Feelings for ex after 6 years

[rebel]

Hi all.

 

I wonder if there is anyone out there who has some advice or has a similar story to mine. 6 Years ago when I was 21, I was in a relationship with this girl. She was my everything. She was the first person I ever loved and my first.... yanno. We were together for about a year but a couple of things happened, as they do. She was young and a bit of a princess, and we had a couple of issues with our families. Despite loving each other, we decided to go our own ways and part.

 

The next few months were the worst of my life. I was miserable and inconsolable over what I had lost. I did EVERYTHING to try to get over her. I moved countries, went to counselling, dated right away then when that didn't work I forced myself to be single for 3 years as a different tactic, etc. Life has moved on but I still hear about what she is up to every now and again.

 

Its been 6 years and although I myself am engaged and have moved on, in my mind, she is still in my thoughts daily. I'm not sure if the feeling is "love", or if its sorrow/anger because her life has worked perfect for her and she seemed to leave the relationship 'emotion free'.

 

My feelings are becoming intense at the moment because.... she is getting married next month. I am ashamed at myself that I am literally bawling my eyes out over the prospect of a girl I haven't seen in 6 years and who I probably wont see ever again, getting married.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, has anyone been in a similar situation? Taken years and years to move on from a relationship but has been able to do it? If so, how? I have thought about hypnosis but I wouldn't know where to start.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening. I needed to vent :-)

[The dot]

Hi all.

 

I wonder if there is anyone out there who has some advice or has a similar story to mine. 6 Years ago when I was 21, I was in a relationship with this girl. She was my everything. She was the first person I ever loved and my first.... yanno. We were together for about a year but a couple of things happened, as they do. She was young and a bit of a princess, and we had a couple of issues with our families. Despite loving each other, we decided to go our own ways and part.

 

The next few months were the worst of my life. I was miserable and inconsolable over what I had lost. I did EVERYTHING to try to get over her. I moved countries, went to counselling, dated right away then when that didn't work I forced myself to be single for 3 years as a different tactic, etc. Life has moved on but I still hear about what she is up to every now and again.

 

Its been 6 years and although I myself am engaged and have moved on, in my mind, she is still in my thoughts daily. I'm not sure if the feeling is "love", or if its sorrow/anger because her life has worked perfect for her and she seemed to leave the relationship 'emotion free'.

 

My feelings are becoming intense at the moment because.... she is getting married next month. I am ashamed at myself that I am literally bawling my eyes out over the prospect of a girl I haven't seen in 6 years and who I probably wont see ever again, getting married.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, has anyone been in a similar situation? Taken years and years to move on from a relationship but has been able to do it? If so, how? I have thought about hypnosis but I wouldn't know where to start.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening. I needed to vent :-)

 

Here is what you need to do. Do all of these things or you are wasting your time.

 

1. Call off your engagement today. Your fiancé deserves to be with a guy who is fully committed to her, and that isn't you. This will save you the trouble of an inevitable divorce later.

 

2. Block any means you have of contacting this ex of yours, and make sure that you DON'T hear about what's going on in her life ever again.

 

3. Take whatever money you have, and get yourself into the best therapist you can afford, and DON'T LEAVE until you have solved all of your issues. You're not in love with that girl, but your ego is hurt because she moved on with her life without you. The part of your post that I've bolded above is proof of that. You need to resolve your own issues before attempting any serious relationships.

[rebel]

Thanks. I guess I never really looked at it as an "ego" thing. I really could use some more conselling though.

 

And normally, I'm ok. Well.... not Ok, but my thoughts about her are manageable. Its just this whole marriage thing that is really hurting me at the moment. I am totally capable of having a longterm commited relationship, I have been in one for 2 and a half years with my fiance. But I guess if I'm still upset over an ex, maybe I'm not.

 

Its just hard because I have worked soooooo hard to convince myself that I was ok. All the things I did to get over that relationship I REALLY tried. Why the hell did she have to go get married!!! grrrr

[The dot]

Thanks. I guess I never really looked at it as an "ego" thing. I really could use some more conselling though.

 

And normally, I'm ok. Well.... not Ok, but my thoughts about her are manageable. Its just this whole marriage thing that is really hurting me at the moment. I am totally capable of having a longterm commited relationship, I have been in one for 2 and a half years with my fiance. But I guess if I'm still upset over an ex, maybe I'm not.

 

Its just hard because I have worked soooooo hard to convince myself that I was ok. All the things I did to get over that relationship I REALLY tried. Why the hell did she have to go get married!!! grrrr

 

In answer to the last question, she got married because she found a guy that she likes better than she liked you. You need to accept that, because she's in the past. Even if she gets divorced in two or three years, the chances of her taking you back even then are somewhere between highly unlikely and impossible.

 

And it does reflect on your current relationship, because either your fiancé doesn't interest you enough to hold your attention, or you're still too cut up over this girl. Either way, your fiancé will be able to sense that if she hasn't already figured it out. This is why you need to get yourself sorted out BEFORE taking on any serious relationships.

[rebel]

In answer to the last question, she got married because she found a guy that she likes better than she liked you. You need to accept that, because she's in the past. Even if she gets divorced in two or three years, the chances of her taking you back even then are somewhere between highly unlikely and impossible.

 

And it does reflect on your current relationship, because either your fiancé doesn't interest you enough to hold your attention, or you're still too cut up over this girl. Either way, your fiancé will be able to sense that if she hasn't already figured it out. This is why you need to get yourself sorted out BEFORE taking on any serious relationships.

 

Weird thing is I'm not even sure that Id want her back.... I loved her soooo much.... but there were other things that made me realise love wasn't enough. She was able to accept that and move on 100%, I never got to the 100%.

 

And it isn't that my current girl doesn't hold my attention, I think I could be with the hottest, richest babe in the world and I'd still feel the same way. It's all good and well to say end this relationship, but after 6 years of trying I'm scared I won't get over it. No matter what I do. And if I can't, am I supposed to be single for ever?

 

My absolute fear is that I will forever think about her. And that, is what I want to stop.

[The dot]

It's all good and well to say end this relationship, but after 6 years of trying I'm scared I won't get over it. No matter what I do. And if I can't, am I supposed to be single for ever?

 

My absolute fear is that I will forever think about her. And that, is what I want to stop.

 

And this is why you need to get into therapy TODAY, and not leave until you have resolved this issue. Look, you're not the only person who has ever had their heart broken. A lot of other people have been through it, and have felt like you do now. The thing to remember is that many of them DID get over it, because they did what they had to do. The ones that didn't generally ended up alone anyway, because none of their subsequent relationships ever worked out.

 

Fact is, if you ever want to be in a serious, lasting relationship, you NEED to get over this. "I can't" simply isn't an option here. You need to make this work 100%, which is why I said what I said in the first post. The fact that you even know she's getting married says that you haven't done everything you can to move on, and that you've never been fully committed to it.

 

There have been women that I once felt that way about, the difference is that I made a clean break, and I have no idea where any of them are today. They could be married, divorced or dead for all I know. That is what you need to do, otherwise, you'll end up alone regardless of whether you marry your current fiancé or not.

[Jon Lock]

I'm a great believer in 'paralysis by analysis', but you've got a serious amount of thinking to do my friend. And the first question I would be asking myself is "why am I still feeling this way?" What is it about this person that has you still thinking of her six years later?

 

On a slight tangent to this, are you idealising the whole relationship you had with her? From what I can see, she was your first love and people who cannot move on or let go of previous relationships - particularly their first - usually cannot do so because they constantly compare future and current relationships with their 'first love' relationship.

 

Also, you say you're still hearing about her from time to time. If you live near each other all I can say is suck it up and put your armour on and when you see her you avoid her - like the plague. If people talk about her around you, turn off ! (It can be done with practice).

 

If it is through social media; block her, delete her, whatever! - every single, solitary trace.

 

I'm interested in hearing your reply...

[mishy]

I think actually the only way to break this feeling is to meet up with her. You will probably see her and talk to her and wonder what you were so caught up about.

[The dot]

I think actually the only way to break this feeling is to meet up with her. You will probably see her and talk to her and wonder what you were so caught up about.

 

That's assuming the ex still wants to talk to him at all, which is highly unlikely, considering she's now getting married to someone else. Besides, speaking as a man who has made this mistake in the past, I can tell you now that if he's idealising her, he will overlook a lot of flaws in her that he'd see in other women.

 

He just needs a clean break.

[CptSaveAho]

4 Easy Steps to Moving On

 

1) Forgive yourself

2) Find someone that measures up. Dont be with a person just because you are lonely etc. If you think about the ex while with them, YOU SETTLED. End it and keep looking

3) Stop stalking that ex.

4) Look in the mirror and start facing your demons and figure out why you did what you did and come up with an action plan to go on a zombie slaying mission and kill off the rest of the demons you have inside you. If you need help, therapy works too

[Divasu]

Do you think if she weren't getting married, you'd feel better? You've mentioned that is what is bugging you the most, I just wonder if she wasn't getting married, would your thoughts/feelings be as intense? I don't know about you, but I could never walk down the aisle if I still harbored feelings for someone else. Marriage is difficult as is, not a good way to start when you have lingering feelings towards someone other than your wife to be.

[rebel]

I'm a great believer in 'paralysis by analysis', but you've got a serious amount of thinking to do my friend. And the first question I would be asking myself is "why am I still feeling this way?" What is it about this person that has you still thinking of her six years later?

 

On a slight tangent to this, are you idealising the whole relationship you had with her? From what I can see, she was your first love and people who cannot move on or let go of previous relationships - particularly their first - usually cannot do so because they constantly compare future and current relationships with their 'first love' relationship.

 

Also, you say you're still hearing about her from time to time. If you live near each other all I can say is suck it up and put your armour on and when you see her you avoid her - like the plague. If people talk about her around you, turn off ! (It can be done with practice).

 

If it is through social media; block her, delete her, whatever! - every single, solitary trace.

 

I'm interested in hearing your reply...

 

For the first part, when I first met her, I was sad. I was a geeky nerdy kid who had never been kissed. I went from zero to hero with her coming into my life whereas I guess to her, I was another boyfriend. Losing the one thing that made me socially confident and intrinsically happy for the first time in my life, I think is a key reason as to why I feel the way I do

 

And I guess there might be an element of comparing, but I'm logical enough to understand that every woman is different and no two relationships are the same. When we were together, we argued like a normal couple, but now that we are apart, I must admit I do tend to think about only the good stuff.

 

And it is the social network thing that maybe 'feeds' my emotions. I see a pic of her, a happy status etc, and the minds starts ticking over. I dont know.... I guess if I were to give myself a goal, it would be to never ever click on her profile again. It's tough, but I really wanna move past this thing.

 

And I dont live near her. Like I said, I moved overseas to help me. Not JUST to get over her, but I am now 27 and throughout the past 6 years I have travelled to 24 countries.

[rebel]

I think actually the only way to break this feeling is to meet up with her. You will probably see her and talk to her and wonder what you were so caught up about.

 

And I bumped into her about 18 months ago by chance. We hugged, made sweet talk for about 10 min. I talked about my travels, she talked about her house and job etc.

At the time I rememeber feeling no emotional feelings, just awkwardness. I wasnt physically attracted to her either which sounds weird but true.

 

I think I'm grieving the year that I had with this person who made me feel amazing, more so than the person herself. seeing said person move on and be happy only highlights it.

[rebel]

Do you think if she weren't getting married, you'd feel better? You've mentioned that is what is bugging you the most, I just wonder if she wasn't getting married, would your thoughts/feelings be as intense? I don't know about you, but I could never walk down the aisle if I still harbored feelings for someone else. Marriage is difficult as is, not a good way to start when you have lingering feelings towards someone other than your wife to be.

 

I dunno if it would be different. I'd still have the feelings like I did here and there, but the knowledge of her getting married only intensifies it.

[Jon Lock]

For the first part, when I first met her, I was sad. I was a geeky nerdy kid who had never been kissed. I went from zero to hero with her coming into my life whereas I guess to her, I was another boyfriend. Losing the one thing that made me socially confident and intrinsically happy for the first time in my life, I think is a key reason as to why I feel the way I do

 

So she's your 'first'. I think this explains a lot because...

 

And I guess there might be an element of comparing, but I'm logical enough to understand that every woman is different and no two relationships are the same. When we were together, we argued like a normal couple, but now that we are apart, I must admit I do tend to think about only the good stuff.

 

It happens. And it is a strange sort of ironic dichotomy. The dumper usually focuses on the bad to allow them to move on, and the dumpee often grapples with and can't shake the 'good'. However, roles can often be reversed and maybe this is what you should do - focus on the bad things and tell yourself that it wasn't perfect!! The mind is a complex entity and sometimes, however peculiar this phenomenon may seem, the mind can literally convince itself to believe something, true or not. In this case the truth is that your relationship wasn't perfect so do your best to stop focusing on the good.

 

 

And it is the social network thing that maybe 'feeds' my emotions. I see a pic of her, a happy status etc, and the minds starts ticking over. I dont know.... I guess if I were to give myself a goal, it would be to never ever click on her profile again. It's tough, but I really wanna move past this thing.

 

Severe ties, every single last one. Block her, whatever! Any sort of info, photos, news, etc you see will just bring you back. Memories are powerful things so don't allow yourself to see this stuff! "Out of sight, out of mind".

 

And I dont live near her. Like I said, I moved overseas to help me. Not JUST to get over her, but I am now 27 and throughout the past 6 years I have travelled to 24 countries.

 

Good. Believe me, this is a huge POSITIVE!

[flitzanu]

the part of this i can relate with is that, i too have an ex from the past, now going on 10 years since the breakup, that i do think about regularly. the few times i hear from her, i know she thinks about me too. this girl is no longer allowed to speak to me though, even thousands of miles away. our past happened, and we have no present, but it doesn't mean we can't care about each other silently, but putting our "real" lives at risk by being in contact was just too troublesome.

 

however our time together was finished, either prematurely or exactly when it needed to end, and both of us have moved on.

 

but...i'm a firm believer that some people can create heavy emotional strings that just don't break.

Edited November 12, 2012 by flitzanu

[rebel]

I started this thread over two years ago and feel the need to revisit it.

I ended things with my fiance. It was very messy, but I did it. my ex got married and I avoided her on social media like the plague. put her out of my mind as best as I could. I still thought about her, but it was manageable.

 

After I called off my wedding I got a facebook message out of the blue from my ex. The one I 'wasnt over' for 6 months. She saw I had called off my wedding and wanted to chat. We chatted for a bit but she never mentioned her hubby or anything. She kept messaging me and I kept giving her one word replies because it made me feel funny hearing from this girl. I know she was only being nice just trying to see how I was, but it was hard to hear from her.

 

Anyway a month after that, she messages me again telling her that her marriage is over and it was a mistake and she wanted advice on leaving, considering I had just gone through it myself. I jumped at the chance, we started chatting and one thing led to another..... and we were back together. against ALL odds. The girl I NEVER got over, was mine again.

 

We moved in together and it was amazing. I was sooo sooo sooo happy and in love. I noticed however, that she was quite insecure about the time we had apart (7 years by now). I travelled a lot with my other ex, and my new gf who was my first ex (I know, its confusing!) was jealous I guess that I travelled with another girl. I couldnt talk about my travels, couldnt mention my ex, couldnt mention stuff I did during that 7 years as it upset my girlfriend who I loved and adored.

 

I was at uni, so money was fairly tight. My girlfriend, trying to deal with her insecurities thought the only way to get over the fact that I had travelled with someone else, was to travel with me. Last year we went on three overseas holidays (she paid for them) in order to help her. But she still couldnt move past, my past. I found this hypocritical because she was married for goodness sake and I was over that.

 

Anyway after a year, we had a massive massive blowup and despite me loving, missing and pining for her for half of my life, I (possibly stupidly) ended it 2 months ago. She went a bit cray-cray threaterning to sue me and all that, but we are generally pleasent when chatting.

 

The last two months have been hard and I know i thought about her for 7 years last time and the only time to stop thinking about her was to get back with her, and im scared that now I think I am destined to pine for her, even though she has loads of issues and basically screwed our relationship. I found out today that she started seeing someone literally as soooon as I left which hurt so bad.

 

Sorry for the long post and nobody will probably read this but I KNOW how bad it gets.... thinking aout this girl for years last time, concenrs me that I will do it again. I am on meds and have been in therapy ever since this happened.

 

Anybody have some 'magic' cure by any chance??

[Zapbasket]

First of all, don't compare your inside to her outside. You don't know that she got off "scott-free" and is blissfully happy. It might look like that on the outside, but no one but her can know her inner thoughts and feelings. If you're using her getting married as a sign that she has moved on from you, look at your own situation, where you are engaged and yet thinking of her all the time.

 

I think we get too hung up on this notion of "moving on," or "getting over" someone. Anyone we cared about deeply will leave some kind of permanent mark on us, good and bad. I have come to believe that you set yourself to keep moving forward in life if you accept that you may always have a flame for someone from your past, and memories of losing them may always leave a painful trace. That's perfectly okay and it means you are human. You can have feelings of longing and nostalgia and not act on them. Or, you can decide that you must act on them and neither course of action is necessarily a bad thing.

 

I think it's natural to feel old love resurface when you hear an ex is getting married. All those "what if's" rise up and unsettle you. There is nothing wrong with being reminded of where you have been. I think the only important thing here is to be very honest with yourself about what you feel for your fiance, and how much you are willing to risk by doing something about your regret and longing for your old ex.

