tinagrah Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I posted last year about how I ran to an ex I dumped, and I; well took most of the advice given to me here as well as the advice from friends and a therapist myself. Here is a link to that thread..not that you should care but even if I get embarrasing feedback it may help me sort out my feelings. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/461614-resentful-ex-fiancee-after-leaving-him-over-3-years-ago I got married last November to that same man mentioned in the above thread.. While I never shared with him what was going on again I did share it with a couple of close friends and a therapist I was seeing, I thought I was making progress..until Last night I missed my train and had to wait 55 mins for the next one and BOOM - Saw my ex at the station pub using his laptop and OMFG he looked even better. He was alone working on something on his laptop... I assured him I was not stalking him and he believed me, even was nicer than our last encounter (Although he didn't apologize for it.) I told him despite what happened years ago I never stopped loving him and my actions last year while selfish (Yes, I admit it) were also genuine..while I was bitter at his 180% turn around I was proud of him - the only difference is those proud moments he had in the past I was able to share with him, this one I was not. I don't look at his FB media (and have not even after our encounter last night) I do not ask about him, I try to get him out of my head and whenever a tv show comes on we used to watch or when I hear "I don't wanna miss a thing." by Aerosmith I just lose it and cry my eyes out. Tim is a wonderful man but..I don't know. I want to forget about my ex, I have taken the steps and every bit of advice to forget him and even before last night I think about him often. Before you say I should not have gotten married, I know in my heart he will never take me back and being with #2 is better than being alone. I am grateful to my husband and he's a wonderful man and it has nothing to do with him..I think who ever i married I would be going through this especially after the encounter last year. Will this pain ever go away, it's a nightmare because I dumped him - I did and said horrible things I can't take back and if I did have a choice we'd be back together. In back of my mind I wonder if I should tell my husband, I just don't know how he woud handle it just months after we got married. Thank you for hearing me out. - t
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 This is very messy. In my opinion you've been very unfair to your husband. Being with him because its 'better than being alone' is totally unfair. Go back into therapy, and make an effort to sort yourself out. 2
rebel Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Its a tough one. Moving on with other people is a coping mechanism for some but in a way, the person you 'move on' with (your husband) should have your full attention and love etc. I get the want to move on... I didnt get over my ex after 7 years until we ironically got back together (see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/356605-feelings-ex-after-6-years and comment if you have a miracle cure!) as we dont want to be alone, but maybe you should for a bit? Have you thought about being open and honest with your hubby and saying that although you love him, you have this baggage cloud hanging over your head and you need him to support you while you get through it?
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