MJJean Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 They could be waiting a while. Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married | CNS News Men these days are not getting married. I attribute that partially to this extended adolescence our culture seems to be experiencing as well as high student loan debt and a lackluster job market for those just out of university. The rest is certainly that there is no longer a social stigma for "shacking up" and divorce laws generally sucking. And don't get me started on divorce laws! The whole system needs an overhaul and the laws should be uniform in all states. I wonder if the divorce rate is higher because No Fault divorce laws being so prevalent has made divorce easier and at the same time it became less socially stigmatized. I think people realized they could get out of marriage at any time without dire legal and social consequences. So they then became less discerning when choosing their spouses which just adds to the divorce stats. Link to post Share on other sites
mintcondition Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I attribute that partially to this extended adolescence our culture seems to be experiencing as well as high student loan debt and a lackluster job market for those just out of university. The rest is certainly that there is no longer a social stigma for "shacking up" and divorce laws generally sucking. And don't get me started on divorce laws! The whole system needs an overhaul and the laws should be uniform in all states. I wonder if the divorce rate is higher because No Fault divorce laws being so prevalent has made divorce easier and at the same time it became less socially stigmatized. I think people realized they could get out of marriage at any time without dire legal and social consequences. So they then became less discerning when choosing their spouses which just adds to the divorce stats. Extended adolescence our culture seems to be experiencing? How about people coming to the conclusion that you don't have to live your life according to anachronistic social traditions. A lot of people opted for matrimony because that's what was expected of them as opposed to what they really wanted. They way I see it, if a tradition is antiquated and doesn't make sense, don't perpetuate the cycle. Back in the "old days", people were just as unhappy, and infidelity was running rampant, but divorce was socially unacceptable so people just sucked it up. Makes sense? Of course not. Marriage works for some couples, but the rest just make each other miserable by fighting like Palestinians vs. Israelis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I attribute that partially to this extended adolescence our culture seems to be experiencing as well as high student loan debt and a lackluster job market for those just out of university. The rest is certainly that there is no longer a social stigma for "shacking up" and divorce laws generally sucking. And don't get me started on divorce laws! The whole system needs an overhaul and the laws should be uniform in all states. I wonder if the divorce rate is higher because No Fault divorce laws being so prevalent has made divorce easier and at the same time it became less socially stigmatized. I think people realized they could get out of marriage at any time without dire legal and social consequences. So they then became less discerning when choosing their spouses which just adds to the divorce stats. Choosing not to get married is not a sign of extended adolescence. Case in point: I pay a mortgage designed for two incomes on one, and have never missed a payment. I spend more time with my daughter than my xWW does. I don't go clubbing and don't get wasted. I've worked really hard to build up a substantial savings. I live a quiet life in the suburbs, furthering my career, being a good dad, and trying to be a good partner to my GF. I find the idea that I'm somehow being adolescent for choosing not to marry repulsive. I don't think for a second that you're assigning those attributes to me, so I don't take offense. I'm just pointing out the fact that someone choosing not to marry does not equal them being immature or somehow unable to commit, nor is it indicative of other immature behavior. I'm all for "shacking up". "Tying the knot" is a different story. Totally agree with you about the sucky divorce laws and the damage No Fault has done to our society. But the worst has yet to happen. The laws won't change until the majority of people are not marrying, and all it'll take is for one gender to stop showing up to the altar. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Most mean it when they say it but I know I changed my mind when I met a woman worth marrying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I've been married once. Got cheated on and put through the financial ringer in divorce. As such, I'll never marry again...ever. And I 100% mean it. I think this is the sadest thing I have read for a long time. I hope that one day you meet someone special enough to trust again. Sorry you were hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Most mean it when they say it but I know I changed my mind when I met a woman worth marrying. And that is the real issue here. Your bf isn't one of those people who say I never want to marry, or I do not agree with marriage, or I am only going to marry when I am 50... He IS willing to get married, but not now to you. This long distance thing and the fact it is a "rocky" relationship, and the fact he said he didn't really want a relationship and the fact he has been badly hurt before, are all standing in the way of this working out well. You are young, you are just starting out in life, I would take this for what it is and not press the marriage thing. If you want to get married soon then go find someone else. I would be surprised if you do end up married to this man, but I would advise against pressurising him into marriage, as even if you could do it, then anyone who is trapped into marrying tends to hold a lot of grudges and that doesn't usually end well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I think this is the sadest thing I have read for a long time. I hope that one day you meet someone special enough to trust again. Sorry you were hurt. I have met someone special. My GF is perfect for me. She has no desire to marry either. They key isn't for me to meet a woman who can change my mind; the key is to find a woman who is okay with how I feel and DOESN'T try to change me. And I've succeeded. I've worked really hard to recover financially, and I've also succeeded there. I have more money now than I ever did when I was married. I simply won't gamble all my hard work and hard earned money on another relationship. It's not in my best interest to do so because the divorce laws are extremely biased against men. It has nothing to do with being hurt. It has everything to do with keeping what it rightfully mine. But I do appreciate your kind words. I don't look down on people who choose to marry...it's just not the right choice for me. Link to post Share on other sites
