barcode88 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 May I add another angle... You took a break to decide whether to dump her or not. Be careful! You might get a lesson that not everything is in your control and the "break" itself can cause a break up even if you decide to stay. She can "think" too while you're thinking... On one hand she hurt you. on the other hand, she immediately told you about it, and many others wouldn't tell you anything.. it's far, how could you find out? It implies she's honest. But when she sees your reaction she might learn her lesson "not to be honest with you" in order to not hurting you. I think that if you can live with what happen, don't ruin your R over this. And if you can't - well, you know what to do. It doesn't necessarily mean she's honest, she could have went a lot further but decided to downplay it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Panda, This girl and you are both 20.. You know what people who are 20 do alot? Get drunk and screw around. She already admitted to you she enjoyed the Grinding. In your first thread regarding this, you mentioned you didn't THINK you'd have to worry about her cheating. No Red Flag....She is Flying a Blood Red Zeppelin above your stadium like a Nuremberg Rally. Stevie Wonder can see this one coming. I doubt you know the half of what she did while camping.....She probably is trying to head you off at the pass before something else comes out about what went down. The Curb. Find the closest one and dump her off at it. This is a no brainer, man. You are 20. Life is way too short to waste your time on crap like this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Get used to it and accept that it's going to happen OR get rid of her. If she is just now having her sexual awakening by grinding her butt on some random dude's crotch then she's looking to have a fun, single life. You can let her go and go out and do the same thing or be crushed each time something like this happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Larry56 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Dump her. And make her beg for forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Well, if you have a problem with your GF rubbing her butt against a strangers groin in public, then yeah you should break up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) Man, how is this even a question? She told you she grinded on another dude and that she LIKED it. It doesn't matter if she was drunk. YES! Break up with her, she has no respect for you. Yes true she told you about it, but she also told you she liked it. If she loved you and was into you..she wouldn't be enjoying grinding on some other dude she doesn't even know. You can't trust her ever again, and she's also just plain disrespectful. Get rid of her, I actually see this as somewhat cheating. Also someone mentioned how she is 20 and people who are 20 get drunk and screw around. But no, her age is NO excuse. 20 year olds know right from wrong. When I was 20 yeah I got drunk and stuff, but I didn't go cheat on people or anything. Age isn't an excuse, she is 20 not 12. So to the OP, get rid of her. Then she can be free to go get wasted and grind on as many strangers as she wants. Go find a girl with actual self respect and who in turn also respects you. I get that she didn't seem like a cheater, but most cheaters don't seem like one until they cheat. Someone mentioned maybe she went to a camp to follow a specific guy,this might be true. I'd ask her who this guy was, and if she had known him prior to the camp. Don't get me wrong, you should still dump her, but you should still be curious as to HOW far her deception actually went. Trust me, if you know this chick went there specifically for some guy that she knew prior to the camp thing..it's going to make it a LOT easier for you to get over her. That sounds weird, but I think sometimes when a person cheats..well, finding out ALL the details can help you heal quicker, because it helps paint a clearer picture of the person you were with. So for example, if you are under the impression that maybe this was just a one time drunken thing..maybe you might have your doubts about leaving her, but if you know she PLANNED it...well, those doubts disappear. So I would dump her, but first I'd try to get more info about this guy and what exactly went down. Cheaters often do the whole "trickle truth" thing so, press her for more info. Edited March 26, 2015 by Spectre 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda95 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 - Gf was drunk - Gf danced with 4-5 girls. Then a guy. - Basically it was grinding type of dancing minus the touching. He put his hands on her waist for about 5 seconds until gf moved away. They danced without touching until the dude's dick touched gf's butt for about 3 seconds. Again gf moved away and dancing without touching resumed. - Gf told me all this herself and said I can ask the guy to confirm. She has no feelings for the guy. Dude looks 12 anyway. I personally don't consider that cheating but I do consider grinding with touching to be cheating. What do you guys think? And no I haven't broken up with her. I told her I'm not okay with it. She says she's giving up alcohol completely for herself. She is ashamed of this as she thinks it was a slutty to do and she could have stepped further or just not danced at all. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Is this the same incident as last time? What do you hope to learn that you didn't learn from your last thread? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Grinding is not cheating. It's disrespectful but it's not cheating. The way I view what you described is GF wanted to dance. That's it. While she was dancing with some guy he made two moves she did not like & she moved away from him. She did the right things, even under the influence. I suppose she could have walked off the dance floor but drunk people don't always make the best decisions. Here she at least made a good decision. If this was the same incident from when she was at camp, get over it & move forward. She didn't grind on him (a bigger problem); he tried to grind on her & she shut that behavior down to some extent. If it was 2nd incident, then you might have something to be concerned about. If you do stay together, take the girl dancing more. Clearly it's something she wants more of in her life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Nah, I wouldn't think too much about it OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Young, having a good time, attention whore, etc. All you can do is express your feelings about it, and set "relationship boundaries" as to what is appropriate and what is not. This is a normal thing that couples should discuss anyways. Communication is all you need. She is obviously regretful and is willing to change her behavior. You have nothing to worry about. BTW it's not cheating. She was moving away from the guy, it's all good. Women are faced with this kind of thing almost daily from guys. It can't be avoided 100%. We would have to stay in our house with the phone and computer off in order to stop it from happening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Take a break from each other and date other people. She's not ready for a committed relationship with you. She is still spreading her wild oats. You sound like a nice, safe guy...probably too tame and boring for her. So set her free. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Take a break from each other and date other people. She's not ready for a committed relationship with you. She is still spreading her wild oats. You sound like a nice, safe guy...probably too tame and boring for her. So set her free. Oh hardly... She backed off the other guy, its not like she had her hand in his pants. There is no evidence that this girl wants to spread her wild oats. If that were the case, she would have dumped him for being a control-freak... Getting her to quit drinking? Jeez.. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It sounds like she realizes and has admitted she made a mistake. It very well could be true remorse. It's promising at the very least. She not only confessed it to you, but also volunteered a behavioral change - no alcohol. Are you struggling to forgive her? Or is your primary concern that she may repeat this same behavior going forward? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda95 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Oh hardly... She backed off the other guy, its not like she had her hand in his pants. There is no evidence that this girl wants to spread her wild oats. If that were the case, she would have dumped him for being a control-freak... Getting her to quit drinking? Jeez.. Lol I didn't get her to do anything. She says she'll quit drinking regardless of whether she's with me or not. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Panda You didn't say whether this was the same camping incident or a 2nd event. That is important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda95 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Panda You didn't say whether this was the same camping incident or a 2nd event. That is important. Sorry, yes this was the same camp and not a 2nd event. I would most definetly have left her if it was a 2nd event. It sounds like she realizes and has admitted she made a mistake. It very well could be true remorse. It's promising at the very least. She not only confessed it to you, but also volunteered a behavioral change - no alcohol. Are you struggling to forgive her? Or is your primary concern that she may repeat this same behavior going forward? I WAS struggling to move past it but last night we were talking about it and that is when she told me that there was no touching involved. At that point, i was like "are you srs? you could've told me earlier as i don't have a problem with that at all" The entire time i was imagining a full on grinding session. Edited April 1, 2015 by Panda95 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sorry, yes this was the same camp and not a 2nd event. I would most definetly have left her if it was a 2nd event. I WAS struggling to move past it but last night we were talking about it and that is when she told me that there was no touching involved. At that point, i was like "are you srs? you could've told me earlier as i don't have a problem with that at all" The entire time i was imagining a full on grinding session. I'm sorry OP, but I think she's not being honest with you now. I think she's backpedaling and downplaying how much touching was involved to save her skin. She would've told you that to begin with if it were 100% true. Take this edited version with a giant boulder of salt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It was one incident. It was the 1st time she was that drunk. being drunk isn't an excuse but you have to look at the whole picture. She called you. She moved away from him. She's not responsible for his actions. You are getting the trickle truth thing because although you say you can handle the truth you can't and you are blowing this all out of proportion. Nothing she did warrants breaking up with her. Was her behavior perfect? No. Was it generally above board? Yes. Is she trustworthy? Yes. Are you overreacting? Yes. Because you can't get passed this & continue to harp on it, your relationship is over, not because of anything she did but because you are killing it. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I WAS struggling to move past it but last night we were talking about it and that is when she told me that there was no touching involved. At that point, i was like "are you srs? you could've told me earlier as i don't have a problem with that at all" The entire time i was imagining a full on grinding session. So, again, how did she like 'not grinding on someone who wasn't touching her stomach'? That doesn't make any sense. Why not just say "I liked dancing in front of this guy" if that's all it was? I agree with ExpatInItaly--she's backpedaling and changing her story now, a.k.a. lulling you into a stupor. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Lol I didn't get her to do anything. She says she'll quit drinking regardless of whether she's with me or not. LMFAO! Panda, I thought you were resolute in moving forward. But again you are back and have her bargaining with you after expounding on the whole experience. For somebody that was drunk and supposedly didn't know what she was doing at first, she sure has paid a lot of attention to detail... First she liked it Then her story changed Now she's gonna quit drinking Again, You two are 20. If I had a dollar for every time somebody came to this site and posted something to the effect that they were going to quit drinking for themselves or their significant other, an actually carried through with it in some "come to Jesus" moment, I'd be broke. Passive/Aggressive guys like you end up with the crap end of the stick literally every time. Just wait until you have your next blowout with her and in a moment of "confusion" she gets drunk and happens to stumble fully naked onto some guy's groin, through no fault of her own.... Your relationship should have already seen it's last sunrise. Quit looking for excuses to keep her around. Link to post Share on other sites
bob20 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I've been with two girls before, one for 5 years and one for 6.if that happened to me I would dump her. Why? Because even if someone does something so wrong, they should not outright say they enjoyed it. So either make her regret it or dump her. You don't even know if that was the full extend, the grinding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Lol I didn't get her to do anything. She says she'll quit drinking regardless of whether she's with me or not. I have some ocean front property in Ohio to sell ya, buddy. She's 20 and in college? Yeah, I also ride a unicorn to work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Oh hardly... She backed off the other guy, its not like she had her hand in his pants. There is no evidence that this girl wants to spread her wild oats. If that were the case, she would have dumped him for being a control-freak... Getting her to quit drinking? Jeez.. Why was she out drunk without her boyfriend and dancing with other dudes in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda95 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 I have some ocean front property in Ohio to sell ya, buddy. She's 20 and in college? Yeah, I also ride a unicorn to work. LOL. I'm from New Zealand. University = college for us. But i wrote college since most of this forum has an American audience. I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts