The female "I want to live alone" alumni

[Toodaloo]

Sorry I have not read any of the other responses to this thread but just wanted to tell you how I felt before I married and was single. I loved living alone because I could do whatever I wanted. I could decorate my place the way I wanted, spend my money on what I wanted, go out any time I wanted, go on vacations with my gfs who were single any time we wanted, sleep in my beautiful bed as long as I wanted. It was wonderful I can't deny but; I wouldn't trade life with my husband for anything in this world.

 

...I don't want to trade it for anyone elses husband either.

 

Sorry couldn't resist! See there is still hope...

[writergal]

Lucky you to get 4... There have only been two that have come close for me.

 

Admit it you have recently started a collection of purple hats...!

 

Um, that would be red hats dear. 3 so far!!! Goes well with my eye color.

[Toodaloo]

Um, that would be red hats dear. 3 so far!!! Goes well with my eye color.

 

Snort.

 

I was about to go to the loo and cry pathetically until I read that! Thank you! Bad day today... Very bad day...

 

I really am becoming a crusty old fart...

 

At least I am not the skid marks of humanity though.

[KBarletta]

I think the fear that you will be alone forever is a natural byproduct of an emotional breakup of a marriage or long-term relationship. I feel this way currently, five months into my separation from my wife. I am hoping it doesn't last.

 

For me, personally, the issue is trust. I trusted my wife more than any woman I have ever met (or man for that matter). I truly believed that no matter what, she would never hurt me and we would always find a way to work things out. Turns out that trust was misplaced. She hurt me and was not interested in trying to work things out. It will be very difficult (I won't say impossible) for me to get to that level of trust with a woman again. This may mean that I will be alone forever, or it may mean that my expectations of what I will get out of a relationship will have to change. Maybe no more marriage, but that doesn't mean no intimacy, and doesn't mean "alone" forever, just not together in the way I thought I would be before.

 

I'm not sure whether the women you are asking have that same issue, but I suspect that if they've been betrayed, and recently, the idea of rebuilding trust is a huge roadblock in the way of a relationship, and one that maybe has them thinking it's just better to stay single forever.

 

Forever is a long time, but when you're newly single, it's hard to see past the fog of the current breakup, which seems like it's going to last forever.

[writergal]

Snort.

 

I was about to go to the loo and cry pathetically until I read that! Thank you! Bad day today... Very bad day...

 

I really am becoming a crusty old fart...

 

At least I am not the skid marks of humanity though.

 

Well if you need a laugh, I can tell you about the time I got stranded during my Cat Bells Walk or was it Maiden Moor (I can't remember which one as I was drenched in fear for being lost) in a thunderstorm and there was some goats. So honestly, I knew I was in Keswick and on top of a large fell and there were goats. And dang if those goats didn't have good GPS tracking because they chased me down the fell all the way to the road that lead me back to my friends, who were looking for me.

 

And my god woman you are not the skid marks of humanity. I've met a few people who qualify as that, and trust me, you're nowhere near that.

[Toodaloo]

Goats! I love goats! They are feisty as anything! They were obviously trying to send you on your way after all you clearly don't have enough fur on you for those weather conditions!!!

 

I know I am not the skuzzy marks yet but I often think I must be projecting something if only weird men and those looking to cheat on their wives want me. I figure just keep myself to myself. I was feeling good and ready to go and enjoy it again but now I just feel shattered, fed up and grumpy.

 

God alone knows what - I am a rugger shirt and jeans girl. So no heals, hardly a scrap of make up even when I do wear it. Speak with a middle/ upper class accent (the drunker I get the posher I get). I seem pretty bog standard really.

[BlueIris]

Okay ladies, please don't deny this. This disturbing trend is painfully obvious and I am very curious.

 

What is it about women these days that many of them would rather just live alone than be with a spouse or mate of some kind? ….

 

So, please be honest. What's up?

 

Ken

 

OP, Why do you see it as disturbing? We don’t do that much harm, don’t form gangs or terrorist groups, and I don’t think we hate people or hate men or anything like that. We’re a pretty productive and responsible lot who work, pay taxes, are good citizens and decent neighbors for the most part.

 

But seriously, if I live alone the rest of my life, it will be because I decide that I like being alone better than living with someone.

 

I lived with a husband and/or child(ren) for 27 years and now I have to catch up financially. My parents’ health has been an issue lately so I want to help them when asked or needed. I have friends, neighbors and family, so I do have companionship. I also really like being my weird freaky little self, unfettered and without judgment when I live alone. I love the ease and simplicity of living alone. My little home is just the right size and location for me, with an office and a guest room that’s used by visitors every month or so. Edited to add: Oh, and the financial benefit to living where I live is huge. I bought a bank-owned place that is ridiculously cheap to live in. Which raises the issue of finances- I would not want to live in a situation that was more expensive for me just to live with someone.