 

Work on accepting your feelings, no matter what they are, rather than fighting against them. If acceptance is hard to achieve (and it usually is), then seek help from a counselor.

 

For a person of depth, once you love someone it takes a LOT to un-love them. Your love is not fickle and you may never stop loving someone you had true, deep feelings for. Again, it doesn't mean you have to act on it by, say, reaching out to your ex...but you do need to step up to the challenge, presented by your longing and regret, of figuring out what you really want.

 

I wish you much luck. You are not alone in feeling the way you do.

[rebel]

First of all, don't compare your inside to her outside. You don't know that she got off "scott-free" and is blissfully happy. It might look like that on the outside, but no one but her can know her inner thoughts and feelings. If you're using her getting married as a sign that she has moved on from you, look at your own situation, where you are engaged and yet thinking of her all the time.

 

I think we get too hung up on this notion of "moving on," or "getting over" someone. Anyone we cared about deeply will leave some kind of permanent mark on us, good and bad. I have come to believe that you set yourself to keep moving forward in life if you accept that you may always have a flame for someone from your past, and memories of losing them may always leave a painful trace. That's perfectly okay and it means you are human. You can have feelings of longing and nostalgia and not act on them. Or, you can decide that you must act on them and neither course of action is necessarily a bad thing.

 

I think it's natural to feel old love resurface when you hear an ex is getting married. All those "what if's" rise up and unsettle you. There is nothing wrong with being reminded of where you have been. I think the only important thing here is to be very honest with yourself about what you feel for your fiance, and how much you are willing to risk by doing something about your regret and longing for your old ex.

 

Work on accepting your feelings, no matter what they are, rather than fighting against them. If acceptance is hard to achieve (and it usually is), then seek help from a counselor.

 

For a person of depth, once you love someone it takes a LOT to un-love them. Your love is not fickle and you may never stop loving someone you had true, deep feelings for. Again, it doesn't mean you have to act on it by, say, reaching out to your ex...but you do need to step up to the challenge, presented by your longing and regret, of figuring out what you really want.

 

I wish you much luck. You are not alone in feeling the way you do.

 

Thanks heaps for the advice. read the post above your though... lots has happened haha

[erklat]

Interesting story. However there are multiple kinds of love and

not all of them become realized in the term of marriage and family.

 

Your spouse doesn't necessarily need to be the person you're most

infatuated with. She needs to be a person who motivates you and

encourages you to build and progress.

[rebel]

Interesting story. However there are multiple kinds of love and

not all of them become realized in the term of marriage and family.

 

Your spouse doesn't necessarily need to be the person you're most

infatuated with. She needs to be a person who motivates you and

encourages you to build and progress.

 

Thats what I need to learn. I have the ideal that its all ooey gooey lovey dovey stuff but I need to change my thinking

 

On a side not, I just had a session with a therapist that deals with CBT. Reeeeeally good techniques and I think anyone struggling with thoughts about an ex would benefit

[mightycpa]

Wow.

 

So you carry a torch for this girl for close to 7 years, she gets married and divorced, finds her way back to you and then you're soooo in love and everything is great until you have to deal with her problems with you not joining a monastery for those 7 years. In short, you found out that paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be. It was so bad, in fact, that YOU checked out after only a year, and BOOM! she's right on it with victim #3.

 

And now you're still dissatisfied. You, sir, are the poster child for the old saying "You can't live with them, and you can't live without them."

 

I'd suggest you get off the meds. I'm not sure why you might continue to idealize this woman, given that you've had this most recent dose of what reality is actually like. What you need to do is to change your thought patterns about her. You clearly see her for who she is, but you don't seem willing to truly accept that who she is makes her unsuitable for you. Can therapy get you over that hump? I don't know. Maybe you'll learn a technique that will allow you to do that. I would think that the drugs get in the way of that, allowing you to escape the depths of disappointment, where you get to meet reality. You need to go in the other direction, in my humble, non-medical, never-met-you-in-my-life opinion.

 

It may be that you will love this woman all your life, or more precisely, you will love this image of her that you have in your head. But that doesn't have to mean that you need to be with her, does it? I think you need to internalize the reality that her flaws are what prevent you from having a nice life together. Once you do that, then all of your "what-ifs" will end in separation, and that is how most people find the path to recovery.

