!

[dreamingoftigers]

Ziggy - I had an OK weekend. He called to tell me he wasn't really with her and was lying just to piss me off to try to get me to have an abortion. Like LORD. please, i can't take anymore. We then fought all day Sunday... like,

 

Pointless. He told me to call him when the baby is born... Today was just a bad day, I've been in the worst mood- sad and angry... ughhhh

 

Katzee- Still immature instead of reaching out to you? Like an adult? And her thoughts were wrong of course.. And at the end of the day, it's his loss!

I dont know what to do.. He said he wants to be involved with the baby just not me because im forcing him to be a father..

 

everything is so ridiculous....

 

Seriously, I hope that you are documenting all of this and preparing to go for child support.

 

Don't delay that. You could have birth complications and need the money right away! etc etc.

[dreamingoftigers]

Ziggy - I had an OK weekend. He called to tell me he wasn't really with her and was lying just to piss me off to try to get me to have an abortion. Like LORD. please, i can't take anymore. We then fought all day Sunday... like,

 

Pointless. He told me to call him when the baby is born... Today was just a bad day, I've been in the worst mood- sad and angry... ughhhh

 

Katzee- Still immature instead of reaching out to you? Like an adult? And her thoughts were wrong of course.. And at the end of the day, it's his loss!

I dont know what to do.. He said he wants to be involved with the baby just not me because im forcing him to be a father..

 

everything is so ridiculous....

 

Did no one ever explain to this poor, tortured soul what happens when you put a penis in a vagina?

[TunaCat]

He said he wants to be involved with the baby just not me because im forcing him to be a father..

 

Wait, WHAT???? You're FORCING him to be a father? What exactly did he think would happen? Your boyfriend is an idiot.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wait, WHAT???? You're FORCING him to be a father? What exactly did he think would happen? Your boyfriend is an idiot.

 

A real special kind of idiot!

 

They don't even make that model of idiot anymore (hopefully).

[Throldur]

Realizing there are horrible guys like that out in the world and I'm single/got dumped and traded in for someone else?

 

This world doesn't make sense sometimes..

 

You definitely dodged a bullet, though. This guy is not exhibiting any qualities of someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[MommytoBe]

So, back story. almost 11 weeks pregnant, found out on Vday, ex told me baby or him, then he told me baby or his ex. He ended up leaving me because he said I destroyed our relationship by keeping the baby and is now with her.

so yesterday, i found out he bought her two rings and a dog and proposed to her...

 

like he's never done a thing for me and i am literally having a nervous breakdown- i am trying my hardest to like function but i can barely make it through the day.

 

I dont understand why this is all happening to me and i feel like i dont deserve it. i really dont know how to fix things or fix myself.. i am having a breakdown...

[MommytoBe]

I know. i am having an extremely rough day today.

 

i dont know why its bothering me but he bought her two rings, proposed to her and bought her a dog.. and of course she had to send that to me. like i can barely function...

 

i dont know what to do....

[dreamingoftigers]

I know. i am having an extremely rough day today.

 

i dont know why its bothering me but he bought her two rings, proposed to her and bought her a dog.. and of course she had to send that to me. like i can barely function...

 

i dont know what to do....

 

Block her and him completely.

 

 

Seriously. These people are making each other happy by making others miserable. That's how they bond.

 

 

It works well until one turns on the other.

 

 

And given how miserable of a bastard he is, he'll take back those rings and probably tell her to put the dog down because she's "forcing" him to be a pet owner. I give it two years, maximum.

 

 

These things fizzle out when they are so intensely stupid so quickly.