 

Now that I’m in a 7-month old relationship, I can see how I’ve gotten set in my ways and protective of my alone time. Like me, he has family and financial issues to resolve on his own before we’d live together. I hope this works out for us, but if it doesn’t, I bet I’ll be alone for the rest of my life and okay being that way. I haven’t met many men that I can imagine living with or would want to live with, only a couple in the past ten years. So I wouldn’t expect it to happen if this doesn’t work. I can imagine not looking again and deciding to be alone forever.

Edited March 23, 2015 by BlueIris

[pteromom]

Really, how would you feel to learn your spouse wished to be alone more than to be with you? I still have not decided if that's worse or better than them saying they would rather be with another person!

 

If someone really wishes to be alone, then why would they marry someone in the first place?

 

Ken

 

Because they have a dream/expectation about what they think married life and/or life with their partner will be like.

 

When they learn that reality is very different, they consider whether being alone would be better than the frustrations in their marriage.

 

People want to be who they are. When someone finds him/herself in a situation where they are sacrificing too much of who they are, they just want to be on their own, where they can be who they want to be with no input from a partner.

 

This isn't just true of women though - there are plenty of men who decide the frustrations of marriage aren't worth it too. A big difference though is in many cases, lack of sex is a problem for men in marriages, so they want to go out and find another woman or other women immediately.

 

At any rate, I know plenty of men and women who live happily alone.

[anika99]

This topic interests me as well.

 

I've been hurt, but I lived to love again.

 

Why are so many incapable of dusting themselves off and going in for another round?

 

Maybe it's personality type? I'm also an entrepreneur, adventurer and traveler. Willing to try and fail only to learn and try differently next time.

 

I have had 3 long term relationships. First one 8yrs, second one 8yrs and third one 10yrs. I have also had a couple of shorter 2yr relationships. I have had plenty of experience dusting myself off and going in for another round. I'm not choosing to be single because I've been hurt, or I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Nor am I bitter or resentful about my past relationships. I'm choosing to be single because I honestly prefer being single.

 

 

I am busy. I have a full time job, family, grandkids, pets, and hobbies. I wouldn't be a very good gf as I don't feel like I could make enough time for a romantic relationship without sacrificing somewhere else and I don't want to. It's my life and I'm happy with the way I'm choosing to live it.

[kenmore]

OP, Why do you see it as disturbing?... I hope this works out for us, but if it doesn’t, I bet I’ll be alone for the rest of my life and okay being that way. I haven’t met many men that I can imagine living with or would want to live with, only a couple in the past ten years. So I wouldn’t expect it to happen if this doesn’t work. I can imagine not looking again and deciding to be alone forever.

 

BlueIris, I don't want to pick on you, but your post is one of the easiest to illustrate my point, which you did all by yourself. I suspect my wife felt the exact same way you seem to be doing. Happy enough alone, couldn't really give a crap if it works out, ready to just quit after a few years if things don't go swimmingly, but hey, I think I'll test the waters with some nice guy I met, and see if it's all perfect.

 

It wasn't, she bailed, I'm left almost eight years older looking again, and can't even live in the house I had because it's occupied by tenants; but it's all ok, she has her old life back. All's well.

 

I'm not saying YOU are like that or would do that, I'm saying SHE is.

 

Experimenting should be left to scientists. I'm not focusing on Blue Iris anymore, I made my point there, but the consensus of this thread (which is what I was looking for) seems to be that it's just easier. Nobody wants to put their vulnerable asses out there and get them spanked.

 

I had a great marriage for seventeen years until she died. Great marriages happen all the time. It's not evil, really. My biggest mistake this time around was choosing a woman with commitment issues. Having had a great marriage once in my life, I know it's worth fighting for. I'll go out there, possibly find another woman who seems to want a long-term commitment but has a "meh" attitude, and may lose again. Maybe the next one will cheat on me, or maybe she will be as into a marriage as I am, and we can find real happiness! All I know is that if I sit in my glass house, I'll never find her.

 

I didn't make this thread to judge anyone despite being accused of that a few times, I wanted to know what made her tick. I think I know now, and it ain't pretty. Ok, maybe I am judging her, but I was doing that anyway. After losing seven years of my life to her and being tossed out with the trash, I think I deserve to be able to.