stillmind Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 They could be waiting a while. Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married | CNS News Men these days are not getting married. What a strange and heavily biased article. I see that they blame lower marriage rates on feminism, hook up culture and the fact that there are too many women in college. I have to say from my personal experience in college, the young women and young men who were interested in marriage rather than hook-ups tended to find each other and marry by their senior year. Many of the people in my major married shortly before they graduated. I don't remember anyone being ostracized for refusing to participate in hook-ups. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 What a strange and heavily biased article. I see that they blame lower marriage rates on feminism, hook up culture and the fact that there are too many women in college. I have to say from my personal experience in college, the young women and young men who were interested in marriage rather than hook-ups tended to find each other and marry by their senior year. Many of the people in my major married shortly before they graduated. I don't remember anyone being ostracized for refusing to participate in hook-ups. Bear in mind, that while 70% of men are eschewing marriage, 30% are still getting married. For every two men who don't, there is one man who does. This article is not saying that all men are not getting married, it's saying that the majority of men. In this case, over two thirds. But some still are. That is undeniable. Still, those are abysmal numbers. You can disregard their reasoning behind it if you like, it doesn't make any difference to them. They'll still choose to not get married, outside opinions notwithstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 They may not be getting married but cohabitation is on the increase. So these are not legions of Bachelors, ie completely single men, they are attached men in reality but are just not married. I would not call a woman who is living with a man a spinster either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 They may not be getting married but cohabitation is on the increase. So these are not legions of Bachelors, ie completely single men, they are attached men in reality but are just not married. I would not call a woman who is living with a man a spinster either. Cohabitation is on the rise relative to marriage. My GF is going to move in with me this summer. I'm looking forward to it. But marriage is off the table permanently. They are attached in the sense they are in a relationship, but they are not legally bonded in the eyes of the state. The distinction there is very large. I consider myself taken and off the market, absolutely. But if things ever go south, I'll never have to divorce again. It'll be as simple as "pack your **** and get out of my house". And what was mine before we got together stays mine after she leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
mintcondition Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Cohabitation is on the rise relative to marriage. My GF is going to move in with me this summer. I'm looking forward to it. But marriage is off the table permanently. They are attached in the sense they are in a relationship, but they are not legally bonded in the eyes of the state. The distinction there is very large. I consider myself taken and off the market, absolutely. But if things ever go south, I'll never have to divorce again. It'll be as simple as "pack your **** and get out of my house". And what was mine before we got together stays mine after she leaves. It's not as easy as you think, because you can't just kick someone out of your house if 1) if they've been living there for a while and have their mail delivered to your house and 2) if they have nowhere else to go. You'll find that out when you call the cops to kick out a roommate out of your own home, especially if they DON'T pay rent. A paying tenant is easier to remove from your property by filing eviction papers and what not. Notwithstanding a couple of issues here and there, my girlfriend and I get along well, and I attribute it to the fact that she has her place and I have my place. I will walk through a burning building for her and give her one of my kidneys, but living with each other day after day will probably kill the passion and luster, so that's why we do what we do. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 It's not as easy as you think, because you can't just kick someone out of your house if 1) if they've been living there for a while and have their mail delivered to your house and 2) if they have nowhere else to go. You'll find that out when you call the cops to kick out a roommate out of your own home, especially if they DON'T pay rent. A paying tenant is easier to remove from your property by filing eviction papers and what not. Notwithstanding a couple of issues here and there, my girlfriend and I get along well, and I attribute it to the fact that she has her place and I have my place. I will walk through a burning building for her and give her one of my kidneys, but living with each other day after day will probably kill the passion and luster, so that's why we do what we do. All of that is still easier than divorce. MUCH easier. Link to post Share on other sites
mintcondition Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Maybe, but she's going to go through your stuff when you're not around. Make sure you clear out your browser history and get rid of all the yourporn and Tinder links. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Maybe, but she's going to go through your stuff when you're not around. Make sure you clear out your browser history and get rid of all the yourporn and Tinder links. Lol! She already knows I look at porn. I've never made it a secret. We only see each other about once or twice a week right now, and a man has needs. I've told her all about by "dirty laundry" and have nothing to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
mintcondition Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Lol! She already knows I look at porn. I've never made it a secret. We only see each other about once or twice a week right now, and a man has needs. I've told her all about by "dirty laundry" and have nothing to hide. That will change tho.....lol. Women view porn as competition, and a direct attack on their ego. My girlfriend wanted to watch one with me a while back, and all she did was make remarks about the furniture on the set and that the music track sucked. Funny. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 That will change tho.....lol. Women view porn as competition, and a direct attack on their ego. My girlfriend wanted to watch one with me a while back, and all she did was make remarks about the furniture on the set and that the music track sucked. Funny. Then it becomes her problem, one that she will have to deal with. I will choose sex over porn every time, and our sex life is fantastic (which she herself comments on quite frequently). But if I'm in the mood and she's not, I'm gonna watch porn and take care of it myself. That's what guys do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'd definitely believe him . Cut and run when you get your job OS. Enjoy each other until then if you can. Make it very clear that you will not continue the R in long distance mode. You want to enjoy life! You will have marvellous experiences OS if you are single. Not so if you're pining, saving for plane fares back and forth. "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back it's because no one else wanted them." Don't cling. Be strong. You'll be fine. ... no EXCELLENT! Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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