 

If I understand your age correctly, where you might have really ****ed up is that people generally fall in love maybe four times in their life, and some people fewer. You've spent two of yours on the same girl in your youth. It may be a long while before you have that feeling again for somebody. It sounds like job #1 is to either get her back or to fall out of love with her.

 

Usually, I'd say bag it, but I don't know. Maybe the simple answer is that she's the one that needs the therapy, so that she can find a way to live with your past. To hear you tell it, that's the only thing that went wrong.

 

I'm back at wow now.

[Auspecial]

Could part of this be because you are having attachment situation because of what she gave you when You were at an awkward stage of your life? Not an attachment disorder per se, but it may be wrapped around the unique life hurdles you were dealing with when you met her?

[lop98]

Wow, thanks for taking the time to come back and sharing what happened. It makes me a little sad because I've had a similar relationship over the years, we got close when I was in my late teens and he was in his early 20s, he's now in his 30s and me in my late 20s. He always wanted a relationship with me but my mind was always somewhere else, I was younger and didn't care about anything, we both moved to other countries, again and again, lost communication, caught up, lost it again, found each other one more time, fell in love, walked out of it heartbroken, lost touch, found each other again, repeat repeat, we currently don't talk.

 

One can find so many psychological explanations for that, and get over it and it stops hurting and you move on, but something about that person, about how that person reappears and witnesses life and events, and disappears only to come back just when it makes perfect sense, and little things like this huge energy when eyes meet or being in each other's arms, even when you've been in plenty of arms before and won't suffer a shortage afterwards... it's hard to find an explanation. Sometimes I feel sad that just like death is certain for all of us, so is the day when we won't come back to each other alone, but with someone else's baby, a wife... it's hard to make up what's the role of that person in one's life, if I were to get all mystical I'd say it's a relationship that's been developing through a few past lives, and maybe you'll have to give it up on this one only to find it in the next one with hopefully more maturity and better conditioning. Does this explanation make you feel any better? sometimes it works for me.

 

Just trust time, it's a cliche but you've lived through its magic, and what's meant to be will happen, if not you'll give it up in a natural way, someone will just walk into your life, turn it upside down and help you to not look back again.

Edited March 15, 2015 by lop98

[rebel]

Wow.

 

So you carry a torch for this girl for close to 7 years, she gets married and divorced, finds her way back to you and then you're soooo in love and everything is great until you have to deal with her problems with you not joining a monastery for those 7 years. In short, you found out that paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be. It was so bad, in fact, that YOU checked out after only a year, and BOOM! she's right on it with victim #3.

 

And now you're still dissatisfied. You, sir, are the poster child for the old saying "You can't live with them, and you can't live without them."

 

I'd suggest you get off the meds. I'm not sure why you might continue to idealize this woman, given that you've had this most recent dose of what reality is actually like. What you need to do is to change your thought patterns about her. You clearly see her for who she is, but you don't seem willing to truly accept that who she is makes her unsuitable for you. Can therapy get you over that hump? I don't know. Maybe you'll learn a technique that will allow you to do that. I would think that the drugs get in the way of that, allowing you to escape the depths of disappointment, where you get to meet reality. You need to go in the other direction, in my humble, non-medical, never-met-you-in-my-life opinion.

 

It may be that you will love this woman all your life, or more precisely, you will love this image of her that you have in your head. But that doesn't have to mean that you need to be with her, does it? I think you need to internalize the reality that her flaws are what prevent you from having a nice life together. Once you do that, then all of your "what-ifs" will end in separation, and that is how most people find the path to recovery.

 

If I understand your age correctly, where you might have really ****ed up is that people generally fall in love maybe four times in their life, and some people fewer. You've spent two of yours on the same girl in your youth. It may be a long while before you have that feeling again for somebody. It sounds like job #1 is to either get her back or to fall out of love with her.

 

Usually, I'd say bag it, but I don't know. Maybe the simple answer is that she's the one that needs the therapy, so that she can find a way to live with your past. To hear you tell it, that's the only thing that went wrong.

 

I'm back at wow now.

 

Thats the thing. I met her when I was young, fell in love and had the BEST experience of my life so if was hard to get over her (and I never did). This time, I was soooo excited to be back with this 'image' of love that I accepted the insecutrities initially and when they got too much, I did a lot of reflecting and saw that she needed help and wasnt the right person.

 

She is a bigger girl and VERY insecure about her weight hence why she NEEDS to be with someone. She would have literally jumped on a dating site, and met this bloke within days of me going.

 

Weird story... I should send it in to a magazine or something!