 

Kbarletta, yes there are trust issues and I feel them too, but they will never hold me back. That's emotional suicide IMO. Just because one woman bailed just because she really didn't give a crap about a relationship, doesn't mean the next one will. As I mentioned, I had a great marriage once, so at least I have that to learn from too. I don't have to do all my learning from this one incident.

 

BlueIris, I really did not mean to single you out and make you feel badly. My point was just easy to illustrate from your post, so I hope you forgive me and don't take it too personally. Hugs!

 

Ken

[loveweary11]

Ah, this might be some of it.

 

Different age groups. You're done. Tried it all, it didn't work out. Makes perfect sense. Thanks for explaining that.

 

Me? I'll go another round, but after that doesn't work, I'm with you, sister!

 

I have had 3 long term relationships. First one 8yrs, second one 8yrs and third one 10yrs. I have also had a couple of shorter 2yr relationships. I have had plenty of experience dusting myself off and going in for another round. I'm not choosing to be single because I've been hurt, or I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Nor am I bitter or resentful about my past relationships. I'm choosing to be single because I honestly prefer being single.

 

 

I am busy. I have a full time job, family, grandkids, pets, and hobbies. I wouldn't be a very good gf as I don't feel like I could make enough time for a romantic relationship without sacrificing somewhere else and I don't want to. It's my life and I'm happy with the way I'm choosing to live it.

[BlueIris]

Ken, It’s ok. No feelings hurt.

 

It sounds as though you do prefer to be in a relationship, so I hope that you find a terrific woman who wants that too.

 

I see nothing wrong with judging and being angry at your ex. I’m a mess after a break-up.

[kenmore]

Ken, It’s ok. No feelings hurt.

 

It sounds as though you do prefer to be in a relationship, so I hope that you find a terrific woman who wants that too.

 

I see nothing wrong with judging and being angry at your ex. I’m a mess after a break-up.

 

Hugs and thanks!! I wish you the best too in every aspect of your life and sincerely hope things work out for you and your lover.

 

xo

 

Ken

[NopeNah]

BlueIris, I don't want to pick on you, but your post is one of the easiest to illustrate my point, which you did all by yourself. I suspect my wife felt the exact same way you seem to be doing. Happy enough alone, couldn't really give a crap if it works out, ready to just quit after a few years if things don't go swimmingly, but hey, I think I'll test the waters with some nice guy I met, and see if it's all perfect.

 

It wasn't, she bailed, I'm left almost eight years older looking again, and can't even live in the house I had because it's occupied by tenants; but it's all ok, she has her old life back. All's well.

 

I'm not saying YOU are like that or would do that, I'm saying SHE is.

 

Experimenting should be left to scientists. I'm not focusing on Blue Iris anymore, I made my point there, but the consensus of this thread (which is what I was looking for) seems to be that it's just easier. Nobody wants to put their vulnerable asses out there and get them spanked.

 

I had a great marriage for seventeen years until she died. Great marriages happen all the time. It's not evil, really. My biggest mistake this time around was choosing a woman with commitment issues. Having had a great marriage once in my life, I know it's worth fighting for. I'll go out there, possibly find another woman who seems to want a long-term commitment but has a "meh" attitude, and may lose again. Maybe the next one will cheat on me, or maybe she will be as into a marriage as I am, and we can find real happiness! All I know is that if I sit in my glass house, I'll never find her.

 

I didn't make this thread to judge anyone despite being accused of that a few times, I wanted to know what made her tick. I think I know now, and it ain't pretty. Ok, maybe I am judging her, but I was doing that anyway. After losing seven years of my life to her and being tossed out with the trash, I think I deserve to be able to.

 

Kbarletta, yes there are trust issues and I feel them too, but they will never hold me back. That's emotional suicide IMO. Just because one woman bailed just because she really didn't give a crap about a relationship, doesn't mean the next one will. As I mentioned, I had a great marriage once, so at least I have that to learn from too. I don't have to do all my learning from this one incident.

 

BlueIris, I really did not mean to single you out and make you feel badly. My point was just easy to illustrate from your post, so I hope you forgive me and don't take it too personally. Hugs!

 

Ken

 

Dude...she was cheating on you with the real estate guy..She's not tying to live alone. She was looking for the next "best thing".

[beach]

I get to go where I want, with whoever I want for as long as I want whenever I want!

 

And I'm not tied at home cleaning the house on top of piles of laundry and a man to demand a five course meal every night.

 

I did all that - it's over! My kids are grown and it's time that I have some peace and relief.

 

 

What's not to like about it? I paid my dues and it's high time for me to relax the way I choose.

[kenmore]

Alright Ken,

 

I have not made a decision to be alone forever. I am thinking that is more than likely going to be my fate. I know I am still young, however, the pool of men that I have actually even considered dating is very small. I don't trust most people and all of experiences with men have been with the lying/cheating ones. I can't fathom that there are nice dudes out there that do not want to lie and would be okay with a crazy independent girl like me. I literally have never met one. Nor do I know a single person in my life in what I would consider to be a good relationship. (That scares me the most)

 

DB, that is a very eye opening post! You say you're young and I don't doubt it, but you feel you're already finished with men? OUCH! No offense, but you must have picked some real losers!

 

As for being independent and crazy, you don't know my STBX wife! Talk about crazy, but that's one of the things I loved about her! Notice I said "loved" at least I'm getting into the proper mindset.

 

There are tons of nice guys out there who don't f*cking lie! I know, I'm one of them. I know plenty of them. Sure we may lie and tell you your ass looks great in those pants, but would never lie to you about being unfaithful nor unhappy. BTW, from now on, I'm not lying about the pants either. That has been bothering me for weeks!

 

Hey Dark Bloom (if that's your real name), you can find true love, but need to keep on trying. Trust your first thoughts and your thoughts well into it. Your first glimpse at someone can tell you so much, have you noticed any memories of guys you dated and later hated when you had first glimpse warnings? Think back.

 

Anyway, there are plenty of great guys out there. Despite all the old sayings like "all the good ones are taken", there are plenty of new good ones born or divorcing every day! We're around, and yes, I do put myself into the category!

 

Hugs and xo!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Dude...she was cheating on you with the real estate guy..She's not tying to live alone. She was looking for the next "best thing".

 

LOL! She can have him! And thanks for remembering!

 

I don't know, last week she was wondering if he was having sex with his interns or *GASP* a homosexual relationship with me! LOL

 

I laughed and told her her humor is still fun, but in reflection, there was no affair. One of his interns whom I have gotten very friendly with says she was there at the meeting. It actually happened as she said. That was all a career change idea that fizzled.

 

But I so appreciate you remembering and thinking of me!

 

Ken

[NopeNah]

LOL! She can have him! And thanks for remembering!

 

I don't know, last week she was wondering if he was having sex with his interns or *GASP* a homosexual relationship with me! LOL

 

I laughed and told her her humor is still fun, but in reflection, there was no affair. One of his interns whom I have gotten very friendly with says she was there at the meeting. It actually happened as she said. That was all a career change idea that fizzled.

 

But I so appreciate you remembering and thinking of me!

 

Ken

 

Why in the hell are you still in contact with her?

[kenmore]

Why in the hell are you still in contact with her?

 

I'm a masochist! Didn't I mention that?

[NopeNah]

I'm a masochist! Didn't I mention that?

 

Just stop doing that to yourself. Go read my past threads from '09...Don't be me...please. Learn from other's past mistakes. Seriously.

[NopeNah]

I'm a good looking guy,in shape, have a few good companies,ect..Nothing matters once they leave...it all changes! Sure..my income is still the same...my lifestyle..differed a bit,with the partying and random's,but...they don't change until they want to. If they do,without some solid proof,it's a facade and should be treated as such. Seriously...look at my threads. If there was internet when I got my divorce the interwebs would have exploded!

[kenmore]

Yeah, it's kinda too late. Last week was me trying to sell her mother an annuity, and her trying to tell me to get away from Real estate guy, and she's probably right. I'ts not looking lucrative, but I don't need her to tell me that. We have stopped, and I have no intention of talking to her anymore.

 

I got her family into the annuity thing, so she's not "the voice" anymore.

 

Thanks for caring. I won't talk to her anymore unless it's a necessity; My step daughter in the hospital or that kind of thing...or of course the annuity.

 

I'll be ok. Take care!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Solid proof will be needed! No question about that! She will have to ask me to come back! I doubt that will happen, so no worries! :-)

[NopeNah]

Yeah, it's kinda too late. Last week was me trying to sell her mother an annuity, and her trying to tell me to get away from Real estate guy, and she's probably right. I'ts not looking lucrative, but I don't need her to tell me that. We have stopped, and I have no intention of talking to her anymore.

 

I got her family into the annuity thing, so she's not "the voice" anymore.

 

Thanks for caring. I won't talk to her anymore unless it's a necessity; My step daughter in the hospital or that kind of thing...or of course the annuity.

 

I'll be ok. Take care!

 

Ken

Sleep with the real estate guy asap! Talk about a mind ****!

[NopeNah]

That WAS a joke by the way....